Harbor Lights (21 page)

Kevin heard an odd note in her voice, a hint that she was speaking from experience. “Did people judge you for leaving your husband?”

“Some did,” she said. “Partly because it was easier than blaming him. I was the nobody who’d married into a prominent family. And partly because we worked so hard to keep anyone else from knowing the truth about how bad Greg’s drinking was. Therefore if the marriage was over in less than a year, it had to be my fault. I must have been some gold-digger, eager for a quickie divorce and a lot of alimony. There was even an item in one local paper suggesting that I’d get a bundle because of a prenuptial agreement, which we never had. I could hardly take out an ad in the paper to say I’d taken nothing from him.”

“That must have been tough.”

She acknowledged it with a nod and a change of subject. “How did things go with the job today?”

Kevin wanted to pursue the discussion of her marriage, but she was regarding him with an expression that begged him to move on.

“The job is great,” he said. All day he’d been thinking about sharing this with her. It felt good to come home and have someone around who was interested in how his day had gone. “Uncle Thomas is even more amazing than I realized.”

“Tell me,” she said eagerly.

“Today I went with him to speak to a couple of Maryland legislators. Tomorrow he has an appointment with the governor, and I’m going along for that, too. Obviously I don’t have much to contribute, but he wants me to be up to speed on all these talks before we start a real push for stronger bay cleanup efforts.”

“New legislation?”

“No, just stricter enforcement of the Chesapeake Bay Act that’s already on the books. It’s not just a problem in Maryland, but in all of the states whose waters flow into the bay. I’m not sure if it’s a lack of investigators to follow up on violations or a lack of will. Either way, we need to get the states to make this a priority.”

She grinned as he talked. “This is the happiest I’ve seen you since we met,” she said. “You’re really excited about this, aren’t you?”

“It’s fantastic,” he said. “It’s the kind of work that can make a real difference.”

“I’m so happy for you.” She squeezed his hand. “I can’t wait to do my part by holding that fund-raiser at the store. I’m getting so many inquiries about it, I’m afraid it’s going to be standing room only that night.”

“You could always move it to the inn,” he suggested. “Or just count on spilling out into the square. You might have to get a permit for that, but I don’t think it would be a problem. Want me to check? I know my uncle would be open to expanding the event. There’s nothing he likes more than speaking to a huge crowd about his passion for the bay.”

“I love that idea,” Shanna said eagerly. “We’d have to have a sound system of some kind in the gazebo on the green, but he could speak from there. People could sit in lawn chairs or on blankets. I’d set up a table to sell books. I’d have to get someone to work in the store, but I could handle the sales outside.” Her eyes lit up. “Someone from your group could be there to sign people up for memberships and to take donations.”

“I’d do that,” Kevin volunteered, catching her enthusiasm.

“This is going to be amazing,” she said. She jumped up. “I need to start working on this right now.”

“It’s after working hours for most people,” Kevin reminded her. “There’s not much you can accomplish tonight.”

“I can make lists, so I’ll be set to go first thing in the morning.”

He met her gaze. “We’re on a date, remember?”

She looked at him, then finally sat back with a sheepish grin. “I got carried away.”

He laughed. “I love seeing you like that, but it’s hell on my ego to have you so eager to toss me aside for making lists, especially such a short time after completely forgetting that we even had plans for tonight.”

She chuckled. “I think your ego’s probably just fine. It can withstand a few hits.”

He sobered and he touched a finger to the dark smudges under her eyes that not even her excitement and humor could wipe away. “I’m really sorry you had such a tough day.”

“I’m better now,” she told him. “Thanks to you. The banana split was a good distraction. The idea for expanding the fund-raiser was even better.”

“How about this?” he asked, leaning forward to claim her lips. The brief touch set off an inferno inside him. Under his fingertips, her skin heated, as well.

“Is this a good distraction?” he murmured, his breath mingling with hers.

She swallowed hard. “The best.”

He met her gaze. “I want more, Shanna. My life’s a mess and I can’t make any promises about tomorrow, but I want you tonight.”

She hesitated for so long, her gaze locked with his, that he thought she was trying to find the right words to refuse him. Instead, she stood up and held out her hand.

“I want you, too,” she said simply.

Only as they made their way back toward Shanna’s apartment did Kevin start to wonder if she truly wanted him, or if she simply wanted another guaranteed distraction from the news about her ex-husband. Worse, with her hand secure in his, he wasn’t really sure it mattered. Right this second, all he cared about was how desperately he wanted her in his arms.

Shanna needed someone to hold her, someone who genuinely cared about her. She especially needed that tonight. Thinking about Greg and his problems and how that had spilled over to make her feel inadequate had been on her mind all day. She knew intellectually that she hadn’t
failed him, that he’d been troubled long before they’d even met. Still, deep in her heart, she believed there must have been something she could have done,
should
have done, to fix things for him and especially for Henry.

The solid feel of Kevin’s hand wrapped around hers gave her a sense of security she hadn’t felt in a while. He was a strong man, one she could lean on rather than have to prop up. For all of his grief over Georgia, Kevin had never lost sight of his responsibility to his son. She admired that strength of character more than she could say. It told her the kind of man he was, the kind of man she wanted in her life for the long haul.

When they walked into her darkened apartment, lit only by the soft glow of lights from the street and a bit of shimmering moonlight, a part of her wanted him to sweep her into his arms and make her forget everything else. Another part appreciated the care he was taking, the gentle touch of his fingers on her cheek, the soft caress as he stroked along the bare skin exposed by the neckline of her T-shirt. He was going slow, though his gaze was heated. He was giving her time to change her mind, maybe even to catch up with him.

When he sealed his mouth over hers again, his tongue teasing at her lips, then delving inside to taste, she felt the shock of the kiss melt everything in her. If she hadn’t been leaning into him, her knees might very well have buckled.

“Bedroom,” she whispered, wanting to get on with it, wanting to feel the length of him stretched out next to her…on top of her.

His hand stilled, almost to the tip of her breast, leaving her tingling and wanting more. His gaze sought hers. There was fire in the depths of his eyes and a need that surely matched her own. “You’re sure?”

“Very,” she said, leading the way.

Inside the room, though, she grew hesitant, remembering how often things with her ex-husband had gotten exactly this far, sometimes even further, before he lost interest or fell asleep. It had devastated her. Though rationally she’d known alcohol was to blame, she’d been unable to separate that from her own feelings of inadequacy.

“Shanna?” Kevin whispered, a question in his voice and in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” she insisted, reaching for the buttons on his shirt, rather than her own. She needed to push him past the point of no return, needed to touch and feel his arousal, to know that she could make him desire her in ways she’d begun to doubt herself capable of.

Apparently sensing something a little wild in her, guessing at the tension she was feeling, Kevin let her proceed at her own pace. She heard his breath quicken as her fingers touched his rock-hard abs, then slid lower. She undid the buckle on his belt, the catch on his pants, then slowly lowered the zipper, her knuckle grazing his arousal beneath the soft fabric of his briefs. He moaned then and stilled her hands.

“Enough, sweetheart. My turn,” he said, easing off her T-shirt, then lowering his head to suck at her already hardened nipples through the lace of her pale peach bra.

He lifted her onto the bed, then deftly began removing the rest of her clothes before stripping away the last of his.

Shanna waited with bated breath for the moment when something would go wrong, but Kevin’s touches became more intimate, his attention never flagging. Her blood was humming, her nerves straining, as he watched her with the kind of masculine appreciation she’d always yearned for.

“You can let go,” he told her, stroking her until she
thought she’d fly apart, but she couldn’t let go, didn’t trust him or herself enough, because it could be over then.

“I want you,” she murmured. “Please, Kevin. I need you with me.”

He rose above her then, lifted her hips and fit himself to her, then moved slowly, confidently, until he filled her. The sensation was amazing. Too much. Yet not nearly enough. Her hips began to move. He met her, again and again, until at last she dared to let go, dared to believe in him and, finally, in herself, as wave after wave crashed over her, through him.

As the waves finally, inevitably, ebbed, she clung to him, not wanting to let go, not wanting the magical moment to end.

Then, after a bit, magically he stirred inside her and the wild ride started all over again. As they reached the peak and flew over the edge, Shanna’s doubts about who she was as a woman fled. No matter what happened from this night on, she would never forget that Kevin had been the one to accomplish that, to give her back the self-confidence she’d thought gone forever.

I
t was three in the morning when Kevin finally awoke and glanced at the clock on Shanna’s bedside table. He was immediately assailed by guilt. It was one of the few times ever he hadn’t been at home to tuck Davy into bed, or at least to give him a good-night kiss.

Not that he was worried his son wasn’t being well cared for. Gram would see to that. Davy’d already been half-asleep when Kevin had left the house, and he rarely woke up during the night. But what if this was the one night he had, and Kevin hadn’t been there to comfort him? Even knowing that Gram was right next door wasn’t reassuring.

Still, he couldn’t regret what had happened here. Loving Shanna had been beyond his wildest expectations. He’d sensed some initial reserve in her that he hadn’t understood. It was almost as if she’d been fighting off demons of some kind. If he hadn’t known about her marriage, he might have wondered if she was a virgin, because of her hesitancy, then the deliberate nature of her actions. She’d seemed intent on moving forward as if it were a mission, rather than an anticipated joy.

Thinking back on it now, he had the feeling she’d been testing herself—or him—in some way. If she had, they’d both apparently passed, because the night had been filled
with sensations and laughter and the kind of passion he hadn’t expected to experience again for a long time. The connection between them had been deeper and more meaningful than he’d expected, as well.

What now, though? He’d made no promises, made that very clear, in fact. It was ironic then that he was the one who’d awakened wanting more. He’d never thought of this as a one-night stand, but right this second, he found himself wanting forever. That feeling scared the daylights out of him, especially with another wave of guilt arriving hard on its heels. He could almost hear his former mother-in-law’s voice in his head, criticizing him for replacing Georgia in his life. She’d made the accusation often enough before she left that her words were burned into his memory.

He slipped out of Shanna’s bed, hunted for his clothes and headed for the bathroom to dress. Not wanting to turn on a light and wake her, he left the door open to let in the glow from the streetlights. Standing there, he could watch her sleep, take in how beautiful she was with the sheet barely covering her, her hair tousled. The idea of joining her in that bed again was way too tempting. He turned away and quickly put on his clothes.

When he was dressed, he paused by the side of the bed, then leaned down and dropped a light kiss on her forehead. She stirred slightly.

“Kevin,” she murmured.

“Go back to sleep, Shanna. It’s still the middle of the night, but I have to get home, check on Davy and then take off for Annapolis.”

“’kay,” she mumbled and settled more snugly under the covers, her arms wrapped around a pillow instead of him.

He sighed, forcing himself to turn away and leave. If it was this hard to walk away now, after just one night, what
was going to happen as time passed? He’d never been one for casual flings. Mick had instilled a strong sense of honor in his sons, made them understand not to take sex lightly.

Thinking back, Kevin wondered if perhaps that was why he’d raced into marriage with Georgia, because once they’d fallen into bed, he’d assumed that also meant they’d fallen in love. Only much, much later had he realized how wrong he’d been.

Too late,
he told himself as he drove home. There was no going back and fixing that at this late date. All he could do was make sure he never made the same mistake a second time. He and Shanna were just getting to know each other on a whole new level. This time he wouldn’t rush headlong into anything.

Which meant he needed to take an emotional step back from Shanna whether he wanted to or not. And if that meant staying out of her bed, where his resolve was bound to become a little murky, then so be it.

Mick took an early-morning flight from New York back to Baltimore. He had work to do on the plans for Bree’s theater, which was about to start construction as soon as all the permits were approved. She’d do her first, trial-run production at the local high school this fall, then one more over the winter. The plan was to launch a full season in the new Chesapeake Shore Community Theater next summer.

As anxious as he was to get this project off the ground and completed for Bree and for the town, he regretted having to run off yet again and leave Megan. He was increasingly frustrated by her refusal to do the sensible thing and move back home, with or without a ring on her finger. He’d marry her or give her more time, whichever she preferred, but he wanted her close, back in all their lives.

Damn, the woman was stubborn! Even as he thought it, he acknowledged the irony with a grin. That contrariness made her a good match for him, though when they butted heads it definitely made life difficult. Neither one of them had the capacity to give an inch.

Because she was so much on his mind, he pulled out his cell phone as soon as he landed and called her at work.

“I miss you already,” he told her. “Fly down here this weekend.”

“Mick, that’s only a couple of days away,” she protested. “You were just here.”

“And I can’t get enough of you,” he responded, then mustered all the arguments he thought might strike a chord. “Think about it, Meggie. You’ll be able to look over the plans for the new community theater and talk ’em over with Bree, and you’ll be able to get a fix on what’s going on between Kevin and Shanna. Then there’s the chance to spend time with Caitlyn, Carrie and Davy. Those three grandkids of ours are growing mighty fast. In the blink of an eye they’ll be headed off to college and lives of their own.”

She laughed. “You’re a sneaky devil, Mick O’Brien. You know I can’t resist spending time with our children and grandchildren, though I think we have a bit longer than the blink of an eye before the little ones head off to college.”

“Push whichever button might work, that’s what I always say,” he told her. “Will you come?”

“I have to work Saturday morning,” she began, then hesitated long enough to make him nervous. “But I’ll fly down in the afternoon.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Not soon enough, but I’ll take it,” he said at once. “Especially if it means you’ll stay through Monday.”

She waited a moment, most likely just to torture him, then said, “I can do that.”

He chuckled. “Maybe I should have pushed for Tuesday.”

“Then I’d have had to tell you no. Take your small victory and be happy,” she said.

“I love you, Meggie.”

“And I you. Just don’t let it go to your head or start making assumptions.”

“Not where it’s heading,” he said dryly, hoping his very physical reaction to her words wasn’t evident to any passerby.

“Stop that kind of talk,” she said, though she was chuckling. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”

“Let me know your flight and I’ll pick you up,” he told her.

“I can rent a car,” she protested.

“And I can pick you up,” he responded. “It’ll give me extra time with you coming and going.”

“You just like that I’ll be at your mercy once I get to town,” she chided.

“Now that you mention it, that is a wonderful bonus,” he told her.

He ended the call with reluctance, then went to the parking garage, got his car and headed home. There was no telling what he’d find these days when he got there, and that was exactly the way he liked it. For a man his age, he was discovering he was fond of surprises, especially when it came to his family. It was a huge change from the days when he’d come home out of a sense of duty, his thoughts still on whatever project he’d left behind rather than on what was waiting for him at home. Now the opposite was true.

And recognizing that told him that perhaps he truly was ready for the kind of future that Megan deserved.

Shanna was in touch with Greta almost every day, though she didn’t always speak to Henry. She understood that too much contact with the boy could wind up being counterproductive. She was no longer part of his life, not really, and she didn’t want to upset or confuse him by acting as if she was. Still, she felt the need to know what was going on with Greg and that Henry was doing well.

Today when she called, Greta sounded subdued. “Mrs. Hamilton has decided Henry and I should move into her house. She says Henry’s dad isn’t likely to be back home for several months, assuming he stays in treatment the way the doctor’s recommending.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Shanna said, her heart sinking. The Hamilton home, with its heavy, dark drapes blocking out light, its valuable antiques and expensive breakables, was no place for a young, energetic boy.

Shanna had always suspected that Greg had been told no so often as a child, he’d openly rebelled as an adult and done every conceivable thing that had been forbidden to him earlier in his life. His house had been light and airy with virtually nothing sitting on tables. In fact, the environment had been almost sterile, but he’d encouraged Henry to play in any room he chose. And he rarely, if ever, told him he couldn’t do something. With another child, the result could have been disastrous, but Henry wasn’t spoiled. He’d somehow always known the limits or simply been so eager to please that he’d been mostly well behaved.

Shanna knew he’d probably be okay wherever he lived, but she worried at the oppressive environment that was the Hamilton home, especially when both of the adults
there were bound to be worried sick and totally focused on Greg.

“Mrs. Shanna, I don’t want to live there,” Greta admitted.

“You have to,” Shanna said, alarmed. “Henry will need you more than ever.”

“I know,” the nanny said with a deep sigh. “But Mrs. Hamilton and I, we never see eye to eye on things. She’s entirely too strict with him, but I’m not sure a constant test of wills between the two of us will be good for Henry.”

“Please try,” Shanna begged. “For his sake. I know she can be impossible, but just agree with her, then do what you think is best.”

“What I think is best is for Henry to come and stay with you,” she said flatly. “I’ve been with him practically since his mama died when he was a baby. He was never happier than when you were here.”

Shanna’s eyes stung with more unshed tears. “Oh, Greta, you know there’s nothing I’d like more, but it’s impossible.”

“Nothing is impossible,” Greta said with grim determination. “I intend to tell Mrs. Hamilton what I think until it finally sinks into that thick head of hers. I’ll tell her ten times a day and twice that on Sundays, if that’s what it takes.”

Shanna fought a grin. She’d love to see that, but in the end it would only wind up with Greta getting fired.

“You know you can’t do that,” she chided. “She won’t abide back talk from you.”

“Well, I can dream about it,” Greta insisted. “And one of these days, who knows what might pop out of my mouth? I know she cares about Henry. She just doesn’t want to admit that what he needs to be happy is to be with you, so he can have a normal childhood.”

“Maybe this time Greg will get through rehab and pull himself together,” Shanna said. “Henry needs his dad.”

“Henry needs the man his dad used to be,” Greta said direly. “We both know that’s unlikely.”

“I won’t accept that,” Shanna said. Because if she did, it would mean admitting that Henry was doomed to a life of chaos and uncertainty.

“It’s too bad that man threw away the best thing that ever happened to him,” Greta said. “You always believe the best about him, even now.”

“I want to,” Shanna said. “I loved him. Admitting I’d made a mistake about the kind of man he was, that was hard for me. Even so, there had to be some kind of decency inside him. I don’t believe I could have loved him, even for such a short time, if there hadn’t been more than good looks and charm.”

“Many a woman has been fooled by a persuasive man on his best behavior,” Greta said. “Some of them do have good in them. Some are bad right down to the bone. Mr. Hamilton, I’m not so sure about him.”

“Well, I am,” Shanna insisted. “Look how wonderful Henry is, despite everything he’s been through. Some of that has to be due to Greg’s influence.”

“I suppose,” Greta conceded. “I’ll call you once we’re settled with the Hamiltons. It’s probably best if I do that, rather than you calling me.”

“Of course,” Shanna said, knowing how risky a poorly timed call from her could be. “Tell Henry I love him. I’m not sure he believes it anymore, but it’s true.”

“He knows. In his heart, he knows,” Greta assured her.

Shanna hung up slowly, then looked up to see Bree standing there, openmouthed with apparent shock.

“You’re in love with someone named Henry?” she said accusingly.

Shanna winced at her icy tone. “Bree, you misunderstood.”

“The words were pretty clear,” she insisted. “Oh, Shanna, how could you do this to Kevin? How could you let him fall for you if you’re in love with someone else?”

Shanna sighed. “It’s not what you think.”

“I know what I heard,” Bree said, sparks in her eyes, every bit of O’Brien protectiveness kicking in. “You didn’t know I was standing here, so what you were saying had to be the truth. Now you’re just scrambling to cover it up.” She shook her head. “How could you do that to Kevin when you know what he’s been through? You’ve fooled all of us.”