Hardcore Volume 3 (2 page)

MY LIDS AND LIMBS were heavy, my bed soft and warm as I woke the next morning. I’d slept like I was dead, that sleep where the time between when you drift away and slip back into life could be minutes or years. Everything seemed new in that moment, as if nothing had existed before the second when I woke.
 

Shame it was only temporary.

The day before seeped into my mind. Then the night. And then my heart ripped wide open again. I closed my eyes against the pain.

Van.

It was over in a way that was irreparable and final. His words circled around my mind, and I didn’t blame him for a single one, no matter how bad it hurt. He was right. I shouldn’t have gone back. Maybe he didn’t need the truth. Maybe I only did it for myself.
 

I drew in a ragged breath. I was stupid to believe he could ever forgive me and selfish to take it back, even though it was the right thing to do. I only hurt him worse. I put him in a position where he felt he had to lie to the police to cover for me. I put my friends in danger. I put everyone at risk for what I wanted.

Erin burst into my room, wound-up and wild-eyed, and I shot out of bed, heart skittering in my chest.

“Fuck.” She sighed and closed the door. “Thank God you’re okay. What the fuck, man?” She climbed into bed with me. “What happened? You didn’t come talk to me last night, and I just woke up freaking out.”

The sheets hung around my waist, and I ran a hand over my face and through my hair. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m just glad you’re not in jail.”

“I should be. The cops showed up.”

Her brain exploded all over her face. “What?”

“Yeah. The cameras were being monitored, and when I killed them, someone called the cops. They knocked on the door just as I was leaving.”

“Jesus Christ. So he didn’t call them?”

“No, there wasn’t time. We were standing there with the cops asking where the painting came from, and I almost told them the truth. I actually tried to, but he stopped me. I thought … for a minute I thought maybe he’d …” I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head. “He’s done with me. He told me to leave and never come back, just like I thought he would.” There was no consolation in being right.

“Are you okay?”

I tried to smile. “I will be. I have an answer, and now I can move on.” Didn’t matter that I didn’t want to. “It’s fine. What happened here? Did Jade come back?”

Erin’s face tightened at the mention of Jade. “No, but when she does, I have a feeling it’s going to be ugly. We’re getting out of here. Today.”

I nodded, figuring as much. “Did Cher find us a place?”

“Yeah. It’s just a couple of blocks away, another loft. She left early this morning to put down our deposit and first month and to pick up the keys. We started packing last night, and the truck will be here at noon.”
 

I flipped the covers back and got out of bed as Erin stood and made her way to the door, pausing in the threshold.
 

“I know you’re not all right. Let’s talk, for real. Okay?”

I twisted my hair up and looked around my room. “Right after we get the fuck out of here.”

Erin smiled. “First thing’s first.”

Hours later, I trotted down the steps, my Chucks thumping on the cement as I carried another box to the moving truck. I handed it to Morgan, who stood in the back, organizing the chaos of our lives stacked squarely in the metal box on wheels.
 

We were all in a rush to be gone before Jade got home, so I spun around, took the stairs two at a time, and made my way into my room to pick up the last box.

My quiet room had been transformed by its emptiness into something I barely recognized, much like the rest of me. Sunlight through that window had woken me every morning. The crack in the concrete floor had been paced a hundred times. I looked up at the ceiling for what would be the last time, tracing the lines of the pipes as I had so many times before. And then, I walked out forever.

I made my way through the living room, scanning to see if we’d forgotten anything. The building door slammed downstairs, followed by a screech and the boom of footsteps bounding up the stairs. My eyes swung to the door.

Jade.

I sped up, dropping the box on the table just as she burst through the door, body tight, lip curled. Ready to fight. I watched her try to maintain some level of control as she stood in the doorway, blond hair loose around her face, cheeks pink.
 

“So, it’s like this, is it?” Her voice trembled. “You’re just going to leave and take everyone with you without saying goodbye? I thought you were so much more
noble
than that these days, Cory.”

My eyes narrowed, assessing her as I wondered if she knew about the painting. “I’m not
taking
anyone, Jade. They’re not toys that you can pick up and take home with you because you’re pissed. They’re over you, but I had nothing to do with it. You fucked that up all on your own.”

“Bullshit. You had everything to do with it.”

And then I knew she didn’t know. This was about us leaving, and I relaxed by the smallest degree. “I don’t know why you have to blame everything on me. What the fuck did I ever do to you?”

She stepped around the table with her hands on her hips. “You really don’t get it, do you? Pretty Cory, so easy-going. Everybody just loves you, don’t they?” she mocked.

“Don’t be an asshole, Jade.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it? They don’t see you, not really. They want to worship you like you’re the queen bitch. Well, you’re not.
I
run this. Not you. But you’ve been challenging that for years.”

I shook my head, and a frustrated laugh burst out of me. “I haven’t been challenging anything. Being in charge is the last thing I want. And no one worships me, they respect me. Not the same thing. If you understood that, we wouldn’t be leaving.”

She fumed. “I don’t know what you did to convince them. There’s no way you’ll find jobs like what I had for you. No way you can pay for Jill’s school as a fucking bike messenger. What are you going to do, Cory?”

“I’m going to leave here and move on. Past that, it’s none of your fucking business. And as for the girls, you’ll have to take it up with them.”

“If you stay, they’ll stay,” she countered.

Rage rolled off me as I took a step toward her. “Why does it matter so much to you? Do you just need somebody to push around? You talk a big game, love to act like you don’t need us, but the second shit gets real, you’re back to this. Look at you. You’re practically begging.”

Morgan, Erin, and Cher stepped into the doorway, eyes bouncing between Jade and me.

Jade’s lip curled. “Fuck you, Cory.”

I took another step. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this, it’s that your choices define you. Good or bad. Right or wrong. You made your decisions, and now you have to deal with the consequences, just like the rest of us.”

“I just wanted the money, Cory. All you had to do was say yes and do the fucking job, and none of this would have happened.”

“Sure, we wouldn’t be leaving and you wouldn’t have threatened Jill, but we still would have gotten fucked over. You still would have pushed me to steal from Van, even though you knew I didn’t want to. But that’s the whole point.
You
wanted. It doesn’t matter what anyone else wants. Only you.”

Jade pointed at me, lip peeled back to bare her teeth. “You used to want the same thing. I don’t know what happened to you. We used to be on the same page. It used to be about the thrill. About the money. But now you’re this pious asshole, spewing bullshit all over everybody, playing the victim.” She mocked me with a whiny voice and flailing hands. “Oh, Jade’s
so fucking mean
. Boo-fucking-hoo. Everybody, feel so bad for me because I’m so goddamn oppressed.”

A tingle worked up my neck, into my cheeks, fists clenched by my sides at her taunting. “God, you’re so fucking clueless.”

She just kept going. “So now you’re all just going to leave? And do what? Live straight? Because you better bet your fucking ass that I’ll tell everyone I know not to work with you.”

“The only thing I want right now is to get the fuck away from you.”

“What if I said you couldn’t leave?” Her words were quiet, menacing enough that the hairs rose on my arms.

Tension whipped between us. “You should try that and see.”

Jade moved closer, and Morgan moved toward us. I put my hand up to stop her. It was my turn.

Anger rolled off Jade as she approached me, fueling my own. She had no right to be pissed, not after what she’d done. Every offense passed through my thoughts, pulling my wounds open wider. I wasn’t going to take shit from her. Not anymore. Never again.

She stopped a few feet in front of me, eyes narrowed. “You can’t leave.”

“And what, you’re going to force us to stay? I thought you said you didn’t need us.”

“I don’t
need
anybody.”

I shook my head. “You’re a walking contradiction, you know that? Why put up a fight if you don’t need us? Why do you give a fuck what we do?”

A flush crept up her neck, and her lips turned down a hair more. “Because, Cory. I made you. I made
all
of you.” She swept a hand. “I made
this.
It’s
mine.
”

“We’re not yours to own. Did you really think this would last forever? You didn’t think we would eventually want more out of life than hitting up electronics stores while you berated us on the regular? We already told you we were leaving. You even told us to go. Didn’t you believe us then?”

“I thought you were smarter than that.”

I laughed, the sound tight and bitter. “You thought we were bluffing? I mean, I knew you were delusional, but this is next-level.”

“Fuck you, Cory.” She spat the words at me like nails.

I stepped closer, my smile slipping away with my composure. “You fucked me over like it was nothing, had my sister stalked. You blackmailed me with her life. Her
life,
Jade. If I’d done the same with Jace, you would have killed me. You’re lucky you and I are different.”

Her voice was low. “Oh, I don’t know about that. We’re not so different, you and me. Two sides of the same coin.”

I glared at her. “We’re not the same, and we never were.”

“Not true. We’re more alike than you want to admit.”

Fury flashed through me, partly because she was right. “It’s over. You can’t crawl back after you shit all over everything and pretend like it didn’t happen. We’re leaving, and you’re not going to stop us.” My hands were shaking, and I knew if I didn’t walk away, I was going to hit her. And if I hit her, I didn’t know if I could stop.
 

I turned to pick up my box.

I felt her move before I saw her, a blur in my periphery as she lunged for me. I leaned back, narrowly avoiding her fist, and she lurched as her hand cut through the air. Her body moved past me from the force of her swing, and I twisted away. My hands slammed into her shoulder blades, sending her sprawling across the kitchen floor.

There was no thinking. I flew at her, climbed on top of her and backhanded her. She scrabbled against me, our arms tangled together as she scratched and shrieked, thrashed to try to buck me off. I was immovable. My fist closed, Van’s face in my mind as my knuckles connected with her cheek. Her words echoed in my ears as I hit her again. And again. My knuckles split with my heart, and rage flowed out, pumped through my blood.

Arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me off Jade as I kicked and screamed. I wanted my hands around her throat, wanted to squeeze until she disappeared. And I would have done it.

Part of me wished I had.

I strained against Morgan and Cher as they pinned my arms, pushed against Erin’s hands as she leaned against me. My eyes were on Jade. She propped herself up on her elbow, hair a gnarled mess, nose bloodied and lip split. She spit a gob of blood on the concrete and looked up, locking eyes with me as she wiped her nose with the back of her shaking hand.
 

“We are
leaving
,” I roared, “and you will let us go, or so help me God, I’ll come back here and fucking kill you.”

“It’s over, Jade,” Cher said from behind me.

“Say it!” I screamed.
 

Jade stiffened but never broke eye contact, just stared at me for a long time before she looked away. She spit again. “It’s over.” Her voice was raspy and thin.

Erin leaned back to look at me. “Go wait in the van, Cor.”

I barely heard her. I couldn’t look away from Jade, couldn’t comprehend anything outside my need to hurt her. All I wanted was to make her pay.

“Cory!”

I blinked and met her eyes.

“Go wait in the van,” she urged.

Leave. I have to leave.
I nodded, and the arms and hands around me relaxed. Jade and I watched each other as Cher pulled me out the door and down the stairs, into the daylight and onto the sidewalk. I sank onto the curb, heavy and cold, bloody hands shaking as I dropped my face into my palms, hoping to God that Jade would really let it go. For all of our sakes.