Harold Pinter Plays 2 (19 page)

HARRY.
Just after you’d gone out.

BILL.
Oh yes?

HARRY.
Ah well, time for the joint. Roast or chips?

BILL.
I don’t want any potatoes, thank you.

HARRY.
No potatoes? What an extraordinary thing. Yes, this chap, he was asking for you, he wanted you.

BILL.
What for?

HARRY.
He wanted to know if you ever cleaned your shoes with furniture polish.

BILL.
Really? How odd.

HARRY.
Not odd. Some kind of national survey.

BILL.
What did he look like?

HARRY.
Oh … lemon hair, nigger brown teeth, wooden leg, bottlegreen eyes and a toupee. Know him?

BILL.
Never met him.

HARRY.
You’d know him if you saw him.

BILL.
I doubt it.

HARRY.
What, a man who looked like that?

BILL.
Plenty of men look like that.

HARRY.
That’s true. That’s very true. The only thing is that this particular man was here last night.

BILL.
Was he? I didn’t see him.

HARRY.
Oh yes, he was here, but I’ve got a funny feeling he wore a mask. It was the same man, but he wore a mask, that’s all there is to it. He didn’t dance here last night, did he, or do any gymnastics?

BILL.
No one danced here last night.

HARRY.
Aah. Well, that’s why you didn’t notice his wooden leg. I couldn’t help seeing it myself when he came to the front door because he stood on the top step stark naked. Didn’t seem very cold, though. He had a waterbottle under his arm instead of a hat.

BILL.
Those church bells have certainly left their mark on you.

HARRY.
They haven’t helped, but the fact of the matter is, old chap, that I don’t like strangers coming into my house without an invitation. (
Pause.
)
Who is this man and what does he want?

Pause.
BILL
rises.

BILL.
Will you excuse me? I really think it’s about time I was dressed, don’t you?

BILL
goes
up
the
stairs.
HARRY
,
after
a
momenty
turns
and
follows.
He
slowly
ascends
the
stairs.
Fade
to
blackout
on
house.
In
the
flat
JAMES
is
still
reading
the
paper.
STELLA
is
sitting
silently.
Silence.

STELLA.
What do you think about going for a run today
…
in the country?

Pause.
JAMES
puts
the
paper
down.

JAMES.
I’ve come to a decision.

STELLA.
What?

JAMES.
I’m going to go and see him.

STELLA.
See him? Who? (
Pause
.)
What for?

JAMES.
Oh … have a chat with him.

STELLA.
What’s the point of doing that?

JAMES.
I feel I’d like to.

STELLA.
I just don’t see … what there is to be gained.

What’s the point of it?

Pause.

What are you going to do, hit him?

JAMES.
No, no. I’d just like to hear what he’s got to say.

STELLA.
Why?

JAMES.
I want to know what his attitude is.

Pause.

STELLA.
He doesn’t matter.

JAMES.
What do you mean?

STELLA.
He’s not important.

JAMES.
Do you mean anyone would have done? You mean it just happened to be him, but it might as well have been anyone?

STELLA.
No.

JAMES.
What then?

STELLA.
Of course it couldn’t have been anyone. It was him.

It was just… something …

JAMES.
That’s what I mean. It was him. That’s why I think he’s worth having a look at. I want to see what he’s like It’ll be instructive, educational

Pause.

STELLA.
Please don’t go and see him. You don’t know where he lives, anyway.

JAMES.
You don’t think I should see him?

STELLA.
It won’t… make you feel any better.

JAMES.
I want to see if he’s changed.

STELLA.
What do you mean?

JAMES.
I want to see if he’s changed from when I last saw him. He may have gone down the drain since I last saw him. I must say he looked in good shape, though.

STELLA.
You’ve never seen him.

Pause.

You don’t know him.

Pause.

You don’t know where he lives?

Pause.

When did you see him?

JAMES.
We had dinner together last night

STELLA.
What?

JAMES.
Splendid host.

STELLA.
I don’t believe it.

JAMES.
Ever been to his place?

Pause.

Rather nice. Ever been there?

STELLA.
I met him in Leeds, that’s all.

JAMES.
Oh, is that all. Well, we’ll have to go round there one night. The grub’s good, I can’t deny it. I found him quite charming.

Pause.

He remembered the occasion well. He was perfectly frank. You know, a man’s man. Straight from the shoulder. He entirely confirmed your story.

STELLA.
Did he?

JAMES.
Mmm. Only thing … he rather implied that you led him on. Typical masculine thing to say, of course.

STELLA.
That’s a lie.

JAMES.
You know what men are. I reminded him that you’d resisted, and you’d hated the whole thing, but that you’d been – how can we say – somehow hypnotized by him, it happens sometimes. He agreed it can happen sometimes. He told me he’d been hypnotized once by a cat. Wouldn’t go into any more details, though. Still, I must admit we rather hit it off. We’ve got the same interests. He was most amusing over the brandy.

STELLA.
I’m not interested.

JAMES.
In fact, he was most amusing over the whole thing.

STELLA.
Was he?

JAMES.
But especially over the brandy. He’s got the right attitude, you see. As a man, I can only admire it.

STELLA.
What is his attitude?

JAMES.
What’s your attitude?

STELLA.
I don’t know what you’re … I just don’t know what you’re … I just… hoped you’d understand …

She
cavers
her
face,
crying.

JAMES.
Well, I do understand, but only after meeting him. Now I’m perfectly happy. I can see it both ways, three
ways, all ways … every way. It’s perfectly clear, there’s nothing to it, everything’s back to normal. The only difference is that I’ve come across a man I can respect. It isn’t often you can do that, that that happens, and really I suppose I’ve got you to thank.

He
bends
forward
and
pats
her
arm.

Thanks.

Pause.

He reminds me of a bloke I went to school with. Hawkins. Honestly, he reminded me of Hawkins. Hawkins was an opera fan, too. So’s what’s-his-name. I’m a bit of an opera fan myself. Always kept it a dead secret. I might go along with your bloke to the opera one night. He says he can always get free seats. He knows quite a few of that crowd. Maybe I can track old Hawkins down and take him along, too. He’s a very cultivated bloke, your bloke, quite a considerable intelligence at work there, I thought. He’s got a collection of Chinese pots stuck on a wall, must have cost at least fifteen hundred a piece. Well, you can’t help noticing that sort of thing. I mean, you couldn’t say he wasn’t a man of taste. He’s brimming over with it. Well, I suppose he must have struck you the same way. No, really, I think I should thank you, rather than anything else. After two years of marriage it looks as though, by accident, you’ve opened up a whole new world for me.

Fade
to
blackout.
Fade
up
house.
Night.
BILL
comes
in
from
the
kitchen
with
a
tray
of
olives,
cheese,
crisps,
and
a
transistor
radio,
playing
Vivaldi,
very
quietly.
He
puts
the
tray
on
the
table,
arranges
the
cushions
and
eats
a
crisp.
JAMES
appears
at
the
front
door
and
rings
the
bell.
BILL
goes
to
the
door,
opens
it,
amd
JAMES
comes
in.
In
the
hall
he
helps
JAMES
off
with
his
coat.
JAMES
comes
into
the
room,
BILL
follows.
JAMES
notices
the
tray
with
the
olives,
and
smiles.
BILL
smiles.
JAMES
goes
up
to
the
Chinese
vases
and
examines
them.
BILL
pours
drinks.
In
the
flat
the
telephone
rings.
Fade
up
on
flat.
Night.
Fade
up
half
light
on
telephone
box.
A
figure
can
be
dimly
seen
in
the
telephone
box.
STELLA
enters
from
the
bedroom,
holding
the
kitten.
She
goes
to
the
telephone.
BILL
gives
JAMES
a
glass.
They
drink.

STELLA.
Hullo.

HARRY.
Is that you, James?

STELLA.
What? No, it isn’t. Who’s this?

HARRY.
Where’s James?

STELLA.
He’s out.

HARRY.
Out? Oh, well, all right. I’ll be straight round.

STELLA.
What are you talking about? Who are you?

HARRY.
Don’t go out.

The
telephone
cuts
off.
STELLA
replaces
the
receiver
and
sits
upright
with
the
kitten
on
the
chair.
Fade
to
half
light
on
flat.
Fade
telephone
box.

JAMES.
You know something? You remind me of a chap I knew once. Hawkins. Yes. He was quite a tall lad.

BILL.
Tall, was he?

JAMES.
Yes.

BILL.
Now why should I remind you of him?

JAMES.
He was quite a card. (
Pause.
)

BILL.
Tall, was he?

JAMES.
That’s … what he was.

BILL.
Well, you’re not short.

JAMES.
I’m not tall.

BILL.
Quite broad.

JAMES.
That doesn’t make me tall.

BILL.
I never said it did.

JAMES.
Well, what are you saying?

BILL.
Nothing. (
Pause.
)

JAMES.
I wouldn’t exactly say I was broad, either.

BILL.
Well, you only see yourself in the mirror, don’t you?