Hanging by a Moment (From this Moment Book 1) (5 page)

“No way!” I argue. “We hate each other.” I groan. “Please stop guys. I know you want to see me hook up with some guy but please not Luke. I’m so not into him.” I plead.
Lies,
my subconscious says... if only I could strangle her.

“Why?” Both Jane and Brit ask at the same time.

“You know why. He does not make me feel the way Ethan did.”
Lies... he makes me feel something more,
that annoying voice in my head reminds me. I look down as I twist my fingers resting in my lap.

Brit’s hand covers mine. “Ethan is the past. And you can’t keep comparing him to every guy you meet. Life goes on and you need to as well. Just give Luke,” she clears her throat “or someone else a chance. I hate seeing you so closed off.”

I look at her hand covering my own. She always had a way to make me feel better. I’m so blessed to have her in my life and Jane as well. Ever since Brit and I befriended her we have been stuck together like glue. They are my family. My only family.

Jane places her small warm hand over Brit’s, pressing down to fuse all three of our hands.  “I will never forget how I felt about Lee, my first boyfriend. And when we broke up I was devastated. I hated all guys after that. But I sure am glad to have met Brad.” Her green eyes light up. “He is like no other guy I’ve known and I love him quirks and all.”

I know they both mean well. But my life is different from that of my friends. “What’s the use guys? Everyone I love always leave me.” I feel the sting of tears behind my eyes as I recall the people that I loved and who left me. Ethan. My parents.

“I’m still here,” Brit whispers, her voice shaky with emotion.

“And me too,” Jane adds sincerely.

We all blink back tears and hug each other. As we settle down, Jane amuses us with her story about her failed relationship with Lee. And before you know it, she has me laughing my head off. I love my friends.

****

As Brit and I stroll back to our room after dinner, she suddenly stops. “Oh shit, we need to go back to Trav’s room. He’s got my notes from yesterday’s Business Leadership class and I need it to complete my paper for Thursday.” She tugs at my sleeve as she turns us around heading for his room.

I lean my head and shoulders back against the cold white wall outside Travis’s door as she knocks. The door opens and Brit giggles loudly as Travis pulls her inside slamming the door shut.

A few seconds later the door opens again and Luke steps out into the hallway looking rather amused. “They need some alone time to get reacquainted in there.” He says when he sees me standing there leaning against the wall.

“What are you even doing here?” I ask him not hiding my annoyance.

He walks to the white wall opposite me and leans his solid body against it. His eyes are pinned on me as he shoves his hands in his pockets. “I room with Trav. Do you have problem with that too?” His voice sounds just as annoyed.

He sure knows which buttons to push. “I just have a problem with you.” I bite out defensively.

He removes one hand from his pocket and rubs his neck, narrowing his blue eyes at me. “Are you always such a bitch or do I possess the magic touch?”

I roll my eyes. My anger spills out like molten lava as I look into his amazing blue eyes. “The asshole in you brings out the bitch in me.”

His face tenses and he immediately straightens his athletic body up from against the wall. He takes the few steps he needs to stand in front of me. I gasp as he raises his hands and presses his palms flat against the wall on either side of my head, caging me in. Leaning forward so his head is close to mine, I can feel his hot breath on my face. His minty fresh scent invades all my senses... common sense included.

“Call me that one more time and I’ll demonstrate how big an asshole I can really be.”  I hear the coldness in his voice.

My hands clench at my sides. And of course I just have to challenge him. “Asshole, do you aim to please?” I challenge, reiterating his words earlier in the cafeteria.

Before I can blink, his large warm hands grasps my head on both sides as his lips come crushing down on mine, surprising me with a kiss. Not the reaction I expected from him.

He uses his entire six feet, two inches hot solid body to pin me to the wall. My hands instinctively move up to his hard muscled chest to push him off me but he refuses to budge. His soft warm tongue dances along my lower lip nudging entry into my mouth. I keep my lips together.

One hand releases its grip on my head and grasps my hip before moving down to my knee. Hot fingers slowly slide back up my inner thigh until his thumb is inches away from my core where I feel hot pools of desire gathering. And my traitor body is screaming out for him to touch me there.

He grinds his hips against me, and I feel his unmistaken desire. Hot and hard pressed against me.

Oh God!
My brain feels like melted ice. Before I can stop myself - not that I have any power to do so - a soft moan escapes from me and automatically my lips part allowing his warm tongue to enter, giving me a taste of him.
Delicious.
He is all minty fresh male and so damn sexy.

His hot wet tongue explores my mouth dancing in delight with my very excited tongue. My hands stop struggling against him; instead my one hand scrunches up the soft fabric of his navy blue T-shirt. I feel his heart beating rapidly under his hard muscled chest. And my other hand weaves its fingers through his unruly hair.
Soft and silky.
Just as I imagined it would feel.

But the best part... Luke knows how to kiss. I’ve never been kissed so thoroughly before.

I moan softly against his lips again.

And just like that he stops kissing me, ripping his mouth from mine. He moves so fast as if he touched a hot plate. He pushes himself away from me breaking all contact. He rests his hands on the wall beside my head and looks down at me with his blue eyes which are so dark they look almost black. He stares at me silently. I feel my insides shrivel.

What?!
I want to scream at him. We are panting for breath as if we have completed a marathon. Shaking his head of black inky hair, his face darkens and he suddenly looks infuriated. With his fist clenched he punches the wall behind me and curses. “Fuck!” His voice is as cold as ice. “I hope you enjoyed it because I’m not usually this much of an asshole. Later, princess.” He does a mock curtsy. And he turns around and walks down the corridor.

I watch him walk away from me, leaving me a useless quivering mass of muscle and bone.
What the hell just happened?
One minute he was kissing me passionately and the next minute he is all angry. Was he angry that I insulted him? Or was he upset with himself that he kissed me? Or the fact that he was turned on by me? I know he was so into that kiss... I felt him against me. What on earth is his problem? He is the most infuriating and confusing man I’ve ever met.

I have just enough time to get myself together before Brit strolls out of Travis’s room looking smug. “Come on, I’ve got what I came for.”
I’m glad one of us did.
She looks at me, a frown line appearing on her beautiful face. “You okay? You look a bit green.”

I shake my head unable to speak fearing my voice will give me away. My lips are still tingling from the kiss.

Back in my room tears are threatening and I wait until I get into the shower cubicle in the bathroom to release them. I know I got what I deserved for insulting him but did he have to be so cold and treat me so cheaply. I mean I didn’t even want to kiss him.
Correction,
my subconscious screams. Okay, so I did want to kiss him but he knew I was trying to fight him off and he just left me there. I did nothing to lead him on so what made him want to kiss me and then dump me. Because that’s what he did. He kissed me with so much emotion then looked at me like he swallowed something rotten before spitting me out in the middle of the hallway.

That night I go to bed haunted by dreams of cold blue eyes and dark corridors.

Chapter Four

Chewing my granola alone in the kitchen, I try to keep a low profile. I really do not want a repeat of yesterday’s drama. And thankfully I’m alone without any unwanted company and able to enjoy breakfast in peace.

Before going to class I grab my mail from my student mail box. Immediately my eyes fall on the cream coloured envelope. My fingers tremble in anticipation.
Open it.
But I’m already late and need to get to class so I’m unable to do so. I shove it into the side pocket of my bag. I’ll read it later.

At lunch I find myself sitting opposite Luke in the cafeteria. I give myself a mental pep talk.
I can do this.
I have to get used to sitting opposite him during lunch and hope not to choke. Even though my body becomes limp and I am totally useless and unable to do anything when he is around. It’s like my body blatantly ignores all orders from my brain.
I’m useless.

“So ladies, how is your day going?” Brad asks Brit, Jane and I as he munches away on his chicken salad sandwich.

“Always better when you’re around.” Jane smiles adorably at him, putting her arm around his broad shoulders. He pecks her softly on her lips.

“Could be better,” Brit growls, still irritated with the amount of homework she has to complete before turning in her Business Leadership paper.

I keep quiet, opting to pick up a crisp lettuce leaf with my fork. But Brad - being Brad - observes my lack of response.

“Em? You are very quiet. Did
something
get in your panties?” He gapes at me with a questioning look in his chocolate brown eyes.

Damn, he’s pretty close to the truth. Something almost got in my panties. I cannot stop thinking about how Luke’s lips felt so soft against mine and the way his hands caressed me as he touched me.
What is wrong with me?
My cheeks flame up like bright red tomatoes and of course Brad notices.

“Hold on! Is some of that ice starting to melt?” He puts on a mock look of horror on his face.

I don’t have to look up to know that Luke is watching me intently. I can feel his blue eyes burning into me. I wonder if he is thinking about what happened last night.
Yeah right,
I scold myself. Luke gave me a dose of my own medicine last night. I was mean to him from the moment we met and deserved his sweet kiss... eh, I mean revenge.

“Knock it off, Brad.” Brit scolds him, defending me.

I look at Brit, mentally thanking her, not missing the questioning look she shoots in my direction. I shrug at her. But I know she is going to corner me later and grill me.

“Yeah, Brad, pick on someone your own size,” Jane sneers at him tossing a napkin in his direction.

“Pull in your claws, ladies. Em, sorry but are you okay?” Brad asks, this time his voice laced with real concern. As big a dork he is, he is a good friend of mine and a lovable dork at that. I can never stay mad at him, no matter how hard I try. And I know he is not to blame for my present mood. I blame present company sitting across from me.

“I’m fine, Brad. Just not in the mood.” I answer him. My voice is low, reflecting my frame of mind while my brains are scattered all over the surface of the white cafeteria table.

Thankfully he lets it rest and I make my escape as soon as I can.

****

The remainder of the day goes by rather smoothly and I have dinner in the kitchen before going to my favourite retreat.

Switching on the lights as I enter the cottage, I make sure to lock the door behind me. Relief shoots through me now that I am here by myself, calming me immediately. I almost cut classes eager to get here. I make my way to the round oak table, placing my bag on top. Reaching inside, I pull out the cream envelope from the side pocket.

I sit down on the chair and take a deep breath before opening it. My heart squeezes inside my chest in the thrill anticipation knowing already what is inside.

He is coming back.

I open the envelope and pull out the matching cream paper tucked neatly inside. Just one page. I start to read.

Hot tears stream down my cheeks silently as I read the letter and my excitement is replaced by sheer anger. I read the letter twice thinking there must be some mistake and my eyes are deceiving me but there it is in black and white, Ethan’s neat handwriting in black ink on the crisp cream paper. He could have sent me an email but he chose to write a letter instead.

The letter where he tells me he met someone and is hopelessly in love with her.

I’m not in love with Ethan any more... I haven’t been for a while. Foe me, it is more a matter of pride being hurt. How could he forget about me so quickly? Did I not mean anything to him, just something he could toss aside? It took him approximately six months to forget about me and fall in love with someone else. How does one do that after spending two years of their life with someone they claimed they loved? And making life long plans to be together?
Seriously?

“Aaaargh!” I scream out loud venting my frustration.

“Aaaargh!” A voice screams back at me.

I gasp in shock. Either my voice just echoed or this wall is screaming at me.

No!

Sweeping my hands across my wet cheeks, I realise with horror that the voice came from whatever is behind the couch.
What the hell?

The shock realisation has me shoving off from the table and knocking my chair down.

“What the fuck?” Luke screams at me as he gets up from under the covers on the couch.

I know I should be reeling in shock but the sight of him has me licking my lips.
Holy sweet baby Jesus.

He is dressed in only a pair of black track pants, hung dangerously low on his lean hips just below the sexy V of muscle on his pelvis. I see the rise and fall of his heavy breathing on his smooth tanned naked chest, a chest that would surely give Thor and his entire gang of Gods a run for their money.
T-shirts be damned
... a chest like that needs to be on display not covered up. Taking in his tired face and messed up hair, I gather I missed seeing him sleeping on the couch when I walked in earlier.

Breathe, Emma. Now is not the time to swoon.
“What the hell are you doing here? Get out!” I yell back at him.

He runs his hand roughly through his tousled black hair. “Princess, you don’t happen to own this property too. So fuck the hell off and let me sleep.” His voice laced with anger.

My fingers clench at my sides. He pissed me off yesterday and I don’t need this shit after the fucked up day I had today. “Get out before I call college security.” I threaten him.

“And. Tell. Them. What?” He punctuates each word, causing a cold shiver to run down my spine.

“You breaking and fucking entering.”

“I have a fucking key.” He explains dryly.

What?
“How... how did you get one? This is my place.” I’m shocked and horrified to know Nan gave him a set of keys knowing full well this is my place. And I don’t intend on sharing. Certainly not with Luke.

He rolls his head back as he ponders my question. “My family own this fucking property. That’s how. So fuck off now and let me sleep.”  He stares back at me. I see a ghost of a smile playing at his lips as he watches my reaction.

A very bright light bulb switches on in my head. “Y- you’re a... a Greyson?” I manage to stutter out, making a complete fool of myself. I’m completely mortified. The Greysons not only own this little cottage but most of the buildings on this campus were sponsored by them. And Luke is one of them. The Greyson. A Greyson. Luke Greyson.
Fuck! Luke owns this cottage and I’m the one trespassing.

“You bet your fucking ass I am. Now get out
before
I throw you out myself.” His voice is like acid and his eyes are dark with anger as he glares at me.

“I have a key. Nan told me I can use this place whenever I need to and I need to now.” And before I can stop, fresh tears flow down my heated cheeks.
Shit.
I don’t want to cry in front of him so I turn around quickly wiping my face with the back of my hands. I turn back to face him.

His hands are on his hips and he frowns at me. “Fine. You can stay here but I’m not leaving.” He replies in a stern voice.

“Damn asshole.” I mutter softly under my breath but not as softly as I hoped.

He hears me and before I know it he moves like lightening coming to stand a few inches in front of me. His minty fresh breath fans my heated cheeks.

Every hair on my body is standing on its end and my heart is beating furiously as it tries to break through my rib cage.

“You remember what happened the last time you called me that, princess?” His velvet voice sends shivers down my body.

Oh yes!
I remember all right. I remember the way he kissed me outside his dorm room then left me cold before walking away. I flinch as I take a step back. I can’t deal with him. Not now.

Not after Ethan’s letter and his admission of meeting the love of his life. Even though I’m over him, his letter still makes me feel like I’m being rejected again. And I hate feeling like this. It takes me back to when my parents left me. I guess it is true what they say... childhood issues left unresolved carry over into adulthood. And my issue has to do with the feeling of abandonment. I have gotten over my parents leaving, but Ethan’s leaving is still a bit fresh. I don’t love him anymore because I have come to realise what he did was cruel. You don’t just walk away from love, you fight for it. And he never bothered to fight. Almost, like he never loved me.

And right now I’m too tired to fight with Luke. I slowly turn around to face the table and quickly gather my bag and move towards the door but he’s too quick. He moves to stand in front of me, blocking my path to the door.

“Stay for as long as you want. Just stop with the name calling.” His voice is drained and I can tell from his appearance he is clearly exhausted.

And the damn flood gates bursts. Tears come down my cheeks again. This time I am unable to turn around and wipe them. He sees them.

He frowns again as his blue eyes look at me. “Did someone die?” He asks not hiding the sarcasm in his voice.

“No.” I choke out.

He moves closer to me, our bodies within touching distance. His minty freshness invades my senses.

His hands hover over my face for a second before he places his warm finger tips under my eyes and gently wipes away my falling tears. This one simple action creates strange knots in my tummy, releasing more tears. His voice is soft and tender when he speaks. “Then why are you crying?”

I hate having him see me breakdown like this. Have I not made enough of an idiot in front of this man? “So what are you now, my new best friend?”

He recoils and his fingers leave my face. “I’m trying to be bloody kind here but you just so fucking full of yourself.” His hand reaches out and grabs the letter that I’m still holding on to.

I try to pull it from him but he takes a few steps away from me and reads Ethan’s hurtful words to me.

“Who the fuck is this asshole?” I cannot miss the shocked expression on his face. Something screams weird and his eyes are as dark as midnight when he looks up at me. He curses some more. “Is he the fuck that broke your heart?”

Luke is a hundred percent right... Ethan is an asshole. There is no reasonable explanation as to why I should defend Ethan. But for some reason probably related to pride I do. “Shut up!” I scream at him. “You know nothing about him.” I yell as I move to close the gap between us. I grab the letter from his hand and stuff it into a side pocket in my bag.

“I know everything.” He replies coolly not looking the least bit surprised.

And I know just who filled him in. Travis and his big bloody mouth.

Luke shrugs his shoulder. “No big deal, you’ll get over it.”

What the hell does he know?
He’s probably never been dumped his entire life.

“Shut up. Please. I just want some peace and quiet. Can you give me that or is it too much to ask?” I beg him.

I’m tired of hearing everyone telling me it is going to be okay.
I am okay.
Just tired and I want to sleep. I look longingly at the couch where his blue blanket is lying in a crumpled pile.

“Fine. Provided you are done with your screaming, because I’m exhausted and in need of some sleep.” And with that he turns away from me, strolling over to the couch to make himself comfortable.

“Fine.” I whimper.

I notice he only occupies one side of the couch resting his feet on the long wooden coffee table in front of him leaving enough room for me to get comfy on the opposite end. I slowly make my way across to the couch and place my bag by my feet at my corner of the couch.  Grabbing my pink woollen blanket - that is neatly folded and lying at the edge of the coffee table - and I cover myself. I turn onto my side facing away from him.

My brain feels like scrambled eggs. The events of the last two days have drained me. I just want some peace and quiet as I will myself to sleep. I refuse to let any of those thoughts in my mind. If only we were born equipped with a delete button.