Hand of Thorns (21 page)

Leon's father stands beside the tree, calling out names to whom the presents are for. It seems as though someone made sure everyone has gotten something, excluding me. Well, that is until he surprisingly calls my name. I do a double take, but yes, he's watching me, holding a beautifully wrapped golden present in his hand. I walk up, excusing myself as I pass two of his cousins to make my way to the tree.

I hold the square gift in my hand, looking down at the tag that says, "To Monica, From the Owens." I open the present in front of everyone else, as every single person before me has. It's a stunning maternity sweater dress in light pink, and it's even name brand- which is something I certainly don't own much of.

Look over at Sherilyn, I smile. "Thank you, this is beautiful." I make sure to smile at Ronald as well. He nods his head, while Sherilyn grins back, pleased by my acceptance.

I end up receiving three more presents from the Owens- a maternity outfit, which included a maroon blouse and jeans that could probably cover my entire stomach and more, a teal and brown necklace, and lastly a gift certificate to get a prenatal massage for one hour at a salon I know I couldn't afford on my own. Leon and Ellie gifted me one thing as well, which surprised me since I know it was in fact Ellie who chose out the present. It’s an oversized gift basket of fruit. Oranges, pineapple, strawberries, you name it, it was in there. She probably expected me to snub my nose at it, but honestly, I love the fact I don't have to buy myself fruit any time soon.

I place all my stuff in a pile on the chair I was occupying during the two hour present opening session. Now I'm hungry and eyeing the fruit, but I avoid it while heading towards the bathroom. Walking back out after, I practically bump into Leon's brother, Richard.

"I was a little disappointed not to see any Girls Gone Wild in my stack of presents."

My face beams red. "I'm sorry. Leon told me you were a star in the adult film industry. He never said otherwise."

He chuckles, and it reminds me of Leon's, except it doesn't warm me from the inside quite the same. "It's all good, he told me about it after the fact. I still find it funny."

"It's funny, and insanely embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed, although you're quite cute when you blush like that." He runs the back of his finger over my cheek, and in an instant I feel uncomfortable. I take a step back, turning my face away, hoping I don't look rude, but wanting to give him a sign that I'm not interested in him.

A clearing of someone's throat catches our attention, and I look over to see Leon standing there. His arms are crossed and one of his eyebrows are raised in a daring way. At first I'm not sure if he's angry with me or not, but when he eyes his brother the way he does, I know who he’s unimpressed with.

"You should probably go help Dad get Uncle Ned to the cab. He's stumbling over and can't walk, but thinks he can drive."

Richard sighs, looking at me before staring at Leon again. "You can't help?"

"I was, but I have something to discuss with Monica."

"Okay." He eyes me again, this time as if he's begging me to stop him. I don’t. "Okay," he repeats. "I'll go help."

Leon doesn't move until Richard is gone, then he walks towards me with meaning. He's upset about something. As I'm about to ask him what's wrong, he pulls on my arm and pulls me towards the bathroom, shutting the door before twisting the lock.

"What the hell," I yell. Pushing against his arm as he lets my hand go. "Don't yank on me like that ever again."

"What are you doing with my brother?" He asks, avoiding everything I just said.

"What? Nothing. What is wrong with you?"

He runs his hands over his face in frustration, throwing them in the air when he's done. "That didn't look like nothing."

"He told me he liked when I blushed," I'm almost yelling again. "I stepped away from him. That was all!"

"Why were you blushing then?" His words come out between gritted teeth, obviously more than upset- he's furious.

I roll my eyes at his immaturity- although I had thoughts only hours ago about how love and jealousy can make you this way. "Because he brought up what
you
made me believe he was. I told him I was embarrassed. That's it. God, you're being infuriating."

He leans towards me but I'm not moving an inch. His breathing is hard. "Don't flirt with my brother."

"Says the guy who is bringing his girlfriend to Hawaii while his pregnant mistress stays behind."

"Fuck you," he hisses out. "That was below the belt."

"Because it's true?"

"In case you weren't aware, Monica. That baby is not yours."

In less than a second my hand is scolding hot against his cheek. I walk around Leon to leave the bathroom. "Monica, stop," he attempts to order. I don't listen. I knew he could be an asshole, but I didn't expect this. "Monica." He tries once more to get my attention, but I'm already down the hall, holding back my emotions as much as humanly possible.

I spot Sherilyn talking with Ellie's mom when I go into the living room to gather my things. I walk over, trying to smile the best I can, but I have a feeling it isn't my best. "Thank you for everything," I tell Leon's mom. "The food was impeccable, and the presents were undeservingly wonderful."

"Oh, you are more than welcome. It's the least I can do. You're preparing me for my first grandchild, I wanted to thank you any way I could." She runs her hands over the belly. "Does she kick often?"

"All the time. She's a feisty one." I actually manage to laugh, although it's definitely not enthusiastic.

"Good, it may not seem it now, but it's a great thing to have your baby nice and active in the womb. She's going to come out unbelievably healthy." I smile at her thoughtful words, and the fact she truly finds the happiness in situations.

However, Allison isn't nearly as nice. In fact, she's been downright rude the entire time. "Technically speaking, it's not
her
baby," she tells Sherilyn, before looking to me. "And if you cut out on the sweets, she wouldn't be nearly as active."

"I don't eat sweets often," I tell her.

She eyes me up and down, pursing her lips. "I'm sure." With a turn on the heels, she walks with her head held high as she heads towards the den- which is where everyone else seems to be, since there is a bar in there, as well as a hockey game playing on the massive television.

Trying even harder to hold back the tears, I bite down on my lip, turning to the chair with my belongings in it. While my back was to Sherilyn, I make sure to thank her once more. "I'm going to get going though. So thanks again for everything. You were a great host."

She is standing aside me without my acknowledgement, grabbing for all my items. "I know it's not much, but let me get these for you. I'll walk you out to the car."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I wouldn't offer something I wasn't positive on. Let's swing by the kitchen and get you a little to-go container as well."

"Oh, you don't have to do that," I insist.

"Please. Please take it. It'll all go to waste if I don't start sending it home with people."

I agree, and we head towards the kitchen to fill up a couple containers with food, as she mumbles something about how I'll have dozens of sweets for the next week all the while grinning ear to ear. She's playful and funny, and has a sense of humor I hope to have at her age. She finishes up, and to my surprise is able to carry everything except the fruit basket outside, which I bring with me.

When we get to the car I pop my trunk to place everything inside. Once it's closed, Sherilyn steps forward to squeeze me against her. "You take care of yourself. And don't you ever let anyone make you feel less than superb."

"I'm fine. I have thick skin," I tell her.

She stares at me as though she's reading my thoughts. "Regardless, Eleanor and Allison shouldn't speak to you that way. You
can
put your foot down with them and demand more respect."

"Honestly, it's okay," I tell her. Although, I wish I had the guts to demand them to respect me. They both make me extremely nervous, especially Ellie's mom. She's a downright bitch.

"No. No, it's not. They're both prudes, but my son loves Ellie, so I put up with them for his sake. There are only so many times I allow snarky comments or bitchy attitudes in my home. Sometimes I could strangle them both. Sometimes we get along, but those moments are few and far between."

"So you like Ellie and Leon together?" It's not my business, but I'm curious, and I figure I may as well ask.

She lifts a shoulder into a small shrug. "Yes, often enough. I get angry from time to time, but I think that's how the mother to every son is. It's hard to see your child being pulled in one direction by their significant other, than pushed in another direction mere seconds later. I'm sure one day they'll work through their bullshit together, and hopefully for everyone's sake it's soon."

My thoughts are selfish- but I actually say a quick prayer which asks for them not to ever work through their shit.

"Well, it's a long drive back to Los Angeles alone, so I should really get going. Thanks again."

She tugs at the end of my hair before placing her hand on my shoulder. I can sense her being the more serious woman suddenly. "Everyone has a chapter they don't read out loud. Be careful."

Then she steps away. I'm not entirely sure what that means. I want to yell to her and ask her if it has any other meaning than what I'm assuming it does. But at the same time, I'm already broken to pieces on the inside and need a desperate cleansing cry fest on the drive home. Maybe I'll be able to think clearly once I cry my eyes out- unfortunately, probably not.

Fifty one days since I've seen Leon.

Forty Two missed calls. Thirty three text messages. Two voice mails saying he's sorry.

Seven surprises placed at my door step.

Two dozen roses sitting on my table. One card that reads
Happy Valentine's Day
.

Thirty one hours until my next doctor’s appointment, which I hope once again, he isn't going to attend.

I haven't forgiven him for speaking to me the way he had, and even more, I'm giving my heart time to mend. My head has processed so much more than I had ever expected, and although I still long for the moment Leon shows up at my door step rather than one of his many gifts, I'm realizing I'm okay without him.

Except... I'm not.

I'm a mess. A miserable, gigantic, whiney ass bitch of a mess.

I'm ruined.

I'm lonely. I'm exhausted.

I'm broken.

I want Leon Owens. I want his entire heart. I want his insane love.

I'm stubborn, and I'm still upset. I don't know why I don't answer his calls- maybe because he still hasn't showed up here himself. Maybe because when Ellie showed up at the appointment last month, after their ten day stay in Hawaii, she was glowing and grinning widely. She spoke of the most incredible trip, and how it changed them for the better, and how it was a breath of fresh air finally. Maybe it's to do with the fact he'll never be
mine
, and mine only. Maybe there are many factors to which I won't simply tell him he's forgiven and all is wonderful.

Taking some ice cream from the fridge, I head towards the silverware drawer to grab a spoon. My phone rings but I don't answer it, knowing it's probably him again.

Then it rings again a minute later.

With a sigh, I force myself to stand, despite the ache in my swollen feet. I grab my phone as the call ends. It shows me two missed calls from the same unrecognizable number. Then it starts ringing again. "Hello?" I answer.

"Hello, my name is Shawna Greenfield. I'm a nurse from White Memorial Medical Center, located in Los Angeles. Is this Monica Rockwell?"

My stomach becomes unsettled within an instant. "Um, yes. This is she." I almost don't want to answer her. I don't want to be having a phone call that involves the word death, or anything of similarity.

"Hi, Miss Rockwell. We have you down as an emergency contact for a Diana Rockwell, is that your mother?"

"It is..."

"It appears she had an overdose early this morning. She was brought in via ambulance, and we had our staff immediately assessing her. As of now she is asleep but stable. We're keeping a close eye on her, but it's going to be several days before she starts feeling herself. Has anything like this ever happened before?"

My shoes are already on by the time she's finished her statement, and I'm scrounging for my keys and purse. "No, never. She was in rehab for a pill addiction. Is that what she overdosed on?"

"According to the witness that called, it actually appears she was using cocaine. Do you know how long she's been using?"

I pause while putting my keys into the door to unlock it. "Diana is in there on a cocaine overdose?"

"It appears so, ma'am. We did a toxicology report, but sometimes it can take weeks to get the results back. Would you like to come in and see her?"

I stare at my car, wondering if I do want to see her or not. What am I supposed to do? I want to strangle her. I can't go alone. I need one of my friends to go with me, but I'm almost too embarrassed to say anything- not to mention, it is Valentine's Day, which happens to run on a Sunday this year. I guarantee they're all busy. "Maybe," I answer honestly. "I need some time to process this."

"Understandable," the nurse states. "This can be extremely hard on children, and we do have programs for that. To help you cope with a parent's addiction. If you'd like, I can mail you a few pamphlets or have them waiting here for you if you do decide to come. Either way, she'll be here for at least forty-eight hours. You can call any time as well."

I like the nurse, she's kind and seems understanding. I wonder if this is a common thing. After all, we do live in Los Angeles, but still. This doesn't seem like something a
parent
should do. A mother of a grown adult should not be doing cocaine in the middle of the night. I also would like to know who the witness is, and if they, too, were doing the stupid drug.

"Thank you. You can leave them there," I tell her. "I'll try to be in a little later."

"I'll leave you my personal number. I'll be here until seven tonight if you decide to come in, I'll make sure to accompany you."

I thank her once more, take down her number, then answer the few remaining questions about family members and her health. After we hang up I head back inside to sit at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the stupid roses placed on my stupid table, in this stupid apartment, because everything in life is stupid. I hate everything right now.

I hate everyone.

After several minutes pass, my anger only intensifies. Standing up from the table I shove the vase of roses across the table, which hit the wall. Glass shatters, water sprays everywhere, and the roses tossed to the ground. Stupid roses, I say to myself. Stupid Leon, too. What was he thinking, sending me roses? We haven't spoken since before Christmas, when he reminded me that this baby wasn't actually mine. He hasn't been to any doctor’s appointments, only his girlfriend has, and she glows and sparkles and smiles each fucking time.

I'm pissed. I'm fucking pissed.

I storm to the bathroom, slamming the door only to get out more anger. I sit on the toilet and wait for my pee to come, and when it takes several seconds I yell at my bladder. I actually yell out loud, screaming for my bladder to hurry the fuck up. When I'm finally done, I wash my hands ferociously. I can't even fathom looking into the mirror because I know I'll break down in tears.

Walking into my bedroom, I stare at the little amounts of items I have in my room. I haven't accumulated much, most of it is brought from my original bedroom. The random things I have saved are silly things like ticket stubs from a movie date with Penelope, or pictures from the my birthday weekend with all the girls, or the poster Sumner bought me just last week of my favorite band. Then there is that stupid fucking fake rose from when Leon bought me flowers on my birthday.

Why does everything turn back to him? Why Leon? Why me? Why is this my life at the moment?

Padding through the house back to the kitchen, I pick up my phone. His name stares back at me, and I take a deep breath before pressing the green button to call him. It rings all of three times before he answers. "Hey." It sounds soothing and sweet, like the world isn't actually crumbling around me. "Did you get the flowers?"

I want to tell him to fuck off, but instead it actually causes tears to slowly race down my cheeks. I look over to the shattered vase on the floor. "Where do you get the right to send me flowers?" I cry out. "Why can't you leave me alone, Leon?"

"Are you... crying?"

"No! Why would I be crying?!" I yell out, trying desperately not to sob. "Why would I be upset? Leave me alone, Leon. Stop calling me. Stop texting me. Stop sending me stupid fucking presents."

"Monica, calm down, please." I hate how tranquilizing he sounds with his concern. "Are you home? I'll be right there."

"No. I'm not home." The lie slipping through my lips.

"Then where are you?"

I look around, trying to think of something... and quick. "My... My mom's."

"Monica..." I hate how he says my name. "Are you home?"

"What does it matter?"

He sighs. "I'll be right there. Please don't leave. Not when you're this upset."

"Whatever." I grumble. "I didn't call for you to come over. I called to tell you to leave me alone."

"I'll be right there. Please. Don't. Leave."

"Yut." I hang up the phone, slamming it down on the table. It takes all of three seconds for my body to collapse, and the tears to run effortlessly down my face while I sob hard into my hands.

I feel defeated. I'm exhausted. I'm completely drained.

I can't handle this anymore.

My body is huge. I'm uncomfortable. I've reached a part in the pregnancy where nothing fits, and I can't sleep all night because I'm up peeing at least twice. I'm always hungry but feel crampy when I consume anything my body seems to crave. I have bags under my eyes, and varicose veins on my swollen ankles. Add in a broken heart, and a fucked up mother, and a dead father, and friends in relationships, living their own lives, and everything else in my fucked up life- it's surprising I haven't snapped before this.

I listen as my phone starts to ring. I almost don't dare to pick it up, but I reach for it anyways to at least see who it is. Penelope. I wipe at my face, trying to dry the tears while I breathe deeply to stop myself from crying, although it's quite useless at this point. "Hello?" I answer, attempting to sound normal.

She doesn't seem to notice a difference, thankfully. "Morning. I just wanted to call and check in on you before I left with William."

"Where are you going?"

"To Sacramento, remember?"

I had completely forgot they were spending today and tomorrow there for Valentine’s Day slash William's birthday, which is tomorrow. "Oh, I had forgotten, sorry. Have fun. I'll miss you."

There is a slight pause, before she asks. "Are you okay? You sound... upset."

"I'm fine, honestly. Go have fun, I'll see you this week, I'm sure." Even though I have to put in extra time at school due to working with Doctor Marx. My first advanced assignment with him was on Thursday, and we have a lot of time to put in over the next four weeks, since I'm due to have the baby in six. I have to basically put in overtime each week, so I'm going to start seeing even less of my friends, and in the process I'm going to be twice as exhausted each day.

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I am. Have fun."

She pauses again. "I'll have my phone on me. Please call if you need me."

"I will, Penny. Seriously, go have fun with William, you two need it."

"Thanks. We will try."

Less than five minutes pass by when my phone rings again, this time it's Sumner. I let out a ragged breath before answering, knowing Penelope called her to say I'm not having a good morning or something. "Hi," I answer.

"What's wrong?" she asks. I hear dinging in the background then the rev of her engine starting.

"Don't come over. I'm fine, seriously. I got some bad news this morning about Mom, I've gotten over it. I'm tired, I'm going to go to bed."

"What about your mom?" I can't say the words out loud. Sumner has to repeat herself. "What about your mom?"

"She's... in the hospital."

"For?"

"Um... overdosing."

"On Opioids?"

"No."

"Monica, what did she overdose on? Is she okay? Is she... dead?"

"She's fine. She's sleeping. She'll be okay. I'm okay. Please stop worrying."

"What hospital is she at? Are you there? What was it that she overdosed on? Monica, you need to speak with me. Tell me what is happening."

A few more tears start to brim. I knew Valentine's Day was going to be crappy this year, however, this is not how I expected it to go. "She's at White Memorial, it was a cocaine overdose, and everything will be fine. Please stop worrying."

"Are you there?"

"No."

"Are you home?"

"No."

"Yes you are."

"How would you know?"

"I know
you.
I'll come pick you up. We can go visit her together."

"No, don't bother, please."

"Why? I'm already driving."

"Because... I have plans."

"No you don't."

As if on cue, Leon walks through the kitchen door. I didn't even know I left my door unlocked. I stare at him with bewilderment as he takes in my face. He seems both angry and wretched for me, neither of which I want. Then he glances at the flowers on the floor, his face not showing any signs of added infuriation. "I do," I tell her. "Leon just showed up."

She doesn't say anything for a few long, agonizing seconds. "I thought... I thought you were done with him?"

We look at one another, and it's as though every single thing I've ever felt for him hits me harder than a Mack truck. My heart literally feels as though someone is squeezing it, suffocating me from the inside out. "I thought so, too."

Sumner sighs hard, holding back no feelings about the situation. "I get it's Valentine's Day, and I know you're hurting from your mom, but this isn't the answer. Monica, you need to walk away."

"I seem to handle a lot on my own, I'm fine."

"Whatever. I'll be over later. I'm bringing you to the hospital to see your mom. I'll see you at one thirty. I mean it."