Halo (11 page)

“What if they forget?” Alice sounded petulant.

“I’m sure they won’t,” her companion said dismissively. “Now, is there anything you need before I drive you home?”

“Just a bag of dog treats for Phantom but not the ones with chicken, he doesn’t like those.”

“Well, why don’t you wait here, and I’ll pop in and get them?”

Alice nodded, then stared ahead with a resigned expression. She bent down to scratch Phantom behind the ears. He looked up at her with a puzzled expression. There seemed to be a tacit understanding between owner and animal.

“What a beautiful dog,” I said by way of introduction. “What breed is he?”

“A Weimaraner,” Alice replied. “But sadly not mine for much longer.”

“Yes, I couldn’t help overhearing.”

“Poor Phantom.” Alice sighed and bent to talk to the dog. “You know exactly what’s going on, don’t you? But you’re being very brave about it all.”

I knelt to pat Phantom’s head, and he sniffed me cautiously before offering me his giant paw.

“That’s strange,” said Alice. “He’s usually much more reserved around strangers. You must be a dog person.”

“Oh, I love animals,” I said, even though this dog was the first I’d encountered. “If you don’t mind me asking, where are you going that he can’t come?”

“I’m moving to Fairhaven, the retirement village in town. Have you heard of it? No pets allowed, unless you count goldfish.”

“What a shame,” I said. “But don’t worry; I’m sure a dog as beautiful as Phantom will be snapped up in no time. Are you looking forward to going?”

She looked a little taken aback by the question. “You know, you’re the first person to ask me that. I suppose I’m not fussed one way or the other. I’ll be better once I know Phantom’s settled. I had hoped my daughter would take him, but she lives in an apartment and that won’t do.”

As Phantom butted his spongy nose against my hand, I was struck by an idea. Perhaps this meeting was Providence offering me an opportunity to make amends for my recent lack of responsibility. Wasn’t this what I was meant to be doing after all—making a difference to people wherever I could rather than focusing on my own egotistical obsessions? There wasn’t much I could do about a crisis on the other side of the globe but here was a situation where I might be of use.

“Maybe I could take him?” I suggested impulsively. “We have a big garden.” I knew that if I allowed myself time to think it through I would lose my nerve. Alice’s face brightened instantly.

“Could you? Are you quite sure?” she said. “That would be wonderful. You’ll never find a more loyal friend, I can promise you. Why, you’ve hit it off already. But what will your parents say?”

“They won’t mind,” I told her, hoping my siblings would view the decision the same way I did. “So it’s settled then?”

“Here’s Felicity.” Alice beamed. “We’d better tell her the good news.”

Phantom and I watched the two women drive away, one dabbing at her eyes, the other looking visibly relieved. Apart from a piteous yelp at his mistress and a soulful look in his eyes, Phantom seemed unperturbed to find himself suddenly in my keeping. He seemed to understand instinctively that the new arrangement was the best that could be hoped for under the circumstances. He waited patiently outside while I shopped. Then I hung the shopping bag from one handlebar, tied his leash to the other, and walked the bike home.

“Did you find the place all right?” Gabe called out when he heard me come in.

“Sorry, forgot the bread,” I said, striding into the kitchen with Phantom at my heels. “But I picked up a bargain instead.”

“Oh, Bethany,” Ivy gushed. “Where did you find
him
?”

“Long story,” I replied. “Someone needed a helping hand.” I gave them a summary of my encounter with Alice. Ivy stroked Phantom’s head and he placed his muzzle in her hand. There was something unearthly in his pale, doleful eyes that made him look as though he belonged with us. “I hope we can keep him?” I finished.

“Of course,” said Gabriel without further discussion. “Everyone needs a home.”

Ivy and I busied ourselves gathering Phantom a makeshift bed and deciding which bowl should be his. Gabriel watched us, the corners of his mouth twitching with the beginnings of a smile. He smiled so rarely that when he did it was like sun bursting through cloud.

It was obvious that Phantom was going to be my dog. He looked at me as his adoptive mother and loped after me wherever I went in the house. When I flopped down on the couch, he curled up at my feet like a hot water bottle and fell asleep, snoring softly. Despite his size, Phantom had an indolent nature, and it didn’t take him long before he was fully integrated into our little family.

After dinner I showered and settled on the sofa with Phantom’s head in my lap. His affection had a therapeutic effect, and I was feeling so relaxed I’d almost forgotten the events of the previous night.

Then there came a knock at the front door.

No Boys Allowed

Phantom gave a territorial growl and bounded out of the room, sniffing furiously under and around the front door.

“What’s
he
doing here?” Gabriel muttered under his breath.

“Who is it?” Ivy and I whispered simultaneously.

“Our heroic school captain.”

Gabriel’s sarcasm was wasted on me.

“Xavier Woods is outside?” I asked incredulously, sneaking a look at myself in the mirror above the mantelpiece. Although it was early I was already in my cow-print pajamas with my hair pulled up in a banana clip. Ivy noticed and looked amused at my display of vanity. “Please don’t let him in—I look awful,” I begged.

I shifted uncomfortably as my siblings deliberated. After the display I’d put on at Molly’s party, Xavier Woods was the last person I wanted to see. In fact, he was the one person I wanted most to avoid.

“Has he gone?” I asked after a minute.

“No,” said Gabriel. “And he appears to have no intention of going.”

I gestured wildly at Phantom to move away from the door. “Come here, boy!” I whispered, trying to whistle softly through my teeth. “Stop that, Phantom!”

Phantom ignored me and shoved his nose farther under the door.

“What does he want?” I asked Gabriel.

My brother paused for a moment to tune into Xavier’s thoughts and his face darkened.

“Well, I think that’s rather presumptuous.”

“What is?”

“How long have you known this young man?”

“Stop it, Gabe. That’s a breach of privacy!” I snapped.

“Honestly.” Ivy got up, shaking her head. “I think he’s probably heard us by now. Besides, we can’t just ignore him. He recently did Bethany a good turn, remember?”

“At least wait for me to go upstairs,” I hissed, but she was already at the door, tugging Phantom back and commanding him to settle down. When she walked back into the room, Xavier Woods was right behind her, looking his usual self, apart from his hair, which was slightly wind ruffled. Satisfied that Xavier posed no threat, Phantom resumed his recumbent position on the sofa with a deep sigh. Gabriel acknowledged Xavier’s presence with a mere incline of his head.

“I just wanted to check that Beth was feeling okay,” Xavier said, unaffected by Gabriel’s frosty reception.

I recognized this was my cue to say something but words eluded me.

“Thanks again for getting her home,” Ivy jumped in, the only one of us who had remembered good manners. “Would you like something to drink? I was just about to make some hot chocolate.”

“Thanks but I can’t stay long,” Xavier said.

“Well, sit down at least,” Ivy prompted. “Gabriel, can you give me a hand in the kitchen?”

Gabriel followed her out reluctantly.

Left alone with Xavier I was conscious of how ridiculously sedate we must appear, with no television in sight, my siblings making hot chocolate and me ready for bed at eight o’clock.

“Nice dog,” Xavier said. He reached down, and Phantom cautiously sniffed his hand before nuzzling it enthusiastically. I had half hoped Phantom would growl, so I’d have at least one reason not to think Xavier was completely flawless. But he seemed to be passing every test with flying colors.

“I found him today,” I said.

“Found him?” Xavier raised an eyebrow. “Do you make a habit of adopting stray pets?”

“No,” I said indignantly. “His owner was moving to a retirement home.”

“Oh, he must be Alice Butler’s dog.”

“How’d you know that?”

“Small town.” Xavier shrugged. “You know, I was worried about you last night.” His gaze was fixed intently on my face.

“I’m fine now,” I replied shakily. I tried to meet his eyes but I felt giddy and looked away.

“You should be more careful about who you call your friends.”

There was an intimacy in the way he spoke to me, as if we’d known each other a long time. It was unnerving and exciting at the same time.

“It wasn’t Molly’s fault,” I said. “I should have known better.”

“You’re very different from the girls around here,” he continued.

“How do you mean?”

“You don’t get out much, do you?”

“I guess you could call me more of a homebody,” I said, trying not to sound defensive.

“That’s not a bad thing,” Xavier said. “I think that makes a nice change.”

“I wish I was more like everyone else.”

“Why do you say that? There’s no point pretending to be something you’re not. You could have been in real trouble last night.” He smiled suddenly. “Lucky I was there to rescue you.”

I couldn’t tell whether he was speaking in earnest or making a joke.

“How can I ever repay your kindness?” I said with a hint of what I hoped was flirtation in my voice.

“There is one thing you could do. . . .” His voice trailed off suggestively.

“What’s that?”

“Go out with me. How about next weekend? We could catch a movie if you like.”

I was too stunned to reply. Had I heard right? Was Xavier Woods, the most inaccessible boy at Bryce Hamilton, asking me out? What was the appropriate response? Where was Molly when I needed her? My hesitation lasted a fraction too long and he mistook it for reluctance.

“It’s fine if you don’t feel like it.”

“No, I’d like to!”

“Great. Well, how about you give me your number and I’ll put it in my phone. We can talk details later.”

He withdrew a shiny black gadget from the pocket of his windbreaker. It lay twinkling in the palm of his hand. I could hear the clatter of crockery coming from the kitchen and knew there was no time to lose.

“It’s easier if you give me yours and I call you,” I said quickly.

He didn’t argue. I spied a newspaper on the coffee table, tore off a corner, and handed it to him.

“I might need a pen,” he said.

I found one marking the place in a leather-bound book one of my siblings had been reading. Xavier scribbled some digits, and I pocketed the slip just in time to give Gabriel and Ivy a beatific smile as they walked in, carrying a tray of mugs.

I walked Xavier to the front door, where his eyes lingered a moment on what I was wearing. The intensity had gone from his face and his characteristic half-smile had returned.

“By the way, nice jammies,” he said and continued to look at me with an expression of curiosity. I found myself unable to wrench my gaze away. It would be easy, I thought, to look at his face all day and not get bored. Humans were supposed to have physical flaws but Xavier didn’t seem to. I took in his features—his mouth shaped like an archer’s bow, his smooth skin, the dimple in his chin—and struggled to believe he was real. He was wearing a casual shirt under the jacket, and I saw around his neck a silver cross threaded onto a leather cord that I hadn’t noticed earlier.

“I’m glad you like them,” I said, feeling more confident.

He laughed, and it sounded just like the peals of a church bell.

Gabriel and Ivy tried hard to play down the alarm they must have felt when I informed them of my intention to see Xavier the following weekend.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” asked Gabriel.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” I challenged. I was relishing the idea of making my own decisions, and I didn’t appreciate my independence being taken away from me so quickly.

“Bethany, please consider the repercussions of such an action.” Ivy spoke calmly, but she was frowning and a rare look of apprehension had come over her face.

“There’s nothing to consider. You two always overreact.” I wasn’t convinced myself by my breezy argument but refused to accept there was reason for caution. “What’s the problem?”

“Only that
dating
is not and never was part of our assignment.” Gabriel’s voice was cutting and his gaze steely. I knew I was only fueling his doubts about my suitability for this mission. I was so susceptible to human whims and fantasies. A voice at the back of my mind told me I should take a step back and reflect—accept that a liaison with Xavier was dangerous and selfish given the circumstances. But there was a louder voice that drowned out all other thought, and it demanded to see him again.

“Perhaps keeping a low profile for a little while would be wiser,” Ivy suggested less harshly. “Why don’t we collaborate on some ideas designed to raise social awareness in the town?”

She sounded like a teacher trying to encourage enthusiasm for a school project.

“Those are your ideas, not mine.”

“They can become yours,” Ivy urged.

“I want to find my own way.”

“Let’s continue this discussion when you’re thinking more clearly,” Gabriel said.

“I won’t be treated like a child,” I snapped and turned away defiantly, clicking my tongue for Phantom to follow.

Together, we sat at the top of the stairs, me fuming and Phantom nuzzling my lap. Believing me to be out of earshot, my siblings continued the discussion in the kitchen.

“I find it difficult to believe she would jeopardize everything for a whim,” Gabriel was saying. I could hear him pacing.

“You know Bethany would never deliberately do that.” Ivy tried to defuse the situation. She hated any sort of friction between us.

“What is she doing then? Has she got any idea why we’re here? I know we must make allowances for her lack of experience, but she’s being deliberately rebellious and headstrong, and I don’t recognize her anymore. Temptation is always here to test us. We have been here only weeks and Bethany cannot find the strength to withstand the charms of a pretty boy!”

“Be patient, Gabriel. It will go much further in. . . .”

“She tries my patience!” he said, but quickly collected himself. “What do you advise?”

“Put no obstacle in her path, and this will surely die a natural death; obstruct her, and it will give the situation an importance worth fighting for.”

Gabriel’s silence suggested he was weighing up the wisdom in Ivy’s words.

“In time she will come to understand that what she seeks is impossible.”

“I hope you’re right,” Gabriel said. “Do you see now why her part in this mission concerned me?”

“She does not defy us deliberately,” Ivy said.

“No, but the depth of her emotion is unnatural for one of us,” Gabriel said. “Our love for humankind is supposed to be impersonal—we love humanity, we do not form individual attachments. Bethany seems to love deeply, unconditionally—like a human.”

“So I’ve noticed,” said my sister. “Which means her love is much more powerful than ours, but also more dangerous.”

“Exactly,” said Gabriel. “Such emotion often cannot be contained—if we allow it to develop, it may soon be beyond our control.”

I didn’t wait to hear more and crept to my room, where I threw myself on my bed on the verge of tears. Such a powerful reaction surprised me, and the rush of pent-up emotion left me gasping for breath. I knew what was happening; I was embracing flesh and the feelings that came with it. It felt precarious and unsteady like being on a rickety roller coaster. I could feel the blood pulsing through my veins, the thoughts ricocheting around my head, my stomach clenching with frustration. I deeply resented being discussed as if I were nothing more than a laboratory experiment. And their implication that I was doing something wrong, not to mention their lack of faith in me, was disturbing. Why were they so determined to bar me from the human interaction I craved? And what exactly did Ivy mean by “impossible”? They were behaving as if Xavier was a suitor who didn’t meet their criteria. Who were they to sit in judgment of something that hadn’t even begun? Xavier Woods liked me. For whatever reason he saw me as worthy of his attention, and I was not about to let the paranoid fears of my family drive him away. I was amazed at my willingness to embrace my human attraction to Xavier. My feelings for him were escalating dangerously fast, and I was allowing it to happen. It should have scared me, but instead I was intrigued by the hollow ache in my chest when I thought about letting him go, the clenching of every muscle in my body when I recalled my brother’s words. What was happening to me? Was I losing my divinity? Was I becoming human?

I slept fitfully that night and had my first nightmare. I had become accustomed to the human experience of dreaming, but this was different. This time I saw myself brought before a Heavenly Tribunal, with a jury made up of faceless, heavy-robed figures. I couldn’t distinguish one from the other. Ivy and Gabriel were there, but they were looking down from a gallery. Their faces were impassive. They stared ahead and wouldn’t look at me even though I cried out to them. I was waiting for the verdict to be announced, and then I realized it had already happened. There was no one to speak for me, no one to plead my case.

The next thing I was aware of was falling. Around me, all that was familiar crumbled into dust, the columns of the courtroom, the robed figures, and finally the faces of Gabriel and Ivy. And still I fell, tumbling on an endless journey to nowhere. Then all was motionless and I was imprisoned in a void. I had dropped to my knees, my head bowed, my wings broken and bleeding. I couldn’t lift myself off the ground. The light began to fade until a suffocating darkness surrounded me, so dense that when I held my hands before my face, I couldn’t make them out. In this sepulchral world I was left alone. I saw myself as the ultimate figure of shame, an angel fallen from grace.