Hard As Rock (38 page)

Oh SHIT –

“CALL 911!” I screamed out the door, and then rushed over to the bed. I didn’t know what to do, so I did the first thing that came to mind: turn her over and try to get the gunk out of her mouth.

I grabbed her right arm and heaved and strained. Ninety-eight pounds might not seem like a lot, but when it’s limp, dead weight you’re trying to move, it’s tough. I finally rolled her onto her side, and a torrent of liquid came rushing out of her mouth. I got her on the edge of the bed, her head lolling off, and more liquid drained out.

Some dude I’d never seen appeared at the door. “What’s wro– oh shit,” he gasped.

“CALL 911!” I screamed again, and he bolted.

I turned Riley back over and held my ear down to her mouth.

She wasn’t breathing.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” I wailed.

I’d never done CPR before – and I
really
didn’t want to touch my mouth to a bunch of sour-tasting, vomity gunk, even if it
was
mostly liquid – but fuck it.

Riley’s life was on the line.

I leaned over, pinched her nose, and exhaled into her mouth.

Then I got up, cupped my hands over her chest, and pumped down hard and fast over her heart.
ONE… TWO… THREE.
Then I pinched her nose and exhaled again.

I found out later that you’re not even supposed to do the breathing part into their mouths anymore, that they just say to pump the heart and that’s it.

But hell, I was drunk and my entire CPR training came from television and action movies, so I think I did a pretty good job considering.

Especially when she came to twenty seconds later.

She coughed and hacked and vomited again – luckily when I was thumping her chest and not giving her mouth-to-mouth. By that point there were heavy footsteps thundering up the stairs, and Ryan burst into the room.

“Kaitlyn – what – ”

“Call 911!” I cried as Riley gagged and coughed on the bed.

“Somebody’s doing it right now – Jesus, Riley, are you – holy shit,” he said, and helped pull her over to the side of the bed so she could vomit again, while I sobbed in the corner.

It was a long night.

The paramedics showed up and hauled her off to the hospital in the back of the ambulance. They assured us that she would be okay, but that aspiration into the lungs might have occurred, and she could have some serious complications – like pneumonia.

Ryan, Killian, and I rushed to the hospital but weren’t allowed to see her. Somebody had notified Miles, and he was there within minutes – the first time I had ever seen him without a tie, though he still wore a crisp white dress shirt and a suit.

“What the fuck happened?” he raged.

“Riley threw up while she was asleep and almost died,” Ryan said. “Kaitlyn saved her life. She was the one who found her and gave her CPR.”

“Oh.” For the first time in his life, Miles was actually cordial to me. “Thank you.”

I just nodded. I was too exhausted to do anything else.

Derek walked in next, still wearing his jeans and t-shirt from the recording studio earlier that day. He looked deathly worried.

It was interesting – he didn’t go to Miles. He went directly to Ryan. At a moment like this, all the petty bullshit went by the wayside.

“Is she okay?” he asked, no hint of snark or anger in his voice, just concern.

Ryan nodded. “She’s fine, but they won’t let us see her yet.”

“I heard you saved her,” Derek said to me.

“I just found her.”

“She saved her,” Ryan insisted. “Riley’d be dead otherwise.”

Derek hugged me – not a romantic hug, but like friends comforting one another during a tragedy. “Thank you.”

I burst into tears. It was too much – all the stress from Riley’s near-death, and now this kindness, this
human touch from someone who had put me through so much, and for whom I still felt so deeply.

When Derek let go of me, I retreated to Ryan’s side. He held me, put an arm around me, comforted me.

Derek nodded to Ryan, who returned it… and then Derek walked over to talk to Miles.

Ryan called Riley’s sister Megan. Woke her up and explained the situation. She bordered on hysterical at first, then rapidly calmed down. Ryan told her to grab the next flight to Atlanta and not to worry, he’d pay for it. She said there was no need, Riley took good care of her, but she
could
use a ride from the airport. They worked out the details as she booked a flight online, and then he hung up.

“She’s catching a 6AM flight to Atlanta. I’ll pick her up at 8:30 and drive her back here.”

It was already 1AM. Hartsfield-Jackson International was an hour and a half from Athens.

“You need to sleep,” I said.

“I don’t know if I can, but I should get you home either way.”

“I can stay.”

“They’re not going to let us see her tonight anyway. I’ll pick you up in the morning when I’ve got Megan.”

“No, just let me know when you get there, I’ll drive back here and meet you.”

“Okay… yeah, okay.”

Ryan checked with the hospital staff and confirmed we wouldn’t be allowed to see Riley. Then he explained the situation to Miles and Derek, and we took off.

Back home, I showered, dressed in my pajamas, and then lay down next to Ryan in bed.

“Are you going to be able to sleep?” I asked.

“I don’t know. But it’ll be good to rest.”

“I don’t want you to get in an accident on the road.”

“Don’t worry, I hired a town car service to pick me up. They’ll take me to the airport to get Megan.”

“Couldn’t you just let them pick her up, then?”

“I think somebody ought to be there for her.”

“Yeah… you’re right.”

“Thank you for what you did,” he whispered to me. “We all owe you… Riley especially, but all of us owe you.”

He was the third person to say that.

How could I tell him that the only reason I was up there was because I felt guilty? That I had gone after her for selfish reasons? That I had not wanted her to tell Ryan she’d heard my conversation with Derek outside the studio?

How do you deal with everybody thinking you’re a saint, when you feel like such a sinner?

In my case, I just broke down and cried. He cradled me to his chest, wrapped me in his arms, and kissed the top of my head.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but when I woke in the morning, Ryan was gone.

For a second, I was absolutely paralyzed with terror that he had left me. As in, ditched my ass for being a terrible girlfriend.

Then I remembered everything from the night before – that he had gone to Atlanta to pick up Megan – and I relaxed.

But I got a brief glimpse into how deep my feelings for him ran… which was oddly comforting. I’d spent so much time obsessing over my feelings for Derek that I hadn’t really considered how much I loved Ryan.

So being scared to death wasn’t entirely useless.

I showered, dressed, and had a quick breakfast of toast and jam as I surveyed the landscape of empty beer bottles and solo cups left over from the night before. I started cleaning up after I ate, but got a text from Ryan before I’d even finished half of it.

We’re about to reach Athens. See you at the hospital?

See you there,
I texted back.
I love you.

I love you too,
he replied, and all was right with the world.

For a while.

When I entered Riley’s hospital room, Ryan was sitting in a chair over by the wall, and Megan was sitting on a chair by the bed.

In the early morning light coming through the window, Riley was almost as white as the sheets she was lying on, except for the dark purple circles under her eyes. Her tattoos stood out in dark relief against her skin. She had an IV in her arm and various wires attached to her body.

She saw me come in and smiled.

“Blondie,” she croaked. “I hear I owe you one.”

I smiled back. Hearing her call me Blondie again was all the thanks I needed.

“Hey,” I said, and put my hand on hers. She held it weakly in her own.

“Thank you,” Megan said, and came around and hugged me. She was just as I remembered from the Skype session – reddish-brown hair, bangs, plastic-rimmed glasses, and a kind, open face. “Thank God you were there.”

“Yeah, why
were
you there, Blondie?” Riley asked.

I looked over in panic, wondering if she was going to air her accusations here –
now
– after I’d saved her life.

But then she continued, “You were lookin’ for a little tail, weren’t’cha? Couldn’t resist me.”

“There’s the old Riley again,” I said, and Ryan and Megan both laughed.

Riley grinned, then looked perplexed. “Seriously, though… why’d you follow me?”

My apprehension came back. “You don’t… remember anything?”

“I don’t even remember
bein’
there at the party.”

Relief flooded through me.

“I thought you went up there to seduce some alt rock chick,” I joked.

“Naaaah, I was savin’ myself for you. Heard you laid down a couple of French kisses on me.”

“I was doing CPR on you.”

“Yeaaaah, right. Just so you know, you don’t need to use
that
as an excuse.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. What did the doctor say?”

“I dunno. All I know is they won’t put any booze in my IV.”

Megan spoke up. “They said you caught her just in time. She didn’t get a ton in her lungs, but they’re monitoring her for pneumonia.”

“They had to treat her for alcohol poisoning, too,” Ryan added.

“Whatever,” Riley snorted. “Alcohol poisoning’s just an average Friday night for me.”

“Not when you pull a Jimi Hendrix.”

“John Bonham, dude,” she said. “I’m a fuckin’ drummer.”

For those who don’t know, Jimi Hendrix and John Bonham (the drummer for Led Zeppelin) both died the way that Riley almost had.

“Do you guys mind staying with her?” Megan asked. “I haven’t eaten anything since last night except for peanuts on the flight.”

“Of course,” I said.

“Do you want anything, Riley?” Megan asked.

“Yeah. Bottle of Jack.”

“Ha ha,” Megan said without laughing. “No.”

“I’ll settle for Johnny Walker,” Riley said as her sister walked out. “Hell, even Jim Beam.”

“Too bad, So Sad.”

Once Megan was out of the room, though, Riley’s entire façade collapsed. She lay back on the pillow, and her expression became distraught. “I fucked up… I can’t believe I did this to her…”

Ryan got up from his chair and walked over. “What are you talking about?”

“She’s got school… she’s got her job at the hospital, too, on weekends… and I totally fucked everything up…”

“Riley,” I said, “you’re more important than all that stuff. She
wants
to be here.”

She wouldn’t look at me as she shook her head. “I can’t believe I fucked everything up…”

“Riley, stop,” Ryan said, and took her hand.

She wouldn’t look at him, either. Just stared out the window.

“Look, we need to have a talk,” he said. “We’ve all turned a blind eye to your drinking in the past, but we can’t do that anymore. You almost died.”

She stared out the window and refused to look at us.

“Riley, I love you,” Ryan said quietly. “You’re like a sister to me. I can’t stand by and watch you do this to yourself. I
won’t
stand by and watch it.”

A tear welled out of her eye and slowly trailed down her cheek. She closed her eyes against the sunlight, probably trying to block everything out.

“You promised me you would tell me if something was wrong,” he continued. “You promised me.”

She started crying quietly, her tiny body wracked with convulsions.

“I was just afraid you were going to l-leave,” she sobbed.

“What? What are you talking about?” Ryan asked.

“Y-you and Derek… I was afraid you were going to l-leave…”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Ryan said, and leaned over the bed to hug her.

“Neither am I,” said a voice from the door.

I turned, and my heart skipped a beat.

Derek walked in, gave me and Ryan a grim smile, and walked over to the other side of the bed.

“We’re not going anywhere,” he promised.

Riley almost lost it. “Yes you are – you’re fighting – ”

“We’re not fighting now.”

“But you will,” she sobbed. “You’ll start fighting, and then you’ll leave. Everybody leaves. They always leave… they always leave me…”

Now it was crystal clear. Her quietness over the last two weeks, her nervousness, her detachment – she had been terrified. But unlike my own terror when I woke up and Ryan wasn’t there, Riley’s hadn’t gone away. She was living in it, every minute of every day. A child of foster homes, who had never had a real family, had finally found one – and she was afraid it was being ripped away from her.

Because of me.

My own eyes welled up and I had to turn away.

My very presence was breaking up a family – and it wasn’t even mine.

Austin City Limits was only a week away.

Bigger almost didn’t go. In fact, they wouldn’t have gone except for Riley.

“You fuckin’ pussies can bail, but
I’m
not, and fuck
ALL
y’all if you try to say it’s cuz of me,” she said angrily as she sat up in her hospital bed.

It was a band meeting with Derek, Killian, and Ryan in her hospital room on Sunday night. Miles was there, too, as was I. Megan had wanted to stay, but Riley forced her to catch a redeye back to New York so she could return to her med school classes Monday morning.

“Riley, your health is the most important thing here,” Ryan said.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re
not
fine. You almost
died.
”

“Well I’m not dead NOW, am I? So we’re playin’ the fuckin’ concert!”

“Riley, you’re in no condition to play,” Derek said.

“Fuck you – I’ve done gigs where I was beat up, bleeding, almost
dead
and I still played.”