Gulliver Takes Five (23 page)

“Then what is it?” I ask. “Saving your second load for Marty Brayden? Is he on his way when eWrecksion ends? ’Cause that would make sense. The go-go boy’s just a warm-up. Who would fuck a nobody dancer when the porn star everybody wants is all over you?”

Todd sits, blinking. He wipes his hand across his lips, licks them. He sighs loudly, looking at the ceiling. “Marty Brayden? Yeah right. If there’s one person in this world I couldn’t possibly get it up for...” He trails off. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You should go home.”

And then, silence. Was that a serious request? Does he actually want me to go home? Well, I’ve come this far (no pun intended). I’m not stopping yet. Not until he actually tells me to go home.

“I don’t want to go home,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m getting fucked tonight. And I’m not leaving until that happens.”

Todd laughs, easing up my anxiety. “Fuck, you’re so cute.”

“Tight as hell too,” I say, getting on my knees, facing away from him to show off my ass, leaning it just right on the heels of my feet. “You telling me you don’t want this?”

“Fuck.” He’s getting hard again. Playing with himself. “You should go home, dude.”

I stand back up and pad over to him, climbing up on the couch, sticking my ass just inches in front of his face. “The sexiest nightlife promoter in the city won’t give it to a tight-assed twink who was just literally on his knees, BEGGING to get fucked? Really?”

“No. He won’t,” Todd says, holding me away, squirming away from me and across the couch. “Well, I mean, maybe?”

I spin around, and land next to him on the couch. I wrap my legs around him, grab his dick and mine in my hand, and jerk them off together. “Make. Up. Your. Mind.”

Todd sighs again, his eyes rolling up. He’s sighed at least forty times in the past five minutes. “Bro, you really want this?”

I nod.

“Why? So you can tell all the other go-gos you got fucked by Todd DiTempto?”

“I’m sure Nick is already taking care of that.” I grin. “As for me, I’m actually a lot more interested in sleeping with Todd DiAngelo. Whoever he is.”

“It’s been a long night,” Todd says. “I’m tired.”

“I highly doubt it’s been as long as mine,” I reply. “Since I saw you last night at Splash, all I’ve wanted is to go home and sleep. And now that I’m here with you, going home and crawling into my bed alone sounds like the worst fucking idea ever.”

“If you want this, you have to earn it.”

“Oh, I’m prepared to.”

“Okay.” Todd stops my stroking and kisses me slowly. “Before we do this, I want you to tell me something. The most personal, most painful thing you can think of.”

“That’s a weird aphrodisiac.” I laugh, utterly confused. “Kinda S and M–like. My pain for your pleasure?” I feel my fingertips gently caressing the tattoo on my belly before I even know my hand has moved. Obviously, I know what I’m going to tell him. Todd DiTempto and Chase Winterman have been working together for about a year; it’s about time Chase Summers and Todd DiAngelo met too.

“I’ll return the favor, I promise,” Todd says. “But you go first. That’s the rule. You don’t like it, you’re free to go.”

Do I really want to do this? Wouldn’t it be easier to remain the go-go boy and the superstar promoter? No strings attached?

It’s so simple the way things are now. We meet in the dark. We hug and cheek-kiss hello. We see each other shirtless or in our underwear, maybe even less. Physically, we’re almost completely exposed. Emotionally, we’re hidden under layers and layers of thick armor. We wear masks—whatever guise we take with us into the club and then discard like a used condom the next morning. We do it because it’s easy, and it’s fun, and when the night ends, none of us really owes anybody anything. How much do we really want to know about each other? Aren’t we
better off being “types” than full-fledged people, battle scars and all?

Maybe it’s because I’m just so fucking tired, but I don’t have the energy to keep my defenses up now. It’s about time someone knew a bit more about me.

“You’re sexy.” I smile. “And I’m not going anywhere.” Why would I? I’m right where I always wanted to be, sitting naked next to Todd DiTempto—everything bared but my soul. And even that is about to change any minute now.

“Okay,” Todd says, returning my smile. And then there is an even bigger sigh. “Here we go.”

Okay, so a rat showed up today. I have NO fucking idea where it came from, but once he got inside my and Servy’s apartment, he started running around like he owned the place. We called Todd because he’s good at solving everything, and just like we expected, he took care of him.

Well, almost took care of him. Though I guess imprisoning the rat was two-thirds of the battle. Still, Todd was as spooked as we were when it started screaming. He shrieked and booked it double-time. Which left ME to drag the stick with its captive, screeching prisoner along the floor, all the way out of the building, to the street, right?

You were freaking too, Servy. Stop pretending you’re so butch.

You were freaking your shit too, Rowan!

I was pretending to freak out so you wouldn’t feel so bad about actually freaking out.

Right. That’s why we had to call Todd to come over with his lacrosse stick like some on-demand jock escort
.

I totally would have killed it myself. I have a bat. I would have creamed it.

And yet you didn’t. You were too busy, if I remember correctly, cowering on the bed
.

Cowering’s a strong word for it. And you were right there with me. Don’t pretend YOU’RE the knight in shining armor during all this.

Todd’s such a good friend. I’d get him a card if there were a “Thanks for Taking Care of That Giant Fucking Rat” section in Duane Reade
.

They SHOULD have a section like that! Call it “Manhattan Greetings.” It could be all sorts of cards for situations that only happen in NYC.

Yeah, like, “Thanks for Figuring Out How to Turn Off That Car Alarm Down the Street Last Night.”

“Our Sympathies That Two Obnoxiously Loud Broadway-Belting Twinks Moved in One Floor Above You.”

“Congratulations On Finding an Apartment That Doesn’t Have a Shower in the Kitchen!”

“You’re Like That Sock Salesman at Every Street Fair: One in a Million!” Uh...Where were we?

We were talking about how you are currently quivering with fear?

It’s cold out! It’s called shivering.

It’s like a hundred degrees, Rowan!

Fine! So it freaked me out! So what? It freaked you out too!

I never said it didn’t. I am happy to admit that it freaked the fuck out of me. It was UGLY
.

No, girl, it was HIDEOUS.

All those teeth!

Fangs. And those zombie eyes!

Ugh, I don’t want to think about it. Hey, do you know where Todd went?

Who EVER knows where Todd goes? Probably back to his apartment. You know how busy he is.

Truth. Well, now what are we going to do?

I don’t know about you, but I need to blaze. Right the fuck now. These shakes are going to drive me insane.

All right. Except our weed is scattered all over the floor. Because of the rat. And smooshed because of all the running and screaming we did due to said rat
...

Maybe I can try gathering up the little pieces...

Those are beyond “little” pieces. That is now weed dust mixed into carpet dirt. Just give it up, baby. It’s a goner
.

NO! Fuck me! This shit was like the holy grail of weed! I spent a Benjamin on it! Government Green isn’t cheap!

Are you serious? Is it really from the government?

Nonononononoooooooo! Now is NOT the time for us to be dry. Shit! Shit! Shit!

Baby, come on. Chill. It’s not crack, okay? Stop acting like a crack-HEAD. Let’s just get something to eat. Pizza? Thai? There’s a new Italian place that opened up down the street
...

No.

Rowan...?

This was already bad. Now it’s worse! It’s like when you just smoked the last cigarette in the pack and you realize you won’t be able to get another one for HOURS. I need it!

Okay. Gosh. So, fine, just call your dealer!

Yeah, good one. Hold on a sec.

Oh. My. God. Is he seriously number one on your speed dial?

Yeah. So?

Your DEALER is number one on your speed dial? What number am I?

Shh.

What number am I, Rowan?

You’re number two! All right?

I’m number two? Ugh. That makes me feel like shit!

Will you shut your mouth for five fucking seconds so I can hear Jack Smack on the speaker? It’s ringing.

Jack Smack. That’s the dumbest fucking name in the world. Is that the best he could do? He sounds like a WWF wrestler, not a drug dealer
.

Servando...

They should be held up to the same scrutiny as drag queens! That’s all I’m saying. Does he actually sell smack, by the way?

Dude, I don’t know. We only go for his green.

YOU only go for his green. I wouldn’t know the first thing about weed buying or the integrity of our local dealers
.

Whatever. It’s always prime, and he gives me a discount because I introduced him to Todd and now he drinks for free whenever he comes out.

Yes, it’s always nice when that straight creep shows up at the bar
.

Be nice. He’s about to save our day.

YOUR day, love. Mine’s peachy as is
.

Smack comes on the line, at last: “Rowan? That was fast. You out of green already?” His voice is rough and sleepy.

“Oh shit, did I wake you up?” I ask.

“You could say that. At least, I think I was asleep. Listen, I’m super crazed today. I didn’t expect you to ring me up for another week, at least.”

“Well, yeah, man. It’s been a ridiculous morning. We had to deal with a rat. The weed was part of the collateral damage. And if there’s ANY situation that calls for some mellow time, it’s this.”

“I really can’t make it out there, Rowan.”

“Come on, Smack. We need it!”

Sigh
.

“If you were buying something heavier, I’d understand the urgent need for a delivery. But marijuana is nonaddictive. Go meditate or something. Take a yoga class. Go for a run with your boyfriend.”

See, he’s on the right track! Spend time with ME. When’s the last time you went for a run, anyway?

“Smack. Please. I’m begging you! This is fucking serious.”

Why don’t you just ask him if we can meet him?

That’s brilliant!

I’d call it common sense, but I’ll take whatever praise I can get
.

“Hey, Smack? What if me and Servy meet you somewhere? I don’t care where! Where you going today? We’ll meet you in Union Square, the Village, the Upper West Side...anywhere!”

“I guess I could make that happen.”

“Really? Thank you! Where?”

“I’m gonna be up near the Bronx Zoo in about an hour or so. Meet me there.”

“You got it. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

“Don’t forget the cash.”

“Right! See you soon!”

There. That was easy.

Easy? Your sister’s easy. Going to the BRONX? Oh, helllll no. I’m not going all the way up there!

Come on! It’s just a hop, skip, and a jump!

A hop, skip, jump, and hour-plus train ride! During which you get stabbed no fewer than six times! Are you insane?

Enough with the drama! Was the rat not enough for one day? You sound like I just told you we have to cover you in honey and roll you around the floor at Penn Station to get the herb.

First of all, I do NOT sound like that. Second of all, that’s really fucking far away!

So what? It’ll be like an adventure! We can grab a bag, go smoke it somewhere, and then go check out all the animals. Weren’t you JUST complaining that all we ever do is sit on the couch?

Yeah
...

And have you ever been to the Bronx Zoo?

No. I’ve been to the Central Park one
.

That’s nothing compared to the Bronx! How did I never take you there before?

Maybe because I never said, “Hey, Rowan? You know what I’d love to do? Get in a subway for two hours to go stare at a bunch of bored-as-fuck monkeys picking shit out of each other’s fur?”

It’s not that bad and it doesn’t take that long. It’ll be cute, kinda romantic!

Rowan, we’re way past the romantic stage of our relationship. And, come to think of it, we’re past the “relationship” part too
.

Well, if we’re getting blazed, we gotta go uptown. And while we’re there, we might as well go check out that new
Dora the Explorer
3D ride they just opened.

What? I wasn’t told that Dora would be a part of this
.

I was saving it as a surprise.

I love Dora!

I hope so, otherwise it makes zero sense that you designed that Dora man-bag.

It’s explorer couture!

Indeed it is. Go grab it and let’s bounce.