Hadley (The Club Girl Diaries Book 3) (26 page)

Doc came and looked over Hadley, and with the adrenaline beginning to wear off, I could tell that she was in more pain than she was letting on.

The grazes around her wrists would heal, she may be left with a few small scars. The proof that she had fought back. Her shoulder was dislocated from where Slider had dropped her and had to be popped back in. We’d filled her with enough drugs to try and numb the pain without killing her, but I could still hear her cries in my head as Doc had popped it back into place.

I closed the bedroom door softly behind me, bracing my hands against the door frame and hanging my head between my arms. She would be out for the next few hours, the painkillers hopefully giving her body time to relax. I could tell that the guilt was already beginning to eat her up inside. Slider had told her that the doctor had only given him a short amount of time left to live, that the cancer had progressed too far now for him to survive through it.

I can’t imagine what he’d been feeling. Being in the military, I knew the feeling of walking into a situation, knowing that there was a chance you wouldn’t make it out alive. It was scary, it made your heart race, and you did whatever you possibly could to fight for your life. You made sure your shots were perfect, you made sure that you had your head in the game. You relied on your men to stand by your sides and fight with you, knowing that you had them at your back was empowering.

But what would I have done if someone had told me, look, you won’t make it out of this alive? It’s over. You’ll be killed with complete certainty, and it will be slow and painful. Your body will be pushed to its limits and tortured until it can’t take it any longer, and your heart just gives out. All this will happen while your family stands to the side and watches. They’d want to help, but nothing they do would change the outcome. You’ll see the pain in their eyes every day as they watch you wither away to nothing, and you’ll wish that there was a way to ease both of your heartache.

Slider found a way.

Hadley had said that’d he’d used her as an out.

He hadn’t. He’d only done what any of the men in this club would have done. He protected her with his life. Whether he was dying or not, he would have done the same thing. Whether he would have survived if his body had been stronger, and he’d had the will to live through it all, we would never know.

He was gone and right now, we were all feeling his loss. Tears brushed my cheeks and dropped down onto my heavy boots.

A hand touched my shoulder, and I spun to find Eagle staring at me, his face filled with devastation just like mine. I didn’t try to hide my tears. I wouldn’t pretend like I didn’t feel any sadness about what had happened. I knew everyone here was feeling it too, and our tears showed just how much Slider was loved in our family.

They were an ode to him and how much he would be missed.

“How’s Hadley?” Eagle asked, stepping back and allowing me some space to breathe as I forced my body upright.

“Sore, but she’s okay,” I answered, my voice thick with emotion.

Eagle nodded. “She’s strong. She’ll get through this.”

We shared a look that said we both understood how hard she would find this. Eagle and I had lost friends, almost our entire team. Before that we’d watched more than our fair share of men killed, some we knew well, some we didn’t. It never got any easier.

“After I lost Kim, I never thought I’d feel that kind of pain again,” I told him, leaning back against the wall, using it to support my exhausted limbs. “But seeing her lying there, covered in blood, it was like I’d lost Kim all over again.”

“She’s alive, Leo,” he assured me.

“But it could have so easily been her,” I said quietly.

“You love her.”

I looked up, meeting his eyes. “Yeah, man. I love her.”

“Then she’ll be fine. She’s already strong, but with your love behind her and the support of the club, she’ll be able to make it through the dark and find the light.”

I breathed in his words. He was right. She was going to struggle with what had happened, but we wouldn’t let her fall.

“Thanks, man.”

The roar of motorcycles alerted us both to the return of my brothers. We headed for the staircase without another word. The women were waiting downstairs with their arms open for the men.

It was never easy, but Eagle was right. Our family rallied together in times of distress, and we lifted each other off the ground when it threatened to swallow us whole.

I’d felt it first-hand.

I stood back as both the old ladies and the club girls offered the men comforting embraces and quiet words. Optimus broke away from Chelsea, and just like the first Old Lady she was, she began to make her rounds of the boys, patting their shoulders and checking to make sure each of them were all right.

“Doc is going to take his body and clean him up before we see him,” Op said as he leaned against the bar. “We’ll start making funeral arrangements tomorrow. Wrench is looking to see if there’s any family we can contact.”

“Slider always said he had no one. He’s been here since he was a teen, and he’s never mentioned any family.”

Slider didn’t like to talk about where he’d come from. I knew he’d had a hard life before he found the brotherhood, but in true Slider form, he always laughed it off.

“Apparently there’s a sister somewhere out there,” Optimus said, surprising me. “Wrench said a couple months back Slider went to him and asked if he could find her. But he just didn’t have enough to go on.”

“Shit,” I swore under my breath. “He knew he was sick and wanted to find her.”

Op nodded. “Seems that way.”

I looked up, seeing Judge enter through the doorway with Melanie at his side. She was the type of woman I wouldn’t want to fuck with. She held her head high and wasn’t intimidated by anyone, despite the fact that my brothers were glaring at her as she passed through.

I didn’t exactly blame her for what had happened, Simon had those men under his thumb, and they were scared for the people they loved, but they had been given more than one opportunity to look into what was going on and they had failed.

“Isiah got away,” Judge said, his features showing just how angry he really was.

“What the fuck?” Optimus snapped. “I thought you had the place surrounded? There shouldn’t have been any kind of escape.”

Melanie didn’t back away from his anger. Instead, she raised her chin a little higher. “There was an air pad with a helicopter not far from the barn site. By the time we realized they weren’t heading for a ground exit, Isiah’s man and two of the Shadow Syndicate members had bundled him into it and taken off.”

Optimus stood to full height, his body tense and angry. “You’re telling me… that this could have all been avoided. But because you wanted to catch Isiah we had to go along with this elaborate
bullshit
, causing me to lose one of my men, and risking one of my brother’s old ladies just for you to screw it up?”

The clubhouse grew silent.

Melanie didn’t answer.

Optimus stared her down, the tone of his voice dropping dramatically. “Get out of my clubhouse.”

I gave the woman props for not cowering.

“There will be an investigation,” she said, her voice firm. “There were Shadow Syndicate members killed today. That was meant to be avoided.”

I took a step forward, and Optimus held his arm out across my chest, holding me back. “It’s not our fault the little assholes got fucking scared.”

That was the problem with gangs like this. They took in so many members, mostly young teens who were just looking to be a part of something. They were young and stupid and when it came down to it, they were all out for themselves.

As soon as Simon started shooting, my brothers and I had taken him down. Unfortunately, he managed to get a few shots off before that, and his aim was perfect. I cringed.

The gunshots had scared some of the Syndicate members, and they’d started firing aimlessly in order to protect themselves. It was lucky that we didn’t lose more people due to their stupidity. They, on the other hand, lost three members when we retaliated.

“We’ll be in touch,” Melanie stated, ignoring my protests before turning on her heel and heading for the door.

Optimus waited until the woman was outside before he turned to Judge. “This going to be an issue?”

Judge shook his head. “You all had our weapons. Forensics will confirm that all the bullets that killed the three gang members were ours. There won’t be any blowback.”

Judge was smart. He planned for all outcomes.

“You get all the guns back?” I asked him.

He nodded. “We’ll be heading out now.”

I leaned back against the bar. “Where you going to go now the club no longer exists?”

“Unfortunately, I can’t share that information with you,” he answered, a smirk growing beneath his bushy beard.

Optimus laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re going back undercover?”

He chuckled. “I’ve lived most of my life undercover. Don’t have anyone to go home to, so I’m just going to move on to the next job.”

“What about Mom?” Blizzard asked, moving toward us with his arm around Rose’s shoulder.

Judge smiled. “She’ll get in touch when they’re settled.”

I could tell that Blizzard didn’t like being kept in the dark, but for his mom and sister’s safety, it was better that fewer people knew where they were. Word was going to get around about Satan’s Sanctuary, they weren’t completely out of the woods, but I just hoped the Bureau did a better job of protecting their own than they did of protecting Hadley.

“Hadwee!” The sweetness of her voice brought an instant smile to my face. My body ached, and I was still a little hazy due to the pain meds Doc had given me to help me sleep. But I forced myself to sit up anyway.

“Thought this might make you feel better.” Leo smiled.

Macy ran across the floor, but he managed to grab her around the waist before she launched herself onto the bed. She squirmed in his arms, making us both chuckle.

“Hadley is sore, remember. You have to be gentle,” Leo warned the little girl who instantly looked up at me, examining my body with her eyes. They focused in on the sling that cradled my arm.

“Hadwee sore?” she asked softly as Leo lowered her to the ground.

I nodded. “Just a little, sweet girl.”

I held in my laughter as she attempted to climb onto the bed without jostling it. She crept ever so slowly toward me, a strangely intense look on her face. Leo stood back and watched her curiously, his arms folded across his chest. She moved closer, almost into my lap, pushing her little head forward. My heart all but exploded when her gorgeous little lips pressed softly against my arm. She pulled back and then decided that it wasn’t quite enough, leaning forward and kissing it one last time before she gave a satisfied nod.

“Kiss betta,” she whispered.

Tears brimmed my eyes, and I forced a smile, the sweet little girl warming my heart. “Thank you,” I answered, my voice catching.

She grinned, a look flashing across her face as she rushed to pull up the sleeve of her shirt. She moved closer, holding her elbow out to me. “I got sore, too.”

“Oh,” I giggled. “You need me to kiss it better?”

She shook her head, pulling her sleeve back down. “Aunt Carwee did.”

“That’s great.”

I looked over at Leo, who seemed to be watching our interaction, completely mesmerized.

“You okay?” I asked him.

He shook his head, his eyes coming back into focus and he grinned. “Yeah, I’m fine. How you feeling?” he asked as he took a seat at the edge of the bed and pulled Macy into his lap.

I licked my lips. “I’m okay. Feel like all I’ve been doing is sleeping. I really should be helping out more.”

It had been two days.

Two days since I’d left this room.

Two days since I’d been able to sleep through the night without waking up screaming.

Two days since we’d lost Slider.

Two days since I’d officially become a widow.

Simon was also gone and strangely, I felt nothing.

Guilt settled around me. I wondered if I should feel something. I’d been married to him, and at some point, I had loved him with everything I had. But I think, in reality, the day he put his hand on me, and he walked out that door was the day he died in my mind and heart.

I had mourned then for the love that I’d lost. Now, I just felt numb to his death.

Slider on the other hand, had been a friend for such a short time, but my heart ached for his loss so much more. His vibrant personality, his addictive laughter. His presence had filled everyone around him with so much joy. He was so loved, so cherished and in my heart, I prayed that he knew that. He never deserved the hand he was dealt.

Guilt still swirled in my stomach, but the club had managed to keep me occupied, the girls visiting me regularly throughout the day, and Skylar making sure I was fed every few hours. Even the club girls had come and offered to help clean up or watch a movie with me.

It just showed how strong this family really was. When push came to shove, they all pulled together and did whatever they needed to do in order to help support each other.

Leo had chosen to keep Macy away for a few days until I’d had time to rest. She would be sleeping with Rose, Blizzard, and Jayla until my nightmares calmed a little.

Every night it was the same. The handcuffs were gone from my wrists. The whole thing played over in my head, Slider running with me through the open door, me falling to the ground and then turning around to see him bleeding. I rushed over to him as he lay on the ground, but suddenly, it wasn’t him any longer.

It was my dad.

He lay on the ground pleading with me to save him, but no matter what I did, the blood seemed to run faster from his body the harder I pressed on his wounds. The whole time I would reassure him he was going to be okay, trying to stem the flow as I screamed for Leo to help me. I knew in the back of my mind that the brothers were there, but no one ever came forward to help. I cried and sobbed as I watched the life slowly slip from him eyes. All over again.

I was having the dream multiple times a night.

I knew exactly what was going on but every single time I would be devastated, and distraught. Leo was great. He held me, cradling me against his chest as he whispered in my ear that everything was okay. But it wasn’t. Slider was gone, and my mind just would not let him go.

“And exactly what kinda help are you going to be cripple?” Leo teased.

“I could help with the funeral plans,” I told him quietly.

“Chelsea has it under control, Hadley.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Yeah, I just feel like I should be doing something.”

“Swing!” Macy beamed, clapping her hands.

Leo looked at me, raising his eyebrow. “You feel up to going out to the playground for a little bit?”

“God, yes.” I sighed, throwing the blankets off and shuffling to the side of the bed. My arm still ached, but I knew it was getting better. My wrists too. They were itchy and healing over. My body was healing, but my mind and heart were still raw.

Leo held my hand as we walked down the stairs, Macy rushing ahead of us, singing loudly. A few of Leo’s brothers offered me supportive smiles as we passed through the main room.

“Hey, beautiful.” Rose grinned as we stepped out onto the porch. She was sitting on a deck chair with sunglasses pulled on and a book in her hands. I squinted my sunlight deprived eyes, shading them with my hand until they adjusted.

“Hey,” I replied, returning her smile. “I’m so excited to have some fresh air.”

Rose laughed. “I was wondering when the cabin fever would begin.”

“I could feel it coming.”

“Hadwee! Watch me,” Macy called as she ran across the grass toward the playground. She stopped and jumped up and down on the spot waving her arms around before taking off running again toward the swings.

I noticed Harlyn and Jayla were already scaling the jungle gym and waved enthusiastically to Macy as she ran toward them. Ham sat off to the side and lifted his chin at me with a gentle smile, as I stepped onto the grass and sat at the edge of the decking to watch the girls play together. Their laughter soothed me, filling my body with joy.

Things were over with Simon, and it felt good to take the time to just bask in the simple things like Macy’s smile without wondering whether my presence in her life was putting her in danger.

I heard footsteps behind me and looked around to see Optimus and Chelsea walking out hand-in-hand.

“Hi Daddy,” Harlyn called as she pushed a giggling Macy on the swings. Optimus smiled, waving at his daughter.

Leo moved over toward Optimus as Chelsea broke away from him and crouched down next to Rose, discussing the book she was reading.

“How’d it go?” Leo asked Op.

Op sighed. “Wrench found her.”

Leo scratched at his beard. “Fuck. You get in touch with her?”

“Yeah.” Op nodded. “She was devastated.”

Intrigued by the conversation, I pushed to my feet and moved closer to them. I pulled on Leo’s hand, drawing his attention to me. “What’s going on?”

Leo looked to Optimus, who just shrugged.

Leo inhaled sharply through his nose. “Slider always talked about not having any family. But turns out he did have someone. A sister who he hadn’t seen since they were kids.”

My chest tightened. “Oh my God. How did you find her?”

“When he got sick he asked Wrench to do some digging, but he really didn’t have much to go on, and it was basically a dead end,” Leo explained. “After the shit storm that went down, we asked Judge if he would use the resources the FBI had, the same facial recognition that Simon had used to find us. We used the only picture Slider had of him and his sister, and they managed to draw up a sketch of what she would look like now.”

“And you found her,” I whispered quietly.

He nodded. “She’s living in Seattle, has a family of her own. And the funny thing is, she’s married to a member of an MC.”

“Wow, they both ended up in the life?” Rose asked, her and Chelsea now listening intently.

“Turns out they weren’t completely unknown to the lifestyle,” Optimus interrupted. “Slider’s mom was the daughter of a club president. He didn’t like the man she chose to be with, and she did a runner with her new man. When things turned bad, the kids were thrown into foster care and eventually split up.”

I took a step away from them, trying to process all this sudden information.

“What club is her husband in?” Chelsea asked.

“Royal Rebels MC,” Leo answered, watching me as I moved toward the open doors.

“He never got to say goodbye,” I said, a haze of guilt and anguish settling over me. “He wanted to find her because he knew things were bad and he needed to say goodbye.”

“Hadley…” Leo said, reaching out for me.

I shook my head, ducking inside the patio doors and heading for the stairs.

“Hadley!” Leo called after me, but I ignored him, taking the steps two at a time, not completely sure of what I was running from, but knowing that I couldn’t be there any longer.

Slider was gone because of me.

He could have had more time, months, maybe years.

Doctors were wrong all the time, right?

He could have met his sister again, his nieces or nephews, his blood, his family.

But instead, he was about to be buried.