Guarded Hearts (17 page)

“I just want to know if everything went well with your parents this morning. How was brunch?” I ask, looking at his expression.

“It went …well,” he says, fidgeting.

“Okay, care to elaborate?”

“No. Not really.”

“Nix,” I say harshly.

“My mother can just be, well, a mother,” he says, running both hands through his hair. “She wanted to make sure I was there for Christmas, and she just keeps insisting I go to this thing that she attends every year.”

As far as knowing what having a mother feels like, I don’t. Nix is lucky he has someone who cares about him and wants him home for the holidays. My mother could care less if I make it home or not.

“Don’t take it for granted that she wants you home. You should be there,” I tell him, trying to sound convincing and knowing that it means I’ll probably be alone if he decides to go home.

“I know. I promised her I would be home for Christmas. So, baby, you got me until Christmas Eve,” he says with a big smile. I slowly move up from the couch and straddle him. I bury my head in the nook of his neck and just stay there for a moment.

“I’ll love that,” I tell him in a low voice. I can hear his heart beating and it is the most relaxing sound I have ever heard.

The holidays have always been hard on me. Not once do I remember my mother giving me a damn thing. She has always told me that I didn’t deserve gifts. Gifts are only for
niñas bonitas y buenas,
and according to her I was neither. Our little trailer never had the holiday cheer; we didn’t decorate with lights and we never put up a tree. As I got older I would spend the holidays at Mandy’s. They always had lights and a tree filled with decorations, and they even hung candy canes on it so that whenever we wanted we could grab one. I remember her trailer always smelling like fresh pine and cookies during Christmas. I love that smell. I miss being there for Christmas, but since being here I couldn’t afford to go home.

The following week Nix and I hardly see much of each other. It is our last week of school and it’s finals week. But we promise each other that once it’s all over we will spend time together before he leaves for his parents for Christmas.

I slowly wake to a chill running through my body, so it must be cold outside. I can feel it. I slowly creep out of bed and peek out the window, only to see that the ground is covered with snow. I rub my arms to try to get some warmth, but it doesn’t seem to help. I should go check the heater, make sure one the girls didn’t turn it down. The house is almost empty with the exception of me, Kylie, Mandy, and a few other girls. I quickly run down the hallway and turn up the heat. Hopefully nobody minds. I return to the bedroom to find Mandy peeking up from her covers.

“Morning,” I tell her, jumping into bed and cozying up under my covers. “I don’t think I can ever get used to these freezing temperatures.”

“Me either,” she says yawning. “Why are you up so freakin’ early?”

“I got cold and couldn’t keep myself warm. Besides, it’s Christmas Eve.” I really wanted to yell that last part out, but I would hate to wake the sisters, and I know how moody Kylie can be when she doesn’t get her beauty sleep. Mandy and I used to be up at the crack of dawn when we were younger. We couldn’t wait to start baking cookies with Mrs. Scott, so this year we decide to bake cookies just for us. It’s not the same, and I know Mandy really misses being home since she couldn’t afford to go home this year. I’m hoping this will help her hurt a little less.

Mandy and I are sitting in the kitchen baking cookies, eating them as they come out of the oven. The aroma of the cookies brings back so many memories from home. We start talking and laughing about our times back in Texas.
Como se pasa el tiempo
, it seems like yesterday when we were in her kitchen, enjoying our Christmas Eve cookies and talking about where we were going to be when we got older. I always knew we would end up together no matter how our lives would end up, whether in Texas or South Carolina. Mandy is my family, and I would have never made it through life without her.

“I hate to leave you alone tonight,” I say with a heavy heart. We haven’t spent a Christmas Eve apart from each other since we met. “I’ll be home as soon as I can. Nix has something planned for us tonight since he will be with his parents tomorrow.”

“Livi don’t be silly. You have a special someone you can spend the holidays with, so enjoy it,” she says, like she’s no one special. Does she know she’s everything to me, that she’s my family? Do I mean nothing to her?

“You are my someone special,” I say while giving her a bear hug.

“Livi, you know what I mean.”

“I know, but I want you to know I love you more than him.” I need to tell her that. I never want her to forget. I don’t know where my relationship with Nix is going to end up, but I know that at the end of it all I will always have Mandy by my side.

“So whatcha gonna wear?” she asks me.

“Something sweet, sexy, and warm.” We laugh and run upstairs to enjoy what time we have left before I start getting ready for the evening.

The evening quickly approaches. I’m ready, and Nix just sent a text letting me know he is on his way. He’ll be here any minute. I take a quick glance in the mirror, making sure my outfit look sweet, sexy, and that I’m warm. It’s cold out and we are expecting snow. I’m not even sure it’s safe to be out in the streets, but hey, what do I know? I’m from Texas.

I hear the doorbell ring. “Livi, your man is here!” Mandy yells from the bottom of the stairs.

Walking downstairs, I can feel his gaze on me. My eyes meet his and immediately my body rushes to him. I lean into him, kissing him firmly on his lips.

“Hey, baby, it’s good to see you too,” he says as he pulls me in for another kiss.

“Okay, you two, I don’t think I bought tickets for the matinee, and I don’t care for a free show, so if you don’t mind…” Mandy says with a smirk as she signals us towards the door.

“Sorry, my girl just looks so damn hot that I can’t help it. It’s just instinct,” Nix says to Mandy.

“Livi, get your man out of here before he gets so horny he that decides to take you on that couch over there and I’ll end up getting audio porn. It’ll be way more than I bargained for this evening.”

“Okay, we’re going, so don’t wait up,” I tell her as I head out the door. I don’t want her to be waiting up for me. I don’t know what time I’ll be home. I do know that I’ll be home in time for Christmas, in time to spend it with her.

D
amn, she’s beautiful. I finally got her the perfect gift to show her exactly how much she means to me. I have been anxiously waiting for this damn moment all week just to see her expression. Thinking about how she makes me feel brings an overwhelming feeling within. My heart beats a little faster, which makes me hold her hand a little tighter and causing a smile to break out across my face.

“What are you thinking about that has you smiling?” she asks, looking at me with a smile on her face.

“This smile is the effect you have me.” If only she knew the effect she truly has on me. She made my heartbeat again. Shit, I bet if I were to say that to her I’d probably scare her. Damn it.

“Yeah, well, that’s the power of what the vag can do,” she says as she runs my hand up her thigh and between her legs.

“Baby, believe me, that’s not what has me smiling. I mean, yes, it makes me smile, but it’s just you that has me this way,” I tell her.

Shit
, I think,
I just sounded like a damn cheese ball
.

We finally arrive at our destination, my apartment. We had a nice dinner at Papi’s Tex Mex Cuisine before heading here. I need somewhere where it can just be us, no rushing this, no interruptions, and no audience.

Walking into my apartment, the smell of pine hits my nose. I set up unscented and pine scented candles around the living and in the bedroom earlier, I want this to be a Christmas she will always remember.

I don’t waste any time. I quickly move her towards the couch pulling out a red box with a silver bow. I see her beautiful big eyes go wide.

“Open it,” I tell her, nervously. I want her to know I love her, that she is special, that we are special. I hope that this gift says it all.

“Oh, Nix. I don’t know what to say. This is gorgeous,” she says with tears in her eyes. “No one has ever given me anything like this before.” She picks up the necklace and holds it in her hands, just looking at it.

“What, not even for your birthday or Christmas?” I question, not meaning to. I just can’t believe it. It makes me feel like I’ve taken everything I have for granted, every Christmas, every birthday gift. How selfish of me.

“No, nothing like this, thank you.” She leans in, kissing me. She places the necklace in my hands and slowly turns her back towards me. I put it around her neck, and as I clasp it I give her a quick kiss on her back.

“I am closing it with a kiss, so that you will never be able to take it off. It will be locked with my love,” I joke.

I see her inspecting the necklace. She touches her chest and looks up at me. “Nix, why does it have all these numbers hanging from it?” The necklace has two hanging bars that have numbers that I have had engraved.

I turn to face her. “Well, that my next surprise. I bought you a star.” I search for her reaction, hoping I didn’t overwhelm her with my gifts.

“I know, I’m wearing it,” she says in a low voice, holding onto her necklace.

“No, baby, I mean I bought you a star, a star in the galaxy,” I explain.

“What?” she exclaims.

“Baby, I want us to have a place to meet when our souls leave this world, so I got us a place. You will always hold the key with the address, because that’s what those numbers indicate. They are the location of our star. The two are kind of like a longitude and latitude, but instead they use Right Ascension and Declination to map out the location in the sky, just in case you get lost. And the star is just to remind you that it’s our special place where our love will live forever.” I see tears streaming down her cheeks and then a smile breaks out across her face. I will always love this girl and I know she feels it.

I pick her up and cradle her in my arms. I walk over to my bedroom and lay her on the bed.

“Baby, lie here with me,” I whisper to her, placing her on my bed. “I want to hold you.” I want nothing more than this moment, holding her, and kissing her. I’ll be leaving tomorrow and won’t see her for a few days. I need to get all of her that I can get.

I begin kissing her softly on her lips. I am going to make love to her tonight. I slowly stroke the side of her face, running my hand from her beautiful face down to her lips. I run my thumb along them and her lips slightly open. I lean in to kiss her.

I begin to move closer to her, and as I inch closer I can feel the warmth of her body. Removing her shirt, I kiss her chest, kissing her down towards her breasts and kissing them gently, and slowly removing her bra. My hands massage her breasts as I continue moving down, kissing her stomach, unbuttoning her jeans and slipping them off. I run my hands up her legs, placing one hand between her thighs. I can feel the wetness seeping through her panties. Oh, her sweetness. I need to take her. It wasn’t the plan, but feeling her and her sweetness I can’t resist.

She sits up and pulls me up towards her. My body complies and I kiss her. She removes my shirt, and kisses me down my chest, running her hands along my sides. She undoes my belt and unfastens my jeans and pulls them off me, taking my boxers with them. She moves back on me and kisses the tip of my erection. I tilt my head back and grab her head.