Hard As Rock (35 page)

“Oh Ryan – yes, FUCK ME,” I screamed as I put my hands back on the piano keys to brace my weight. There was a crash of discordant musical notes, then the scrape of wood as he stood and pushed the piano bench away.

That’s when he
really
began to fuck me.

One hand still supported my ass, and the other hand still stroked my clit, but now he was driving himself into me with a furious intensity, his cock and fingers working in tandem, taking me higher, pushing me from one orgasm to the next, each one faster, butting up against one another as my clit and deep inside my pussy both throbbed with pleasure.

“OH FUCK, OH FUCK,” I cried out, my head arching back and hitting the top of the piano.

“Kaitlyn, I’m going to come, I’m going to – ”

“Come for me!” I pleaded, and suddenly I felt a jet of hot liquid deep inside me, spurting inside me, which only drove me wilder. My last orgasm shattered me, with all the contractions seemingly overlapping one another at once, and I was screaming and banging on the piano keys in an insane cacophony of orgasm.

Finally his thrusts and spasms ceased, and he collapsed backwards onto the piano bench with my legs still wrapped around his waist. He lifted me back to an upright seated position, and we kissed for what seemed like forever, his cock still inside my pussy, softening but still hard, my own little aftershocks slowly easing away into post-coital bliss.

The next morning was happy. Despite being groggy and slightly hung over, we made love again. We got up, fixed breakfast, ate it together. He even remembered the song he had played last night and recorded it again on the piano.

Everything was happy… until he asked me to go to the recording studio with him.

I froze like a deer in headlights. “…why?!”

“Because I have something to say to Derek, and I want you there.”

My stomach did a double back-flip. Even though it was ridiculous, I imagined him getting up in front of God and the band and everyone and accusing me of still having feelings for Derek.

“What are you going to say?”

“I want him to leave you alone.”

I relaxed a little. “Can’t you say that without me being there?”

“No, because he’ll say that it’s up to you, and I’m just being possessive and jealous. I need you to back me up.”

I tensed.

Isn’t this what you wanted?

For Derek to leave you alone, so you can be with Ryan?

To be happy instead of miserable?

“How important is this to you?” I asked.

He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “Very, very important.”

I sucked in my breath. “…okay.”

“Thank you.” He smiled, leaned over, and kissed me.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom.

Everybody was assembled in the studio when Ryan spoke up.

“I have something to say.”

I stood in the control room with Miles, Avi, and the sound engineer. Everybody looked up with a kind of bored expression.

Everybody but me and Derek.

Derek was watchful and wary, like a man expecting a fight, but not about to throw the first punch.

I was biting my nails down to the quick.

Ryan stood up and looked right at Derek.

“I’m in love with Kaitlyn. She’s in love with me. You had your chance; you blew it. Now leave her alone.”

Avi glanced over at me. Miles scowled like he was going to murder me. In the booth, Killian looked between his two bandmates in shock, and even stopped playing his guitar.

Riley went white as a ghost.

My heart was slamming triple-time in my chest.

Derek was the only one who seemed utterly calm. He narrowed his eyes, and his mouth curled into a bitter smile. “Tough words coming from the guy who stabbed me in the back.”

“I didn’t stab you in the back; you cheated on her. You threw away everything you had. End of story.”

Derek slowly rose to his feet, his piercing eyes focused on Ryan’s. “I
didn’t
throw her away. But even if I had, that doesn’t give you the right to fuck me over. I love her; you knew that – ”

“If you loved her, you wouldn’t have cheated on her.”

“Christ,” Miles muttered. He shot me another scathing look and jabbed his finger on the control panel. “You two shut it and sit down. This isn’t the time – ”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, MILES,” Derek shouted, turning the full heat of his rage on the band manager. “This is between Ryan and me. It doesn’t concern you.”

Miles leaned over the control panel. “If it affects the band, it bloody well concerns me, you fuckin’ git – ”

With lightning speed, Derek grabbed his chair and hurled it against the control booth window.

WHAM!

The window must have been really thick, because the chair bounced off without a scratch. But it was loud and violent and frightening.

Everybody in the entire place jumped. I did, Avi did, Miles even backed up in surprise.

Killian ducked and covered his guitar, even though he wasn’t in the line of fire.

Riley stood up behind her drum kit but didn’t move other than that. She just watched everything with a stricken look.

Everybody jumped – everybody except Ryan. He was like a statue, still and unmoving.

“I
said
stay out of it!” Derek yelled at the control booth.

“It’s fine, Miles,” Ryan said calmly but firmly. “Like he said, this is between me and him.”

Miles cursed under his breath, but didn’t touch the button again.

Ryan stared down Derek. “I have nothing left to say except leave – her – ALONE.”

“I love her, and I know she loves me.” Derek turned to the control room window. “Kaitlyn! You know you belong with me!”

I shook my head ‘no.’

Surprisingly, Derek didn’t take it badly. He just grinned in his
You SAY that, but we both know the truth
kind of way.

“You see? She doesn’t want you,” Ryan said.

“Oh, she wants me, alright. She just has a history of not being able to tell the wrong guy to hit the road.”

“She told
you.”

“I’m not the wrong guy. And you fucking know it.”

“I’ve said what I wanted to say. If you can’t accept it, then one of us should leave the band.”

I gasped. This was it; this was the moment where Bigger broke up.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Riley. Her expression was pure terror.

“Fine.
You
go,” Derek sneered.

I saw the shock on Ryan’s face. He was expecting Derek to take his ball and go home like a spoiled brat. So was I. That was his one big leverage point; why wouldn’t he use it?

But he didn’t.

Derek continued, his words landing like a boxer’s jabs. “Walk away. Walk away like the coward you are. You don’t fight for what you want; you never fought for her, did you? So why the fuck would you fight for the band to stay together? Do us all a favor and get lost.”

Ryan got furious. I could see his hackles going up, could see him digging in. “
You
should go.”

“Me? You can’t
get
another
me
. But bassists like you are a dime a dozen.”

“Yeah, and pompous assholes like
you
are so hard to find. The band’ll go on without you.”

“I
AM
the band, motherfucker.”

My eyebrows raised. I looked at Killian and Riley. Even the normally imperturbable guitarist frowned at
that
one.

But Riley just kept watching in mute fear.

“Ah, the asshole’s true opinion finally comes out,” Ryan said. He turned to Killian and Riley. “Did you hear that?
He’s
the band. Not US –
him.
”

“Fuck you,” Derek snapped at Ryan, and immediately looked at Riley and Killian. “I’m sorry – that was fucking stupid of me. You guys know I don’t think that; I couldn’t do it without you.” He turned back to Ryan. “
You,
on the other hand – ”

“Then why don’t you write a fucking song, Mr. Rock Star Lead Singer? Write a brilliant tune for once,
just once,
instead of riding my coattails with your half-assed lyrics.”

Derek nearly went apoplectic. His face flushed deep red, and I could see veins pulse at his temple. He bunched his fists at his side and trembled with rage.

“Shite,” Miles hissed, and ran out of the control booth.

“What’s a matter?” Ryan jeered. “Can’t think of anything to say? You need me to write some music for you before you can speak?”

I swear to God, Derek was about to take a swing at him when Miles burst into the studio and got between them.

“Back off!” he yelled at Derek, then whirled around on Ryan. “YOU – take a fuckin’ walk, NOW!”

Ryan turned and strode out of the studio.

I rushed out into the hallway. “Are you okay?”

He gave me a dark smile. “That didn’t exactly go as planned.”

“Really now,” I said sardonically.

He grinned, then pulled me to him and hugged me.

“I
would
fight for you,” he said quietly.

“I know.”

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. He paused for a second, seeming to think… and then he turned around and walked back into the studio.

“Whoa – hey – where are you going?!” I cried out, but he didn’t answer.

Terrified of what might happen, I followed right behind him.

“I’m not leaving this band,” Ryan announced as he walked in.

Derek was standing in the corner, trying to pull it together. When he heard Ryan’s voice, he looked over, his eyes flashing.

Miles unloaded on Ryan. “You bloody idiot – I told you to – ”

Ryan merely talked over him. “I co-founded Bigger, and I’ve written every single melody we’ve ever put out. I’m not leaving.”

Derek gave a dangerous smile. “Well, I’m not leaving, either.”

Ryan set his jaw. “This should be interesting, then.”

“Bring it, bitch.”

Ryan grabbed his bass guitar and sat down.

Derek did the same, except he had to pick up the chair he’d thrown against the control booth window.

The entire room was silent until Derek looked up at Miles. “Well? We’re here to record – what the fuck are
you
doing?”

Miles hustled me out immediately.

And so began a titanic battle of wills.

It started with some one-up-manship first.

Derek would come up with nonsense lyrics to Ryan’s songs, making them sound ridiculous.

Then Ryan would invariably insult him. “That’s even weaker than the stuff you wrote for the first album.”

Derek would become enraged, and come back with some of his best work ever.

Not the most
comfortable
things to listen to, for me… but they were some of his best lyrics.

Just a few of them, from different songs:

Life gives two gifts, youth and time

But what good are those when you’re not mine

They say sometimes you can’t get what you want

But if you try real hard you might get what you need

But the thorns I reap are what I sowed

And the drug I want is what makes me bleed

They’re the things that hurt, they’re the things that cut

They’re the things I gave away

Round in circles

Over again

I want it done

But we begin

To hurt each other

Like before

Let’s stab each other

Bleed some more

I’ll grab your knife,

You grab mine

Cut each other,

Pretend we’re fine

Jesus dragged that bloody cross

Up Golgotha’s peak

But nothing hurt as much as Judas’

Kiss upon his cheek

Yeah.

He was comparing himself to Jesus.

What an asshole.

Still… if you heard it set to music… it was a pretty fucking amazing line.

And the music.

Damn.

It started off with Derek absolutely trashing Ryan’s happy, lovely melodies. You don’t put lyrics about bloody crosses and heart-rending loss over soaring pop fantasias.

“Uh… Derek,” Avi said at one point, “that’s a great line, but… it doesn’t really match… the
tone
of the music, you know what I’m saying?”

“I’m not changing it,” Derek snapped.

“No, no, I got this,” Ryan said as he made a ‘stop’ motion to Avi, though he never took his eyes off Derek. “Play it in A minor, Killian.”

“What?” Killian asked, surprised. “It’s in C major.”

“Shift it to A minor instead. And riff something in D minor pentatonic in the bridge.”

Killian did it, and suddenly the song’s rays of sunshine were swallowed by dark clouds.

It was like listening to ‘Take It Easy’ by the Eagles morph into ‘Hotel California.’

It happened over and over again: Derek would be like,
Fuck your little tune.
And Ryan would answer,
Oh yeah? FUCK YOU. Listen to this, BITCH.
(Figuratively, of course, since Ryan didn’t swear. Usually. Although he was swearing a lot more lately.) And then Ryan would take his music and twist it and contort it until it was even darker and more venomous than what Derek had penned.

It hurt to listen to, and it hurt to watch… but it was fascinating.

And it made for astounding music. The songs literally
seethed
with hatred and violence and rage.

Until Ryan and Derek stopped working together at all.

I don’t remember exactly how it started. I think it was some snarky comment Ryan made about how all of Derek’s lyrics matched a Mother Goose nursery rhyme.

Derek lost it. “If your tunes weren’t all destined for bad grocery store muzak, maybe I’d listen to you.”