Guarded Heart (Dubicki's) (14 page)

Chapter 20

“Ladies and gentlemen…. Tonight we get ready for another middleweight
fight with our local hometown hero, but before we get to that, let’s bring out
our challenger from Green Bay, Wisconsin. Please give it up for David “The
Lion” Landry!”

The crowd booed and hissed. Normally there were a few cheers
for the challenger, but in Minnesota, the rivalry with Green Bay, Wisconsin,
went deep. In Minnesota, the football team the Minnesota Vikings were rivals to
the Green Bay Packers, and, while this was very different, the rivalry on the
west side of the Mississippi River ran deep.

David “The Lion” Landry stepped out of his robe, and Carissa
couldn’t help but take in the look of intensity he gave to the camera. He meant
business. Not that they all didn’t, but that guy had a particularly mean look
in his eyes. Or maybe she was just imagining it because she was loyal to Jesse
and wanted him to win. She’d never stop caring or rooting for him, no matter
what happened between them.

Carissa settled back into the couch with the bowl of popcorn
Dana had insisted they’d have after dinner. Being at Dana’s for the last few
days had provided her some much needed alone time with her bestie. It was
helping clear her head of the confusion over her breakup with Jesse.

She noticed her heart was racing with the anticipation of
seeing Jesse come out of that tunnel. She hadn’t seen him in a few days, but
suddenly it seemed like forever. She missed him. She realized she’d been
getting spoiled being at all his matches and having a nearly front row seat. She
also realized that if she saw him with any other woman during that match, she’d
be upset. She tried to keep her anxiety at bay and reached for another handful
of popcorn.

No one had been as good to her as he had been in the short
time that they were together. There was a connection between them from the
moment they met, and she’d never felt anything like it. She just didn’t know if
she could trust him again. Even in a perfect world, it could never work out.
Guys like him didn’t fall for girls like her. She had a terrible past and was
from the wrong side of the tracks in so many ways.

“Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Hailing from
northeast Minneapolis, our very own JESSE “the PATRIOT” DUUUBBICCCKIIII!”

The crowd went wild. They seemed particularly energetic that
night. Carissa couldn’t help but wonder what she didn’t know about the fight
that the crowd seemed to know. She felt uneasy and couldn’t explain why. Maybe
it was just nerves because she’d lost him, but she couldn’t seem to let it go.
She kept cracking her knuckles, a bad habit she had when she was nervous.

Her breath caught as she saw him drop his hood and disrobe.
It seemed like he was looking through the camera into her eyes for just a
minute until he waved at the crowd. Carissa licked her lips and tried not to
get too distracted by the sexual fantasies that already plagued her in his
absence. She leaned back into her cozy couch pillow and sighed.

“Carissa, shut it over there. The sexual tension in this
room is palpable, and it’s not coming from me,” Dana chimed at her smarmily.
“Now, pass me the popcorn, please.”

Carissa flashed her look of annoyance. She hated that Dana
could see right through her sometimes.

The two men went to the center of the ring to shake
hands--or rather, bump fists--and then went to their respective corners to wait
for the bell to indicate the beginning of the fight. Carissa leaned forward in
her seat. Somehow, she felt like she could not get close enough to him and
honestly wished she could teleport herself through the camera to be there to
see him in the flesh.

The bell went off, and both men advanced to the center of
the ring. Their fighter preamble went on for a frustrating amount of time.
Finally, Jesse struck his opponent with an uppercut to his jaw. The way the
Lion’s head snapped back was enough to get her adrenaline going, and Carissa
stood up just like she would if she were there. Dana grumbled at her to get out
of the way of the television but finally gave up and joined her standing up in
front of the TV so she could view the action, too.

Even though she’d rather have been there, it was amazing
watching the fight on TV. The camera seemed to capture every angle of their
fight which, at times, seemed like it was a carefully choreographed dance.
Perhaps it was that experienced fighters just knew how to anticipate the
other’s moves. Carissa maintained her sense of wonder at the sight as she
continued to watch the fight.

After the third round, something changed. She could just
feel it in her bones. There was a shift, and it was like Jesse lost whatever momentum
he had going into the fight. She watched as his opponent pushed him against the
wall and pummeled him. She watched Jesse’s beautiful face snap to the side each
time the hit was to his face; by the fifth consecutive hit to his face, blood
started to pour from above his right eye. Carissa gasped in horror along with
the rest of the crowd through the television.

The battering of Jesse Dubicki continued. After the blood
started to pour down his face and interfere with his vision, the few attempts
he made to come back seemed halfhearted. He missed more of the hits than he
made, and, in those moments, it was as if the crowd knew the fight would not
end as they’d hoped. It ended in submission when Daniel “The Lion” Landry had
Jesse face down on the mat in a lethal-looking choke hold. Jesse held out for
an inordinate amount of time; Carissa was screaming at him to submit before he
died through the TV as if he could hear her. When his face was nearly blue, he
tapped his arm out in submission, and it was over.

Carissa was beside herself.
What happened tonight?
She wanted to rush to his side and see if he was alright, but now she had no
right. She’d pushed him away. She was not sure who she wanted to hurt more,
herself or Jesse. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to clobber him, and right
then she could do neither. She was so ready to throw caution to the wind and
run to wherever Jesse was, but she knew if she did that there would be no going
back. He’d said it himself. She’d just have to pray that all of his injuries
would heal and not cause any permanent damage.

***

“JESSE!” Kelsey screamed as they lifted him onto a stretcher
from the fighting mat. She hoped that the size of her growing belly wouldn’t
slow her down. She had to get to her brother, fast. She pushed through the
crowd and caught him just in time.

“Jesse, look at me.”

She reached her hand out to him. His right arm and hand were
on a board, and that alone said that something could be seriously wrong with
his arm or hand. She wanted to stay strong for her brother, but she started to
cry.

“Kels, don’t cry,” he mumbled as he crooked his good eye
open to look at her. “I’m going to be fine.”

“You don’t know you are going to be fine, Jesse. If I didn’t
love you so much I’d kill you myself. What the hell happened out there? I know
losing is a part of the business, but you’ve never fallen like this. What’s
gotten into you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said with a warning look
to his sister as they wheeled the gurney he was on out of the tunnel and to the
ambulance.

His team was there, but they encouraged Kelsey to get in the
ambulance with him. Kelsey climbed in and held his good hand. She’d get to the
bottom of whatever caused him to go down like that, but right then all she
could do was hope he would recover enough to fight again. Kelsey said a silent
prayer and quietly cried as the ambulance carried them to the hospital.

Four hours and twenty-two minutes later, the family was
gathered in the waiting room waiting for Jesse to come out of surgery. Two of
his fingers had been broken and a tendon severed in one of them, and they had
needed to do surgery to repair his hand. It was his right hand, his dominant
hand. If it didn’t go well, he might not be able to fight. Either way, it would
be a long road of recovery that would take him out of the game for a while.

“Jesse Dubicki’s family?” the doctor inquired as she walked
into the waiting room.

They all stood: Adam, Jason, and Kelsey. Stephanie, Adam’s
wife, had stayed home with the baby. Pablo was there with another one of
Jesse’s team. The Dubicki siblings and Jason held hands as they waited for the
doctor to speak.

“The surgery went well. We were concerned we would not be
able to restore the tendons that were damaged in the break, but we did. Now the
test is in seeing how he recovers. We will not know the range of movement that
he has until he is out of the woods with the initial post-surgery healing. Then
we do tests, and we wait. He will have to do some physical therapy just to
regain the full function of his fingers. Whether or not he fights again will be
determined within the next month or two.”

“Oh, God,” Kelsey grabbed her husband and went into his
arms. Jason soothed her as she quietly cried.

“Thank God it’s not worse,” Adam exclaimed as per usual. He
was not always the best at dealing with emotion, but the concern was visible on
his face. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his brow was creased with
worry.

They all thanked the doctor, and they asked when they could
see Jesse. The doctor gave permission for one person to go back, and they all
agreed it should be Kelsey.

Kelsey stifled a sob as she saw Jesse hooked up to the
various machines that were around him in the recovery room. The body was such a
delicate thing. After the loss of both of their parents, she didn’t want to
lose her baby brother. The thought of him having a permanent career in fighting
before then was exciting. Jesse was good at it. The Dubickis were proud of him
and somehow put the “what if’s” out of their mind when they chose to support
his dreams as a family. That day was a reminder of what could happen if things
went wrong.

She smoothed the hair on his head in the way a mother might.
They hadn’t had a mother in so long the role had fallen to Kelsey naturally
when it came to some of the nurturing that Jesse needed. His functioning eyelid
fluttered open.

“Hi,” he whispered to her in a sound that was barely
audible.

“Hi, Jesse. You scared us pretty good, but the doc said that
your surgery went well, and that there’s a chance that you will regain the full
use of your fingers.”

Jesse closed his eye, and she noticed his brow crinkle in
frustration from what she had said.

“What happened out there?”

“I don’t know.” He looked away from her.

“I know you just came out of surgery, and I’m sorry I’m
pressing you. But I know you. This wasn’t you. What the hell got into you?”

Jesse winced.

“Jesse, please, I just want to understand.”

“Carissa,” he winced as he said it, a silent tear rolling
down his face.

“What did she do to you?” Kelsey demanded.

“Kelsey, don’t. It was me that screwed up. She left me.”

“What could you have done to make her leave you?”

“First, she saw me with Haley. Then I didn’t tell her about
Violet. Haley found her first and had Violet with her.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, she didn’t take it very well. Carissa has had a rough
past and has a hard time trusting men. I broke that trust.”

“Jesse, don’t be so hard on yourself. You had a big shock
with the news of a daughter. A woman who truly cared for you should be able to
understand that.”

“Kelsey, you don’t know what she’s been through, okay? She
said she couldn’t take the deception and left.”

“And then what? You got lost in your own misery and forgot
how to fight?”

“Kelsey,” he pleaded.

“I’m sorry, Jesse. I know you’ve had a hard day. This is
hard for all of us. I’m just trying to understand all of it.”

“Kelsey, it was me that screwed it up. End of story.”

Not if I have anything to say about it,
Kelsey
thought as she said goodbye to Jesse and left.

Chapter 21

Carissa needed a bubble bath. It had been a long day at
work. She had gone back to work at the nursing home after a few days of much
needed vacation from work. She’d needed the time to process her thoughts after
the breakup with Jesse. She’d stayed with Dana a few days and came home to her
own place the night before, returning to work that day.

That afternoon one of her favorite patients, Mr. Johnson had
a small stroke, which was emotionally difficult for her to process. Everything
happened so fast. While they’d been playing cards, he started to blink and
complain that he was having a hard time seeing out of one eye. Then his speech
started to slur. She’d seen it happen before but felt close to Mr. Johnson.
Adrenaline had kicked in to call in the code to get him help, but when the
reality of the day set in, it felt like all the emotions she had were crashing
down on her.

It had been an excruciating few days since Jesse’s fight.
She was thankful that he was somewhat of a local celebrity, or she’d never have
known what was going on with him. She’d read in the paper that he’d had surgery
on his fingers and hand and that time would tell if he could rehabilitate enough
to fight at full capacity again. That really didn’t help knowing he might not
fight again, but at least he was alive. She couldn’t help but wonder if their
breakup had anything to do with him losing the fight.
Was the fact that I
pushed him away to blame?

She released a thankful sigh as she sank down into her
bubble bath and let the tears come. She didn’t know what to do.

Later, as she had just finished her dinner, there was a
knock on her door. Immediately the hair stood up on the back of Carissa’s neck.
Who is it?
She knew it wasn’t Jesse, and Dana was out with her new
boyfriend. She got up and walked over to the door and answered it.

“Hi, Carissa.”

“Uh, hi, Kelsey. This is a surprise. How did you find me?”

“I’m a bartender and the locals talk. Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Carissa said as she opened the door for Kelsey to
walk in. “Kelsey, I’m sorry about what happened to Jesse. How’s he doing?”

“Funny that you should ask, Carissa. That is what I came
here to talk to you about. He asked me not to say anything to you, but he’s my
brother and I love him. I know him better than almost anyone. The outcome of
this fight was not him, so there had to be some explanation. He didn’t want to
tell me, but I pressed him, and finally he told me what had happened between
you.”

Carissa gasped as Kelsey said it, and her hand flew to cover
her own mouth in realization of her worst fear that she’d had something to do
with his mental state that lost him the fight.

“Kelsey, I’m so sorry,” she said as she started to cry.

“You know what, Carissa, so am I. I liked you. I thought you
were good for my brother. I don’t know what the hell is going through your
mind, but whatever you said or did to him had him in a bad state of mind. I can
tell he still loves you. There was a time when he gave my husband the benefit
of the doubt when it seemed that no one understood us, and so I’m going to do
the same thing for you. Please help me understand what happened. I know I have
no business being here, but I love him. I would like to believe that you care
about him, too.”

Carissa sat down on the couch and buried her head in her
hands.

“Kelsey, I don’t know what to say. He explained about my
misunderstanding with Haley. When we made up and he told me that, he neglected
to tell me that he had a daughter. Then I found out he had a daughter from his
ex-girlfriend. I flipped out. Not because he had a daughter, but because he
lied to me. He promised me he wouldn’t lie. So I bailed. I have only ever been
hurt by men, and I thought Jesse was different. In that one act, he showed me
he wasn’t.”

“Wow. We were all shocked that he had a daughter, including
him. But he’s embraced that fact, even though he and Haley are a relationship
of the past. He wants to be a good dad to her; I’m sure it was hard to hear, but
try to have compassion for his situation. I think that it would be good for
Violet to have her daddy in a loving relationship with someone who will set a
good example for her. Will that special someone be you? I sure hope so, but no
one can make that decision but the two of you, Carissa.”

Kelsey paused, searching for the right words to say. “I
think he loves you, Carissa. He hasn’t told me that. He probably hasn’t even
admitted it to himself, but I think you should give him another chance.”

“I’m afraid.”

“One of Jesse’s favorite sayings is that there is no reward
without risk. I hope you’ll consider that.”

“I will, Kelsey.”

Carissa got up to walk Kelsey to the door. As she was
leaving, Kelsey turned around and looked at Carissa.

“Can I ask you one more question, Carissa?”

“Sure.”

“Do you love him?”

Carissa blinked at the question. She paused for a moment,
and the realization hit her. She did love him. She nodded her head, her eyes
wet with emotion.

“Then please don’t let your fears get the best of you. I would
never be saying this if I didn’t believe my brother felt the same way. I think
there’s a chance that he might see his future in you. But please, if you go
back to him and he takes you back, be good to him. I love him with all of my
heart.”

Kelsey reached her arms out to Carissa, and they hugged. She
walked Kelsey to the door and watched her leave. As she did, Carissa just stood
there crying at the reality of the situation. She had left the man she loved.

What am I going to do?
She wanted to go to Jesse, but
she was still so afraid. Kelsey had no idea what it was like to feel that kind
of fear.

An hour later, shedding more tears than she thought she had
in her, she decided it was time to go see Jesse. She felt terrible without him,
and, even if it didn’t work or he didn’t’ want her, she wanted a chance to say
she was sorry. She wanted the chance to tell him why she made the decision she
did. It was time to be honest with him and tell him her feelings. At least then
she’d know she tried. The rest was up to him.