Hansel 4 (7 page)

The door shuts, and I watch him pass the man some bills. Then he’s striding around the car’s hood, setting the pink box in the seat behind his, and sliding behind the wheel. He takes off out of the lot, and I notice that we’re in his car.

“You drove from Vegas?”

He nods, assessing the road in front of us for a moment before he hangs a right. “I did.”

Curiosity rises inside me. I bat it down. “What did you want to tell me? I have plans,” I lie.

His eyes flicker to me. “What plans?”

“A pointless car ride, followed by dinner.”

It’s not a lie. I’m going to have dinner, in some form or fashion.

“Ouch,” he says. He turns again, onto a busier road, and I buckle myself up.

“Does something hurt?”

He smirks. “My heart.”

“What does that mean?” He’s acting strangely. So…open. So lighthearted.

His dancing eyes find mine. “It means I think you should come with me for dinner and say fucks to whoever you’ve got plans with.”

Inside my stomach, something flexes and rearranges itself. “Where are we going now?” I whisper.

“We’ll be there soon enough,” he tells me.

“So? I want to know. I hate surprises.”

“Well you won’t like this,” he says dryly.

I sulk for a few minutes, unsure what to do. Maybe it’s cruel, but I decide to plunge into what I need to say. I can’t spend too long with him. I’ll lose it if I do.

“You lied about juvie,” I say, looking over at his new, Healthy, Happy Luke face. “My mother confessed everything to me.”

His eyes widen. I watch his throat move as he swallows.

“I told my sister Lana who you were, and she told Mom. The next day, she was at my house. Offering to turn herself in. Offering whatever you might want. She seems to feel like shit. Which she should. So, cool. Fuck her.”

Another look at him reveals he’s slipped into his poker face. I decide to say a little more, just to clarify things, so in a while, when we part, I can feel like we got everything talked out.

“My mother told me what happened. How they told you they were going to adopt you, and then they decided that they couldn’t, so they found someone to take you. Synthia, she told them. But my mom and I have sussed it out. It was Mother.” I exhale slowly, and take a slow, deep breath, because it hurts to face these facts. “My parents made you her first victim.”

He nods slowly. His fingers, around the steering wheel, tighten.

“You didn’t tell me,” I say.

He pulls into the right lane, exiting the interstate, but he doesn’t speak or look at me.

“Why did you keep that part from me?” I ask softly.

“Simpler,” he says after a beat.

“To omit that Mother knew about me already, probably because she met my parents? You didn’t tell her about me, Luke. She probably knew.” I huff another breath out, working not to lose my shit. “It’s not your fault I was taken! Mother knew we lived in Boulder. It probably came up in the transaction. My parents…God, they practically sold you into slavery.”

“Don’t say that shit,” he growls.

“Why not?”

He lets his breath out. His eyes stay on the road ahead of us. “I don’t like to think of it that way.”

“It is that way.”

“Damnit, Leah. I fucking know it is.” He rubs a scar-striped hand over his eyes as we turn into a residential area. “I don’t like to think of it that way. It’s…bothering.”

“Of course it is,” I snap. “You should be bothered. If you weren’t, I’d think that you were dead inside. A robot.”

He exhales slowly. “Well I’m not. A robot.” I watch his cheeks color a little. He rolls his lips together, clearly killing time before he says more. “I had the house demolished,” he says softly.

“What?”

“They started yesterday.” His eyes slide sideways, finding mine. “I hope you’re not too angry.”

“Angry? Why would I be—”

“Because,” he says. “You didn’t get to see your room.”

I bark a laugh. “Fuck that. I couldn’t be happier to see it go. That’s freakin’ great, Luke. Best thing I’ve heard today.”

“I’m glad you’re not upset.”

“No—not at all.” I look around us, at the sprawling houses on narrow, one-way streets. “Where are we going?”

“Have you ever heard of Observatory Park?”

He slows the car as we start to pass a grassy field, framed by four streets. Near the north edge of the field, there’s a little building with a domed top.

“An old observatory,” he says. He parks along the curb, and I look down at my hands, feeling confused.

“Why did you bring me here?”

“This isn’t where we’re going. Just a stop.”

I look up at him. “I’m totally confused.”

He looks out the window. Silence twines between us. Then he clears his throat.

“You know…I could have killed her sooner. Any time almost, if I had…wanted to. But near the end, things changed. She started…talking shit about you, Leah.” His wide, stark eyes move over mine, then boomerang back to the driver’s side window.

“Talking shit?” My heart stutters.

“She knew about the hole in the wall. She knew I liked to hold your hand, and she was crazy. She was jealous of you. She started talking about you too much. It made me nervous.”

“So you killed her? That seems like a stretch.” There’s obviously more to that story, but whether he’ll want to confide in me is anybody’s guess.

I watch him shift his shoulders, as if the memories are aching inside him, and he can’t get comfortable with them. He rubs his hand along the bottom of the steering wheel and speaks in a low rumble.

“One day, after we— One day, I slipped her some of her own medicine. I got her to sleep, and I went looking around. I went all around the house, in some places that I’d never seen before.” The color drains from his face, and his right hand, moving lightly along the steering wheel, locks around it.

I try to imagine what he’s going to say. I wish frenziedly to stay a step ahead of him, but I can’t even guess. “You looked around…” I prompt softly.

“And I found someone I’d never seen before.” He swallows, and still, his voice cracks when he goes on: “It was a little girl. Not very old, like only one or two. One,” he corrects.

His gaze grabs onto mine, but quickly flits back toward the field. His hand, around the wheel, tightens, and he speaks through gritted teeth.

“She had my eyes. My eyes and dark blonde hair, like Mother’s.” He puts a hand over his face and breathes in deeply. “She was living in a closet. In that room where—in a big closet off that bathroom. And Mother was passed out in the tub and Blue was in the other room and she was crying. And her voice was hoarse. So hoarse I almost couldn’t even hear her.” He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep, long breath. “It was disgusting, Leah. Filth. The way they cared for her…” He grits his teeth so hard I hear it. “I saw fucking red. I found some food and fed the baby. Cleaned her up. She was so sad. So fucking beautiful. She was my child.
Mine
. A child I didn’t even know I had—neglected like that.” The last word squeaks. A lone tear falls from his eye down to his knee, and my hands flutter with the want of touching him.

“I got her to go to sleep, and when I did, I found Mother, waking up in cold bathwater.” He turns his upper body, so he can look right at me. “I didn’t do it fast, Leah. I made sure she was scared.”

He broke her neck. He called the cops. And then he came to me.

“It had gone on too long,” he says. “I was weak, or else I would have done it sooner.”

“Luke, you
killed
her. That’s not weak.”

“I was crazy,” he says, from low down in his throat. His voice drops so soft that I can barely hear it. “For a long time, I wanted that bitch to love me.” He turns his blood-shot eyes to me. His mouth wavers before he presses his lips into a small, hard line.

More silence drifts as I try to absorb what he’s told me. It’s…so shocking.

“I have a daughter, Leah. She is fifteen now. She loves Grape Ape donuts from Voodoo, and once a month, I bring them to her.”

Holy shit. It hits me, where we are now, and I’m floored. “She got adopted.”

He nods.

“Her parents don’t mind you coming by?”

He shakes his head, his eyes now focused on the grassy lawn where a group of people a little younger than us have assembled with a bag of soccer balls.

“A few years ago, I did a paternity test. Kinda came clean to them. They were nervous at first, but it’s been so long now…” He shakes his head. “I’ve even baby sat a time or two. Not that she needs it now. She’s growing up. Her name is Kinsley.” He points out my window at a large, two-story brick home. “Her house is that one.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

Lucas
 

I pull Kinsley’s ninth grade yearbook picture out of my wallet and pass it to Leah. She looks so much like me. So much better. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I swear to God, I don’t see Mother in her. Not at all.

“The details of Kinsley’s birth and her existence at the house were sealed, to protect her. Her parents just told her recently about who her bio parents were and how she came to be with them—the man and woman who are raising her. Even without all the details, it’s been a little rough on her. More than a little,” I admit. “One month, she didn’t want to see me.” I stop and swallow as my eyes ache with the pressure of the tears behind them.

“I think she had a hard time understanding— ah.” I inhale through my nose and look out my window. “A hard time understanding how it was me… who was trapped there. Being the male.” I clench my jaw.

It’s something that bothers me, too. Makes me feel like a fucking pussy. Mark, the dude than Lana set me up with back at home, is trying to get me to feel differently. So far, no dice.

“She asked me to stop by today or tomorrow, so I got the donuts yesterday, at a down time, when the line for Voodoo wasn’t out the door,” I’m telling Leah. Anything to keep the silence out of here. Who knows what I might say if it gets quiet.

Soft fingers touch my arm, and I flinch. I look down into her sympathetic eyes. The eyes of a friend? I know that she cares for me. I care for her, too. But how does she feel about me now that she knows all there is to know?

She smiles. “You want to go? I’d love to go with you.”

I roll my shoulders. They’re tight and sore with tension.

I’m tempted to tell Leah ‘no’. I don’t want to confuse Kinsley. She’s mentioned before setting me up with one of her friends’ moms, but that was before. Before she found out about me. The month before last is the month I didn’t come. Last month, she gave me a hug, but she didn’t talk as much as usual. I don’t know what to expect from today, and the truth is, it’s been ripping at me for three and a half weeks now.

“I don’t have to go with you,” Leah says, responding to my stormy mood. “Not if you don’t want. I can take a stroll around here. Meet back at the car?” she offers.

My hand catches hers before my mind can make a choice. It’s just like that with Leah. I can’t seem to help it.

“I’d like to introduce you to her. If you’re sure you want.”

She grins. “I’m sure. I can’t flipping believe you have a daughter. I mean, I know you’re a dad, but two kids? You seem truly legit.” She squeezes my hand and then gets out of the car. We meet in front of the hood, and she grabs my hand without hesitating.

As we walk across the field, I tell her about Kinsley. How she cheers, plays soccer, plays the cello.

“I hope she doesn’t mind me tagging along,” Leah says, as we reach the sidewalk.

“Nah. She’s not like that.”

Leah’s hand tightens in mine as we take the walk up to the house, and climb two stairs onto the porch. I hesitate before knocking, and Leah jumps right in, giving a brisk knock with her unblemished knuckles.

Seconds later, Kinsley greets us with a sunny smile.

“Luke.” Her eyes move from me to Leah. Then her smile widens. “Oh my God, you got a girlfriend.” She does this funny thing that girls do, batting her lashes and acting all…girly as she shifts her focus to Leah. “You’re the girlfriend. I approve.” She laughs and waves us in.

“I’m the one who keeps him straight,” Leah says lightly.

Kinsley wraps her arm around my waist and squeezes. “Luke, you need someone. Did he tell you he climbs mountains. He fell down one right before last time I saw him. Luke, your hands are so much better!”

Leah’s hand, in mine, strokes circles on my thumb while Kinsley talks our ears off. And that’s the way the visit goes.

Kin drags us up to her room and starts getting Leah’s opinion on prom dresses. I sit on her bed and try to do what Mark told me I needed to. Try to think of how I’m feeling. I’m not very good at it. As I listen to them talk, I should feel happy. But I don’t. Why?

I don’t fucking know.

As I stand up, the answer comes to me: Next time I’m here, I’ll be by myself. The thickness in my throat tells me how much I’ll be missing Leah.

Fuck.

I turn away and run my hand along a One Direction poster till I get myself together. Jesus. All I need to do is buy some panties and a bra. Except, well fuck, that’s sexist, isn’t it? The average woman is stronger than the average man. I believe that.

I think about the way Leah pursued me. Coming to me with that mask on. Coming back, even though she knew how royally fucked up I was, having taken care of my blackout drunk ass the night before.

By the time we go downstairs, Leah and Kin are walking in front of me, talking about Gabe, some prick who wants to take my baby girl to prom. We see Melissa and Rob in the kitchen. They’ve got chips and dip, and covert smiles aimed my way.

I arch my brows at Melissa, and the next hour unfurls without a lot of fuss. Sipping beer in the backyard. Kin’s younger sister, Blyss, comes home, and the two of them do cartwheels while we old folks talk about how cold it is for this time of the year.

The drive back to the hotel is quiet, and longer than it felt on the way over. My hand burns for Leah’s, but she keeps hers in her lap. I take it for the sign I know it is. I can’t seem to look at her as I navigate the interstate. The heat is on, and the air feels too thick for my throat.

Leah seems to feel it, too. I hear her swallowing a time or two. I hear her clothing
wshhh
as she shifts around in my passenger seat. Is this the last time? After we part ways at the hotel, will I ever see her again?

I try to focus on the road. The last few miles of our drive go by so quickly, I’m surprised when my navigation system tells me to turn into the hotel parking lot. As soon as I shift the car into park, a painful, prickling heat sweeps through me, neck to thighs. I have to force my head to turn and look at Leah.

Her eyes are on the car parked in front of us. Because she can’t look me in the eye, either.

“Thanks for coming with me,” I hear myself say.

I think back to how I kind of forced her into going with me. That’s fucking embarrassing.

“I hope you didn’t have a bad time.”

“Are you kidding me?” Her voice squeaks. “No way.” She turns toward me and smiles. “I had a great time.” But her eyes are troubled.

“Don’t worry about your mom, okay? I’m not gonna ask her to do that. She didn’t know. Mother used to brag about the way she’d get kids. The fake resume that she would give. It’s fucked up, yeah, but it was all just…fate or some shit.”

Leah’s eyes widen. Her mouth pulls into an offended little ‘o’. “Don’t say that.”

“Why?”

Her brows pinch together, and she gives me a skeptical look. It quickly turns to disappointment. “You don’t remember…?”

I frown. “No. Should I?”

She shrugs, looking out the window for a moment before returning her blue eyes to mine. “You said one time that good stuff should be attributed to fate, and bad stuff more like accidents. I can’t stand to know you think of Mother’s house as fate. That’s not your fate.” Her eyes glimmer, and I can feel my stomach curl into a knot.

“How do you know,” I ask her, hoarse, “that I view it as bad stuff?”

Her brows raise. “Don’t you?”

“I think I just answered that,” I tell her.

“What do you mean?”

I sit there, very still, my heart pounding, my lungs straining, and tell myself to shut the fuck up. I swallow down the words I want to say and even get out of the car. I know what I should do—that I should stop and turn around. Tell her that, yes, lately, when I think about it, I’ve began to consider Mother’s house part of my fate. If there is such a thing. I should say it was my destiny to go through hell at the hands of a mad woman because it gave me Kin. And I should end things there.

I can lie to her. She would be better off. I can almost fucking bet she would be better off without me in her life. So I should do that. I should do whatever I need to, to send her on her way.

Instead, I find myself walking briskly through the lobby, with Leah on my heels. I’m on the fifth floor, but I don’t stop for the elevator. I can’t. I have to move, to keep moving. If I stop—

Just move, Lucas.

I hear her panting as she tries to catch me on the second flight of stairs.

And then she does.

She grabs my elbow, and I freeze in place.

“Luke, what are you
doing
?” she says, stepping around me, so she can look into my face. “What’s the matter?” Her blue eyes are wide and sorry. “Is it something that I said?” Her shoulders heave, because she’s breathing hard. From chasing me.

I look into those wide, apologetic eyes for what feels like forever. Leah’s eyes. I know them well. I know confusion in them; pain; joy; love.

This is Leah. She is here with me right now. And she’s not mine. I fucking know she’s not. She doesn’t need to be.

But this is the last time. It must be the last time. And so, I let myself do something foolish.

I grab her head with my scarred, broken hands and lift her mouth to mine so I can kiss her crazy. I kiss her like I’m trying to push my soul into her soul via our mouths. I kiss her like I’m dying and she’s life. I kiss her like she’s exaltation.

“No,” I say between our violent kisses. “It’s not…something…you said. It’s who…you…fucking…are.”

She gasps, or maybe it’s a loud pant.

“Luke.”

“Leah.”

We slide down to the cement landing between the flights of stairs. I yank her shoes off, then her pants, and finally her sexy little panties. I prop one hand under her hips so the cement’s not too cold against her flaming skin, and lower my head between her legs. She gasps before I even touch her. That little noise gets me so fucking hard, I start to lap her cunt like it’s a drug.

“It’s fate,” I breathe against her swollen flesh, “because it brought me you.” I push my finger in and lick her up and down. “You are my fate.”

“Oh God!” She grinds against my face. She tugs my head down, smashing my tongue against her clit. I use the tip of it to make her scream, “Oh
God
, Luke!”

“That’s right, Leah.”

With my fingers and my mouth, I drive my Leah slowly mad.

I hold her while she shudders and mews, then I pick her up and carry her up three more flights of stairs. Her eyes are closed, and she doesn’t seem to remember she’s not clothed, so I stop at the mouth of the stairwell to take my shirt off and wrap it around her.

My room is not far from the stairwell, but it’s far enough for me to have a second in my head. For me to realize what I’ve done, and to decide that I don’t give a fuck. Not unless she does, and when I look down at her, I find her smiling up at me.

“Happy?” I ask.

Her smile widens like the Cheshire fucking Cat.

One swipe of my card, and we’re in my well-appointed suite. Leah wraps her arms around my neck and nips at my bicep with her teeth.

My cock throbs in my pants. My balls are drawn up underneath. My head’s buzzing. I kiss her mouth and lie her on the bed, then turn around and walk over to a table with a coffee maker and a room service menu. My intention is to give her a second to cool down. Just be sure she’s thought about this.

I know I don’t give a shit if I’m doing something that will haunt me later, but I want to be sure she doesn’t.

I’m palming my cock, gritting my teeth, and enjoying the taste of Leah’s pussy on my tongue when she throws her arms around me from behind.

“What are you doing, silly man?” With her arms around my hips, she urges me to the king-sized bed and pushes against my chest, so I’m laid out on my back, shirtless, wearing just my pants and shoes. My cock strains and throbs against my fly.

“Oh no,” she coos, bending down over it. “This looks like a problem. Would you like some help?”

She rubs me with her palm and traces the hard outline with her fingers. “Leah…”

“If only there was something I could do about this. Maybe if I were to take your pants off…”

She bends down and seals her mouth around my head. She breathes her warm breath through the fabric of my slacks, and I feel my pulse pound in my balls.

“Fuck.” I grab her shoulders.

“Mmmmm.” She cups me through my pants and melds her lips around me, teasing through the fabric with her lips and teeth.

I rock my hips against her face and clench my fists.

“Let’s get rid of these pants now.”

She unfastens my slacks and frees my rock-hard cock. It bounces in the air like a rocket blasting off, and then she’s on my lap. My legs are hanging off the bottom of the bed, my hips right at the edge, and Leah’s straddling my thighs. Clinging to my hip while she tries to get her balance on the edge of the bed. She does, and then she’s jacking me off. Sucking me into her mouth and taking me deep into the velvet of her throat.

“
Leah
.” I twine a hand through her hair and focus on not forcing myself down her throat.