Gunz and Roses (22 page)

 

It was morning. The dim light from the sky shone across Gray's face. For hours, she'd been in between sleep and consciousness. She wished that the events from the night before had all been in a dream, but the harsh reality of the dried-up wet spot next to her forced the painful memory to resurface. With each second that passed, she felt less and less like herself. Nothing was as it should be. She knew she was more than just a toy for Gunz's satisfaction.

It wasn't fair that he was getting his cake and eating it too, while she was being force fed bullshit on a daily basis. Gray could hear the sound of the shower running in the distance. She swallowed the lump in her throat and focused on a line in the hardwood floor. It seemed to go on for days. As she followed it, the line led her to the bathroom and straight to Gunz.

Gray shook her head and sat up. The cold sensation from the floor chilled her feet. One of Gunz's old Biggie T-shirts was lying in a chair across the room. She grabbed it and put it on. The shirt was two times too big, but the smell of his Jean Paul Gautier cologne made up for the fit.

Gray was just about to head downstairs to the kitchen when she heard the all too familiar sound of Gunz's cell phone ringing. He'd received a text message. Gray wondered if she should check it. The shower was still running. Maybe she had enough time.

Her heart was racing. The palms of her hands became clammy with sticky sweat. She knew it was wrong to invade his privacy, but the nagging thoughts in her head had to be silenced once and for all.

Gray looked over her shoulder and tiptoed quickly over to the nightstand. Quietly, she picked up the phone. Once more before opening it, she glanced over her shoulder. The coast was clear. Gray flipped open the phone. The message was from Devin. It read: Who is it gon' be? Her or me?

Gray's hands trembled. All of that time he'd been lying to her face. She'd asked him time and time again if he was still seeing Devin, and each time, the reply was no. Why was he doing her like that? Was he intentionally trying to hurt her? Did he enjoy seeing her cry? Maybe his intentions were to drive her insane. Whichever one it was, Gray had had enough.

“What you doing wit' my phone?”

Startled, she jumped and turned around. Gunz stood in the doorway with a menacing scowl on his face. Beads of water cascaded down his chiseled physique and to the floor. The only thing that covered him was the blue, tan, and white cotton towel wrapped around his defined waist.

“Answer me!” he shouted.

“I needed to know the truth,” she answered nervously.

“What the fuck you mean, you needed to know the truth? I gave you the truth last night!”

“Gunz, I don't know what to believe anymore when it comes to you.”

“So instead of coming to me you go through my phone? You really thought that was okay?”

“I didn't say it was okay.” She tried to explain, but Gunz wouldn't allow it.

“Get the fuck out.”

“What?” Gray looked at him, confused.

“You heard me. Get . . . the . . . fuck . . . out!”

“How the fuck you gon' tell me to leave when you the one caught up? And what the hell does she mean, is it gon' be her or me?” She held up his phone.

“Man, fuck all that bullshit!” His nostrils flared; he was so angry. “How would you feel if I went through yo' shit?” He picked up her purse and emptied the contents.

All of Gray's personal belongings, like her lip gloss, tampons, and wallet fell to the floor. Gunz located her phone.

“Let's see . . .” He scrolled through her address book. “Who the fuck is Allen? Huh? Who the fuck is Chad Dickerson from GEICO Insurance? You fuckin' him, Gray?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you!” He threw her phone at her. Gray quickly caught it.

“This is too much.” Gunz shook his head. “I can't do it. Nah, fuck that. I
won't
do it. I love you, Gray, but we need to chill out for a second.”

“What?” She froze in place, astonished by his words.

“This right here,” he said, pointing his finger back and forth between them, “ain't gon' work.”

“Let me get this straight. You leaving me alone?”

“For right now, yeah.”

Gray was astonished. She never imagined things between them would end with him being the one to say good-bye. Maybe it was all her fault. For the past year, she'd done nothing but make excuses for his intentions and pretend that he was the man she'd wanted him to be. The truth of the matter was that Gray was the only one in love. He hadn't even recognized that she'd been wearing her heart on her sleeve, waiting day by day for him to open up his too.

“So that's it? It's just over?” She looked at him. “After all the bullshit you've put me through, it's over now 'cause I went through your phone? Really, Gunz?”

“Look, man, I'm tryin' not to hurt yo' feelings, but I ain't feelin' this.” Gunz couldn't even look her in the eyes as the words slipped from his mouth.

Gray simply nodded her head. “It's cool. You know what? Fuck you! I should've left yo' tired ass alone a long time ago,” she spat, beyond pissed.

This time, there would be no compromising or long, drawn out conversations. There weren't any words to make him want her anyway. She was tired of seeing the look in his eyes that shot her dead each and every time. Bitter beyond words, Gray swallowed her pride, grabbed her things, and left without expressing another word.

“S
moke” by Mary J. Blige was stuck on repeat. Gray sat on her butt with her knees up to her chest, singing the words as tears slid out the corners of her eyes and under her chin. “Why you're gone, the reason is supposed to make sense, but it don't, but it don't, it don't, it don't . . . ohhhhh, it don't.” Almost a week had gone by and she hadn't left her room. Gray knew it was wrong to call off of work, but she just couldn't handle the pressure of having to concentrate on work and deal with a broken heart.

It seemed like the only time she moved was when the smell from her body got to be too much to bear. Food had become a foreign object, and sleep was a concept she for some reason couldn't grasp. Every time she moved, Gray could sense that her stomach had caved in, but she didn't care. It didn't matter that she was so weak and feeble she could barely walk. The only thing that mattered was that Gunz was gone. He'd tried calling to apologize for the way things went down, but all they would end up doing was arguing.

Gray stressed how he lied and cheated, but none of that was of his concern anymore. She'd gone through his phone and betrayed his trust, so now things were over, finito, finished, done. It fucked Gray up that out of all the bullshit he'd put her through, this was how their so-called relationship ended. There were numerous times she could've told him to step, but she didn't. Maybe that was her fault for looking past all the warning signs.

Since she'd known Gunz, he'd done nothing but shower her with lies. And yes, it was wrong, but she wished him nothing but antagonizing pain and loneliness. She hoped his nights were cold and filled with remorseful memories of her. Like Jazmine Sullivan, she wanted to bust the windows out of his car. It wouldn't mend her broken heart, but Gunz couldn't go around playing with people's feelings, especially hers.

As Gray grabbed a tissue to blow her nose, she heard a loud knock on the front door. She wondered who could've gotten past the gate. Wiping her face, she walked briskly down the steps.

“Who is it?” Her voice cracked.

“Us, girl. Open up the goddamn door,” Tee-Tee responded.

Gray loved her friends, but she really wasn't in the mood for a bunch of “I told you so.” Inhaling deeply, she wiped the disappointed look off her face and opened the door. The whole squad was there: Tee-Tee, Kema, and Heidi. They'd even brought her favorite guilty pleasure, McDonald's.

“Guuuurl, you look a hot mess.” Tee-Tee tuned up his lips, almost not wanting to come in.

“Fuck you.” Gray turned around, leaving them standing there.

“No, fuck you, lookin' like who did it and what . . . the . . . fuck . . . fo'.” He and the girls came in and began taking off their coats and boots.

Gray was a wreck. Dried tears traced her face. She hadn't combed her hair in weeks, and her body and water hadn't spoken in days.

“Bitch, you know I'm over here going through something.” Gray plopped down onto her zebra print chaise lounge.

“You over here smellin' like something too. What, you and Jarrod been talkin', comparing notes and shit about who funk smell the best?”

“Nigga, don't be talkin' about my man,” Heidi jumped in.

“Now he yo' man? I swear y'all bitches is crazy! Ain't got not one bit of damn sense! You up here shacking up wit' a goddamn dirt ball.” He pointed to Heidi. “You over here ten seconds away from a nut house behind a man that
told you
. . . from
day one
he ain't want a relationship! And you,”—he looked at Kema—“you'll open up yo' legs for anybody wit' a dollar bill!”

“You goddamn right.” Kema lifted her legs in the air. “All money is good money.”

“That's a goddamn shame.” Tee-Tee pursed his lips, shaking his head.

“Anyway, I know yo' ass ain't talkin',” Heidi snapped. “It wasn't too long ago when we had to have a “fuck 'em, girl” meeting for yo' ass.”

“See, you always bringing up old shit,” he snarled. “But this ain't about me. I gots me a dime piece. This about this depressed ho. You better get yo' mind together. Fuck Gunz. He ain't nobody. We told you not to fuck wit' his ol' lying, sexy ass in the first place.”

“Okay, now, how is that helping me any? And GIVE ME MY GODDAMN FOOD!” Gray snatched the bag from his hands.

“Oh, see, yo' hungry ass done lost yo' mind. Gray, don't make me dropkick you.”

“Whateva,” she replied, munching on a hot crispy fry.

“For real, Gray, you do gotta get up.” Heidi rubbed the outside of her hand. “And I'm not saying it's not okay to cry, but cry, wipe your eyes, and get something accomplished. Your life has not stopped because that nigga ain't around no more. He wanna step, let him go, 'cause at the end of the day, you can't make somebody want to be wit' you. It's either they do or they don't. If a nigga tellin' you he don't want to be in a relationship, then you gotta respect that and play your position or move on.”

“I mean, I understand that, but we had an understanding that we weren't supposed to be seeing other people. He promised that if he started fuckin' wit' somebody else that he would let me know,” Gray tried to explain.

“Gray, are you listening to yourself right now?” Kema looked at her like she was retarded. “What man in they right mind gon' tell you that he fuckin' wit' somebody else? Ain't no nigga gon' do that shit, especially if they like you. That nigga was gon' keep on fuckin' you and whoever else he was fuckin'.”

“Personally, I blame you.” Tee-Tee sat back in his seat and crossed his legs.

“Excuse me?” Gray arched her right eyebrow in surprise.

“You're excused. Gunz has remained who he is since the beginning. He told you ‘I like you, I enjoy spending time with you, and I wanna keep you in my life, but I'm . . . not . . . the man for . . . you.' You the one that tried to make y'all li'l relationship more than what it was. You tried to make Gunz be this prince charming, riding in on a white horse, when really, from the start, all y'all shoulda been was fuck buddies.”

It hurt like hell to hear it, but Gray knew her friends were right.

“I mean, do you even think that he loved you?” Heidi asked.

“Honestly, I do. I just think that things got to be way too much too soon for him, and that I wanted him to be more than what he was.”

“Well, I just hope you don't go back to him,” Kema proclaimed.

“You do not have to worry about that. Me and Gunz are over for good.”

 

Gunz zoned out and bobbed his head to the mellow '70s classic, “Sunshine,” by Roy Ayers. Lying back with his feet propped up, he inhaled smoke from a Garcia Vega. It was rolled so tight it could barely hit. Gunz was on a mission to get as high as the sky. His heart missed Gray too much to deal with the fact that she was gone. Maybe he'd overreacted by saying they needed a break, but things between them had to change.

She didn't trust him, and maybe that was his fault; but from the moment he stepped to her door promising he was a changed man, he had been. Gunz had finally set all the bullshit aside and aligned his heart with hers. He just hated that once again he was to blame for her pain, but he'd warned her from the start that he wasn't ready for a relationship. Somehow, all of that got lost in the wind and he was branded the bad guy. Now shit was all fucked up. He'd ended their relationship on an immature impulse, and Gray wasn't trying to hear a word he had to say.

That didn't stop Gunz from wanting her back. He was a man with pride, but some nights, his body ached to be near her so bad it made him sick. He longed to hear the sound of her sweet voice. Gunz just wished he could talk to her.

His wish came true when his phone started to ring. He didn't even bother to look at the screen.

“Hello?”

“We need to talk,” a female voice said.

“Who is this?”

“Devin.”

“Do the Naomi Campbell walk, Naomi Campbell walk. Walk across the room like Naomi Campbell!” All the girls sang the words to Beyoncé's song as Tee-Tee strutted down the hallway of his condo with his hand on his hip.

“You . . . better . . . work,” Kema yelled, clapping.

Gray cracked up laughing. This was what her life had been missing—fun. For months, all she had was one drama-filled moment after another, but no more. It was New Year's Eve and she was gonna start the new year off right. Taking center stage, Gray snapped for the kids.

“Okay, bitch,” Heidi shrilled in delight as Gray did her thing.

“That is my shit,” Gray stated, plopping down on the floor after the song went off.

“Right. I still bump that in the car,” Kema agreed.

“My big ass need a drink. Who else need their glass filled?” Tee-Tee asked, going into the kitchen.

“Me,” all three women yelled.

“Drunk asses!”

“Whateva. I need to drink,” Heidi confessed. “Jarrod ol' dirty ass is driving me crazy.”

“Yo' ass is insane. One minute he's ya boo, and the next y'all broke up. Which one is it?” Gray quizzed.

“Right now we're broke up, but his retarded ass just won't get the hint.”

“What he be doing, girl?”

“He calls my phone every five minutes wanting something. It has gotten to the point were half the time I don't even answer my phone 'cause I'm afraid it's him. At first I kind of felt bad for letting him go, but I can't deal with a muthafucka who can't read and don't wash his ass. I mean, I could've bought that nigga Hooked on Phonics, but not taking baths? Uh-uh.” She twisted her face in disgust.

“I didn't know the nigga couldn't read,” Tee-Tee said, coming back into the room.

“I was too embarrassed to tell anybody. This muthafucka always tryin' to take somebody to a nice restaurant knowing he can't read shit on the menu. One night we went to Lucas Park and Grille to eat. This dumb coon pronounces it
grillay
.”

“Hell to the naw.”

“Then he pronounces
café
,
calf
.”

“Wow.”

“He gets on my damn nerves. I swear to God. But anyway, what's going on wit' you and King?” Heidi turned her attention to Kema.

“He cool. I mean, you know I'm still doing me, but he a cool li'l daddy. I just talked to him the other day. By the way, I ain't know Gunz got a baby on the way.”

“Wit' who?” Gray scrunched up her face and placed down her glass.

“The chick that he cheated on you with. I thought you knew.”

“By the way she looking, evidently not,” Tee-Tee barked. “You okay, mama?”

“I guess,” she replied, stunned.

“Girl, fuck him,” Kema retorted. “Don't be sittin' up there getting all depressed again over that shit. You was too good for his ass anyway.”

“Her feelings are still hurt, Kema.” Tee-Tee rolled his eyes.

“Fuck that! You think he over there trippin' off her? No! 'Cause guess what? He a nigga. The same day they broke up, I bet you he ate, put on some clothes, went out, and came back home and went to sleep while her ass”—she pointed at Gray—“was sittin' at home, cryin' her eyes out.”

“I'll be back.” Gray got up from the floor.

“Look what you did.” Tee-Tee pushed Kema in the arm. “If she start cryin', I swear to God it's gon' be a ‘code ten, man down' situation.”

Gray stepped outside onto the balcony. The sky was as dark as Gunz's skin. There was no way it could be true. Devin couldn't be pregnant. If she was, that meant he was fucking them both without a condom. She had to get confirmation.

Gray pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number. He picked up on the second ring. It was almost like he'd been waiting on her phone call.

“You busy?” she asked.

“Nah, you good.”

Gray could tell from the tone of his voice that he was smoking.

“I called to ask you a question.”

“What's up?” He exhaled the smoke.

“And please just tell me the truth. Do you and Devin have a baby on the way?”

Gunz sucked in his bottom lip and closed his eyes. Everything in him wanted to lie, but lying had gotten them in the position they were in now. He just knew if he told the truth, things between them would be over for good.

“Yeah, man,” he finally answered.

If Gray had a gun, she would've shot him. “So you were fuckin' her while you were fuckin' me?”

“It wasn't even nothing like that.”

“Well, what was it, Gunz?” Her voice trembled. “Are y'all together?”

“Thanks to you, I ain't wit' nobody.”

“I can't believe this shit.” She shook her head in disbelief. “This shit is crazy. You got a fuckin' baby on the way.”

For a couple of seconds, they sat in silence, unsure of what to say. Neither wanted to be the one to say good-bye, but the words were inevitable.

“Well . . . that's all I wanted,” Gray finally spoke up. “So that's it, huh?”

“I mean, what else do you want me to say?”

“I guess nothing.”

“All right then.”

“Bye,” Gunz replied before hanging up.

 

Truth held Gray up by the waist and led her into her loft. They'd just left Brennan's in the Central West End. Gray was wasted. All night she'd gone on and on about Gunz, and although Truth would've rather discussed dog feces, he played the role of supportive friend and listened. He hadn't even tripped off the fact that she'd drunk too much. By the end of the night, Gray's words had started to slur. When she went to stand up, her legs gave out and he had to catch her. That's when he knew she'd had enough. Truth picked her up and carried her into her bedroom.