Hard: A Step-Brother Romance (22 page)

I
should have told him I was terrified of loving someone with every pounding strike
of my heart only to lose them to time, distance, or an accident on a
battlefield across the world.

But
I said the wrong thing instead.

“I
just want some time to figure it out,” I whispered. “Please.”

“You
know what?” Zach’s voice hardened. “There’s nothing to think about. There’s me,
there’s you, and there’s something
good
between us. If you don’t want to
see it? Fine.”

He
didn’t finish his thought. I stood, stunned, as he stormed to the main hall.

“Where
are you going?”

He
didn’t answer.

“Zach,
wait.”

He
didn’t listen. I followed to the entry, flinching as the front door slammed
behind him.

“I
love you.”

But
he was gone.

I
cradled a hand over my belly. The baby was the size of a cocktail nut, but even
she knew her momma was an idiot. Still, I didn’t see her helping when I should
have run after him. My stomach heaved. I bolted for the bathroom instead.

This
was a mess. Worse than a mess. I sat against the wall and held my head in my
hands.

So
this was what it felt like to be ruined.

Heartbroken.

Truly
abandoned.

I
hated it.

But
I’d fix it. I didn’t know how, but I’d fix it. I was a coward, but I wasn’t a
fool.

I needed
him. The baby needed him. And if I only had the memory of his lips against mine
between deployments, I’d make it work.

I
loved Zach.

And
it was time he understood that.

Fuck,
my head hurt.

Throbbing
pain.

I couldn’t
think. I couldn’t see.

And
Shay begged me to come to some goddamned dinner party for her and her friends.

I couldn’t
fucking stand up without the world spinning. I’d puke before I made it
downstairs. God fucking forbid I stain her Daddy’s precious rug. We weren’t living
in a house. It was a shrine to her own damn insecurities—some place she didn’t feel
at home and wanted nothing more than to forget.

My phone
buzzed. The sound grated through my skull and burrowed just to detonate an
explosive charge.

Gretchen.

I
shoved the phone off my nightstand and ignored it for the fourth time. She wanted
to know how the physical went. But she knew the prognosis. Reminded me of it
every goddamned day. Christ, she even wrote the damn prescription that fucked
everything up.

Gretchen
could figure it out.

But Shay
wondered about the physical went too.

Jesus
fucking Christ.

I liked
it when I was the only one worrying about my own goddamned future. I already
let the squad down. The last thing I wanted was Shay’s pity. Or her getting
pissed off because I lied. Or that she’d find yet another reason to deny what
she felt for me.

I
tried to stand. My legs buckled under me. I sat on the edge of the bed. The
motion blinded me like a punch to the gut and kick to the head, and I didn’t know
which was worse.

Why the
hell was I at the mansion? I was goddamned lucky I didn’t kill anyone on the
drive over. My hotel had black-out curtains and enough whiskey to dull every
pain. But Shay called, and I came running, like a damned masochist who needed
his balls smashed one last time.

What
the hell did she want from me? She acted like she wanted me gone, so I left.
Then she summoned me back to
talk
.

Nothing
to talk about. She only had to answer one question.

Did
she fucking want me or not?

Apparently,
it was a harder question than I thought. Shay acted distant. She hid something,
and it wasn’t that she desperately loved me.

If
she didn’t trust me enough to reveal her secrets, then why would I tell her
about my failed physical?

I
blamed Shay for my misery, but it wasn’t her fault. In my fucking shame, I lied
to her about the doctor’s verdict. I was too goddamned scared to tell her the
truth, too scared she wouldn’t give me a reason to stick around. Shay guarded
herself with an emotional mine-field. Stepping on an IED once was enough.

I
could tell her I loved her. I could tell her I’d stay with her.

I could
tell her my headache was so excruciating all I wanted was to lay in a darkened
room in her arms and wait for the pain to finally kill me.

Who
the hell know what she’d do then. If she’d care. Shay didn’t seem the
family
type unless she was obsessing over me being her step-brother.

Why even
bother?

I grabbed
a duffle bag and threw my clothes inside. My time in the service meant I packed
light. Most of my real shit was in storage. Shay never asked. She assumed I
looked for a free ride. The easy way out. A money-grab.

She even
didn’t try to love me. She fought it with every beat of her heart and did her
best to think the worst of me.

I
thought pretty fucking low of myself too. Didn’t need her disappointment to
double it.

I
slung my duffle bag over my shoulder, pocketed my phone and keys, and headed
out the back staircase.

Shay,
of course, found me in the kitchen.

And,
God, did she look stunning.

Either
my vision blurred or Shay stood in a halo of gold. The black cocktail dress clung
to her curves, and her rich, beautiful skin begged for a trail of kisses along
the soft darkness. The neckline plunged low, just enough to tease the sweet
swell of her breasts.

Breasts
that looked plumper, more tempting than I remembered.

Fuck.
The bounce of her chest reminded me of what I’d miss when I walked out the
door. Her quick smile would make me regret leaving.

“I
didn’t think you’d show,” she said.

“I
got your text.”

For
a split second, a burst of gratitude gentled her. It disappeared as she glanced
over my jeans.

“You
aren’t dressed!” Shay started to pace the kitchen. I assumed she hid from her
guests. “We’re supposed to be all fancy.”

Her
asshole friends tried to make amends by throwing her a formal dinner party—even
if Shay paid for it all. They hired a party planner to organize cocktails,
entertainment, menus, all the bullshit that came from the money Shay never
wanted to acknowledge.

She
had her hair, makeup, and nails done for the event. Her ebony curls fell over
her shoulders and down her back. Her lips puffed, begging for a kiss. She was
the most beautiful, stunning woman I never met, and I walked away from her. From
happiness and pleasure and every chance I had at finding a life beyond the service.

What
the hell was wrong with me?

Why
didn’t she want me?

“I’m
not staying.” My voice raged in my ears, too loud for me to handle. I shook my
head. It didn’t help clear the ache or the ringing. “I’m out.”

Shay
groaned. She leaned over the island in the kitchen, pushing away a platter of
prosciutto wrapped melon that apparently disgusted her.

“Zach,
I told them you’d be here. They wanted to meet you.”

She
didn’t get what I said, but I couldn’t decipher what she wanted. Why the fuck was
everything so
loud
? Clatters. Crashes. Laughter from the front room.

“You
have to meet them,” she said. “It’ll look rude if you don’t.”

“Bullshit.”
My voice rasped. “You want me here because you couldn’t deal with them alone in
your big mansion where you fuck your step-brother.”

“Real
classy, Zach. It isn’t about that.”

“Like
hell.”

She
eased away from the food. “What’s gotten into you?”

“You
tell me.”

“What’s
that supposed to mean?” She crossed her arms, like it’d protect her or
something. All it did was push those beautiful breasts higher. “Christ, you’ve
been acting so weird. First you storm out of the house for a
week
with
no contact, and now you come back to piss with me?”

“I’m
just realizing a few
shings
.” Did I
slur
? What the hell? I
cleared my throat. “
Things
. I’m figuring shit out.”

“Zach,
is that your luggage?”

“Yeah.”

Her
voice caught. “Are you…leaving?”

Like
it mattered. Like it wasn’t what she already wanted.

“Where
are you going?”

“Anywhere.”

I
didn’t care where it was, so long as I got away from the bright lights and the
echoing ring blasting through my ears. I rubbed my forehead. It didn’t help.

 “But…”
She kicked the door closed as laugher from the parlor flooded in. It picked at my
head—tiny needles imbedding in my skull and breaking off. Better than the usual
vice that crushed me. “I know we’ve had a rough week—”

“A
rough week? Shay, for Christ’s sake, we’ve never had a
good
week.”

“That’s
not true.”

“I’m
not dealing with this anymore. You never wanted me here. You never wanted me to
have the money. You never wanted to fall in love with me. So that’s it.” I held
her stare as the tears crossed her cheeks. Oh fuck. Each drop burnt through
me
.
“I’m out. Done. Take the mansion. It’s yours. Take the inheritance. I’ll sign
it over to you.”

“Zach—”

“All
I wanted was a shot with you.” I rubbed my eyes. Nothing helped the pain and
now my fucking heart broke on top of it. “I fucking love you, Shay. But if you
need
time
or
have to think about it
, then I got my answer. Enjoy your
house. Enjoy your money.”

“Zach,
you don’t understand.”

I
pushed away from the island. Mistake. The walls bent and the floor buckled. I
stumbled. Shay rushed forward to steady me. I didn’t need her help. Just waited
for the ear-piercing ringing to stop echoing in my goddamned brain.

I
blinked. It didn’t clear my vision. Shay was a dark shadow against a burst of
light.

Something
was wrong.

She
gripped my arm, her voice sounded hollow and distant.

“Zach,
please. I’m scared. You have to hear me out.”

Too
late. I tried to understand. She didn’t want to open up to me.

I
pulled away. She didn’t let me go. 

“I’m
pregnant
!”

Now
the ground really did slip from under me. I grabbed the island again. My heart
thumped too hard, too fast, too out of rhythm.

“You’re…”

“Oh,
my God, Zach, your nose.”

Shay
rushed to find a napkin. Blood immediately stained through the cloth.

“Are
you okay?” Her voice trembled. “Talk to me, Zach. What’s wrong?”

Pregnant.

She was
pregnant
.

And
I was leaving her.

Her
exact fucking fear.

I
had to right it. I had to tell her I was sorry. I had to
hold
her.

Pregnant
.

I couldn’t
talk. My body seized tight.

One
hell of a way to react when I was told I’d be a father. First the scariest and
greatest fucking words I’d ever heard in my life, and then the reaper decided
to take what he forgot to grab in Iraq.

The
crippling pain stole my vision, speech, tightened and ruined every muscle in my
body.

“Zach!”
Shay grabbed me as I fell. “Zach, what’s wrong—”

Then
the world turned dark, and I was lost in the peace after the IED once again.

Only
this time, I wasn’t alone.

Shay
was there.

And
in her?  A baby.
My
baby.

I
hoped I lived to see him.