Half Black Soul (13 page)

Around my feet the black blood of the Lamias and my own red blood ran down the drain. I kept waiting for the water to turn clear again, but all of twenty minutes went by before the last swirls of black and red disappeared through the holes of the grate. The hot water felt more like a hot poker on some spots on my body. The deep gash on my thigh was the worst, but I'd sustained several other cuts and scrapes as well, and each one of them burned like hell. Eventually, I sat down in the stall and tucked my knees against my chest. I rested my head against the red skin on my knees and let my hair fall over my face. In my head I placed one thought on a loop and repeated it over and over: good needs its warriors too, good needs its warriors too, good needs its warriors too & Intervening on its own accord was one other, but it was more a name and a word, rather than a thought: Stuart Billings. Victim.

I sat there like that for a long time, well over an hour, with my skin turning bright red all over from the hot water and pruning up like a raisin. My monster kept silent, and for this I was grateful. My own thoughts were disturbing enough. I'd started this day on a mission to save the life of someone I love, and somehow, I'd ended up a murderer. Not a seventeen-year-old girl with the inclinations of akiller, but a full-fledged murderer. The word brought a horrible, irony taste to my mouth. But not a single tear fell from my eyes.

When I heard the door to the bathroom click open I flinched, but stayed in my current position. Kayden probably thought I'd died or something. I'd been in here for way too long. I'm fine, I said quietly, and the sound of my own voice seemed somehow weak and wrong.

I expected Kayden to leave me then. I certainly wanted him too. Somehow, being curled up into a ball on the floor of a hotel shower stall with my body bruised and battered and my hair hanging in chucks over my face didn't seem like the ideal way for Kayden to see me. It wasn't a state I wanted anyone to see me in. Ever.

So when the curtain of the shower cracked open a few inches, and Kayden's hand reached in and turned off the faucet, my body began to shake and shiver uncontrollably. It wasn't so much the fact that I was so completely naked with Kayden in the room that bothered me. It was the fact that someone was in the room with me and I was so completely Broken. Not even Nelly had ever seen me like this. I had never been like this.

He didn't look in at me at all, for which I was quite grateful. In fact, all I could see of him was his hand, which retreated from my side of the curtain after shutting off the shower faucet and returned holding a white towel. For a few moments I ignored it, and I may have continued ignoring it if the flat voice of my unwelcome friend hadn't spoken up in my head.

Get the hell up, girl. Snap out of it.

My silent response was a snarled, Shut the fuck up.

We'll not be acting like this. You're curled up on the floor of a hotel bathroom, for God's sake. I'll shut the fuck up as soon as you get the fuck up.

I reached out and snatched the towel out of Kayden's hand. A few seconds later the door to the bathroom opened and closed again. I poked my head out to make sure that he had left and dried off with the towel. My skin was raw and red and my muscles and joints ached so badly that I got lightheaded and had to brace myself with my arm against the wall to keep steady. A low growl of pain escaped my throat, and I cursed myself for sitting in the scalding water for that long. I hated feeling weak. In my head, my monster gave a small chuckle. I rolled my eyes and stepped out of the shower stall, wrapping the towel around me. I was relieved when I saw that the mirror over the sink was completely fogged up. I looked over at the door, clutching the sink now for support. I didn't want to go out there and let Kayden see how weak I was. He'd seen enough.

Bite down on the pain, then. It's the second thing a Warrior does best.

Annoying, but probably true. I took a deep breath and rolled my neck around a few times. It cracked on both sides and my head cleared a little. I rolled my shoulders and flexed my back. Working my way down to my ankles, I stretched and flexed, and felt the strength slowly returning to my muscles. My head was still light, but I could stand on my own two feet. The pain of the cuts and bruising was very much present, and my rib was aching like a sonofabitch, but when I clenched my jaw tightly the nausea induced by the hurt became bearable. Another deep breath, and I opened the door.

Kayden stood right outside of it, blocking my exit from the bathroom, and I had to stop short so as not to run face first into his wide chest. I waited for him to move, feeling very much a coward because I didn't want to meet his eyes. But, Kayden didn't move. And I heard my monster mumble yellowbelly when I considered trying to just shove past him rather than looking up at his face. I took one more deep breath, and looked up.

I can't describe the look in his eyes. I'm pretty sure that the adjectives to do so do not exist. But, I can describe what I felt when my slowly ascending gaze finally settled on his golden one, and I only need one word to do it with; safe.

For the first time since I'd begun my strange relationship with Kayden, my Libra, I understood what it was all about. He may never love me romantically, but what he did feel for me was infinitely deeper than that. More essential. I was built for wear and tear; strong and hard and powerful, but those positives carried with them a very negative side-effect, and Kayden was built to help me control that. By blood and being, we were designed to help, protect, understand, and keep each other. I would be a fool to deny myself a relationship like that, whether or not it pained me to be near him without touching him, and whether or not it meant that I would never be able to call him mine in an intimate way. His soul already belonged to me, and mine to him. We needed each other. I needed him.

So, instead of shoving him out of the way, I took a tiny step forward. I placed both of my slightly trembling palms flat against his chest and rested my head in between them. My ear must have been positioned right over his heart, because the steady thud thud was so clearly audible to me. I listened to the rhythm of its beats, and could feel my own heart rate adjust to mimic his. His strong arms wrapped around me and held me tight, sending warm chills up my back. His prickly cheek rested atop my head. My eyes closed and trouble slowly released its hold on my mind. My Libra's presence was forcing it all away.

We stood like that for a while, and my body became as relaxed as jelly in his embrace. I didn't open my eyes or make any other movements at all. I just listened to the sound of his breathing, stole the warmth from his arms, and accepted the mending of my mind. Fear of a broken heart was nothing compared to the fear I'd felt all day after nearly losing myself over the edge of insanity. A possible broken heart was worth settled soul.

Kayden scooped me up and carried me over to the bed. He set me down so that I was seated upright and retrieved the oversized t-shirt I'd pulled out earlier and must have dropped on the floor in my hasty retreat to the bathroom. I clutched the towel to my chest as he sat down next to me, dipping the mattress with his weight. Kayden pulled the shirt over my head and it fell loosely down to my waist. Finally concealed, I released my hold on the towel and stuck my arms through the sleeves. Kayden tossed me my backpack and sweatpants and turned his head while I pulled on some underwear and the warm pants, but stayed seated next to me on the bed.

When he grabbed my hairbrush from the nightstand I expected him to hand it to me. Instead, he lifted me up as though I weighted nothing at all, and repositioned my body so that my back was facing him. I made no protest or comment. He started at the tips of my hair, gently working his way up with the brush. My hair is fine and thick and long, so I'd bet my Gladius that it had some nasty tangles at the moment. But Kayden worked patiently, and the knots came out free of pain. Soon my hair was smooth and presentable again.

My eyelids had fallen well past half-mast. I'm not someone who likes to be touched by others. But, this was Kayden, and that has never applied to him. Also, no woman on earth is immune to the incredible feeling of gentle fingers running through her hair, and I had to swallow hard a few times to keep myself from purring like a pleased kitten.

I was very close to slipping into sleep when I felt the brush leave my hair. I almost groaned at the loss of his touch. But, then his fingers brushed my shoulder, and chills ran over my skin as if an icy wind had just cut through the room. Except, I wasn't in the least bit cold at the moment. The t-shirt I had on was large, and my body is small by anyone's standards, so the collar was loose and wide around my neck. Kayden's rough fingers pulled the collar of it to the side so that my right shoulder was revealed. I swallowed hard once more.

I looked down at my right shoulder. Kayden was studying it also, so closely that I could feel his warm breath against the exposed skin. The silver vine of my tattoo had indeed extended up and over my shoulder and ended at the top of my shoulder blade, where another lily had made its home. I was sure that three more had bloomed on my upper arm, and I still didn't care to look.

I looked down at my hands, pulling my eyes away from the silver reminders. Apparently, Kayden had no such inclination, because he continued to stare at my shoulder for so long that my eyelids began to droop again. But, when I felt the hair of his short beard brush against my skin, my eyes flew open once more. He lingered there for a moment, and then, ever so gently, he placed a sweet kiss on the lily that had crept its way over to the top of my back. I clenched both my fists and my teeth as tightly as possible, but it did no good in keeping the obvious shiver from running through my body.

Still, neither of us spoke. There seemed to be absolutely no need for words. Kayden repositioned me again so that my back rested against the headboard, and pulled my legs out onto his lap. My rib complained with every shift, but I really was good at biting down on pain , and I didn't so much as flinch.

Kayden pushed my left pant leg up slowly and carefully, until the large gash on my thigh was completely visible. The flow of blood had slowed down considerably, and probably would have been clotted well enough by now if I hadn't sat in the shower so long. The cut ran from the top of my knee to mid-thigh, and it was incredibly gross looking.

Kayden spoke softly. It'll leave a scar, he told me.

I just shrugged. I know that most people don't like getting scars, but to me, it really couldn't matter less. It's not like I would ever be walking down a runway or red carpet, and I'd accepted them as a part of my life when I was a child. I considered scars reminders, so they served a purpose.

Kayden smiled a little at my indifference. He examined the rest of my damages as well, taking inventory of all my injuries. When he accidently bumped against my rib while checking out one of the bite marks on my upper arm, I sucked my breath in sharply. Kayden's golden eyes studied my face, and then, as if he could sense the source of the pain, he reached out and placed a hand against my stomach. He applied a little pressure, and I hissed again and grabbed his hand.

Is it broken? he asked.

I shrugged. I'll be okay.

He nodded. I know you will be, because you're going to drink from me.

I raised an eyebrow, feeling like my old self again for the first time all day. Um, no thanks, I said.

I wasn't really asking, he told me.

I gave a short laugh. I'm not sure how it is that you haven't noticed, but I'm not very good at taking orders.

Oh, I've noticed.

I crossed my arms and had to bite down on my tongue when my rib complained again. Kayden laughed at my behavior. Alright, let's try reason, he said, Tonight you were attacked by eight Lamias. Tomorrow you plan to storm into a prison ruled by a King who'd love to see you dead. And, because some old woman told you so, if we make it out of Dangeon alive, you plan to what? Oh yeah, build an army and take on the King's Warriors. So I would say that it would be stupid for you to be stubborn and refuse to heal yourself, especially with the way this trip has gone so far.

I narrowed my eyes. Fine, I said.

Kayden picked me up again and placed me on his lap. I had to concentrate so as not so shiver at his touch. I'd become instantly nervous. I hadn't refused because I didn't want to be healed. I'd refused because drinking from him was so intimate. If truth be told, I very much wanted to taste his blood again, as gross as that sounds. I think my biggest issue was that Kayden was the type of man that no woman, no matter how beautiful, can ever imagine truly touching. He was the kind that you always admire from afar, and sometimes, you found it hard to believe that anyone ever got to touch his perfection. The kind of man we all are only ever allowed to dream about.

He tilted his head to the side, but I didn't move in. I was scared as hell. Kayden noticed my hesitation and reached his hand behind my neck, pulling me to him. His proximity overwhelmed me. Even though he still had the smells of the fight lingering on him, his scent was still very appealing. The skin on his strong neck was smooth and inviting, and my fangs pushed through my gums just looking at it.

Drink, Warrior, he told me, and I did.

It was just as wonderful as it had been the last time. My teeth sank through his skin easily, and his warm, sweet blood flooded into my mouth. My arms encircled him on their own accord, and his wrapped around me as well. A low growl escaped my throat when his embrace tightened and aggravated my rib, but the pain wasn't of the least concern to me, and he didn't loosen his hold. I drank and drank and drank, and by the time I brought my head up, forcibly tearing myself away from him, I was floating on cloud nine.