[Half/Time 01] Half Upon a Time (2 page)

“But you were attacking
me
!” Jack protested. “If I had saved her, I would have died. And then what good would I have been to either of us?”

“And what good were you now?” Julia asked as the man in brown, Jack’s teacher Stewart, quietly walked over to untie the still complaining princess.

“It’s all useless anyway,” Jack said, his face burning from his failure. “We all know there are no unmarried princesses left. Even if there were, I don’t want to marry
anyone
, let alone some stuck-up royal. I’m just fine where I am!”

Jack turned to leave, but Julia grabbed his arm. “This is important, Jack. You’re the son of a … well, a …”

“A criminal?” Jack said, his eyes narrowing.

“And I don’t want you to follow his lead,” Julia said. “This is for your own good! Being a hero, rescuing a princess, killing a dragon … these could really turn your life around! At least, if you survive long enough.” She glared at him. “You’re the only one in your entire class to fail the princess rescue test. Just go home, Jack. We’ll talk about this later.”

Jack sighed, and turned to leave. “I don’t care how the world works,” he said over his shoulder. “All this? It isn’t me.”

“And it never will be at this rate,” Julia said, helping Stewart to yank the ropes off the fake princess.

“Thanks for nothing, Jack!” the “princess” yelled at him, his wig and tiara falling off as he sat up.

“That’s a pretty dress, Bertrand,” Jack said as he left. “Your mother must be so proud.”

The walk back through the cave was a bit more peaceful this time, though that wouldn’t last long. His grandfather would be waiting, and Jack’s test results weren’t going to go over too well.

Outside, the brightly setting sun blinded him for a moment. He raised a hand up to block it, as the green trees of summer weren’t helping too much in that regard. He realized that it wouldn’t be much longer before the trees picked themselves up and migrated to the warmer south, leaving their dead, leafless brothers behind.

Lucky trees.

Between those trees, an old man tapped his foot impatiently. Jack’s grandfather was covered in three or four layers of different-colored clothing, while his long white beard poked out from his shirt in several places. None of that was out of the ordinary, though. The tiny, golden girl sitting on his grandfather’s shoulder, however, was a bit unusual. The girl’s wings shimmered in the sunlight as she flapped them absently.

“Hi, Grandpa,” Jack said, hoping a smile would help hide his failure. “New friend?”

His grandfather snorted, then gently offered his palm to the
fairy on his shoulder. The creature daintily stepped into it, smiling shyly up at Jack as his grandfather walked over. “Just caught that bully Robert hunting some of these things,” the old man said. “The other three flew off when I rescued them, but this one seems to have a thing for me.”

Before he could even finish speaking, though, the fairy jumped out of his hand and flew over to Jack. She landed on his head, settled herself into his hair, and let out a contented sigh.

“Or not,” his grandfather said with a grunt. “How did the test go?”

Jack took in a deep breath, then blew it out without a word.

“Right,” said his grandfather, nodding. “Can’t say I’m surprised. What was the problem this time?”

Jack turned red. “I kinda let the princess die.”

His grandfather groaned. “You
do
realize that’s not a good thing, right?” the old man asked.

“So I’m told,” Jack said.

His grandfather patted him on the shoulder. “You’ll save her next time. Until then, you’ll practice every minute that you’re not working in the fields.”

And there it was, pretty much the worst punishment his grandfather could have laid down. The last thing Jack wanted
to do was practice more princess rescuing. The whole thing was just so
useless
!

“It’s not useless,” his grandfather said, apparently reading his mind. “You think I’m going to let my only grandson stay a farmer for the rest of his life? That’s a job for kids too young or adults too old to go out on a proper adventure. Now, let’s get back to the cottage. There’s a chill in the air.”

“You realize it’s the middle of summer, right?” Jack asked as they started home. “I’m pretty sure any chill is just in your head.”

That earned Jack a whack on the head from his grandfather’s cane. “I fought an ice giant, you little idiot!” the old man snapped. “The monster froze my bones to their very core, and they’ve never properly healed! Usually it’s worse when I’m around the truly stupid.” He gave Jack a dark look. “You see where I’m going with this.”

“I’ll start a fire when we get home,” Jack said with a sigh. On top of his head, the fairy made herself a little nest, tugging some of his hair in the process. Unlike this one, most fairies were shy, scared of humans for a good reason: Their wings sold pretty well to wizards and witches for their magic. The practice was horribly cruel, but that didn’t stop some of the village boys from hunting the little fairies.

“A fire’s a start,” the old man said. “And then tomorrow we’ll go over my adventuring lessons again.”

Jack gritted his teeth. “Grandpa, I’m
not
going to waste my time anymore!” he shouted. “I’m not you … and I’m
definitely
not my father. What’s the point, anyway? There aren’t any unmarried princesses left!”

“And how would
you
know?!” his grandfather shouted back. “You’re not even looking! If you go looking for adventure,
it
will find
you
! At least, it would if you had the brains nature gave your little fairy friend—the one who’s scratching her head with her foot, I might add.”

“If adventure’s going to find me,” Jack growled angrily, “it can find me right
here
. If you’re right, it shouldn’t matter where I am. I should be able to just stick out my arms and have a princess fall right into them!”

He stuck out his arms to highlight how stupid his grandfather’s argument was.

Above him, a circle of blue fire exploded open in the middle of the air. Out of the middle of the flaming circle, a person fell to the ground less than a foot from Jack’s outstretched arms.

For a second, both Jack and his grandfather were too shocked to say anything.

As usual, though, his grandfather recovered first.

“You really have to work on your aim, boy,” the old man said.

Jack quickly ran forward to see if the person—a girl—was hurt. She was lying on her stomach, so Jack quickly turned her over, sighing in relief when he saw she was still breathing. He looked her over, trying to figure out if she’d broken anything, but she seemed okay … that was, other than her odd appearance.

The strangest thing had to be the streak of startling blue playing through the girl’s dirty blond hair. That couldn’t have been natural; some sort of magic had to have been involved. Not that her clothing was normal, either. Her pants were dark blue, worn through in some places but almost new in others. Her black shirt was a much thinner material than her pants and barely had any sleeves. And then Jack saw something that made him gasp in surprise.

“What?” his grandfather asked, creeping up behind Jack to look. “Is it dead?”

The old man noticed what Jack had seen, and he leapt into the air, almost giddy with excitement. “Jack, my boy!” he shouted. “You’ve done it, you’ve found one!”

Jack shook his head, still staring at the girl. She couldn’t be … could she? He read the words on her shirt again, out loud this time. “Punk … Princess.”

This girl was a princess? And where exactly was Punk?

“Think she’s all right?” Jack’s grandfather asked, tapping her leg with his foot.

“Don’t
kick
her!” Jack whispered. “She’s a princess!”

The old man kicked her again. “That doesn’t mean she’s all right.”

“Just let me handle this, okay?” Jack said as he bent over the girl protectively. His grandfather grunted and wandered off in the direction of their cottage, hopefully to get a blanket or something. Meanwhile, the girl hadn’t woken up, which wasn’t a good sign. The short fall from the fire circle in the sky shouldn’t have been enough to knock her out, so it must have been something else.

A spell, maybe? Jack frowned. If it was a magical sleep, there
was a very specific way to wake up a princess. Jack crinkled his forehead, struggling to remember his lessons from school. She had to be kissed, yes … but did the kisser have to be a prince? Why were there so many rules to these stupid spells, anyway?!

This had been the sort of thing he ignored on general principle. How often did someone just trip over a sleeping princess, after all? Jack had been much more interested in learning why bees stung or what part of the month were-rabbits transformed into humans, rather than how to deal with spoiled royals who couldn’t get out of bed.

“Do you have to be a prince to wake a sleeping princess?” Jack whispered to his returning grandfather, who instead of bringing back something useful had dragged out a chair to sit on.

“Who knows?” the old man said. “Smooch her, see what happens.”

Jack glared at him. “I’m not just going to kiss her.”

“If you don’t, I will,” the old man said. “You think she wants to wake up to this?” He pointed to his bearded, wrinkled face.

Jack nodded. “Good point.” He bent over the girl, then paused, suddenly nervous. Whoever this girl was, she was all kinds of cute and about his age. Plus, she was royalty, whereas he was just some idiot covered in cave dirt.

“Do it already!”
his grandfather shouted. “In my day, she’d be awake and married to you by now!”

“Shhhh!”
Jack hissed, his face just inches from the princess’s. “I don’t want to do this wrong!”

“You’ve never kissed a girl, have you,” his grandfather said, then snorted. “We really
do
have to get you out of this village.”

Jack just growled in response, and turned back to the girl. “Good luck, Princess,” Jack whispered to her, then smushed his mouth against hers.

The princess’s eyes immediately flew open, and she sat up so fast her head smacked right into Jack’s. A hollow
bonk
echoed through the clearing.

“Ow!”
the princess yelled, grabbing her head.

“Ow!”
Jack shouted, falling backward and holding his forehead as well.

His grandfather almost fell backward out of his chair too, though only because he was laughing so hard.

Now extremely awake, the princess glared all around, looking confused, scared, and pained all at once. “Grandma?” she yelled. She started to get to her feet, but quickly fell back down, apparently still woozy from whatever had knocked her out. “Grandma?!” she yelled more urgently, then turned to
Jack, her eyes wide with fear. “Who are you?! Where am I? Where’s my grandmother?” Abruptly, her look went from scared to annoyed. “And what made you think that
kissing
me
was okay?!”

Jack turned fiery red. “Yeah, uh, sorry about that,” he said quietly.

The princess grunted, still glaring. “Where’s the guy in green?” she asked. “And where’s my grandmother?!”

Jack shook his head, a little done with all her questions. “No idea,” he said, trying to stay patient. “You’re the only one who fell out of the sky.”

The girl looked up at the now empty sky, the sun setting in the distance. “Wait, the fire tunnel,” she said, almost to herself. “And it was after midnight a second ago … why’s it so light here? Where
am
I?!”

“Giant’s Hand, Princess,” Jack’s grandfather said, pushing past Jack. “A small village in the kingdom of Blunderbush.” The old man waited for a sign of recognition, but when he got none, he just shrugged. “It’s a pretty small kingdom,” he admitted.

The princess stared at Jack’s grandfather for a second, then turned back to Jack, where she seemed to notice something
for the first time. The princess’s eyes popped, and her mouth dropped open, a small squeak echoing in her throat.

The fairy in Jack’s hair just stared right back at her.

“What?” Jack said finally, the silence making him a little uncomfortable.

The princess pointed at the fairy, still not saying anything, her mouth still wide open.

The fairy pointed back with a smile, enjoying the game.

“It’s a fairy,” Jack said, his annoyance starting to creep into his voice. “What’s
wrong
?”

“There’s a little …
person
in your hair!” the princess said, her voice cracking. “You’re asking
me
what’s wrong?!”

Jack reached up and gently picked the fairy out of his hair, then held her out for the princess to get a closer look. “See?” he said. “Just a fairy.”

“Just a
fairy
?!” the princess said, shoving herself away from the fairy in a panic. “That’s not right! It can’t be
real
! It’s a special effect or something, right? I mean, I can deal with little monsters with axes and blue fire tunnels and everything, but
that’s not right!
”

The fairy’s smile turned into a frown, and she stuck out her tongue at the girl. Jack held his other hand protectively in front
of the fairy, shielding her from the princess’s outburst. “There’s no reason to be
rude
,” he said.

“Rude?!” the girl said, her voice cracking again. “
Oh,
I get it! I’m asleep! This is all a dream, right?” She reached out and pinched Jack.

“Ow!” he said, and pinched her right back.

“Ow!”
she yelled, pinching him again.

“All right,” Jack’s grandfather said, inserting himself between the two of them, stopping Jack’s return pinch in a very unsatisfying way. “I think we’ve all established that no one’s asleep. Why don’t we introduce ourselves? I’m Jack, and this is my grandson here, also named Jack. He’s Jack the thirteenth … the lucky one, I call him.” The old man laughed, but no one else did. “And you are …?”

The girl paused, then said, “May.”

“Well, Princess, you’re obviously in distress,” Jack’s grand-father said, reaching a hand out to help the girl to her feet. “Did you say your grandmother is missing? Maybe we can help.”