Half Black Soul (16 page)

Yeesh. That was a lot of uncomfortable subject matter for me. Not only did I break the rules of civilized Searchers, I was half of an Accursed ; a Lamia. It seemed to me that this exercise was designed to help my classmates protect themselves against me. I looked down at my hands, and had to stick the top of my pen in mouth so I wouldn't start chewing my nails off like Alexa.

So this is what I want you to do, the teacher continued. Drop your walls as much as you possibly can.

The students in the classroom began mumbling and looking at each other uncomfortably, but I was absolutely sure that none of them were as horrified by the idea as I was. My toes scrunched up in my shoes and hotness crept up my back. Thirty Searchers in a closed room with me with all of their walls dropped? The only intelligible thought I could process was: Oh God.

I knew for a fact that none of the students had followed these instructions yet, and apparently, Ms. Baker had anticipated this. Now, I know that none of you are comfortable with letting your walls down in a room full of Searchers, she said. No crap, I thought. But, no one in this room, or anywhere, for that matter, has the ability to see all of your souls at once or dig too deeply without making physical contact. So, just relax, and try to gain control of your minds. All I want you to do is try to project the number that is written on your notecard, and try to seek out the person who has the same number as you. Let's move our desks into a circle so that we can all see each other. It may be easier that way.

Oh, yeah, easy like Sunday freaking morning.

Everyone was still mumbling and grumbling as we rearranged our desks into a wide circle around the edges of the classroom. I became nervous as heck, but on the plus side, the side I usually try to look at, this is pretty much what I'd wanted. I'd decided to practice my abilities anyway, so I may as well try and make the most of it. And, the teacher was right about one thing, no one in this room was strong enough to do anything other than skim the surface of the soul without making physical contact. No one except me, that is.

Now everyone just relax, she repeated. Try and open up your mind. Let it stretch out. Think only of your number, and of finding the number that is its match.

Around me, the protective walls of the souls of the students slowly started to lower. I felt like putting my thumb in my mouth and staring down at my shoes, but in this stupid circle, my discomfort would be so clearly evident to the others. So, I just let my eyes scan the room as naturally as possible, and concentrated on not hyperventilating.

As the walls lowered, the onslaught of feelings, desires, and secrets began.

If you are someone who doesn't like secrets, or who doesn't understand the sheer necessity of them, then just take my word for it that some of things that people hide and lie about are just as much for your own good as they are for theirs. Everyone who breathes and thinks has things floating around in their heads that no one else should be privy to, pasts and histories of ugly times, secrets and desires that they would never admit to, even under the most rigorous torture. When we are unlucky enough to gain this kind of information, whether we were seeking it or not, and whether it was offered freely or came to light on its own accord, it is usually heartbreaking, and alters our view of that person forever. It is a blessing that these things usually come to light in small doses. And, that is the reason my forehead was beginning to sweat and my heart was racing like a prize horse at the moment. With thirty souls sitting around me, purposely dropping their guard with the trust that no one could invade the most intimate dealings of their minds, I was understandably overwhelmed. Actually, overwhelmed isn't a strong enough term to define it. I was overcome with the secrets of their souls.

And, that underlying, unexplained fear that seemed to grip all of them without reason. It was so thick that I felt like I could taste it in my throat.

Numbers, the teacher said, breaking into my paralyzed state. Concentrate on the numbers.

Sure, concentrate on the numbers when the girl two seats down from me was worried that she may be pregnant. Concentrate on numbers when the boy across the room had disgustingly vivid memories of times when he'd acted on his fetish for sexual animal encounters. The boy next to him was obsessed with our teacher, a pretty young redhead with large breasts, and had the most disturbing fantasies about what he would do to her if she were ever willing. The girl three seats from him had contemplated suicide on many occasions, and attempted it once when she had been only eight years old. The small, skinny boy next to her was currently receiving beatings from a wolf-born student named Bull, who stole his school allowance and ripped up his text books. The girl next to him had been emotionally abused by her father from a very young age, and her soul was a pool of damage. And, on and on and on they went.

Well, if there was ever a time to practice , now was it. Being able to keep out of the souls was just as important as being able to penetrate them. So, before I started screaming my head off and pointing fingers, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly, reluctantly, the muscle that is my mind began to release its hold, and retract back into the safety of my own troubled being.

I ran my sleeve over my forehead, but the damage from the information I'd gained was done. I would never be able to look at some of my classmates the same again. But, this had happened to me before, and I was okay with dealing with it by now. Numbers, now I could try and concentrate on numbers.

It didn't take any concentration at all. The pretty girl with the glasses and blond streaks in her short, black hair, sitting at a diagonal to my left, had the same number as me. I pushed in a little further then, seeing if I could pull out one other thing without getting a bunch of unwanted mess. I succeeded. Her name was Bethany.

Another ten minutes went by before the teacher spoke again. Has anyone been able to find their match? she asked.

Uh, yeah, but I knew for a fact that none of the other students had. Three of their hands rose into the air nonetheless.

The boy with the animal fetish pointed at the boy three seats to my right. 46? he asked. The other boy shook his head. The girl next to him said, I have 46.

Ms. Baker clasped her hands together, pleased with this outcome. Very good, she said. You were very close.

More students joined in, and every one of them was two or three seats off from their matching number. When no one else volunteered, Ms. Baker began to go around room. My body grew tense once more. Wrong guess after wrong guess grew closer and closer to me with every moment.

Nelliana, Ms. Baker said. Do you want to give it a shot?

I was so nervous that my stupid mouth spat out the first thing that came to mind. Bethany, I said, and then clenched my teeth together so as not to cringe visibly.

Crap. I was an idiot. Why didn't I just point at the girl next to Bethany? Too late now. I cleared my throat. I think Bethany has my number, I said quietly. 32?

All the eyes in the room fell on the Bethany, who nodded her head once. I bit down on my tongue this time to stop the cringe.

Everyone was quiet for several long seconds. Then, the teacher clapped. Well done, Nelliana. Well done, she said, beaming at me for proving her exercise was working.

I smiled back at her, and noticed that the other students were looking at me like I was the new teacher's pet. My smile fell a little, and I mumbled, Thanks.

After that nightmare ended, the next thing Ms. Baker had us do was pair up with our matching number holder. We all broke off into our assigned pairs and waited for further instructions. I was more than relieved to have the attention on someone other than me.

Alright, you can put your walls back in place, Ms. Baker told us. I knew this was an unnecessary instruction; everyone already had their walls back up. Now, face your partner and take hold of each other's hands.

I turned to Bethany, who was understandably a little hesitant to touch me after my stupid display a few moments ago. Don't worry, I said. It was just luck. I guessed between you and the people who were seated next to you.

She didn't seem fooled, but reached out and took my hands nonetheless. I studied her face while we waited for further instructions. Despite her interesting choice for a hair style, she was pretty; with light brown eyes, high cheekbones, and a sweet smile. For whatever reason, my observation of her appearance struck me as important somehow. But, now my head was pounding because of the exertion and the lack of food. I decided to think about it later.

Ms. Baker cut into my thoughts. Now I want you each to think of your own number. Any number you wish, and put your walls up as strong as you can manage. Then, while trying to block your partner out, try to pull the number out of his or her head as well.

Okay, this wouldn't be so bad, but I should definitely play it safe. In front of me, Bethany raised her eyebrows. Ready? she asked.

Sure.

I stared into her eyes and took deep breaths. I was going to play this safe, but that didn't mean that I couldn't begin my practicing. Bethany was a Searcher, so it would be good to attempt to pull the number she was thinking of out of her head without her feeling it. Then, I could just lie and say I couldn't do it.

It was pretty easy, as this is one of the things I've actually worked on developing in the past. Being able to Search people without alerting them has always come in handy. So, only a few seconds had gone by before I snuck around her walls, rather than charging through them, and stole the number from her head. She was a clever girl; the number she was thinking of was three and a half.

I could feel her poking at my walls as well, and while she wasn't a weak Searcher, her strength was nowhere near that of the Queen s. In comparison, the Queen's attack had been like getting hit by a professional football player, whereas Bethany's felt more like a shove from a disgruntled toddler.

Got it yet? she asked me.

I shook my head. Nope. I can't get past your walls.

A look crossed Bethany's face that gave me the impression that she didn't quite believe me. I mended my answer. Is it three? I asked.

Very close, she replied. I can't get yours either. It's like your walls are made of steel or something.

Her face scrunched up, and I didn't have to wonder what she was thinking. Heck, I didn't really ever have to wonder what anyone was thinking, but Bethany was the type of girl whose thoughts seemed to always be written on her face. She was trying to remember if she had ever felt walls that were so unyielding. I decided it would be best to just let her in enough so that she could get my number, and then, of course, escort her back out.

Huh, she said, eyebrows drawing together. Seven? she asked. I smiled and nodded. Her next words made my heart leap into my throat. She leaned forward. You let me in, she whispered, and her tone allowed for no denial.

I swallowed hard. Then, I nodded. I just came to Two Rivers about a month ago. I've lived in the unprotected world of the humans for my entire life. Out there, Searchers don't follow the rules we follow here & so I've built up some pretty effective walls, I whispered.

No shit, she mumbled. She leaned in a little more, and I had to swallow again so that I wouldn't pull back. Do you think you could help me with mine? she asked. I mean, if you wanted to practice together, I could use the help.

I don't like telling people no. I never have. It makes me uncomfortable, unlike Alexa, who has no trouble denying someone something if she wants to. But, there was no way I could agree to something like this if I didn't know for sure that she wasn't suspicious of me or had some sort of hidden agenda. Our hands were still touching, so I decided to go ahead and Search her before I answered. It would only take a second.

I learned many things about Bethany as I stole through her mind like a masked bandit at midnight. Well, actually, I learned everything about her in the two seconds it took me to Search her soul. Only a couple things were of importance, however.

First, she wasn't so much suspicious of me as she was impressed. Second, she was related to the Queen.

Nelly

I sat back in my seat and ran my tongue over my dry lips. I have a lot of work I have to catch up on in my other classes, I told Bethany.

Her face fell a little. I knew from the Search that she really was only interested in practicing her abilities, and that the Queen and her weren't very close. Bethany was the Queen's niece, and while she recognized her as such, the Queen didn't pay too much attention to Bethany. This was something that bothered her. She looked up to her aunt and wanted to become a stronger Searcher to impress her. I felt horrible about my refusal.

Okay, well, maybe after you catch up with your work then? Bethany asked.

I smiled. This was a good solution. It made for an indefinite time frame. Sure, I said. That would be cool.

Her face lit up and my heart sank. It seemed like there was always something in my life that I had to hide or lie about. Up until a month ago, it had been Alexa that I had to keep secrets from, and yes, lie to. I'd let my Mother convince me that it was the right thing to do, because I knew that she only wanted what was best for us. The knowledge of my nature couldn't have been avoided because I require blood to stay alive, but while Alexa can drink it, it is not a necessity for her, so we'd kept her in the dark. Now, I seriously questioned that decision to keep things from her. In fact, I felt that we'd been just plain wrong to do so. And, I was beginning to believe that lies of that magnitude always backfired. I was lucky that Alexa was so loyal that she just forgave me for my deceit, but that didn't change the fact that she'd been thrust into a world she was nowhere near prepared for. And, she'd left. To be fair, I'd been unprepared for this world as well, but instead of lying to Alexa, now, it seemed like I was lying to everyone all the time, and agreeing to things that I had no intention to do. All because it was so necessary. The only question was when all of this lying would backfire.