Harlem Girl Lost (16 page)

“You know that's right, girl,” Silver said, giving her a pound.

“Besides, if I get this gig, I'll have enough money to move the fuck out my moms’ house and get my own apartment.”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, ‘cause I'll be so glad when they send me my scholarship and I can get the hell out of here!” She didn't realize that Missy's smile had disappeared. “I'll go to Timbuktu if I have to—just get me far away from here.” But then she noticed Missy's sudden silence and frowned. “What up, Missy? Why you going silent squirrel on me all of a sudden?”

“ ‘Cause.”

“ ‘Cause what?”

“You don't know?”

Silver grabbed Missy by the arm. “No, I don't know. What is it?”

Missy looked away for a moment, then just came out with it. “ ‘Cause I'm gonna fuckin’ miss you!”

Silver felt surprised and sad at the same time. All the years that Silver had known her, Missy had been far from the emotional type, holding her feelings inside. This was the first time she had ever showed anything like that. Silver didn't know what to say, so she just gave her a big hug.

“Oh, Missy, you know you're my girl, and no matter what, me and you will always be down for each other. We have been down for each other this long through thick and thin, good and bad. I know for a fact that you definitely been there for me when I had no one else, you remember?” Missy stood with her arms folded, tears beginning to well in her eyes, and simply nodded as Silver continued. “Through all the shit you and me been through, you remained by my side like a motherfuckin’ trooper. When I had beef, you had beef; if you had a dollar, I knew I had fifty cents.” Silver caressed her friend's smooth, dark skin. “True friends like you are few and far between.
That's one thing you can't ever get new—old friends. And it's nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you.” Silver lifted her chin and looked her square in the eyes. “I will fucking die for you, hoe!”

Tears streamed from Missy's eyes as she stared at her only true friend. Then she hugged Silver tightly.

“I'll die for you too, bitch!” Missy whispered.

Silver wiped away her tears. “We're always gonna be girls, and no matter where I go, all you got to do is call and I'll be there for you, no matter what.”

“For real?”

Silver smiled reassuringly. “You didn't know? For real!”

QUEEN TO BE

T
he next evening, Silver stared impatiently at the clock. It was eight-thirty. She waited a few more minutes and then walked to her grandmothers room to ensure that she was still sound asleep. Silently scanning the room, she observed the empty wine bottle that lay at the side of bed. Satisfied that the older woman was still fast asleep, she cautiously closed the door and called Missy, telling her that she would be there in fifteen minutes. She hurried into her room to get her prepacked bag and slipped out the front door.

At the prom, Silver and Missy had the time of their lives. Missy wore a tight-fitting red dress that highlighted her slender, long legs, making her look like a Paris runway model. Silver wore an elegant white satin dress that fit her body like a glove. Missy designed Silver's face with lipstick and makeup that made her look flawless. Up to that point, Silver had never really used makeup, and she was more surprised than anyone else at how beautiful she looked. Everyone knew Silver was a cutie, even when she wore drab clothing, but on this night she looked absolutely radiant and drop-dead gorgeous. It was the best time Silver had had in more than five years. As a matter of
fact, this was the first and only school party that she had attended in her entire life, and she loved it.

At Silver's house
, a gust of wind from an open window caused a vase to fall to the floor. Startled and groggy, Mrs. Jones called out Silver's name several times, to no response. “I know that damn girl hears me,” she muttered angrily as she searched for her slippers. Putting on her robe, she opened her bedroom door and noticed the living room window was wide open, curtains fluttering over the broken vase that lay on the floor. She yelled for Silver once again and headed toward her room. “Girl, I know you heard me calling you.” Once she realized that Silver was not in her bedroom, she checked the bathroom. She paused to clear her head, then stepped to the telephone and pressed redial. After a few rings, a female voice answered.

“Hello?” Mrs. Jones said. “Who is this?”

“Bitch, you calling
my
goddamn house. Who the hell is this?”

“I'm Mrs. Jones, Silver's grandmother.”

“Oh, Mrs. Jones, I'm sorry, this is Mrs. Anderson, Missy's mother. I thought you was one of them scandalous-ass bitches calling my house for my man.”

In the background, Mrs. Jones heard a male voice: “Bitch, why the fuck would I give a hoe my number to call me here?”

Missy's mother angrily retorted, “Motherfucker, that ain't stop them bitches before. I know it's them bitches that be hanging up when they hear my voice!”The voice paused. “Mrs. Jones, sorry, what can I do you for?”

“Well, I was wondering if you knew my granddaughter's whereabouts.”

“Girl, stop playing. You know they at their prom. They left here over two hours ago, and girl, they looked good, too.”

The man's voice could be heard in the background again. “Yeah, especially that red one!”

Missy's mother yelled angrily, “Get the fuck out my house, motherfucker. Get your nasty ass out of here!”

Mrs. Jones heard the receiver drop.

“Hello? Hello?” said Mrs. Jones.

Missy's mother was still shouting. “You getting your ass out of here tonight, you dirty motherfucker!”

“Hello?”

Missy's mother picked up the phone again. “What?”

“Can you tell me where the prom is?” she asked.

“Yeah, they over there at that fancy place in Central Park. You know, that tavern place. Listen, Mrs. Jones, I got to go! You dirty motherfucker …”

She hung up.

“That slick little whore … We'll see who is the slickest one!” She dialed a cab service. “I need a cab at 1545 West 138th Street … Yes, I going to Tavern on the Green in Central Park … Okay, fifteen minutes, fine.” She hung up and went to her room to get dressed.

At the prom
, the master of ceremonies announced that it was time to present the award to this year's prom king and queen.

“And the prom king and queen of the graduating class of 1999 are … Mr. Trevor Smalls and Ms. Silver Jones!”

The crowd gave a round of applause as the two held hands
and walked up the stairs to the waiting principal and dean, who held a tiara, a bouquet of flowers, and a plaque. Trevor shook hands with the principal and dean, accepted the plaque, and then turned to wave to well-wishers in the crowd. Next, Silver stepped forward and was crowned with the tiara and given the bouquet. She smiled, and the crowd went wild. It was the single greatest day in Silver's entire life.

Trevor stepped to the podium first. “Thank you, thank you … I'd like to thank God for blessing me and allowing me to be here today. Secondly, I'd like to thank my mom and dad for supporting me in all my endeavors. I'd like to thank my date for making me look better. Most of all, I'd like to thank you, my fellow students, and the staff for nominating me as this year's prom king. I won't let you down. Thank you.”

The master of ceremonies stepped forward. “I can see that God must be missing an angel, ‘cause we got one right here on this stage! I present to you not only this year's prom queen, but also this year's valedictorian … Ms. Silver Jones!”

Shyly, Silver walked up to the podium and surveyed the crowd, which fell silent. “I would like to thank God, the staff, and my fellow students for having me as valedictorian.” She paused, looked down for a moment, then took a deep breath. “About five years ago, my mother was murdered in a Times Square motel room by a deranged killer. My mother was a prostitute.” Some staff and students gasped. The principal and dean exchanged nervous glances, but Silver waited for everyone to settle down before continuing.

“What I remember most about my mother was when she used to walk me to school every morning after she finished
work. She would make me repeat these little affirmations and sayings, hundreds of them! I would ask her if I didn't need this for school, then what were they good for? Well, she never really explained that part to me. She just would say that in time I'd understand. Well that time has come—I now understand. One of the things that I remember her asking me was, ‘What is the worst word in the world?’ And I would say
cant.
She would then ask me, ‘Why?’ I would answer, ‘Because if you exclude that word from your vocabulary, you can do anything you want!’

“When she died … when she died, I thought to myself I couldn't go on, because there was nothing in life I had to look forward to. I felt that if I couldn't have my mother, what's the point? Well, over the years without her, there were plenty of days when I honestly didn't know if I could make it through another day. I could have given myself a reason to just quit, take the easy way out like so many people that I've known. Doubt tried to convince me to give in, but I couldn't, and I honestly never knew why. It wasn't until this very moment, this very second, that I realize why I never gave up.” The room was silent enough to hear a pin drop, everyone captivated and hanging on every word.

“It was because I didn't know how. That was something she never taught me how to do. You see, I realized that all those years when she was alive, what she was doing was preparing me for rough times, knowing that they will surely come. She told me how she got tricked into using heroin and became an addict, she told me how she was given a choice at the age of fifteen when she got pregnant with me to either have an abortion
or move out. Since she was unfortunate enough to have made those life-changing choices, she made sure I didn't fall for the same illusions and misconceptions that had ruined her own life. So I guess that's why she started instilling in me something more valuable than gold and something more precious than the largest of all diamonds—and that something is the truth!” She smiled. “It's funny, but my mother told me that this was going to happen, and I'm not just talking about graduating from high school. She said that I was going to graduate at the top of my class and become the valedictorian. She described almost to the letter how I would stand before my peers and graciously accept my award. That was almost seven years ago. How did she know that it would become reality? Tonight is not just an illusion, but the reality of her lifelong vision that shines through her and through me. The truth is that she really didn't leave me. She's very much alive within me, because she is inside my heart, my soul, and my mind.”

Tears began to flow as she continued. “In parting, I would like to thank four people, especially my best friend, Missy Anderson. If it weren't for you simply being a friend, I wouldn't have had any. I'll die for you, girl.”

Missy, overwhelmed with tears, called back,”I'd die for you, too!”

“And to my Auntie Birdie and Chancellor Haze, wherever they are, I will never forget you. Lastly, I want to thank and dedicate this award to my mother, Ms. Jessica Jones.” Silver looked upward. “Thank you, Mother … I will always love you.”

Many in the student body and several teachers were in
tears. Stifled sniffles gave way to slow clapping that turned into a thunder of applause as Silver smiled back at them. This was her greatest moment of achievement.

Her smile faded when she noticed the grim face of her grandmother staring imposingly back at her from the crowd. Not missing a beat, Missy looked toward where Silver was staring, and her jaw dropped. Silver grew weak-kneed and put her head down as she slowly began walking off the stage. Hands patted her on the back, and some people hugged her as she made her way toward the exit. By the time Silver reached her grandmother, Missy was already there, taking responsibility for everything. But her grandmother wasn't hearing any of it.

At home, her grandmother screamed, “So you want to be a fast bitch, huh? I'm gonna show you what I do to fast bitches like you! You know what to do—get out of that funky dress, wipe that shit off of your face, and come back with the extension cord, ‘cause I'm gonna whip your fast ass!”

Silver reluctantly complied. She went to her room and changed out of her dress. All the while she heard her grandmother calling her everything but a child of God. Silver stared at herself in the mirror as she washed off the makeup. She imagined her mother standing behind her, and visualized her gently placing her hands on her shoulders and smiling at her. The image disappeared when she heard her grandmother yelling for her to come out and bring the extension cord with her. Silver slowly walked to the kitchen and came out with the extension cord, which she handed to her grandmother.

“Since you want to be cute, I'm gonna teach your ass not to disobey me. Now lift up your shirt.”

Silver reluctantly lifted up her shirt, exposing ugly scars from past whippings, and turned around for yet another beating. She bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes to brace herself.

“You want to be grown, huh? I'll teach you to stay in a child's place. You are just like your no-good mother, but I'll beat the black out of your ass before you disrespect me!”

Suddenly Silver opened her eyes, dropped her shirt, and turned around. “No more!”

“What did you say?” her grandmother snapped.

“I said
no more
!” It was the first time Silver had ever talked back to her.

Her grandmother raised her arm to hit Silver with the extension cord, but Silver wrestled the cord out of her hands and threw it down. “I'm tired of you beating me for no good reason,” Silver said calmly.

“Bitch, have you lost your goddamn mind?” her grandmother shrieked.

“Have
you?”
Silver replied. “All I wanted to do was go to my prom! My
prom …
and I'm wrong?” Silver stared at her. “I don't ever go anywhere, I put up with everything you tell me to do, I get straight A's in school, and nothing I do seems to ever satisfy you! What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?”