Half Life (8 page)

“
Thomas, go towards the light,
”
I hear Marguerita call faintly, the click clack of the rattle barely audible. 

What is she doing to me?  It feels like she
’
s destroying my very soul.  There is no light.  I see nothing but blackness and desolation.  Dear God please save me.

In response to my prayer I hear another sound, a very angry one that drowns out Marguerita
’
s chanting.  It
’
s Kate.  Struggling to see through the pall of blackness I can just about make out Kate shouting and gesturing at Marguerita, who ignores her and continues to chant, eyes screwed tightly shut.  Kate snatches the rattle from her hand and hits her over the head with it.  This has the desired effect and finally Marguerita shuts up.  The blackness does not engulf me but neither does it ebb away and all I can do is watch while Kate shoos them both out of the house, a tigress seeing off two startled rabbits.  If this is to be the last of me then so be it.  At least I am blessed to see Kate at her most magnificent self.

Then she is kneeling beside me and clutches my hand.

“
Tom, can you hear me?  Are you alright?
”
 

Unfortunately I can
’
t speak but the worry in her eyes heartens me.  Perhaps she can forgive me for what I did earlier.

“
Here, take my energy,
”
she says.

I feel the warmth flow from her into me, banishing some of the cold but it
’
s not enough.  I
’
m still lost in blackness.

“
Oh please Tom try,
”
she begs.

Releasing me she runs around the room turning on all the appliances and lights.  Then she lies beside me and wraps herself around me, which is difficult as I am so insubstantial.  She hugs me tightly and her energy engulfs me, the strength returning to my limbs, light replacing the dark, warmth and life banishing the cold and that terrifying nothingness.  As I grow stronger she weakens and her eyes become heavy so I pull away from her slightly and concentrate on the electricity in the house instead.  Now she is unable to move I hold her in my arms and we remain locked together on the thick soft rug.

“
I didn
’
t ask them to come here
…
I didn
’
t,
”
she says weakly.

“
I know.  You saved me, thank you,
”
I say, brushing her forehead with my lips. 
“
And I
’
m sorry for what I said earlier.  I didn
’
t mean it, I was stupid and jealous.
”

“
I
’
m sorry too,
”
she breathes before drifting off to sleep.

I pick her up and carry her to the couch.  Once she is settled I turn off all the appliances and sit beside her while she sleeps, attempting to come to terms with what almost happened.  The memory of that frightening void will remain with me forever, of that I am quite certain.

Kate wakes a couple of hours later and when she gives me that sweet smile I know all is forgiven and forgotten.

“
How do you feel?
”
I say.

“
Never mind about me, what about you?
”
she says, sitting up and taking my face in her hands. 
“
Thank God you feel solid again.  When I came in you were hardly visible, it was so frightening.  What did that horrible woman do to you?
”

“
I don
’
t know but it felt like she was obliterating my soul.
”

She shivers. 
“
The stupid cow, she doesn
’
t have a clue what she
’
s doing.
”

“
People have tried to exorcise me before but its never had any effect.  They always spoke in Latin.  I didn
’
t recognise the language she used.
”

“
It was an African dialect.  I couldn
’
t tell you what she was saying but I
’
ve spent enough time in that country to recognise it.
”
  She looks angry again. 
“
Who knows what damage she could cause and what she
’
s already done.  How many innocent souls has she destroyed?  She must be stopped and I
’
m going to do it.
”

“
I
’
ve no doubt you will.  Kate I
’
m sorry I hurt you, I could see it in your eyes.
”

“
It
’
s alright.  After what
’
s happened it seems so silly now.
”

“
I
’
m very relieved.
”

“
I don
’
t want you to go either.  I love you Tom.
”

Once again this remarkable woman has amazed me.  No one has ever said those words to me before, not even my parents. 

I grasp her hands ardently. 
“
I love you too.
”

As I utter this much longed for phrase the most curious sensation steals over me.  It is as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel lighter.  I feel free.  Sensing something behind me I turn and look to see a strange light glowing in the doorway leading into the kitchen.

“
What
’
s that?
”
says Kate.

“
I think it
’
s the light.
”

“
You mean, it
’
s time for you to leave?
”

“
It would seem so,
”
I reply. 

I look back at Kate, her eyes wide with sadness, pure sadness.  I had thought when or if this time ever came I would leap into the light, eager to escape this half life.  Now the moment has arrived I find I am reluctant to leave.

“
Why has it come now?
”
she says.

“
I believe I needed to find love.
”
  I sound like some bad fairytale character. 
“
Now I have it seems I must give it up.
”

“
You should go,
”
she says softly.

“
Do you want me to?
”

“
It doesn
’
t matter what I want.
”

“
Kate, do you want me to go?
”

“
No because I
’
m selfish but I don
’
t want you to be trapped here forever either.  You may never get another chance like this,
”
she tells me bravely, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“
I don
’
t want to leave you.
”

“
I
’
ll be alright.
”

I take her face in my hands. 
“
I can
’
t leave you.
”

“
You must if you are to find any peace.
”

Torn, I look back over my shoulder at the swirling vortex.  It truly is beautiful, tempting me in, calling to me.  I close my eyes and whisper in my head
please not yet, just a little longer.

I feel rather than hear or see the acknowledgement of my request.  When I open my eyes, its gone.

“
What happened?
”
says Kate.

“
I
’
ve been granted more time here.
”

“
How much?
”

“
Just a little.  It will come back.
”

She clings to me tightly, burying her face in my shoulder.  I hold her close, drinking in the scent of her hair, determined to make the most of every precious moment with her.  It could be seconds or it could be days, I have no idea.

“
We missed our show,
”
I say, after we
’
ve remained this way for several minutes in silence.

“
It
’
s repeated in the morning.
”

“
Good.
”

“
Want to get your own back on Marguerita bloody Swirls?
”

“
Oh yes.
”

She sits up and pulls what she has told me is called her laptop towards her.  The little screen flickers into life, which never fails to amaze me.

“
I
’
m going to find out every last detail about her life,
”
says Kate, typing furiously. 
“
I
’
m going to lift up every stone, dig out every last bit of dirt I can on her and then tell the world.
”

“
You don
’
t know what you could be opening up.  Everyone has their secrets.
”

Her eyes turn steely again. 
“
She
’
s going to pay for what she did to you.
”

I take her hand and kiss it. 
“
Alright.  But wont that mean you going away?
”
I say, not wanting her to leave me.

“
No.  It
’
s amazing what you can find with a computer and a few well placed phone calls.
”

She types furiously, looking up information then jotting it down on a notepad.  After speaking furiously into the phone for several minutes she hangs up, looking rather satisfied.

“
The wheels are in motion.  Now we just have to wait.
”
  She glances at her watch and rubs her eyes. 
“
It
’
s late and I
’
m tired.  Will you come to bed with me and stay with me the whole night, please?
”
 

This is something we haven
’
t tried yet.  I see her to bed every night but I don
’
t stay because I
’
m frightened of what the physical intimacy between us will lead to.  Blasphemy.  We cannot consummate our relationship like a normal living couple and it is torture.

But how could I ever resist those big beautiful eyes. 
“
Of course I will.
”

She looks pleased and we walk up to the master bedroom hand in hand.  As I know my time here is short I
’
m reluctant to let her out of my sight, even for a moment.  I wait anxiously until she emerges from the bathroom, a vision in a short white nightgown, her hair loose and brushed out, skin creamy in the dim light.  We climb into bed and she nestles into me.  We lay together quietly and I run my fingers lightly up and down her back.  We kiss gently and soon our passion is roused, leading to the act that I long for more than anything but fear will damn us both.

“
Wait, stop,
”
I say, sitting up.

“
What is it?
”
she says, sitting up with me.  The sight of her with bared thighs, hair tousled and breathing hard does nothing to cool my ardour.

“
I want to make love to you, to prove the truth of my words with action but I can
’
t do it, it would be a sin, a mockery of the Holy Spirit.
”

“
I understand,
”
she says quietly. 
“
We can kiss, that is enough.
”

Slowly I remove her nightgown and my eyes stand out on stalks.  I
’
d thought Clara had been beautiful but Kate puts her in the shade.  She
’
s all smooth caramel skin and curves.

“
If I had any breath to take away you would have stolen it,
”
I say, awed.