Guardian (23 page)

I was alone.  Completely.  But that’s not how I was in the before Grace period of my life...or will it be after. 

Grace once told me that she hoped I could find that girl that would make me lose focus or have the brains sucked out of their lower half to see and appreciate finding the one happiness that was ever bestowed on me.  Well, she didn’t quite put it that way, but still she didn’t see it would always be her.  I didn’t always relay as eloquently as Ian did, but it was still there. And I’d told her as much, but it was never meant to be.  Not for me.

She’d been in my lit class sophomore year of her human school where the teacher felt compelled to read every morbid poetic verse about lost love.  It was then that I started to call her
my Helen
.  Poe kept her as an idol.  That’s what she was to me for so long, my ticket to somewhere besides here.  Sadly, she was changing me, on the inside.  The times she was so close to grasp and take her for my own was tantalizingly ...cheap and disgusting to her.  It first became an obsession to acquire her.  Soon it became a need that I didn’t know formed.  She was changing me.   I would never let it show otherwise.

Grace was a slow moving vixen that would take hold of you and never let you go.  And you’d never want to let her.  The sad part was I knew her inner self.  The part of her that was sincere and honorable.  She was too good...for me.

My usual mantra stuck around the words deny, deny, deny.  I couldn’t always do that with Grace.  But today she decided following me was a good thing to do.  I couldn’t let her get much further.  When she was close enough to surprise her from the tree I’d hid behind, I casually stepped sideways and allowed myself to catch her midfall.

“If this is a defensive position, I’m here to inform you that your life may very well be forfeit to anything I have to offer unless you comply with my demands,” I dashed a smile her way teasing her with the smile she liked.  Her hands were tight in mine held firm against me.  She wiggled giving way for fantasies to emerge.  I spent my time with female companionship for all the years before her.  It wasn’t until a week ago that I resorted to fulfilling those needs again but couldn’t even get to the good part.  I sent the girl away before I even made it first base.  I’d lost the girl I wanted.  I couldn’t have her no matter what pretty words I threw her way. So I gave up.  I just hadn’t moved on.

“Tickling me might be construed as flirting with me,” I laughed enjoying it anyway and noted she didn’t have a weapon on her body to defend herself in need.  Ian needed to get on that.

“Pike, let me go,” she fumed biting her lower lip to dampen her temper.  I envied Ian more than any man.  “Your very words are tantamount to the lies you give me.  You know your words mean more than you ever say.”

Girls never say what they mean.  Deceptive.  Tainted with sarcasm.  And will betray your heart at the first sign of caring for then. 

              Solution.  Never, ever let them see you care.

I let her hands go and shifted her around placing my hands on both shoulder blades.  “Ahh, her anger releases her plethora of big words to attempt belittling the one she so cleverly sneaked away to follow, yet gives no penance for being caught.  Whatever shall I do with her?” My knee knocked into hers.  No matter what female I found pleasure in, this one could undo me.  It was more than just her body.  Her eyes, her soul was always on her face.

“You aren’t mad at me?” she asked in a whisper. 

This was one of those moments girls use to hint and make you beg for it.  Every girl I knew had it down like their momma taught it to them at birth or at the first signs of hormones.   Whether it was a half teasing, half weasling the truth out of a guy, I didn’t care at the moment. I went with it.

“Oh Grace, I could be a thousand things for you if you’d allow me, but that doesn’t seem to be the plan in the sky.  No, I’m not mad.  I do however want to know what you thought you’d accomplish by following me to my place?”  I knocked my hair out of my face, gripped my bow, and forced my hands from touching her.  Deny, deny, deny.  She wasn’t mine.

“I wanted to know where you’ve been going.”  Her pushy way of demanding answers was her sexist ploy.  She’d never guised herself as a maneater, but she was.  Any man would give her anything she wanted to see those eyes downcast like they were now. 

Instead of what I really wanted to say or do I offered to walk her back.  

“NO!”

“Uh, okay,” I said confused. 

“I mean, let me, let me, uh, uh—

“It’s okay, Grace.  I’m not mad,” I gave her a reassuring smile to calm her down.  She was hesitant to return and who was I to rush it. 

“Fine.” she crossed her arms and looked back to see that her guard was close.  Maybe to be sure she wouldn’t be too alone with me.  She could deny all she wanted that she was unaffected by me, but she wasn’t.

“What were you coming here for?” she tried to pry out of me.   She let her thoughts linger on my mother and wondered if it centered around a watchful eye on her.  I would never tell her it was to escape her, herself, the woman before me.

Instead of satisfying her need to know I told her vaguely, “Checking up on things.  It’s part of the job description.”

“Alright, walk me back,” she relented. 

I sent Rion on and held a hand out for her to lead.  Not able to hold back my own curiosity I cornered her for my own answers,  “So, do you often follow men into the woods and watch them in secret?”

She scoffed at me.  “You would be the first.”

Hands to my heart I snaked my voice lower and deep like I knew she liked, “I am the privileged.”  An eye roll later I added,  “And you were following me just to find out my destination?”

She sighed making her chest heave.  I swear I didn’t look…directly.  “Yes, Pike.  I wanted to be sure you were safe.  I didn’t want to come find you dead somewhere from fighting the Nyms or some unearthly adventure to prove yourself in.  If you were off looking for your mother, I feared you’d throw yourself to the wolves.” 

She couldn’t have been
look
ing for me.  Me?  My mind shut down momentarily like an alarm bell before I registered she’d looked back to see why I didn’t answer.  Like a lame, twisted idiot I asked, “You would miss me?”

She continued on not watching where she was going like all girls who couldn’t talk and walk at the same time.  I had to move branches and briars but she kept on walking a straight and narrow.  “Pike, I don’t think this world could live without you.  I sure can’t.” 

The tree limb I held out from catching her hair snapped in two with her words.  Without thinking about what was sane and not, I pulled her to me.  It wasn’t right.  It wasn’t okay.  And her body didn’t react like girls normally did when I touch them.  She froze to me like iron to skin.  She didn’t like it. 

“Thank you, Grace,” I whispered into her ear letting myself drown in the feel of her if only for a fleeting second.

“Uh, Pike while I am so glad you feel that way, I also know for a fact that this is a little too close for my comfort zone.”

Reluctance was bathing my skin in ice as she moved her warmth away from me.  I hated her more than any woman in the entire world.  Any world.  And…I loved her.  More than any other woman in the world.  I would never tell a soul the truth. 

“What?” I asked her panic stricken face.  I could feel the heat drawing off her. 

“Your eyes!”

“What about them?” I licked his lips without meaning too.  I could feel her all the way down to her bones.  Inside and out.  Was this what Ian could feel off her?  Was it this tense? 

Her mouth moved, but I didn’t hear the sound.  She said my name several times before coming in clear.  “Pike, taper whatever you’re feeling right now cuz’ it’s so not okay.”

I closed my eyes to push the need to take her right then and there.  The pain ebbed to my core.  When they opened again all I saw was oak and splinters.  I cursed every single word I could think of.  

“We need to go separate or something,” she stuttered.  It was as if she knew how much power she had over me.  Sick as it was, it was turning me on more.  I couldn’t seem to stop it.  Going without a woman this long was the worst decision of my life. 

I pinched the bridge of my nose and told her, “No, I can control it.  Just give me another minute.”

After a few more minutes of silence I offered for her to sit three feet away while I cooled my lower half to a nice room temperature norm.  It wasn’t working with her scent near and her little sighs puffing out ever few seconds.  “What were my eyes doing?”

“Glowing?”

Oh crap!

“What’s the big deal?” she asked.

“Um, nothing,” I shrugged rubbing my neck away from her eyes.

“Um nothing me.  What.does.it.mean?” she gritted her teeth angrily.

“Grace, not now.  You need to get back.  You okay enough to do that?”

She told me yes.  I reached for her as I had always, to guide her through the uneven earth, but let go the second my hand felt the searing heat of her skin.  I was only pissed I couldn’t be who I wanted to be to her, not make her hurt like I was really doing.

When we returned to the court, Rion was standing on the edge of the woods...with Ian.

Damn. 
He had to show now, didn’t he?

Ian nodded for her benefit, but signaled for me to leave.  I tried walking away, but the truth was unavoidable and honestly, I didn’t care if he knew or not.  It was just one more draw to show she would never be his completely without the thought rising of whether she could have been taken. If I was looking for a fight, it was coming now.    He flew at me the second my eyes registered with him.   I hit the ground with a thud but not before I braced my fall. 

I was a thrill seeker junky as Grace would call it.  If it was fight someone wanted, I was the man.  The adrenaline that pumped through my veins at the mere mention of someone trying to prove their worth to me made me burn to the core with a power I could never control.  Losing was never an option.  Until Grace came along.  Biggest fight of my life...and I lost.  I had to escape her lethal gaze that she kept on me at times when she might even not know she was doing it.

I think I wanted to fight back, but felt it would do some good for Ian to get it out before he was with Grace.  And I knew he’d leave me before the third blow or so and head straight for her.  It was his way.  He’d claimed her and her him.  And if his need was as founded as the pressure caused by her moments ago, he was lying to himself about control.  He would physically hurt her with the energy expelling off him now.  

So I took it.  Each hit was what he needed to feel worthy of her.  Show her he would fight for her.  I would honor it no matter the damn fool I was.   He was a confused mess like myself.  With Grace near him, he was as good as gone. 

I was good at alone.  Ian was not.

One quick look back to see her safe with her guard and I offered up an explanation I knew wouldn’t help much, but needed to be said just the same.   Ian stayed on me about cursing in front of her, but she was hearing a lip full from him right now.   “I didn’t mean for it to happen.  It just did.”  My words were separated by the blows to my lip and cheeks.  "She can't help it.  And it is not the same.  She cares about everyone."

“Ian,” she shrieked out a scream that made my body quake like a knife to my gut.  “Stop this.” 

He didn’t let up, but took hold of my neck and spit in my face.   Sucks for him since I nailed him square in the jaw.  Had to hurt.  I threw a blow or two more to make it look to her like I didn’t want my face bashed in.  Ian kept on,  “You did it on purpose you—”

“You want to kill me, go ahead.  I can’t stop it no matter what you do to me.  She is who and what she is and I am who I am.  That doesn’t change no matter what you do to me.”

What he is?  He is not just Pike.  What else is he?
she thought.

When she was safe with him in his room, I left back the way I was headed in the first place.  Alone.

If you enjoyed Guardian, the rest of the Fey Court Series is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords.

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Enjoy an excerpt of Cyndi Goodgame’s other series:

Siphon Chronicles

I hated this mission. Yeah, I was their best kept secret.  Retriever, they called me, taking care of unsightly blemishes on the map for dear ole dad.  It keeps the money flowing no matter how dark it makes me inside, so I stay with it.  It’s not like I have much of a life outside of it.  At least not anymore. 

At one time I had girls swarming over me, giving me anything I wanted.  And I took it.  When I hit eighteen, it all changed.  My body and my life went into a boxing match with itself.  That’s when my father decided I was ready to take over the family business.  Now, girls, they are all afraid of me.

   I have heard of Lark Spur, never seen her.  She would hate me like the rest, or so I assumed.   I wanted to just skip the whole “investigate” part and move to step two.  Take her in and be done with it. 

My father said she had something he wanted.  All I knew was that my father…hated her father.  At some point my father wanted what her father had so he took it.  Whatever that was, he didn't share with me.

I'd heard the rumors of the nexus being in the Big D. I was new to the city.  There were few places I hadn't been.  If she was here, she was hidden well. The saying went that when she took, she sang out the words like a siren on the sea. That the victim would be so enamored by her and he or she would give over every year they owned.

Or, at least, that is how the tale is told. It couldn't be real. One day I would find her if she is in fact not just a boy's dream.

This was another day spent in high school numbering fifty-nine on the roster for the year.  Sometimes I wished I would at least look over twenty so I could refrain from taking these kinds of jobs.

Each and every assignment left me hating myself. I knew some of the siphons I returned were eliminated for good.  Some were tortured. Most we're trained and made into fighting machines who would help my father take over whatever it is he wants to take over.

I spied a girl alone eating a bagel that I guessed was her entire breakfast.  How girls eat so little confounded me.  My fuel tank was on empty even now and I just ate a five-stack of pancakes an hour ago.  I would have to stop and snack afterward either way.

I went through the usual routine that worked on even the shiest of girls who weren’t that great looking, but nice.  I didn’t know what this assignment's girl looked like or even resembled so I would have to dig her out of the proverbial haystack.

I smiled.  She smiled.  I sat by her.  She hovered a little in her own space.  I made small talk.  She let her guard down.  I took.  I left.

She was not Lark.

I moved on to others.  After about a dozen, I was frustrated and ready to go home.  I vowed to tell my father I was ready to move on to the next job and just accept the inevitable fate my life would take.   Forget finding the nexus.

I jerked my head down at a girl sitting on a bench.  I took the energy she offered and tilted my head to thank her for something she had no idea she was giving.  My head swam a second later forcing me to adjust my legs.  I balanced them apart and stayed still to wait for equilibrium.  The girl looked at me as strangely as I did her.

But...something was different.  Not the girl, but something off to the side.  No.  Behind me.

A prickle hit my skin like a thousand knives pounding me from a torture chamber.  I jerked my head up searching for anything that might be doing it to me.

Two green, sexy as anything I’d ever seen, eyes were glaring tiny daggers right at my back.  Her shirt was calling out things too but I ignored those thoughts and went straight for the more dangerous ones.  She was a siphon. 

This had to be Lark.