Guarded Hearts (24 page)

“Tom, I need to breathe,” I say, pushing him a little bit. I hear him grunt as he uses this break to finish pulling down my pants.

“Fuck, Olivia, you have no idea the time I have dreamt about being inside of you, fucking you so hard.” Gross, I think I just vomited in my mouth. “Especially since last October when you had that red dress on that looked like a second skin. You made me so fucking hard. I had to screw some random girl that night, imagining it was you.”

Double gross, and I start to freak out. Okay, this is not what I had planned. My alcohol- infused mind has played this a whole different way. I am supposed to have him at my mercy. How can I make him stop without making him mad? He is skimming his hands down my hips, taking my panties with him. I definitely need to put a stop to this. I’m so stupid. Of all the guys I have made out with, I pick the pervert to take it to the next level. But I wanted to hurt Nix. I wanted Tom to go with the tale of our wild night together.

“Oh, look, you and Mandy share a tattoo,” Tom’s statement breaks my inner monologue. Wait, What?

“What, Tom?” I ask, because I think I just imagined him make a comment about Mandy’s tattoo, the one I made her get with me before we left, an anchor with a heart in the center, the phrase
We refuse to sink
wrapped around it. Since I refused to sink into the darkness, into the hatred that was surrounding my mother.

“That Mandy and you share the same tattoo and even on the same spot,” he says, kissing it. We got it on our right side where our hip meets our leg. You can only see it if we are naked, something I didn’t know Mandy had done in front of Tom. This prompts me to push him off me and put my underwear back on. As I scramble out of bed I look for my clothes.

“How would you know that, Tom?” I ask, because I still want to know even if it’s none of my business what Mandy did back then or with whom. But to never tell me about this makes me want to seek answers.

He flips over on his back with his hands under his head.

“I just know. Now come back to bed and finish this. Or are you just being a cock tease like Brett says?” he says.

“How, Tom? Because I know Mandy and she hates you. I know she wouldn’t tell you or show you. She would’ve told me about it.”

“Yeah, like she told you she was screwing your boyfriend. Come back to bed, Olivia, let’s finish this,” he says as he makes a move to grab me and I jump back.

“Just tell me the truth, Tom!”

I have no idea why I’m making such a big deal about this, but I have this feeling in my gut, because the only time I saw them together was at the Halloween party, and I remember Nix and I put a stop to that. Did they get together later?

“Why do you fucking care about a fucking trailer trash slut that I boned? Now get in the fucking bed, Olivia!” he shouts.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I am not sleeping with you after you fucked my friend. I don’t do seconds.” I start to pull all my clothes back on. As I’m getting ready I hear him say a few curse words, and what I can make out is, “Why did I open my fucking mouth?”

“Come on, baby, I want you, and a few seconds ago you wanted me too,” he says as he wraps his arms around me.

“Let me go, Tom, before I scream bloody murder,” I warn. “I need to go.”

“Well go, you fucking cock tease whore,” he says furiously, pushing me towards the door. I don’t hesitate to leave. I have this feeling that he was lying as to how he knew about the tattoo. It shouldn’t bother me, but it does. I thought we were sisters, not by blood, but sisters none-the-less. That was personal only to be shared with people we truly wanted in our lives. I had only showed it to Nix, before we were intimate, when he was telling me about the tattoos that covered his scars.

When I get home I take a hot shower, because this time I feel dirty, like I was in bed with scum. The last thought I have before I fall asleep is that I should talk with Mandy.

It’s been three days since the encounter that I had with Tom, and I still can’t stop thinking about Mandy. I feel like I don’t know her at all. I’m at the campus library, looking for a book to help with a project I’m doing for one of my classes. As I round the corner to the next aisle I bump into someone. I grab her for balance without realizing that the girl is Mandy until I hear her whisper, “Livi.”

I jump back like I have been burnt. It’s one thing to think about her, it’s another thing actually seeing her. She looks like hell. Gone is the girl I knew from the trailer park. She has lost weight and she looks like she hasn’t slept well in days. My glance goes to her stomach, the major part of all my hatred towards her.

“What are you doing here, Mandy?” I snarl.

“It’s a public library for students, Olivia,” she answers snippily.

“Well, aren’t we bitchy this afternoon?”

“Bye, Olivia,” she says and turns around to leave the aisle.

“Does Nix know about Tom and you?” I blurt out because I have to know why she lied about him. She had told me that he gave her the creeps. That the episode that happened during Halloween was a mistake that would have not have happened if she had been sober.

“What the hell are you talking about, Olivia? There was never a Tom and me,” she answers.

“That is not what he said. He mentioned that you guys were on very friendly terms,” I say, looking at her closely for her reaction.

“I don’t care what he said, but I have not been in any kind of terms with him since Halloween, but you know that. Thankfully you and Nix got there in time to prevent that mistake.”

“You told me lots of things that were not true, like your interest in Nix. And we know how that’s turned out,” I tell her. I know I should not care about her since she betrayed me in the worst possible way. But the sweet memories that we share are always on my mind. I really want to believe her and Nix, but I can’t. I know what I saw; I relive it every night.

“Look, whatever, Olivia. I really don’t care about it anymore. We both said we were sorry and it was not planned. We don’t know how many times we have to mention that it was an accident. I, personally, am tired of waiting for you to gives us the opportunity to discuss this as adults. I have a bigger problem than you,” she says touching her stomach with care.

“Why can’t you just tell me the truth? I know he slept with you, because he knows about our tattoos. He said he saw yours when you two screwed, so stop fucking lying to me.” I’m being persistent because I want to find anything I can to hold against her. Even if it’s the ugly truth, that I come second, I am willing to take the hit so long as I can have something against her.

“Even if I did sleep with him, which is not your fucking business, it really doesn’t matter,” she counters. “Wait, how does he know that we share tattoos?” she asks me, and it’s finally dawning on her what I mentioned. I can’t look at her in the face. Now I feel ashamed because of what I almost let happen that night.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is how he knows. We picked the location for a reason, Mandy,” I say. I can see her trying to figure it out.

“Olivia, did you screw Tom?” she asks.

“No, but I was going to until he mentioned the tattoo. I didn’t want to share someone else with you.”

I couldn’t lie to her, and I hope she feels the same way.

“Livi, I swear on my baby I didn’t sleep with Tom, nor did I in anyway ended up naked with him near me. Now I’m worried as to how he knows. Do you think he was spying on me? God. Great, now I feel dirty,” she says, scrunching her nose as she rubs her hands down her arms. I am also worried on how he knows. To think that he might be a peeping tom or worse.

“I knew he was lying when he started to get upset when I started questioning what happened,” I say. “Let’s go back to the house and I’ll text him and have him come over and we can both question him.”

“Why would you care about why he knows anyways, Olivia?” I don’t know why I care, but the gut feeling I have just wouldn’t go away with this. I am determined to find out what was going on. Call it my sixth sense.

“Are you coming?” I ask, turning around and walking towards the library exit. I pull out my phone to text Tom to meet us at the house. I explain that I am having second thoughts and would like to try again.

We drive to the house in complete silence, something that had never happen between us. I have no idea what to say since we are not friends anymore. She feels like a stranger. I hate what happened to us, and yes, my anger and resentment got carried away, but I have every right to hate them.

But how can I completely hate the only two people that gave me love? And am I supposed to just accept the unborn child that brings up a rage that I can’t define or release? I can’t put their betrayal behind me, but I can’t let it push me into the edge of darkness, like I was with my mother. I have to be stronger. I have to be able to not drop back to despair.

We get to the house, and I am glad it’s quiet. Kylie had taken the girls to a shelter this afternoon for the community hours we all have to turn in, but they should be back any minute now. I am so glad I have Kylie to help me out with my duties. She has taken over like a true vice president. I let her rule and she has made most of the decisions these past two months. She told me to take the time I needed and I have. She has been trying to be a good friend and sister.

“Let’s go to my room. Tom texted me back saying he will be here in five,” I say as we walk inside. It was strange having her here as a guest versus a roommate. I am walking up the stairs as I hear the doorbell.

“He’s here. Go to the office and I will lead him there,” I tell Mandy. I don’t want him to go if he sees her. And I want to have privacy so we won’t be interrupted.

“Hey, baby,” Tom says as soon I open the door. “I knew you would want to continue this. You just wanted to play the tease.”

“Yeah,” I agree. The creep factor that was not there the other night is on now. His eye-fucking is making me very unsettled. I motion for him to follow me, and I turn to walk to the office where Mandy is waiting. He grabs me and presses me flush against him, my back against his front. Gross, I can feel his hard on. I feel his lips on my neck as I walk down the hall. We get to the office door. I will need to disinfectant myself once he leaves.

“I always wanted to do it on a desk,” he says as soon as we enter the office, not realizing that we have company. I disengage myself from his arms to move around the desk. “Why so formal, babe?”

“I’m not your babe, and we are not alone,” I tell him, motioning behind him. He turns around and sees Mandy.

His eyes widen for a second, and I know we caught him in something. I will not tolerate any perverts on campus. This sorority gives us empowerment as we fight against any crime against women in any way or form. Living around perverts and abusers all my life has given me a sixth sense to these kinds of creeps. And to think that I was going to sleep with him, ugh.

“Mandy and I had an interesting conversation this afternoon where you came up and she had a different view on your relationship. Right, Mandy?” I ask, looking at her.

“Yep. What I don’t get is why lie, Tom? We had a moment, a drunken moment, at the party that I thank Nix and Livi for interrupting, so why make up lies about me? I have enough stress with this pregnancy and my broken relationship with Olivia, so I don’t need you making up rumors about us,” Mandy says sadly.

Just because I want to get to the bottom of this doesn’t mean we are friends again or that I’m willing to forget about everything and move on. I’m studying to be a lawyer; finding the truth and solving puzzles is why this tattoo thing stayed with me. It was the doubt I heard in his voice that made me suspicious of his behavior.

“You’re pregnant, Mandy?” Tom chokes out.

“Yes,” she answers, looking at me with pain in her eyes. It is not going to work, my heart is guarded again. I will not open it and expose it to pain again.

“So, Olivia, you brought me here for what exactly? To catch me in a lie? What are we in, high school? I’m out,” he says quickly, ready to leave.

“How do you know about our tattoos, Tom?” I ask again. That’s the piece that I still don’t get. He could lie about sleeping with Mandy, but how does he know about the intimate location of something so personal? I don’t think that Nix is talking about us to the guys because he is the only other person that knows.

“Why are you back to that? I saw it at the Halloween party before you guys interrupted us,” he says, ready to brush me off.