Happily Ever Now (Boundless Love Book 2) (7 page)

‘Flippin eck!’ Felicity choked on her lukewarm drink.

‘Five million pounds! Christ! Sounds like the man I’d want to marry.’ Emily teased.

‘I don’t want it.’

‘I’ll have it,’ said Felicity.

‘You don’t understand. I have a successful flower business. I don’t need this money.’

‘But he gave it to you.’

‘I know that and I’m trying to accept this, but the more I try, the harder it gets. I just feel like I’m becoming his.’

‘Honey, your mind is warped,’ said Emily. ‘It’s just money.’

‘No it isn’t. Money is power, it’s time, it’s not everything, but it can be used as such.’

‘Do you really think he’s going to use it against you?’

‘No of course not. I just don’t feel comfortable with it.’

‘Then give it back,’ said Emily.

‘I tried that. He doesn’t want it back.’

‘Try again, and if he still doesn’t want it, I’ll have it.’

‘I’m serious, Felicity.’

‘I’m sorry, I’m just trying to cheer you up,’ she said.

‘What am I going to do?’ She leaned into Emily’s shoulder.

‘The only thing you can do,’ she said.

‘What’s that?’ She sniffed.

‘Tell him. He loves you. If it’s time you need, he’ll wait.’

‘I don’t think I need time.’

‘Then what do you need?’

‘Freedom.’

‘You already have it,’ said Emily.

‘Not if I get married. The minute I get married I’ll feel like I’ve been trapped. There will be all these expectations.’

‘It’s nothing like that, look at Myles and I.’

‘And that’s the problem. It isn’t the fact that marriage can’t work. It’s the fact that my mind can’t accept it. I can’t force it into submission.’

‘Oh boy.’ Emily rubbed Sahara’s back gently.

‘I know. I’m sorry guys, you’ll have to hold back your excitement. For now.’ She took comfort in Emily’s gentle rub. There was more worrying her than she was telling them. She wondered if it was all in her head. But marrying Eugene would just make things a lot more complicated.

Not a lot was said between them after that. It was an awkward situation. They tried to cheer Sahara up, to look at the bright side of things, but it wasn’t any help. The truth was, she was going to have to face Eugene alone, and it scared her. She knew that he wanted nothing more than to marry her, she just wasn’t sure she was ready to give that part of herself yet. She’d spent a lot of her life dealing with illness, there had never been enough time to give to herself. Things were always done for her, but what did she want.

Finally, Sahara found the courage to go home.

‘Are you going to tell him?’ asked Emily.

‘I have to. I have to be true to me.’

‘I don’t know what to say. I am gutted though. I mean this was something we all wanted.’

‘And that’s the problem. Everyone else wants it for me, I don’t think I’ve ever had time to ask myself what I want.’

Emily nodded. Each of them gave her a hug and she took steps towards her car. She sat in the car for a while and took a few deep breaths. Her stomach churned and she felt a little dizzy. It took her a moment to gather her strength, to finally turn the ignition and start the journey home.

****

When Sahara got home, Eugene was relaxed in the living-room. There was an aroma of lamb that came from the kitchen. She looked at her watch, it was no where near dinner time, but it didn’t bother her. What bothered her was what she was about to tell him.

‘Hey, you’re back.’ He sat up and beamed. ‘Don’t worry about the food, Lawrence is leaving early so he’s just making sure we don’t starve tonight.’

‘It’s the weekend, I was supposed to teach you how to cook.’

‘Yes, of course, there’s always tomorrow. He isn’t in tomorrow.’

She smiled slightly and walked very slowly up to him. She could hear her heart pumping, her hands felt a little shaky too.

‘Is everything alright, it looks like you’ve just seen a ghost.’ He watched.

Sahara took a few more steps towards him and sat on the couch.

‘We need to talk.’

‘Oh no, I don’t like the sound of that.’

She pursed her lips.

‘Are you feeling sick?’

‘It’s not that, it’s…’

‘What is it honey, whatever it is, I’m here.’

She took a deep breath. She was doing a lot of that lately. If she just said it, it would be over! The longer she held onto it, the harder it would become and the more pain she would feel.

‘I can’t marry you,’ she let out finally.

He was silent. He let the words filter through his body and hit his stomach like a heavy rock. He looked at her, there was a flood of questions that came to mind, but he had no idea how to articulate them.

‘I don’t understand. Urm…’

‘I just feel overwhelmed. I feel as though I’m losing myself in all of this. I feel like I’m living your life instead of mine.’

‘I still don’t understand. I thought this was what you want.’

‘No, it’s what you want.’

‘No, it’s what we want. I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

‘Then what’s the problem?’

‘I just don’t want to get married, and I don’t want the five million pounds.’

‘Is that what this is about?’ He sighed.

‘No, it’s everything. The house, the money…’

‘These are only things. I thought you and I were all that mattered.

‘It is, that’s why I think it’s best if we wait.’

He leaned back into the couch and clasped his hands to the back of his head. He couldn’t understand women. He never had and he never will. But this woman wasn’t just any woman to him. She was the woman. The woman he’d do anything for. The one he’d cross an ocean for.

‘Wait for how long exactly?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Aren’t you the one who believes we should live in the moment? The moment I met you was the moment I wanted to make you my wife. It means the world to me.’

‘And to me. I just need to pace myself.’

‘Why?’ He was getting frustrated. ‘Why the hell do you need to do that?’

‘Because I need me. I want me back.’

‘Where have you been?’ He asked flabbergasted.

‘I don’t know, but if I keep letting you do things for me, I’ll never know.’

‘I’m not doing things for you, I’m doing things for us.’

‘Take back the card.’

‘No, it was a gift, that money is yours.’

She breathed heavily.

‘You are one stubborn woman, Sahara Young. I will never understand you. I just won’t.’

‘You don’t have to. I am who I am.’

‘Stubborn!’ He bit back.

‘Please don’t be upset with me.’

‘How can I not be? I’ve done nothing, but love you! I’ve done everything in my power to prove to you that I want you in my life no matter what.’

‘Then you’ll wait. You’ll give me a chance to digest this, get used to the idea.’

‘How long?’ He gazed at her. ‘How long do I have to wait, because I don’t want to wait indefinitely.’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Perfect!’ He felt upset.

‘I’m sorry. Please understand where I’m coming from. This is a lot for me to take on board.’

‘I understand alright! You don’t want to marry me, you don’t want my money and you don’t want to move in with me!’

‘That’s not it. I’m just asking for time.’

He rubbed his forehead and let out a deep sigh. ‘Fine! If that’s what you want.’ He stood up.

‘Where are you going?’

‘I’m just going to get some air, if that’s okay with you.’

She was silent, Sahara didn’t know what else to say or do. He picked up his mobile phone, made a call and within fifteen minutes he’d left the house. As soon as the door slammed behind him, she burst into tears.

****

‘Thanks for meeting with me. Sorry to have pulled you away from your life.’ Eugene joined Myles at the table at the Friends of Ham bar.

‘Gosh I remember this place, good place!’ Eugene laughed lightly.

‘Yep, our hang out.’ Myles looked around the crowd. ‘Lucky I got the table. Some people were leaving just as I arrived.’

‘Yeah, it’s a tricky place to find seating, but love it all the same. ‘Do you want another pint?’ Eugene noticed Myles’s glass was almost empty.

‘Nah, not yet. Tell me, what’s up? This is not like you.’

‘Well, I’ve never been in love before.’ He laughed.

‘I’ve got to hand it to you, you certainly had me fooled. I never thought I’d hear you say that, mate.’

‘Yeah, well it’s happened. That woman drives me crazy in every sense of the word.’

‘She is a strong woman.’ He laughed. ‘That’s the thing about women, you’ve got to give them what they want.’

‘That’s what I’m doing.’

‘That’s what you think you’re doing. You think that every woman wants a man to rescue them, but Sahara is different. I told you that in the beginning. You’ve got to remember she’s beat cancer twice. The courage it took for her to get through that is amazing. She isn’t a woman who wants to be swept of her feet.’

‘It’s clear I have no idea about women. Just when I thought I did.’

‘Correction, you have no idea what Sahara wants. Don’t put her under the title women. You have to treat her as an individual. I learnt that with Emily.’

‘So tell me, what should I do.’

‘You’re asking me for help?’ He laughed. ‘I have to record this.’ He pulled out his mobile.

‘Oh don’t be silly.’

‘C’mon, this is the first time you’ve asked me for help with regards to women. It’s phenomenal.’

Eugene laughed and shook his head. ‘Do you want me to get you that pint now?’

‘Yeah, go on, and then I can give you a run down about what to do.’

‘I can’t wait,’ he said sarcastically.

He took his time to weave himself through the crowd and finally get upstairs. He ordered two beers after waiting a while, and then headed back downstairs.

‘So do you or don’t you want my advice?’ asked Myles.

‘I do, I’m not clued up on women as much as I thought I was.’

‘Correction, on Sahara.’

‘Yes, that’s correct.’ He smiled faintly

It was the first time a woman’s behaviour had actually affected him. Most times, when a woman threw a ‘tantrum’, that was what it was in his eyes, he was able to shake it off, but this wasn’t that simple. He knew for a fact Sahara wasn’t having a tantrum, but he just wished he could reach her somehow.

‘Well, Sahara is an amazing woman. She strong and independent.’

‘One of the reasons I love her. Not forgetting she’s also extremely stubborn.’

‘But she doesn’t have to be.’

He looked at his friend a little confused.

‘You’ve got to step back, stop pushing.’

‘But I’m not pushing.’

‘Are you really listening to what she’s saying? Because if you are, this wouldn’t be happening.’

‘So this is my fault?’

‘Yes it is. One thing I’ve learnt about falling for the woman of your dreams is that most of the times, you’re wrong and she’s right.’

He laughed. ‘That’s ridiculous!’

‘Do you want to marry her or not, because if you don’t, then keep doing what you’re doing.’

‘So you’re saying I must just agree with her.’

‘Yes and no. By agreeing doesn’t mean you’re letting her get away with anything. You’re just letting her know that it’s okay for her to have her opinion.’

‘What about my opinion?’

‘Do you want to be right or happy?’

‘Happy, I guess.’

‘Then do as I’m telling you. If you really took time to listen to Sahara, you’ll realise that she doesn’t really care about all the money. And I honestly think that she feels a little overwhelmed by it all. I guess she doesn’t want to loose herself.’

‘Have you both been seeing the same therapist?’ he teased.

It sounded like exactly what Sahara would say.

‘No, I’m married to Sahara’s best-friend, and when Sahara is stressed out, my lovely wife is the shoulder she leans on.’

‘So you get to hear about it?’

‘Not always, but here’s the thing, Sahara loves you. If she didn’t, you wouldn’t even be here. Just step back and give her time.’

He took a sip of his beer and sat back. The crowd was louder than ever, but it was still a great place to get a drink.

‘Okay, I’ll do my best.’

‘Great! I’m surprised you stuck out this long.’

‘You really thought I was going to play her, didn’t you.’

‘Honestly, yes, but you put me to shame.’

Eugene laughed. They talked about different things and the day went better than expected.

When Eugene arrived back at Sahara’s house, she was sat in front of the television, just gazing at the silent flicks. She turned to him and smiled gently. There was so much she wanted to say, but couldn’t. Even though she’d spent most of the day trying to figure out what she really wanted, she didn’t want to loose him.

‘Hey,’ he said.

‘Hey.’

‘You okay?’

She nodded.

‘Look.’ He walked towards her and knelt beside her. ‘I don’t want to fight with you.’ He took her hand.

‘Me neither. I’m sorry I asked to postpone the wedding.’

‘It’s okay. I get it. You need time to be you. I’ll give you as much time as you need. I’m not going anywhere, okay.’

‘Okay.’ She nodded. ‘Thanks for understanding.’

‘I’ll never push you to do something you don’t want to do.’

‘I know, I know.’

He squeezed her hand. There was a release in the pit of her stomach, although it wasn’t a complete release. There was still something bugging her, and she had to deal with it as soon as possible.

He leaned into her and kissed her. He took her breath away, each time his lips touched hers, she felt herself gasping for air. He touched the sides of her face gently and brought her closer to him.

‘You make me happy. You make me want to do better each time,’ he said.

‘You make me happy too.’ She whispered into him.

They held onto each other for a long while. Sahara felt comfort in his arms.

‘Have you eaten?’ he asked.

‘No, I don’t have much of an appetite, but you can go ahead and eat.’

‘Are you feeling okay?’ He was concerned.

‘I’m fine, it’s just one of those things.’

He watched her a moment, he was about to ask if she was absolutely certain, but remembered Myles’s words. He had to trust her and not push all the time.

‘Okay, I’ll go and eat. Want anything while I’m in the kitchen? A tea perhaps?’

‘Nope, I’m fine. I’ll just relax out here and wait until you’re back.’

‘Okay.’ He kissed her forehead gently, and then set off to the kitchen to for something to eat. 

Chapter Four

The days turned into weeks, and Sahara and Eugene tried to go about their lives as normal as possible. Elizabeth hadn’t been pleased about the news, and was worried that Sahara was self sabotaging the chance to be happy, but she had to let it go. There was no point trying to force her into marriage.

Eugene had to go out of the country for a couple of weeks, which gave Sahara some time and space to herself.  As strange as it sounded, she enjoyed the little time she had to herself. It gave her time to think without him looking over her shoulder. Being in a relationship had been a new experience and she was taking it one day at a time. Each day and each moment had its challenges, but somehow they always got through them.

But one morning as she went down to breakfast, she felt a sudden dizziness. It had been happening off and on, and the doctor had recommended a multivitamin, but it still hadn’t worn off. She held onto the side rail of the staircase and waited for it to subside. The smell of the cooked breakfast wasn’t helping either, and she wondered if she should ring her oncologist.

She sat at the base of the stairs terrified. The way her body felt made her scared, she thought she might be ill again. 

‘Oh please don’t let it be,’ she whispered a moment and took a few more deep breaths.

After a while, the dizzy spell disappeared and she was able to get back up as if nothing had happened.

‘Morning Lawrence.’ She smiled.

‘Morning, Sahara. Are you well this morning?’

‘I am thank you.’ Even though she didn’t feel as well as she made out to be.

‘Can I get you a green tea?’

‘I’ll have a normal tea today, thanks.’

He nodded and stepped away to make the tea. She helped herself to some blueberries and yogurt. In a way she was grateful for Lawrence’s company and she’d gotten used to just getting home and having food ready.

‘Do you have a busy day ahead?’ he asked.

‘I think so.’ She smiled. ‘Please, join me.’

He nodded. He too had gotten used to their morning conversations.

‘Any plans for today?’ she asked him.

‘I plan to go to the market, the butcher and the supermarket. I have a few things I have in mind for the next few meals.’

She watched him a moment, she could tell he loved his job.

‘That sounds great. I think I have a few big orders today. I love working with my hands. I’m sure you can appreciate that.’

‘Yes I can. It takes you away from what’s going on around you.’

‘Yes it does, doesn’t it?’ She loved that he got it. ‘Anyway, I’m going to have to disappoint you. I don’t think I can handle a cook breakfast today.’

He did look a little disappointed, but it was short lived.

‘I really do appreciate what you do for us.’ She pushed back the chair. ‘I better get going.’

With that she picked up her belongings in the passage and headed off to work.

But while she worked, the dizzy spell returned and she had to take a break just to rebalance herself.

‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ asked Alice as she handed her a glass of water.

‘I’m, fine, don’t worry.’

‘Just as long as you feel well within yourself, then I won’t worry.’

‘I’m okay, don’t worry.’

Alice nodded and left her to it.

Sahara fiddled for her mobile phone the moment Alice stepped out of the back room to the shop. She waited nervously as the phone at the other end rang.

‘Press one for enquires and appointments, press two for test results.’

She swallowed back hard as she pressed one.

‘Your call is in a queue, and we’ll respond as soon as possible.’ The automated voice said.

She took a deep breath, tapping her foot impatiently, until the receptionist’s voice came on.

‘Urm…yes I’d like to make an appointment to see Doctor Cross. I know I saw him a few weeks ago, but my symptoms haven’t improved.’

‘Yes, of course could I have your name please?’

‘Sahara Young.’

The woman tapped on the computer, and asked for her address and date of birth next.

‘Are you able to get in tomorrow at ten thirty?’

‘Yes, that’s fine.’

‘Okay, ten thirty with Doctor Cross all booked in.’

‘Thank you.’ She hung up and shut her eyes, and hadn’t noticed that Alice had walked back in.

‘Sorry to barge in on you like that, I had a question and I overheard you making an appointment.’

‘Yes, I didn’t want anyone to worry until there is something to actually worry about.’