Guardian of Eden (15 page)

Right now, a storm brewed in my life. I felt the winds of change pressing against the floodgates of torrential emotions. But I felt powerless and blind. There was too much I couldn’t control and even more I didn’t know. Lately, I had just wanted to forget everything and lose myself in my feelings for
Maddie
, but the run-in with Richard reminded me that I couldn’t. I had a family to protect.

When I got home, my mother’s car was in the driveway, but the house seemed empty. The blinds were drawn and the lights were off. I walked toward the phone to call
Maddie
when I heard, “You must think I’m the worst mother ever.” My mother sat on the couch with her back to me staring at a blank TV screen. I really didn’t know what to say to such a remark. It wasn’t a question, so I couldn’t respond with a yes or no. Even if it was a question, a simple answer like that wouldn’t have been appropriate.

I knew what she wanted me to say. She wanted me to forgive her for the foster homes, the hospital visits, the hunger pains. Did she want me to say that my life could have been worse and to thank her for not abandoning me completely? I didn’t think I could do that.

“I know I’ve hurt you and disappointed you time and time again, but I am trying. Can’t you see that?”

“Yeah, I –”

“I’ve been sober for two years, Garrett. We’ve moved out of those shady neighborhoods. I married a good guy who takes good care of us. What more do you want from me?”

“Nothing, moth–”

“I’m trying so hard to be strong like your father was, like he taught me to be, but it’s so hard. You have no idea what my life has been like, Garrett.”

“You’re, right, mother. I don’t know what you’ve been through. You’ve never told me.” My mother grew quiet. I thought once again the conversation had ended at a pivotal moment. She would find some excuse not to delve into her mysterious past. But she didn’t.

“My parents were rich, you know? I was rich, but I wasn’t happy. My childhood was…” She paused and rested her head in her hands. I stood perfectly still afraid that if I even breathed I’d somehow make her snap out of her sudden urge to talk. “When I met your father, he was everything I needed. He took care of me. He listened to me. He loved me.” She gestured for me to join her on the couch. “Greg was smart, strong, and noble. I had no idea a man could ever make me feel so special. When I lost him, I spent years trying to find that kind of love again, but I couldn’t. No one could replace your father.” My mother looked into my eyes and added, “You remind me so much of him sometimes that it scares me. Not because I don’t want you to be like him. He’s a great man. I’d love for you to turn out like him. It scares me because…I don’t want to lose you too.” My mother broke down into tears and I gathered her into my arms.

“You’re not going to lose me, mother.”

“When you didn’t come home last night I didn’t…I thought maybe I’d finally driven you away.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” I had no idea my mother cared for me so much. She had always kept me at arm’s length only showing affection on sporadic occasions, hugging and kissing me only when she felt guilty for some dangerous situation she’d thrust upon me. I wished we were closer, but she kept herself so guarded never letting me past her emotional fortress.

My mother sat up, wiped her tears on the sleeves of her bathrobe then said, “I’m sorry I’m throwing all this on you. I don’t want to burden you with my problems. I’ve already taken away so much of your childhood. You’ve spent your entire life worrying about me and Eden and taking care of us. You deserve to be a kid, which includes staying out all night and scaring your mother half to death.” She smiled a little and slapped me playfully on the arm. “Just call next time, okay? Let me know where you are and that you’re not dead or –”

“In jail?”
I volunteered. She looked down and nodded. Holly and I had finally had a moment of connection. For the first time, I felt like we were mother and son having a normal afternoon conversation on the couch. I should have just let things be. But I couldn’t. That burning desire in me to know the truth, to know my past and hers, just wouldn’t go away. “Mom, was your childhood so bad because of your father? Is that why my father killed him?”

My mother folded her hands in her lap and stared at her thumbs as she said, “I knew one day you’d want to know the truth. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it from you forever.” She let out a long breath. “I promise I'll tell you anything and everything you want to know. I just...I...I need more time, baby. I’m sorry.” She covered her mouth and ran out of the living room, leaving me alone and just as confused about my life as I’d always been.

I sat on the couch contemplating all the uncertainties of the relationships between me, my mother, my father, and my grandparents. I then began to wonder how Eden fit into all of it. Then I remembered what had gotten me so upset earlier that day. I had to tell my mother that I didn’t think Eden and I should see Richard anymore. I never liked Richard an extraordinary amount, and now his questionable behavior made him fall further out of my good graces. Why would he threaten me like that?

The only thing certain in my life was
Maddie
. I longed for the next time I could look into her eyes while holding her in my arms. I picked up the phone to call her when Eden burst through the front door in tears and ran to her room. Corbin entered a few seconds later with a perplexed look on his face.

I ran to her room and tried the door.
Locked.
“Eden, what’s going on? Open the door!”

“
Go away!” she yelled. She’d never spoken to me like that before.

“What’s wrong with her?” I asked Corbin as he stepped next to me in the hallway.

Corbin rubbed his temple in a frustrated manner and said, “She heard me and
Dashanka
talking about an upcoming swimsuit layout we’re doing and she wanted to be one of the models. When I told her that you and your mother probably wouldn’t approve, she flipped out. She said that everyone treats her like a baby and that she’s not a baby.”

Now it was my turn to be confused. Eden never behaved like this. She used to be such a happy child. All of a sudden, she’d transformed. There had to be a reason.

“Maybe your mother can talk some sense into her,” he added.

“My mother is in her room crying,” I admitted guiltily. Her anxiety was my fault.

“Great.” Corbin pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “You handle
Eden,
I’ll comfort your mother.”

After ten minutes of trying to get Eden to open her door, I gave up and went to my room. Seconds later
Maddie
called.

“I know this is probably not the correct protocol after last night. I mean, I’m probably supposed to wait some unwritten amount of time before I call you, but I couldn’t. I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

Just the sound of her voice sent a shiver through my body that I guessed was love. It was a feeling I’d never experienced before and it made everything else in my life just melt away.

“I’m thinking about you too.”

“Can you come over tonight?”

“I don’t know if I should. My mother is still pretty upset about last night and I have to go to North Carolina in the morning to see my father.

“Oh.” Even over the phone I could see the disappointment in her eyes. “What about tomorrow night?”

“It’s probably going to be late when I get back. Plus, I don’t know if I’ll be very good company after spending an entire day in a prison.”

Maddie
paused then said, “Garrett, do you not want to see me anymore or something?” Her voice sounded small and weak like she wanted to cry.

“Of course, I want to see you. You have no idea how badly I want to hold you again.” How could I make her understand how much I needed her? I couldn’t let her think I didn’t care. “How about we spend the day together on Sunday? Then maybe I could…spend the night and we can go to school together on Monday.”

“Are you sure your mom won’t mind?”

“She should be cooled off by then. Is it okay if I spend the night?”

“Definitely.”

Even though we talked for two more hours, it didn’t dawn on me until a split second after we hung up that I already had plans with Eden for Sunday. Eden had acted so strangely all day I didn’t know how she would react if I canceled on her. But I also couldn’t cancel on
Maddie
. I wanted her more than anything in the world. The only solution was for all three of us to go out together. That turned out to be a big mistake.

Saturday morning I sat at the breakfast table wearing my Sunday best watching the clock tick. It was after eight o’clock and my mother still hadn’t emerged from her bedroom. At this rate, we wouldn’t arrive at the prison until after lunch. I poured myself another cup of coffee and searched the newspaper for an intriguing word to memorize. Nothing struck me. I would probably just end up choosing something at random from my thesaurus.

I looked at the clock again. A quarter till nine. Ten more minutes and I would go knock on her bedroom door. What could be keeping her? Did she forget? Or maybe, she’d changed her mind about making me go each week. I loosened my tie thinking that had to be it. I could have a Saturday free to spend with
Maddie
. Just thinking about surprising her and showing up at her apartment excited me, but then Corbin came and dashed those dreams.

“Just be careful,” he said tossing me a set of keys. He grabbed his camera bag and another set of keys and headed for the door.

“What are you talking about? Be careful doing what?”

“Your mother is in no state to drive right now. You’re
gonna
have to drive yourself to North Carolina.”

“But I don’t have a license.”

“I know you can drive. I’ve seen you do it. Just be careful.”

I looked down at the key chain and said, “Wait a minute, you want me to take your convertible? Why can’t I take my mom’s car?”

“I need your mother’s SUV today. I’m doing a shoot on location and I need the space for camera equipment.”

“But what if I have an accident? Are you sure my mother can’t take me?”

Corbin set down his bag and came over to the table. “Look, Garrett, your mother is really messed up right now. She had nightmares all night. She cries for hours on end. I really want her to take it easy today. I don’t want her under any more stress. You’re a smart kid. I trust you. Just do the speed limit and avoid the police.” Corbin patted me on the back and headed toward the door again. “By the way, Eden’s coming with me. I thought it might make her feel better. Hope you don’t mind.”

Seconds later Eden trotted into the living room carrying a tripod and two more camera bags.

“Those are expensive. Be careful with them, Bug,” Corbin said.

Bug?
Since when did
he
start calling her Bug?

***

My father waited for me in front of the same table we’d sat at before. He’d already made his first move on the chess board and silently waited for me to take my turn. We played an entire game without speaking a word except for ‘check’ and ‘checkmate’. Then halfway through the second game he said,