Hard Luck Hank: Basketful of Crap (28 page)

I didn’t hesitate and started
crawling as fast as I could to the door.

This was not very fast.

I looked back to see the soldiers
had recovered their weapons and were aiming at me. I had just enough time to
cover my head.

There were two loud explosions that
lifted me into the air and flung me against the doorframe. I landed on the
floor outside of the room. I kept crawling, looking for something sturdy enough
to help me stand up.

I put my weight on an office chair
and it bent and broke. I then grabbed hold of a large computer bay and hauled
myself up using that.

Turning around, I expected to see
the soldiers rushing out, but there was nothing but smoke wafting from the
conference room.

I hurried over to where I had
dropped my autocannon and strapped it on. I loaded a canister round and inched
back to where the disintegrator was. I couldn’t just leave it here.

Peeking around the corner I saw the
room was destroyed. The soldiers had killed themselves firing their weapons in
the close quarters. Half a brain.

I hurriedly looked for the a-drive,
but couldn’t find it. All the chairs and tables had been obliterated. You would
need an archeologist to discover anything in here.

While I believed I should be safe
alone in the building, I didn’t feel it.

I wanted to get out of here. I just
disintegrated my first multi-billion year old Naked Guy. I felt that was a
significant enough accomplishment for the day.

I made note of what building it
occurred in. I could tell the Navy to come and search for the disintegrator and
I could collect my million credits.

I left the facility and almost got
my head taken off.

A tank fired a shell that hit a
structure down the street, but I was sure I heard it zip past.

In the street there were two
“corporations” facing each other, fighting.

“What?” I said to no one.

Hadn’t this charade been put to
rest?

Soldiers were dying on both sides
as I stood there watching. But every once in a while, one of them would clearly
aim at me, fire, and then go back to shooting the other corporation.

This was what they had been doing when
they got everyone to flee the station.

Did killing Naked Guy somehow reset
their patterns?

They clearly weren’t aiming well. Normally
folks wouldn’t have noticed this stuff because they would be busy running for their
lives. But I could stand here and watch them relatively safely. They were
either the worst shots in the galaxy or they were not trying to kill one another.

And since I knew they were all the
same group, clearly it was the latter.

I moved through the street fight so
I could get to safety. I was shot a few more times. Once at point blank range
by a guy who had, a moment before, been crouching and firing ninety degrees in another
direction.

They weren’t even subtle about it.

“Did it work?” Delovoa asked. He
was wearing a bathrobe, slippers, and had some kind of gel smeared on his face.

“What…race are you, Delovoa? I
don’t think I’ve ever asked.”

“I’m Colmarian. I’m a mutant like
you.”

I went in his house to see he had a
meal prepared and was eating breakfast. I sat down and helped myself. My
stomach was demanding food.

“Well?” he asked.

“Yeah, took a while, but I guess
he’s disintegrated.”

“What did it look like? How did it
happen? Where is the device?”

“I left it there. I couldn’t find
it.”

“What? Do you know how valuable
it’s worth?”

“A million credits.”

“More than that. Just an a-drive
core alone costs hundreds of millions.”

“Really?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never bought
one.”

I frowned at him, but kept eating.

“The corporations are attacking
each other again,” I said, after satisfying my hunger.

“I wonder why.”

“I think killing the guy might have
broken them.”

“Maybe. In any case, with him gone
the next step is to take out the Portal. There are really a lot of Therezians now.
I think they are accelerating their transfers,” Delovoa said.

“Or they’ve gotten better at it.
How are we going to take out a Portal?”

“That,” Delovoa said, pointing to
my autocannon. “Load an HE shell and shoot it.”

“I thought you said not to use
those.”

“Not in a close fight. But you can
shoot it at a Portal.”

“How am I going to get past all the
Therezians? Even if they aren’t actively guarding the Portal, they’ll step on
me by accident.”

“I talked to Garm about it and she has
a solution.”

Looking down was not something I recommended.

I was climbing the latticework with
most of the remaining Navy forces, to a location above the Portal. An elevator
had gotten us up here, but we had to walk the rest of the way along the roof of
the city.

We were currently thousands of feet
above Belvaille, amongst the lights, ventilation, and other noisy life support
systems. The only means of travel was a little one-foot wide metal footpath
with a railing to the side.

Each of us was equipped with
parachutes and our plan was to jump down from above so as to avoid the
attention of the Therezians. The General was not with us as he had taken a
handful of his troops to secure the disintegrator.

Looking up was also not something I
would recommend because you saw space. Space was actually fairly bright without
any lights or atmosphere in the way. You couldn’t read by it, but it was enough
to be impressive and a bit dizzying.

I had my autocannon with me and the
General had let me continue borrowing his Ontakian pistol. I had my doubts
about whether I was going to get my million credits for the disintegrator, so
it was good to keep the pistol as a bargaining chip.

One of the soldiers came back to
talk to me. Most of them were already well out of sight.

“Hey,” the soldier said.

“Yeah?”

“We’re going to go ahead and jump
when we reach the point.”

“I thought we were supposed to go
together.”

“You’re too slow. It’s going to
take you all day to get there at this rate and we just confirmed we need to put
the Portal out of commission as soon as possible.”

My tele still didn’t work so they
must have talked to the General themselves.

“Well, do I turn around?”

“No, you’ll be the second wave in
case we fail.” He left to rejoin his team.

“Okay. Good luck,” I said to his
back.

I guess I could understand that.
Those young guys sure were nimble up here.

I walked alone in the dark, being certain
to keep my gun and parachute from getting tangled on anything. On the ground, I
wasn’t especially concerned if I ran into things, I usually knocked them over
or they broke. But if I tripped and fell off this latticework or into one of
these huge machines, I was dead.

After what I guessed to be some
hours, I was regretting the Navy going alone. I had no idea what was happening.
They were probably fighting right now and I still had hours to go to reach the
jump point.

I didn’t have anything to take my
mind off what I was doing either, and this was kind of a scary place. A few
times I had gotten my autocannon stuck in the railing, almost tripped, and become
frozen with fear. I didn’t consider myself afraid of heights per se, but I was
never in high places.

When I looked down and saw the
city, there was a realization that
all
of that could kill me. It wasn’t
a phobia, being afraid, it was healthy self-preservation.

Sometime later I noticed a blue
beacon ahead on the latticework and saw it was where the Navy had cut through the
mesh supports so they would have an unobstructed jump.

The cords of their parachutes were
tied to the railing. I assume they didn’t all jump at the same time, so presumably
it worked or the others wouldn’t have gone afterwards.

I tried to look down and see what
was going on, but couldn’t make out much because of the distance and the lights.
Even though they were facing down they were still extremely bright. They were
simulating planetary daylight after all. I could see the Portal pylons. This
spot seemed to be some blocks from them.

I could also make out Therezians
too, lots of them, but they were in the distance. Presumably they moved away
from the Portal after they came in so they didn’t crush any of the equipment.

I prepared for the jump. I shifted
my autocannon to my lower back under the parachute. Made sure my clothes were
tight and secure. I connected my rip cord to the railing.

That was a long way down, actually.

I squinted for another five minutes
or so trying to figure out if the Portal was still working and it was necessary
for me to jump.

Off the latticework.

At the very edge of space.

But there wasn’t anything for it. I
walked all this way and I had no clear signs the Portal was destroyed. There
were no soldiers dancing for joy in the middle of the street that I could see.

I took a deep breath and jumped.

The ground immediately started
rushing towards me. I looked up to see my parachute had deployed successfully.
But the street was still coming awfully fast. Soon I realized that these
parachutes weren’t designed for someone of my weight.

There’s a primal fear that comes
over you when you understand you’re about to hit the ground at an absurd speed.
I flailed my arms and legs helplessly as if I could escape from my fall.

“Ahhh!”

I hit the ground feet-first like a
brick and then landed on my side. I was sure I broke both my feet and at least
dislocated my shoulder.

My first thought was, “What should
I eat for dinner?”

I disconnected my parachute. Using
my right arm, I unbuckled my autocannon and put it on the ground in front of
me. I used that to stand. My feet hurt a lot but they weren’t broken. At least
not badly.

My left shoulder was definitely not
happy, however.

I took turns yanking on my
autocannon to try and pop it back into place. I then hit it with my right arm
and pulled on it, but that did nothing. I swung it in circles.

“Ow!”

I stopped doing that. I could live
with it for a while.

I put my autocannon on, moving one
strap from my left shoulder to my right, and gingerly began walking forwards on
aching feet.

I travelled a block when I started
seeing them. Dead soldiers were all across the street. Most of them, I noticed,
were against the walls of buildings. They were not killed by gunfire. They were
mangled and mashed.

I moved another block and it
connected with a side street. There, walking even slower than me, were two
blood-soaked Gandrine.

They were coming towards me.

Gradually.

How did they ever kill those fast
soldiers?

I could autocannon them or plasma
pistol them. Or I could talk.

“Hi,” I began cheerfully. “Um, you
may not know, but the…guy with no clothes. Old Colmarian guy with the beard and
hair. Who ran the corporations. He’s dead. He was disintegrated.”

It became clear the Gandrine were
not moving towards me, they were heading back to the Portal. They scraped along
the road past me, oblivious.

“So whatever deal you might have
had with him, it’s over. He’s gone.”

They kept going, uninterested.

“Hey! The Naked Guy had planned to
start a galactic civil war! Billions of people could die. Whole planetary
populations. The Therezians are just one weapon in that war. Can you hear me? You
bringing more here might cause untold deaths.”

The Gandrine stopped.

Very slowly they turned in unison
to face me.

“So what!” One yelled.

They turned back towards the Portal
and continued walking.

I had been ready for a lot of
responses, but that was not one of them.

I hadn’t
thought the Gandrine were uncaring, just uninterested. But maybe they couldn’t
feel empathy for the Colmarian Confederation. It wasn’t their empire after all.

But why would
they keep bringing in Therezians unless they were also part of the final
attack? Or they didn’t understand. Or they were homicidal psychopaths.

The Gandrine
had reached the Portal control area and they appeared to be working on it.

I loaded an HE round.
I disconnected my autocannon and put it on the ground. From there, I aimed it
at the controls some two blocks away. I was worried I would miss if I tried to
fire while standing.

I got down on
my knees behind the gun, leaned over and put my weight on it.

I turned away,
closed my eyes, and pulled the trigger.

Kachooom!

I got flipped
up in the air like a bottle cap. I landed on my bad shoulder.

There was an
explosion down the street and the control panel was clearly demolished and
burning in several places. Numerous other explosions erupted and I saw the
nearest Portal pylon tilt dangerously.

It kept coming
in my general direction and I crawled to my autocannon, which had spun away
about ten feet. I used it to stand up and right as I turned around, the pylon
came crashing down not thirty feet behind me.

It’s amazing
how metal can become almost liquid when under enough stress. This pylon, which
was probably five feet in diameter and taller than a tall Therezian, melted
into the street. Pieces scuttled past my feet as it came apart.

From the smoke
and dust of the wreckage, I saw some darker shadows.

Gandrine.

I tested taking
a few steps backwards. My feet still hurt a lot. This was going to be a really
close race if they “chased” me.

However, I was
concerned about what part they might still play in this. Did they know of Naked
Guy’s plans? Were they active participants? They certainly didn’t seem to care
much about the fate of my empire.

I loaded an
armor piercing round. I hadn’t had a chance to strap on my autocannon, and I
wasn’t sure I wanted to.

Holding it up
so I could try and aim, I balanced it with my bad arm and held it against my
chest. I had to spread my legs far apart and lean backwards. The barrel was
wobbling dangerously as I couldn’t keep it steady, but when it passed over the
figure of the Gandrine on the right, I pulled the trigger.

“Eat suck,
suckface!”

Kachooom!

I was slammed
to the ground on my back. The wind knocked out of me. And now I felt like I had
dislocated my other arm.

I had never had
the wind knocked out of me before. I knew that’s what it was, but part of my
brain wondered if I had collapsed lungs or something even more serious. What
seemed like five seconds later, I heard a loud
banging
behind me. It
took me a minute to figure it was my autocannon returning from its skyward arc.

Using the heels
of my feet, I tried to turn myself around so I could see what happened.

The two
Gandrine stood there, but the one on the right had clearly been hit. I could
see a large depression on its chest. Like…someone had shot an armor piercing
autocannon round into rock.

The shale
Gandrine began to chip. And then its whole left side collapsed onto the street.
It still stood there, but nearly half of it was removed.

The other
Gandrine took a step towards me. Then another. Then another. Then another. It
didn’t take me long to notice it was moving at non-Gandrine speeds and was
accelerating.

I was still
winded and prone on my back, with two bum arms and two bum feet.

I tried to scootch
away.

The Gandrine
was stomping faster and faster. It wasn’t exactly running, because at no point
were both of its legs in the air, but it was power walking straight at me.

I covered my
face and covered my privates.

I felt the
Gandrine step on me, worsening my winded condition and cracking more than one
rib. As it ran over, it flipped me up and onto my stomach, breaking my nose. That
was one heavy slab of rock!

I was extremely
tired. I wanted to sleep. No, that was me passing out. If I did that, I was
going to end up crushed against the walls like the soldiers.

The Gandrine
was slowly turning around after overshooting my prone form by forty feet. It
took him that long to slow down.

“I have time,”
I thought.

But time for
what? I couldn’t even stand up when I
wasn’t
crippled.

The Gandrine
came charging at me again. I covered my head with my left arm just as he
stepped on my neck. If I hadn’t protected myself I felt he would have broken my
skull. My arm felt even worse.

Force equals
mass times acceleration.

This guy was
way more massive than I was and moving fairly quickly. So that’s how Gandrine
fight. They run into things and those things die.

The Gandrine
was turning around again.

Despite the
pain, I rose to my arms and drew up my legs. I forcibly bent my knees even
though it felt like I was tearing my skin. As the Gandrine was about to lay
into me I curled up into a tight fetal position on the ground.

It kicked me
like a ball and I rolled a good twenty feet. But I forced it to stumble. Force
equals mass times acceleration also applied to it hitting the ground face
first.

I felt the road
quiver as it slid through the tacky surface like water.

I had to hope
it got to its feet at least as slowly as I did.

My arm really
hurt. My whole body did. But I reached for the General’s Ontakian plasma
pistol.

I powered on
the weapon and the red glow burst from the crystal and the deep rumble made my
body ache even more.

I fired.

A red
laser-like beam touched the Gandrine and faded. No effect.

The Gandrine
was beginning to stand.

Was the plasma
pistol fake? Had the General given it to me knowing it did nothing? I pressed
the trigger again and noticed it stayed on longer because I had held the
trigger longer. My old Ontakian pistol had merely fired a blob of energy that
shot through buildings.

The Gandrine
had lifted its lower body.

I fired again,
this time not releasing the trigger.

The red beam
kept a spot on the Gandrine that jiggled around as my hand moved, and as I labored
to breathe. But still there was no effect.

As I held the
trigger, the beam grew brighter. The rumbling from the crystal grew louder.

The Gandrine
was standing now and all I was doing was shining a little light on it.

I kept holding
the trigger because I had nothing more I could do. The light was getting
intense. I had to squint. I could feel heat on my face from the beam. My hand hurt
from the vibration.

The Gandrine
charged me again.

The noise of
the Ontakian pistol became unbearable and the light was so bright I had to shut
my eyes and turn away.

I was waiting
to get stepped on, but nothing happened.

Suddenly, the
vibration, the light, the heat, all cut out.

Well that was a
stupid way for me to die.

I wasn’t dead,
because I sneezed. My arm hair had been roasted-off.

It took a long
time for my vision to clear. I had a purple splotch seared into my retinas. I
hoped it wasn’t permanent. I blinked it away and saw the Gandrine was about ten
feet from me.

Half of it was,
anyway. Its upper half had been vaporized.

Okay. Now I can
pass out.