Harbor Lights (22 page)

Shanna let her rant on for several more minutes until she finally wound down. She realized how Bree could have misunderstood what she’d heard, but if she would just let Shanna get a word in edgewise, she could actually explain.

Bree’s tirade finally slowed, but the anger in her eyes hadn’t dimmed.

“My turn now?” Shanna inquired.

“Go ahead. Try to explain it away,” Bree said, her tone unforgiving and filled with skepticism.

“Henry is seven years old. He’s my stepson, the child of my former husband.”

Bree looked unconvinced. “Do you swear that’s the truth?” she asked eventually.

Shanna kept her gaze level. “It’s the truth. I’ll get my wallet and show you his picture, if you like.”

Bree backed down as quickly as she’d become irate. “Shanna, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You never mentioned having a stepson.”

“Because the whole situation is incredibly painful. I don’t like to think about it, much less talk about it.”

“Does Kevin know?”

“He knows my marriage was a mess, but he doesn’t know about Henry. It hasn’t come up.”

“So, when you divorced, you not only left your husband, you lost someone you’d come to think of as a son,” Bree said, putting the pieces together.

Shanna nodded. Close to crying earlier, now her eyes filled up and tears trickled down her cheeks. “Bree, walking away from that child was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

“You don’t have any relationship with him now?”

“Only by phone. The nanny fills me in, too. She was the one on the phone just now. That’s the most the court would allow. Though we’d known each other for quite a while, Greg and I were married less than a year. His entire family fought against my having any visitation rights. They said it would be too disruptive and confusing.”

“Oh, my God, I can’t imagine how hard that must be,” Bree said, instantly sympathetic. “Shanna, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, me, too. It’s even worse right now, because there’s a crisis and I
still
can’t be there for him.”

“If you want to be there, maybe you should just go. What’s the court going to do, have you arrested?”

Shanna smiled at that. “The judge might not, but Henry’s grandmother would likely give it a try.”

“I’ll go with you and bail you out,” Bree offered. “In fact, all of us will. Can you imagine the combined force of all the O’Briens descending on them at the jail? Or maybe taking on Grandma?”

That image made Shanna laugh. She stood up and hugged Bree. “Thank you for offering. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“You need to fill Kevin in,” Bree said, sobering. “You know, the fact that you left behind a child, even a stepchild, is going to be difficult for him to accept.”

Shanna nodded. “I figured that out the other day after you told me about your mother and your theory about his feelings for Georgia. I’m scared to tell him,” she admitted. “It could change the way he feels about me.”

“Not telling him could be worse,” Bree advised. “Sooner or later he’ll pick up on something or someone will say the wrong thing. It’s better if he hears about this from you. After all, this wasn’t your fault, Shanna.”

“I know, but on days like today, I feel as if it was, as if I’ve let that little boy down terribly. What if Kevin feels that way, too?”

“He won’t if he knows the whole story,” Bree said confidently. “Tell him.”

“I will,” Shanna said. “I’ll find the right time.”

“
Make
the right time,” Bree said. “When Jake and I had some things we had to work through, that’s what my dad told me, that I had to insist on talking, that waiting around for the perfect time was a recipe for disaster. No time is ever perfect.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Shanna promised.

Bree stood up to go. “You okay now? Want me to bring you some comfort food from Sally’s? A chocolate croissant, maybe?”

“I’m okay,” Shanna told her. “Thanks for listening and for understanding.”

“Which I only did after ripping into you,” Bree said ruefully. “Sorry about that.”

“Hey, you were being protective of Kevin. I get that. The way you all stand up for each other is one of the things I like best about your entire family. You might give each other all kinds of grief, but when it comes down to it, you’re united against anyone who’d hurt one of you.”

“True,” Bree said. “Just keep in mind, one of these days
I expect you to be a part of this family, so you’ll get our backup, as well. All you have to do is ask.”

Shanna held back a fresh batch of tears until after Bree had left, then went into the back room and let them flow. When they ended at last, amazingly she felt cleansed. Things were starting to look brighter. And she knew that even if the situation with Greg and Henry worsened, she’d find some way to help…even if she had to charge into enemy territory with an army of O’Briens at her back.

Kevin found excuses to stay later and later in Annapolis just so he could avoid the temptation of spending time with Shanna. No one called him on it the first week, but Abby pulled him aside when he came by late in the evening to pick up Davy in the middle of the second week.

“Sit,” she ordered, pointing toward the kitchen table. She set an opened bottle of beer in front of him, probably to help the lecture he knew was coming to go down more smoothly.

“Who died and made you boss?” he inquired lightly, just as he might have in those first weeks after their mother had left and Abby had thought she needed to look out for all of them, despite Gram’s presence.

Rather than taking offense, she grinned at him. “I’ve always been the boss of you.”

Kevin merely lifted a brow.

Abby shrugged. “Well, things would go more smoothly if I were, that’s for sure. How are you and Shanna getting along these days?”

“Fine,” he said cautiously. “Why?”

“I just wondered if she’s the reason you’ve been staying in Annapolis so late every night.”

He took a sip of beer, then shook his head. “I have a lot to learn on this new job.”

“I’m sure you do, but you don’t have to learn it all in the first few weeks.” He started to reply, but she held up a hand. “Before you utter some fib, I’ll tell you that Uncle Thomas is worried about you, too. He’s the one who asked me if something had happened between you and Shanna.”

“This family is nothing but a bunch of damn busybodies,” he grumbled.

Abby chuckled. “You’re just discovering that?”

“No, but it’s different when it’s directed at you.”

Abby gave him a commiserating look. “Tell me about it.”

“If you understand, then drop this, let me get my kid and head home.” He started to stand.

“Not so fast,” she said. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

Kevin met her gaze evenly. “And I’m not going to,” he said. “Anything going on between Shanna and me is just that, between Shanna and me.”

His tone must have given something away, because Abby’s eyes widened. “Oh, sweet heaven, you slept with her, didn’t you? That’s what has you all freaked out. Was it awful?”

“It was not awful,” he said before he realized his mistake.

A grin spread across his sister’s face. “Aha! Gotcha!”

“So help me, if you say one word about this to anyone else in the family, in the town—hell, in the universe—I will cheerfully tell everyone that you used to sneak out of the house and sleep with Trace way back in the day.”

She didn’t seem overly worried about the threat, which was a disappointment.

“Everyone already knows about that,” she said cavalierly.

“Really? Dad knows?”

She faltered slightly at what he’d realized would be a direct hit. “No, but what does any of that matter now? Trace and I are all grown-up. We’re living together. We’re getting married in a few months.”

“Yeah, but Dad always thought you were his precious, do-no-wrong little angel,” Kevin taunted. “It will be a sad day for him when he finds out otherwise.”

“You’re a pig,” Abby said, though without any real venom.

For the first time in several uncomfortable minutes, Kevin grinned. He finally had the upper hand. “Pact of silence?” he inquired.

She frowned. “Okay, yes,” she said grudgingly. “At least after you’ve answered one question for me.”

Kevin waited.

“Why are you so freaked out that you’re avoiding Shanna? Is it because Georgia’s parents made such a big deal about you moving on too soon?”

“That’s part of it.”

“Only part? What’s the rest?”

“You never heard the way Dad lectured Connor and me about sex and responsibility, did you?”

“Heaven forbid,” she said with a shudder. “It would have been too weird.”

He laughed. “You mean because you and Trace were already doing the deed?”

“I mean because it was Dad talking about sex.”

“I have to say he was pretty darn impressive once he got started,” Kevin told her. “He taught Connor and me both that it was not to be taken lightly, that it wasn’t about a few minutes of feeling good or scoring, but about love and respect.”

Abby’s eyes lit with understanding. “Thus the hasty marriage to Georgia,” she said. “And the panic over sleeping with Shanna.”

He nodded.

“Oh, Kev, I’m the last person who’d ever suggest that a man should treat sex casually, but a big bolt of lightning isn’t going to come down and strike you if your relationship with Shanna doesn’t turn out to be the real deal. Is she expecting a commitment?”

“No.”

“Then as long as you both understand what’s going on, enjoy yourselves. See where this leads. I happen to believe you’re perfect together, but that certainly doesn’t mean I expect you to try to race me down the aisle. For one thing, Trace would be totally ticked if that happened.”

Kevin laughed. “He would, indeed.”

Abby gave him a smacking kiss on his forehead. “Go with my blessing,” she told him. “Don’t shut Shanna out just because you’re not ready to take a leap to the next level of your relationship.”

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. “Wise words from an elder,” he said.

“I’m barely a year older than you, so don’t get carried away,” she retorted.

“I love you,” he said once again before leaving the kitchen to collect his son and head for home.

As he drove away, he saw Abby silhouetted in the doorway, her hand raised in a wave…or maybe it was another sign of that blessing she’d bestowed on him. Either way, he felt better than he had since the night he’d spent in Shanna’s bed.

T
he fund-raiser for the Chesapeake Bay Preservation League drew about two hundred people to the town green, many more than any of them had anticipated. Shanna sold out of books within the first hour and took orders for more. The league increased its membership, and donations amounted to more than two thousand dollars. With everything added together they’d probably top five thousand dollars—not bad for a hastily planned event in a small town. All in all, she considered it a success.

“You did a fine thing here tonight,” Mick told Shanna. He was beaming with pride as if he’d had a hand in it. “This is the kind of event that draws a community together.”

“It is, indeed,” Thomas said, joining them. “I should have you put together a whole series of events like this, not just for the money we could raise, but to educate people about the importance of the bay.”

Kevin joined them and slipped an arm around Shanna’s waist, an openly possessive gesture that immediately raised Mick’s and Thomas’s eyebrows.

“It’s getting late. I should be driving back to Annapolis,” Thomas said hastily.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” Mick said, displaying an exaggerated amount of discretion for once.

As the two older men scrambled to get away, Kevin chuckled. “It’s interesting that they’ve finally put aside their animosity long enough to be united in this cause.”

“You mean saving the bay?” Shanna suggested.

“Oh no,” Kevin said. “Don’t delude yourself this was a magnanimous gesture having anything to do with the environment. That timely departure and their ready agreement were all about us. They wanted to leave us alone. No doubt they’re hoping nature will take its course.”

“Kevin!” she protested, not wanting to even consider that Mick and his brother were hoping she and Kevin would run off to her bedroom for a wild and passionate night alone.

“I’m telling you, those two just put a stamp of approval on the two of us, sort of like the FDA puts one on a piece of beef.”

“Now there’s a lovely comparison,” she said, laughing. She lifted her gaze to his. “So, are we going to do it?”

His expression sobered at once. “No,” he said firmly.

“Because you don’t want to give them the satisfaction of being right?”

“No. This has nothing to do with them,” he declared flatly.

Shanna’s feeling of exhilaration immediately fled. “Why don’t I like the sound of that? Not that you said no to sex, but the way you made it sound so final. Have you had second thoughts since the other night?”

“Third and fourth,” he admitted. “Abby says…”

“You’ve discussed our relationship with your sister?” she asked, shocked by the immediate image of their love life being a casual topic at an O’Brien family gathering. “Who else has chimed in with an opinion?”

Kevin backpedaled at once. “It wasn’t that way, not exactly, anyhow.”

She studied his flustered expression. “I think we’d better go for a walk and have this conversation.”

“Not tonight,” he said, his expression dismayed. “This isn’t the time for us to have a serious talk. We should be going somewhere to celebrate the success of this event. I doubt you had anything to eat. Let’s go to Brady’s. We can have steak or crabs and a bottle of their best champagne.”

“I’m not sure I want to have dinner with a man who’s just admitted he’s been discussing our sex life with who knows how many other people,” she said. “Nor do I want to spend time with one who’s implied that he’s never going to sleep with me again.” She gave him a hard look. “At least not until I know the reason he made that kind of decision unilaterally.”

Despite the way things had gone the last time—or the way she’d
thought
they’d gone—uncertainty crowded in. Maybe she really was no good in bed. Maybe Greg hadn’t shunned her because of his drinking, but because she’d been lousy at sex. After all, Kevin was rejecting her, too. The evidence was beginning to mount up.

She met Kevin’s gaze to realize he was studying her intently.

“What went on in your head just then?” he asked, his expression puzzled.

“That’s not important. You haven’t explained what you’re thinking, why you’re rejecting me.”

He regarded her with dismay. “I’m
not
rejecting you,” he said emphatically. “Far from it. You scare me.” He gestured from her to him and back again. “
This
scares me. I’m not ready for the intensity of what we have.” He gave her a pleading look. “Come on, Shanna. You know how
complicated my life is. I’m barely over losing my wife. No, wait, I’m not over it at all. I’m a mess. Some days it’s all I can do to keep things on track with my son and handle this new job.”

“So I’m a complication you can’t really handle,” she said carefully, understanding but hurting just the same.

“It sounds bad when you put it like that, but yes. It’s not you, it’s the intensity of what I feel when I’m with you. In a twisted way, maybe you can see that’s a good thing,” he suggested hopefully.

She almost laughed at that, partly because she could actually see what he meant…in a definitely twisted way. It didn’t exactly make things better, but it did make them less awful.

“What do you want to do?” she asked.

“Take a step back,” he said at once, proving he’d given this a lot of thought. “That’s all.”

“Stop seeing each other,” she interpreted.

“No,” he said at once. “Just no sex.”

“I never thought I’d live to hear those words come out of a man’s mouth,” she said. Under other circumstances, she might even have found it amusing. Weren’t most men eager for casual, no-strings sex? And, really, wasn’t that all she was offering?

“Believe me, I never thought I’d utter them,” Kevin said. “But I can’t see any other way to slow this down without ending it.”

“And you really think not having sex will work, give you the space you need?”

“I hope so.”

She didn’t believe for a minute this had been Abby’s advice. “Is this what your sister told you to do?”

“No,” he admitted. “She told me I should go for it and,
believe me, I would love nothing more than to follow that advice. But I don’t think I can. It’s not fair to you.”

“You could let me worry about what’s fair to me. I’m a big girl, Kevin. I know what I can handle. When we slept together, I knew how complicated your life is. I didn’t have expectations about the future then or now.”

“I’m really handling this badly,” he said with obvious regret. “It’s not just about my needing space. You forget that I’ve seen exactly how upsetting it is when you’re reminded about anything related to your ex-husband. You still have things you need to work out, too.”

“I can’t deny that,” she said reluctantly.

“Then backing off, at least when it comes to sex, is the right thing for both of us,” he said. “It’ll be less complicated.”

“What if I don’t see it that way?” she asked curiously. “Will you walk away for good?”

He met her gaze. “I’m hoping it won’t come to that.”

She considered going along with his plan, but she honestly didn’t feel there was anything to be gained by trying to pretend that the other night had never happened, by fighting the desire for it to happen again.

Eventually, she shook her head. “Nope, sorry. This isn’t going to work for me. You seem to hold all the cards, and this is all on your terms, so I’m going to make it easy for you. I’ll walk away now. You get your life together, give me a call.”

She saw the shock and dismay register on his face and steeled herself against it. This was for the best. He was right about one thing. Her life was in no better shape than his. Even so, she’d been willing to take a risk. If he couldn’t do that much, then she needed to cut her losses now. She turned and walked away.

“Shanna,” he called, coming after her.

She looked back over her shoulder. “Don’t,” she said softly. “Please don’t come after me. Not now.”

All the way back to her store, where there were a hundred details to attend to after tonight’s successful event, all she could think about was that she’d somehow managed to find one more man who didn’t love her enough, after all. It was a thousand times worse, because she couldn’t blame it on anything except Kevin’s inability to move forward. Even Greg, with all of his flaws that had made real commitment impossible, had been willing to take the hardest risk of all. To the best of his ability at the time, he’d given her his heart.

Kevin was stunned. The entire scene with Shanna hadn’t gone anything like what he’d expected. He’d thought for sure she’d be relieved, or at least that she would understand. Instead, she’d viewed it as some kind of rejection. He’d bungled it badly, but he couldn’t seem to regret his insistence that they needed to move forward more slowly, with sex safely out of the equation.

He immediately went back to working late, night after night. This time it was his uncle who called him on it.

“You and Shanna have a fight?” he asked at the end of the week.

“Drop it,” Kevin said. “Last time you meddled in my relationship and went to Abby, everything blew up in my face.”

Thomas dropped down into the chair by his desk, looking genuinely concerned. “How so?”

“Which part of ‘Stay out of this’ wasn’t clear?” Kevin inquired.

“I’m just asking—”

“Meddling,” Kevin said.

“Trying to give you the benefit of my experience,” Thomas corrected. “Abby doesn’t have half as much as I do.”

“For which we can all be grateful,” Kevin said.

“Are you with Shanna or not?” Thomas said, his gaze unrelenting.

“Not.”

“Now that’s a real pity,” Thomas said. “I was so sure…”

“Which proves you don’t know as much as you think you do.”

“I need facts, if I’m to help you.”

Kevin groaned. “I’m not discussing this and I don’t want your help.”

“Well, it’s obvious to me you need it.” His expression turned thoughtful. “I’ll just go and have a chat with Shanna,” he said decisively. “Perhaps she’ll be more candid and reasonable.”

Kevin stood up to block his way. “So help me, if you go anywhere near Shanna, I will quit this job and…” He hesitated, trying to think of the most extreme measure he could take, short of committing murder. “I’ll become a priest. Gram’s always wanted one in the family. It was a great disappointment to her that none of her sons felt that calling.”

Thomas had the audacity to laugh at that. “I’m not worried. You’re hardly suited for it.”

“Beside the point. I’ll do it if everyone in this family doesn’t stay out of my business. I think I’ll like living in a monastery, preferably one on a mountaintop far, far away.”

“And Davy? Your son? Have you forgotten about him?”

“I’ll work it out,” he claimed. He had no idea how, but surely there would be a way.

“Oh, Kevin, you know there’s no priesthood in your future, so let’s talk about what really matters, you and this woman you love.”

“I don’t love her,” he insisted. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Because he didn’t have an answer that would make a lick of sense to anyone but him, he stood up and headed out the door.

“Work it out, Kevin,” Thomas called after him. “Life’s too short to be wasting it.”

“Right back at you,” Kevin said over his shoulder. It was something he should have thought to say even sooner. Because if his love life was a mess, his uncle’s was worse. Now
that
was a situation someone in the family ought to jump all over.

“You want us to find a blind date for Uncle Thomas?” Jess said, when Kevin assembled all three of his sisters in the kitchen at the house after dinner one evening.

“More than one,” he said. “A bunch of them.”

Abby began to laugh. “This is so
not
about our uncle,” she said.

Jess turned to her with a blank expression. “It’s not?”

Bree chuckled. “Nope, he’s trying to get all of us focused on Thomas so we’ll leave
him
alone.”

“I am not,” he flat-out lied. “Think about it. He’s getting older. He’d been divorced for a while now. He needs someone who understands what he’s doing, who’s as passionate about it as he is.”

“Then shouldn’t you be the one to find him a date?” Abby asked reasonably. “You’re working with him. You probably meet all sorts of women who’d be perfect.”

“I can’t do it.”

“Because you made too big a production about him meddling,” Abby guessed.

Kevin shrugged. “Something like that.”

Jess looked from Abby to Kevin, then back again. “Okay, what are Bree and I missing? It sounds as if you and Abby have discussed this whole meddling thing before.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Kevin insisted. “We’re talking about Thomas now.”

“No way,” Jess said. “I want to talk about you.”

“I think I do, too,” Bree said, studying him curiously. “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you around the bookstore lately.”