Haunted Ground (23 page)

Rowan closed her eyes, the images taking shape once again after years of being kept at bay, locked in a part of her mind where they couldn’t hurt her.  She’d woken up screaming for months after she came to Aunt Joan and Uncle Caleb, the horror seeping into her soul and leaving her shaking and helpless, thrashing in her bed until Aunt Joan finally managed to calm her down, usually with a cup of mead.  The nightmares grew less frequent over the years, but the memory of that night was still there, as it always would be till the day she died. 

“My mother was always knowledgeable about herbs and plants.  She’d learned it from an old woman who lived in their village when she was a girl.  She often went into the forest to forage for roots and leaves and make them into salves and potions.”  Rowan sighed and pressed closer to Brendan as she continued. 

“My father forbade my mother to tell anyone of her skill.  He was wary of the people in our village, but my mother said that he was just being overly cautious.  These people were our friends and neighbors, and everyone knew her for the kind, God-fearing woman she was.” 

Rowan grew silent for a moment in an effort to get her shaking voice under control.  It was still a little hoarse from years of disuse, and her throat ached from suddenly speaking so much at once as well as from the tears she was swallowing back.

“My mother begged my father not to leave, but he chose to take up arms and fight for his king.  He died at Adwalton Moor in 1643.  My mother tried her best to keep things going, but the two of us struggled to manage the farm.  It was too much work for a woman and child.  Some days we barely had enough to eat.”  Rowan grew silent, remembering the hardship of that awful winter.  Her mother had grown thin and silent, her lovely face suddenly lined and gray from lack of food and too much worry. 

“A neighbor’s child had gotten ill, so my mother went over with some willow bark tea to help bring the fever down.  It helped, and the woman was very grateful.  She gave my mother a few eggs and helped spread the word, which is exactly what my mother was hoping for.  Within a few months, our fortunes improved.  People had no money to pay, but they traded food for remedies, and that helped us a great deal.  My mother also made love charms for the young girls.  She said they were just a bit of whimsy, but the girls believed that a love charm could help them win the heart of the one they loved.”

Brendan held Rowan close and kissed her temple.  He could guess what was coming, but Rowan needed to speak of it in order for the memories to loosen their hold over her. 

“There was one girl in particular.  Her name was Ellie, and she often came by our cottage, eager to learn anything that my mother had to teach her.  She was lively and anxious to learn, so my mother showed her the different flowers and roots, and taught her how to mix them together to ward off fevers and prevent festering of a wound.  I used to help out, too.  I’d grind things in a mortar or chop up roots and boil leaves for tea.  Those were happy times.  We’d sit around the table and my mother would tell Ellie and I stories about knights and ladies, and the great astronomers like John Dee, who Queen Bess used to consult before making any important decisions.  My mother thought John Dee was a wizard and could probably turn brass into gold.” 

“What happened then?” Brendan asked carefully, sensing that Rowan was becoming more agitated as she spoke. 

“Ellie had her heart set on a boy from the village.  Edgar, his name was, and he was apprenticed to the blacksmith.  She dreamed of marrying him and asked my mother about what happened in a marriage bed, since her own mother wouldn’t tell her.  My mother laughed at her and teased her, but I think she told her in the end.  That made Ellie want him even more.  She thought that if she got him to kiss her, he’d ask her to marry him.  Edgar did kiss her, and possibly did more than that, but it was Daisy he made an offer of marriage to.  Daisy’s family owned the smithy, so Edgar would inherit the lot once Daisy’s father died.   Ellie’s family was barely scraping by, like us.”

Rowan turned on her side and pressed her back against Brendan’s chest.  She couldn’t bear to look at him as she told the rest of the story, so he just held her close and let her talk.

“Ellie was heartbroken when Daisy and Edgar announced their betrothal.  She was sure that Edgar loved her and only wanted Daisy for the smithy, but there was naught to be done.  The banns were read, and the date of the wedding set.  A week before the wedding, Daisy was found dead with a piece of seedcake still in her hand.  She’d been poisoned.  My mother was the only person in the village who knew about remedies and poisons, so suspicion instantly fell on her, even though she had nothing at all to gain by killing Daisy.  Daisy’s mother called my mother a witch, and stood in the village green screaming her accusations of murder and calling on the people of the village to punish the witch. 

People who were our friends and neighbors
—
people whom my mother had helped and cured
—
turned into a vicious mob within an hour.  The war was raging all around us.  People were losing their menfolk, starving and doing without, so it didn’t take much to ignite the dry kindling.  My mother and I were blissfully unaware of what was coming.  We were at home, baking bread and making a rabbit stew.

The mob dragged my mother from the house and accused her of murder.  She begged and pleaded with them, swearing she had nothing to do with Daisy’s death, but they weren’t inclined to listen.  The reverend proclaimed that witches should be burned, so they tied by mother to a stake in the village square and piled firewood and branches all around her.  She was still proclaiming her innocence when they set the wood alight at her feet.  I couldn’t bear to watch, but Daisy’s father and Edgar held me fast and forced me to watch, telling me to see for myself what happens to those who practice witchcraft.  The last thing I saw before I passed out was my mother calling to me to save myself before she was engulfed in flames.”

Rowan was crying openly now, the salty tears running into her mouth as she tried to speak.  “When I awoke it was dawn.  I was alone in the village square, shivering in the cold, my clothes damp from dew.  The pyre had burned out, and the air was filled with the acrid smell of damp ashes and roasted flesh.  I dared not look closer for fear of seeing what was left of my mother.  I forced myself to get to my feet and trudged back to our house, but it had been burned to the ground, smoke curling from the charred beams.  I just sat on the ground and cried until Ellie found me.  She leaned over me and whispered into my ear, “You’d better leave before they burn you too, Rowan.  You know what they do to witches around here.”  And then she giggled and smiled at me.  “Edgar will marry me now,” she said before scampering away. 

Rowan angrily wiped the tears from her damp cheeks.  There, she’d finally said it out loud.  Telling Brendan had been difficult, but at least now, he could help her carry the terrible burden of the past.  He wasn’t there to help her then, but he was here now, and he would keep her safe from people whose friendship and trust could turn into a murderous rage on the turn of a coin.

Brendan didn’t say anything.  He just held Rowan and let her cry, years of pent-up agony silently sliding down her face and onto his hand.  What could anyone say to minimize the tragedy that befell her?  It was shattering enough to lose both parents within the space of a year, but to be forced to watch your mother burn for a crime she didn’t commit was more than anyone could bear.  The Church preached forgiveness and tolerance, but what they practiced was quite different.  The reverend could have saved Rowan’s mother, but he slyly brought up burning, an act that would unite the villagers against a common enemy, and bring them closer to the Church in their self-righteous war against Satan and his disciples.  How cruel human beings could be, especially the ones who pretended to love us.  Brendan hoped Ellie had gotten her just desserts, but he doubted it.  Even now, she probably lived happily with her Edgar, rewarded by God for the death of two innocent women.

The Present

I snuggled closer to Aidan, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.  Our hands were intertwined as were our legs, and it actually felt as if we were a part of one whole rather than two separate human beings.  I’d made no mention of the future for fear that Aidan would think me clingy or pushy, but he spoke as though we were now an established couple, which made me inwardly jump for joy.  Several times he’d referred to us as ‘we’ and I loved the sound of that. 

I suppose I was used to American guys who always wanted to keep their options open and play the field for as long as possible, but Aidan showed no fear or reluctance to commit and see where the relationship would take us, which in turn made me curious about what happened with his fiancée.  I suppose we were at that part in our blossoming romance when people shared their pasts, but I didn’t want to interrogate Aidan.  He had to tell me in his own time.  He hadn’t asked anything about my past relationships, not that there was much to tell.  A few short-lived romances that meant the world at the time, but seemed awfully trivial now, in the face of what I was feeling for Aidan. 

Aidan seemed to be reading my mind, because he disentangled his hand from mine and rolled onto his side, supporting his head on his elbow, his lips stretching into a slow smile. 

“What are you grinning at?” I asked, happy to see him so relaxed.

“I’m just happy,” he said simply, as if it was self-evident.  “I hadn’t realized how long it’s been since I felt this way.  It’s overwhelming.”

I realized that was the opening I’d been looking for.  He was clearly telling me that he’d been unhappy for a long time, so it wasn’t wrong to ask why.  Was it?

“Aidan, what happened with your fiancée?” I asked carefully, watching his face for any indication that he was angry at the question, but I saw no resentment, just a sadness that briefly clouded his eyes. “Why were you so unhappy?”

“After Noelle and I split up, I sort of just retreated.  At first, I needed time to heal, but then a few months turned into a year, and I realized that I’d been avoiding involvement or making any major decisions.  I’d been drifting, waiting for something to shake me out of my complacency, and then this gorgeous American girl showed up and I didn’t stand a chance.”  He was trying to charm me in order to distract me, but I wasn’t having it.  I wanted to know.

“Dot intimated that you broke it off because you got cold feet,” I said, curious as to the real reason Aidan had been so hurt by the breakup. 

“It’s sort of what I let people believe.  You know how gossip travels around here, and I didn’t want anyone to know the truth, especially Noelle’s parents, since she never told them.  I was so numb that I didn’t really care what people thought as long as they left me alone to deal with it in my own way.  Noelle left shortly after I called off the wedding, so that just fueled speculation.”

“Why
did
you call it off?”

“I called it off because I felt betrayed.  I loved Noelle and trusted her implicitly, but I discovered that she didn’t feel the same about me. Her love was a lot more calculated.”

I laid my hand over his wrist, but kept silent, giving him a chance to speak. 

“We met in our second year at Uni.  She was reading Finance and I was studying Architecture, so our paths crossed in math tutorial.  She wasn’t particularly interested in me at first, but Scots are known for being pesky buggers, so eventually I got her to go out with me.  I’d had a few other girlfriends before, but it was never anything serious.  But Noelle was it; she was the one.  Being with her made me feel complete, and I knew that I wanted her to be not just my present, but my future.  I thought she wanted the same thing.”

Aidan took a deep breath, as if bracing himself for the next part of the story.  “After graduation, Noelle wanted to come back here to be close to her family, so I came with her and rented a flat while she moved back in with her parents.  We saw each other every day anyway at my place.  It was our little love nest.  She’d gotten a job with an investment firm in Lincoln, and I worked to get my business off the ground.  We were busy, but happy.  I proposed on her twenty-third birthday and she accepted.  I would have been happy to get married in a Registry Office, but Noelle wanted a long engagement and a church wedding, so I agreed.  I wanted her to have the wedding of her dreams.  We were engaged and planning our life together; another year wouldn’t have made that much of a difference.”

Aidan grew quiet for a moment, clearly reliving the past.  “What happened then?” I asked, feeling an overwhelming need to know.

“I thought that a one-year engagement was long enough, but Noelle wanted to wait.  She was working long hours and moving up in her company, so planning a wedding had to take a back seat.  Before I knew it, another two years had gone by.  I kept pressing her to set a date, and she finally agreed.  She was busy at work, so her mother made most of the arrangements.  It’s almost as if Noelle didn’t care; she simply wanted to show up and get it over with.  I should have seen the signs, but I was too eager to start our life together.  I booked our wedding trip – two weeks in Paris, which Noelle felt was too long to be away from her job, but I held firm.  How often do you go on a honeymoon?”

Aidan took a labored breath, but I didn’t interrupt him this time.  He needed to tell the story at his own pace.  I could tell that it was difficult for him since he clearly hadn’t spoken to anyone of what happened, possibly not even his own parents.  Funny how women needed support, pints of ice-cream or endless glasses of wine and dinners with girlfriends to work through a split, but men just go on with it.

“I often brought up starting a family.  I wanted to have children while we were still young, not one of those couples who put their lives on hold until they established their careers.  I didn’t want to have my first child at forty, and I certainly wanted to have more than one.  Noelle said that she wanted that too, but it would have to be the right time, since she didn’t want to lose everything she’d worked for.  She promised that we would have a baby within the first few years of marriage.  I would have been happy to get her pregnant on our wedding trip, and she said that it wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

Aidan rolled back onto his back and stared at the ceiling as he recounted the rest.  “It was the night of Noelle’s hen party a week before the wedding.  She went to take a bath and asked me to tell her friend Tracy, in case she called, that she’d be ready in an hour.  I never bothered to look at the caller ID when her mobile rang.  I assumed it was Tracy, but it wasn’t.  It was a nurse from a clinic in Lincoln, calling to check how Noelle was feeling after the procedure, and confirming that her prescription for birth control pills had been called into the chemist, as requested.”

“She had an abortion?” I gasped. 

“Yes, she had; just the day before.  My first thought was that she’d been unfaithful to me and terminated the baby because it wasn’t mine.  I confronted her when she came out of the bath, but she denied having an affair.  I’m not sure what I expected; remorse or a plea for understanding, but the worst part was that she wasn’t even sorry.  She said she’d accepted a new job, one with more responsibility and longer hours, and didn’t want to waste her youth on changing nappies and cleaning up spit; these weren’t the 1950s.  She wasn’t ready for saggy breasts, stretch marks, and afternoons at the park pushing a swing.  She wanted to be successful in her field and make a name for herself among the traders.  Having a family wasn’t a priority, and might never be.”

“So, you broke off your engagement?” I asked, feeling a surge of pity for Aidan. He’d so clearly wanted a family with this woman.

“I did.  I’m not even sure why she agreed to marry me, since she clearly didn’t want the same things.  I suppose she thought I’d come around in the end, or maybe we would start a family when she was good and ready, but in the meantime, she’d take her tablets on the sly and let me believe that we were trying.  She lied to me, terminated my baby without even consulting me, and had been interviewing for a new job when all along we’d been talking about her scaling down her hours so that we could start a family.”

“Were you ever sorry to have broken if off in the heat of the moment?” I asked, hoping that his feelings weren’t still engaged with someone who clearly didn’t love him.

“No.  Had she discussed it with me and told me her reasons, I might have understood, if not been happy about it, but she made the decision without a thought for how I would feel.  That’s not a person I want to spend my life with.”  Aidan sighed and turned to face me.  “In my mind, I knew all the reasons why it had to end, but it took my heart a very long time to catch up.  I’d truly loved Noelle and felt as if the rug was pulled out from under my feet.  Sometimes I still do.”

“I’m sorry, Aidan.  That must have been very painful.”

“Our baby would have been about eight months now.  I can’t help wondering if it had been a boy or a girl, and who it might have looked liked.  What particularly struck me as I spoke to Noelle was that the decision had been a foregone conclusion.  She never even considered keeping the child.  She never felt any remorse or regret.  It was just an inconvenience to be gotten rid of.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, and meant it.  I hated that he’d been so hurt.

“Don’t be.  I believe that everything that happens makes us the people we are meant to be, and when the right thing comes along, we are ready and able to make the most of it.”  He kissed the tip of my nose and smiled in a way that made me think that he was referring to me when he spoke of the ‘right thing’, and that made my heart smile.