Happy People Read and Drink Coffee (8 page)

“You don't look so good.”

“Stop that.”

He broke free and turned toward me.

“Thanks for the dog.”

“You're welcome.”

Judith started applauding, looking back and forth at each of us.

“Hell! What a conversation! Edward, you put more than two words together. And you, Diane, you're more chatty than usual.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Judith, that's enough,” Edward groaned.

“Oh, stop your moaning!”

“Abby and Jack are waiting for us.”

“Let me say goodbye to my new friend.”

Edward raised his eyes to heaven and went on ahead. Judith wrapped her arms around me.

“I'm coming back in two weeks for Christmas vacation. I'll come and see you and you'll confess all.”

“I don't think so.”

I hugged her back; being with this young woman did me good.

I stayed on the beach and watched them leave. Judith was prancing about next to her brother, happy to be with him. And he seemed happy too, in his own way.

5

I hadn't heard from Felix in over a week. That was the last straw; now I was the one who wanted to get hold of him. After three tries, he finally answered the phone.

“Diane, I've got too much to do!”

“Hello to you, too!”

“Talk fast; I've got so many things to get ready for Christmas.”

“What are you planning?”

“Your parents told me you weren't coming home for Christmas. They invited me over but I said no. They'd try to exorcise me again. Instead, it's going to be a beach party in Mykonos.”

“Really? OK.”

“I'll call you when I get back.”

He hung up. I stood for a few moments with the phone against my ear. It just gets better and better. Out of sight, out of mind. The fact that my parents didn't try to convince me to come home for the holidays was hardly surprising. Their depressed, widowed daughter would have spoiled their sociable dinner. But Felix dropping me, that was a harder pill to swallow.

Bright winter sunshine filled the living room—like I'd never seen before—and yet, I didn't have the energy to go out. The approaching Christmas merriment filled me with gloomy thoughts. Someone knocking on my door forced me out of my armchair. I went to answer it. Judith was dressed like one of Santa's little helpers, the sexy version. She threw her arms around my neck.

“What are you doing locked away indoors in such gorgeous weather? Get your gloves on and we'll go for a walk.”

“You're kind, but no thanks.”

“You think I'm giving you a choice,” she said, pushing me towards the coat closet.

She pulled a hat down on my head, picked up my keys and locked the cottage door.

She sang all the Christmas songs—out of tune. I laughed, in spite of myself. Judith produced a miracle of sorts. She got me to walk along the entire bay and through Mulranny to drag me over to Abby and Jack's place.

“We're here!” she shouted as we went inside.

I followed her into the living room. She went and planted big, wet kisses on her aunt and uncle's cheeks.

“Diane, so good to see you,” Abby said, giving me a big hug.

Jack gave me a broad smile and a gentle tap on the shoulder. All we needed was stories by Dickens to re-create the myth of Christmas. The tree was as high as the ceiling, cards lined up on the mantelpiece, gingerbread cookies on the coffee table, brightly lit garlands, a remix of “Jingle Bells” in the background: it was all there. Within minutes, Judith and Abby were making me feel at home. They forced me to sit down; Judith handed me a cup of tea and Abby a plate of cookies, carrot cake, and gingerbread. You'd think they were trying to fatten me up. Jack threw his head back and laughed.

For two hours, it was like watching a play. Judith sat on the floor and wrapped presents that she threw under the tree. Abby was knitting a Christmas stocking. I was completely at odds with this atmosphere that reeked of good spirits. I didn't believe in any of it any more. Yet, in the past, I would have been the first to put on a party hat and throw confetti. All for Clara.

“Be careful,” Jack said to me, “they're plotting and I think it's something to do with you.”

“Be quiet,” Abby said. “Diane, Christmas is in two days. You're not going back to France?”

“No, I'm not.”

The fake smile I'd worn since I arrived was gradually fading.

“Well then, come and spend it with us. We're staying home, just us.”

Just us? Was that bastard Edward going to be coming, too? The mere idea of seeing him be the life of the party on Christmas Eve was enough to tempt me to accept.

“Come on,” Judith begged, “I don't want you to be all by yourself.”

I was about to reply when we heard a door bang shut. Judith got up and skipped out to the entrance hall. We could hear the sound of a muted conversation.

“Come on, now,” said Judith, “and behave yourself!”

I wasn't surprised to see Edward appear behind his sister. Instead of sitting down again, Judith put her arm around his neck, leaned her chin against his shoulder, smiled, and looked at me.

“Say hello, Edward!” she shouted, still staring at me.

To stop myself from bursting out laughing, I looked up at him. The best way to annoy him. He gave me a hard look.

“Hello,” he muttered.

“Edward.”

He came into the room, shook Jack's hand and stood in front of the fireplace. He turned his back on us and watched the fire.

“Now everyone's said hello,” said Judith, “let's get back to our discussion.”

“We're serious,” continued Abby, “come and celebrate Christmas with us.”

Edward quickly turned around.

“What are you talking about? This isn't the Salvation Army.”

His whole body had gone rigid and I wouldn't have been surprised to see smoke come out of his ears.

“Don't you ever get sick of being an ass?” his sister retorted. “We've invited Diane to spend Christmas, and you have nothing to say about it. If you don't like it, you can stay home; we can live without you.”

The brother and sister were at each other's throat; they looked like two cocks in a fight. But for once, Edward didn't seem the more dangerous one. In spite of the pleasure it gave me to see him get thrashed by his younger sister, I had to put an end to it.

“Just a minute! I think that I might have something to say about this. I won't be coming because I don't celebrate Christmas.”

“But . . .”

“Don't insist.”

“You do what you like,” Jack said. “But if you change your mind, our door is always open to you.”

“Thanks very much. I'll be going now; it's getting late.”

“Stay for dinner,” Abby offered.

“No, thank you anyway. Don't get up; I know the way out.”

Judith stood back. Abby hugged me again. I could see the disapproving look she shot at her nephew. I went and gave Jack a kiss on the cheek. He winked at me. I went over to Edward and stood in front of him. He looked me straight in the eyes.

“Thanks,” I whispered, so no one else could hear me. “You've just done me a big favor. You're not so bad after all.”

“Get the hell out of here,” he mumbled between clenched teeth.

“Goodbye,” I said, loudly.

He didn't reply. I gave a last little wave and found Judith near the front door. She watched me put on my coat.

“Why are you running away?”

“I want to go back home.”

“I'll come and see you over Christmas.”

“No. I want to be alone. Your place is with your family.”

“Is it because of my idiot brother?”

“He doesn't matter to me at all. It's got nothing to do with him. I have to go. Good night. Don't worry about me,” I said, giving her a hug and a kiss.

I'd forgotten I had walked all the way there. Rain was beating down on me and it was dark. I pushed my hands deep into my pockets and kept walking, trying not to think. The sound of a car honking made me jump. I stopped and turned around, but the headlights were blinding me. I was even more surprised to see Edward's car stop next to me. He opened the window.

“Get in.”

“Is this the spirit of Christmas? Or are you not feeling well?”

“Take advantage of the offer of a ride; it won't happen again.”

“I suppose you have to be good for something.”

I got into the car. His car was as messy as his house. I had to kick things away on the floor in order to sit down. The dashboard was full of packs of cigarettes and newspapers, and old coffee cups were stuffed into the sides of the doors. God knows I'm a smoker, but the smell of the cold tobacco made me feel sick. Nothing but silence in the driver's seat.

“Why haven't you gone back to France?”

“I don't feel like it's home any more,” I replied, a little too quickly.

“But you're not at home here, either.”

“Wait a minute. Is that why you offered to drive me back? So you could insult me some more?”

“The only thing I care about where you're concerned is when you're leaving.”

“Stop your damned car!”

He stopped short. I wanted to get out as quickly as possible, but I couldn't unbuckle my seatbelt.

“Need some help?”

“Shut up,” I shouted.

I finally managed to free myself, and for once, I was the one slamming the door in his face. Well, the car door, at least.

“Merry Christmas!” he called out from the window.

I didn't even look at him, just started walking. His car passed near me, went through a puddle and soaked me from head to foot. He had a mental age of twelve, if that. He would end up winning; as well as getting on my nerves, he was wearing me out.

I finally got home, shivering, and barricaded myself in.

It was December 26, eleven o'clock in the morning and someone was knocking at my door. Judith. She pushed me aside and came in.

“Christmas is over!”

She went into the kitchen to get herself a coffee and came back to crash down on the couch.

“There's really something not right with you,” she said. “I have a favor to ask.”

“I'm listening.”

“Every year, I organize the New Year's Eve party.”

I could feel myself turning white. I stood up and lit a cigarette.

“The owner of the pub knows me since I was a little girl; he can't refuse me anything. You know that only old people live in Mulranny, and dancing isn't really their thing. So I borrow the pub and do what I like. We've had some wild times there.”

“I can imagine.”

“Every year, all my friends come and we have a great time. We booze it up, sing, dance on the tables . . . And this year, we'll have a French woman with us.”

“Oh? Are there two of us in Mulranny?”

“Stop it, Diane. You don't celebrate Christmas, fine. You're not the only one who has a problem with family gatherings. But New Year's Eve, that's the time to be with friends, to have fun, you can't refuse.”

“You're asking too much of me.”

“Why?”

“Drop it.”

“OK. I want you to be there, but try to avoid the junkshop.”

I frowned.

“Forget the yoga pants and the awful sweatshirt.”

In a different way, she was becoming as annoying as her brother. I sighed and closed my eyes before replying.

“Fine, I'll come, but I won't stay for long.”

“That's what you think. Good, that's settled; I've got a lot on my plate.”

She swept out like a tornado. I slumped down into my armchair and held my head in my hands.

I managed to convince Judith that I could do without her fashion advice. I still knew how to dress by myself and I imagined that her tips would have been in the worst possible taste.

I considered my reflection in the swing mirror. I felt like I was in disguise, and yet, I was rediscovering myself. I looked at myself for a long time in the mirror. There was no doubt about it: I had aged, my face showed the signs. Wrinkles had appeared, and when I looked closer, I could see some grey hairs. And then I thought of Colin. So I hid some of the traces of my sadness with makeup. I darkened my eyelids and put a thick coat of mascara on my eyelashes; I made my eyes stand out for him. I instinctively tied my hair up in a messy bun; a few strands of hair fell down onto my neck. He always used to play with them. I dressed in black from head to foot, pants, a top that was open at the back and high heels. My only piece of jewelry was my wedding ring that was hidden between my breasts.

I was in front of the pub. The parking lot was full and the party in full swing. I was about to find myself in the midst of a bunch of complete strangers. I was going to have to talk and smile; I didn't think I could do it.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. The heat took me by surprise. The place was jam-packed with everyone singing, dancing, and laughing to the sound of “Sweet Home Alabama.” There was no doubt about it: the Irish certainly knew how to party. I'd never seen anything like it. I had no trouble finding Judith. You couldn't help but spot her lion's mane, black leather pants, and red bustier. I managed to make my way over to her. I tapped her lightly on the shoulder and she turned around.

“Is that you, Diane?” she asked, looking puzzled.

“Yes, you idiot!”

“I was sure there was a femme fatale hiding somewhere in you. Shit, you're going to steal the show from me!”

“Stop or I'll go.”

“No way. You're here and you're staying.”

“I warned you: as soon as it's midnight, I'll be like Cinderella and disappear.”

She went away for a few minutes, then came back and handed me a glass.

“Have a drink and we'll talk about it later!”

She whisked me around, introducing me to everyone. I met some really nice people; they were all smiling and wanting to have a good time in a way I'd never imagined possible. The atmosphere was all friendly, not at all full of show-offs. The many glasses of wine I was given during the evening helped me to relax and join in the fun.