Having My Baby (9 page)

Jill reached across the kitchen counter and turned up the baby monitor. They had left Derrick’s apartment over an hour ago. Ryan had not stopped crying until five minutes ago. Not a peep while he was being held in Derrick’s brothers’ arms, but once Jill took her son, all bets were off. He hadn’t stopped crying, not until she put him in the crib and let him cry himself to sleep. Lexi was right. Ryan didn’t like his mommy.

“Earth to Jill.”

“Sorry,” Jill said. “What were you saying?”

“All those good-looking brothers in one family and not one of them had a ring on his finger. What do you think that says about men?”

“I don’t know, but I suppose you’re going to tell me.”

“It’s proof of what I’ve been saying all along. Women no longer need men to hunt or bring home the bacon, so what’s the point?”

Jill shook her head. “You really need to let go of the weird bitterness you have towards men.”

“My father left my mother and me when I was six,” Sandy reminded her. “I wouldn’t know him if he passed me on the street. What sort of man leaves his own flesh and blood, never to be heard from again?”

“Not all men are like your father or your ex-boyfriend.”

“How can you say that after being stranded at the altar? Men are good for one thing and I won’t remind you of what that one thing is, but the problem is, men don’t have stick-ability.”

“It’s just a matter of finding the right man,” Jill said. “We need to be patient.” When Sandy met a man she was interested in, she tended to be controlling and abrasive. Jill figured that Sandy subconsciously sabotaged a relationship right from the beginning, since she didn’t believe there was a man in the world who would stick around anyhow. The relationship always fizzled out before it had a chance, confirming Sandy’s fears. But Jill didn’t want to upset her friend, so she changed the subject. “Did I tell you Thomas called the other day?”

Sandy’s eyes widened. “What did he want?”

“He offered to be my lawyer in the event I need help keeping Derrick away from me and Ryan.”

“How did he even know Derrick was in the picture?”

“I told Mom and she must have told him. Despite the fact that Thomas left me at the altar, my parents still think he walks on water.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him I appreciated the offer but I didn’t need his help. I also told him that Derrick and I were dating.”

“You what?”

Jill smiled “Great idea, don’t you think? I wanted to show Thomas that I’ve moved on. And besides, he’ll tell my parents and then hopefully they won’t come to visit right away.”

“Did he sound upset?”

Jill shrugged and then stirred the ingredients in the pot on the stove. “It was hard to tell.”

“Did Thomas mention Ryan, you know, did he ask how Ryan was doing?”

“He congratulated me and said he was sorry for everything that happened between us.”

Sandy finished pouring barbeque sauce into a measuring cup and then looked at Jill again. “You’re worried about something. What is it?”

“I’m thinking I should seriously think about Thomas’s offer in case it turns out that Derrick and I can’t work something out when it comes to Ryan. It would be ignorant of me to walk into mediation next month without being prepared.”

“True,” Sandy said as she tossed onions and peppers into the pot. “I’m curious though. Why do you think Thomas called now after all this time?”

“He called once before, but I didn’t pick up.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

“I’ve come to realize I need closure and the only way I’m going to get it is if I sit down and talk to him about what happened.” What Jill really needed to know was how someone she’d been ready to spend the rest of her life with could humiliate her in such a way. If he’d known he couldn’t go through with the marriage, why hadn’t he talked to her instead of leaving her standing there like a fool? The question had kept her awake for too many nights. She had trusted Thomas. Never in a million years had she believed he would be capable of doing such a thing. But he had, and he did, and less than a week after leaving her at the church, her parents had invited him inside their home and begged Jill to come out of her room and talk to him. They expected Jill to forgive him without question. That had been the last straw. She’d packed up her things and left for California within the week.

The scent of garlic mixed with onions wafted from the pot as Sandy added white beans to the mix. “I wonder if Connor will be at the barbeque on Sunday?” Sandy asked.

“Derrick’s brother?”

Sandy nodded. “Why the surprise?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just haven’t seen you show interest in a man in a while.”

“I’m not interested in Connor. I was just wondering about him because he seemed so quiet…and sad.”

If Jill thought there was any chance at all of helping Sandy make a love match, she’d be all over it. But the truth was Sandy was too darn picky, not to mention stubborn and opinionated.

“I didn’t notice,” Jill lied. “But since we’re talking about Derrick and his brothers, I’ve decided that it’s not a good idea for me to attend the barbeque this weekend.”

Sandy didn’t respond.

“I’m not even sure if it’s a good idea for Derrick and me to be friends,” Jill added.

“I can’t disagree with that,” Sandy said as she stirred all the ingredients in the pot together. “You know how I feel about him showing up unexpectedly.”

“Exactly. I went through the sperm donor process knowing I would be raising Ryan on my own. But for the record, just because I don’t want Derrick Baylor in Ryan’s life, that doesn’t mean I think he’s a bad guy. It’s just that I need—no, make that I
want
to raise Ryan on my own. And besides, Derrick is a football player, a celebrity of sorts. He’s a good looking man and it won’t be long before he’ll be married and have a family of his own. I don’t want Ryan to ever feel like he’s second best. Being friends with Derrick would never work. The man needs to leave us alone.”

“Agreed.” Sandy put the lid on the chili and turned the temperature to low.

Jill followed Sandy into the family room where Lexi was quietly coloring. She helped her gather Lexi’s coloring books and crayons.

“I’m sure Derrick will understand when you tell him you’ve changed your mind about the barbeque.”

“Too bad if he doesn’t understand,” Jill said, trying to convince herself that not having anything to do with Ryan’s father was the right thing to do. “He never should have moved to the apartment next door without discussing it with me first. He’s arrogant and pushy. If he thinks he can just—”

A knock sounded at the door.

All riled up, Jill went to the door and jerked it open.

Derrick stood on the other side. His hair was damp. He had on a clean pair of jeans and a blue button-down shirt. He was also holding a crayon. “I thought Lexi might need this.”

She took the crayon, thanked him, and tried to shut the door, but he put his hand on the doorframe above her head and used his broad shoulders to prevent her from doing so. “I wanted to thank you for letting my brothers meet Ryan,” he told her. “It meant a lot.”

“You’re welcome.”

He peeked his head inside. “Is Ryan asleep?”

She nodded.

He spotted Sandy. “Leaving already?”

“It’s getting late,” she said. “Jill and I have a lot to do tomorrow.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Sandy smirked at him and then looked at Jill as if to say “tell him to get lost and tell him now.”

Ryan began to cry in the other room.

Derrick gestured that way. “Want me to get him?”

“No thanks, I’ve got it under control.”

“Are you still mad at me?”

“Of course I am,” Jill said. “A week ago I didn’t know you existed, but you’ve managed to barge into my life without my permission. Everywhere I look, there you are. You’ve seen me at my most vulnerable and now you’ve set yourself up so you can watch my every move.”

“You think I want to spy on you?”

She raised her chin. “Yes.”

“Listen,” he said, leaning close enough for her to get a whiff of aftershave. “I’m not spying. I just want a chance to get to know you and Ryan. I swear on my honor, that’s all there is to it. I would never try and take Ryan from you. Never.”

“You’re obviously used to getting what you want.”

“I’ve been sort of pushy, haven’t I?”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

Semi-defeated, he looked at Sandy. “Need any help getting to your car?”

“I think it’s safest for me to say ‘no, thank you.’”

“I’ll be on my way then.”

Jill tried to shut the door, but he was still in the way. The man was impossible.

“One more thing…I talked to Mom and everything’s set. She’s very grateful that you’re willing to bring Ryan to the ranch. If it works for you, I’ll pick the four of you up at noon on Sunday.”

“To ride ponies?” Lexi asked from the family room.

“To ride ponies,” he said with a smile.

Jill anchored a strand of hair behind her ear, hating the way she felt all tongue-tied and weak in the knees whenever she was face-to-face with the man. “Why do I get the feeling I don’t have a choice in the matter?”

“You have a choice,” Sandy reminded her.

A dimple appeared when he smiled. The last thing the man needed was a dimple.

“I won’t let anyone hold Ryan unless you give them permission first,” he said. “Ponies for Lexi. Great food. Fun people. Short and sweet.”

“Ponies!” Lexi shouted.

“Come on,” Sandy said to her daughter, “let’s go check on Ryan.”

Jill sighed as Sandy and Lexi disappeared into the other room.

“You won’t regret it,” Derrick promised. “Everyone is going to love you.”

“Well, I doubt that.”
How could they when she didn’t even like herself
?
She was such a pushover
.

“Are you kidding me?” His hand rested high on the doorframe above her head.

She found herself wishing she’d put on heels so she wouldn’t be forced to stare at the vee of his button-down shirt where bronzed skin and a feathering of dark hair drew her attention.

“You’ve got everything going for you,” he went on, killing her with kindness. “You’re kind, caring, and beautiful. What’s not to love?”

The man could charm a worker bee from its queen. She crooked her neck so she could look into his eyes. “Your nickname should be Charmer instead of Hollywood.”

“It was already taken.”

She smiled at his light-hearted arrogance. “A small family get-together?”

“Under a dozen.”

“No fanfare?”

“Over my dead body.”

“No balloons or extravagant gifts?”

“No way. Gift giving is overrated.”

She crossed her arms. “You’re just saying what you think I want to hear, aren’t you?”

His brows slanted. “I would never do that.”

“Okay,” she said, trying not to be amused by the man who was only here because of Ryan. “If it means that much to you, we’ll go.”

He grinned. “You’re a sweetheart.” Before she could shut the door he said, “One more thing—something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

She raised a questioning brow.

“The cute gray-haired candy striper at the hospital told me you had left in a hurry because you needed to plan
our
wedding.”

She laughed at the anxious expression on his face. “That was Sandy’s doing. She was hoping the candy striper would scare you away so we wouldn’t have to.”

Derrick frowned. “Your friend has a mean streak a mile wide, doesn’t she?”

“She’s had a tough life,” she said in a low voice so Sandy wouldn’t overhear, “but she has a big heart. Besides, you have nothing to worry about,” Jill added. “I’ll never marry. I have everything I need right here in this apartment.”

Chapter Eight

Six thirty the next morning Derrick walked out of his apartment wearing a T-shirt and shorts, heading for the gym. As he passed by Jill’s apartment he heard Ryan crying.

Poor Jill
. Every time he saw her she looked more exhausted than the last time. Too bad she was too stubborn to let him help her out while he had the time. In another six weeks he’d be on the training field every day. If he recalled correctly there was a Starbucks around the corner. He walked down the cement stairs, headed for the parking lot and climbed into his car.

Fifteen minutes later he stood in front of Jill’s apartment holding a nice warm Grande Mocha. He knocked three times and waited.

The door came open.

Jill stood on the other side, holding a fussy baby in her arms. Pale, expressionless, and wearing a gray sweat outfit with a trail of baby spit-up on the neckline, she looked like a walking zombie. Tangled hair escaped a clip at the back of her head. Her eyes were heavy-lidded and bloodshot. Ryan let out a wail almost as loud as the sirens he’d heard last night.

He held the cup of coffee towards her. “I got you a Mocha.”

She looked at his offering with longing. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

Her cell phone rang. The ringtone made a cricket noise. She turned and shuffled away, wearing outrageously fluffy slippers. She held Ryan in one arm and used her free hand to pick up her cell before her phone could play another round of chirping.

Derrick waited at the door. He knew she didn’t want his help, but her stubbornness was clearly going to get the best of her. She couldn’t exactly conduct business with a crying baby in one arm and the phone in the other. Without asking for permission, he stepped inside, shut the door behind him, and went to the kitchen. He set her coffee on the countertop and then took Ryan out of her grasp. Holding Ryan close to his chest, he rocked him. Ryan stopped crying.

He left Jill in the kitchen and headed for the living room. He didn’t bother glancing back to see if she was upset with him for coming inside. Ryan’s small body felt warm against his chest. He liked the way Ryan smelled—like baby powder and Jill. Judging from the one-sided conversation he was hearing, Jill’s phone call was not making her morning any better. With the phone pressed between her shoulder and her ear, she rifled through a stack of papers. Despite the baggy sweats she wore, he noticed she’d lost a significant amount of weight since Ryan was born. Too much weight, he thought, but with her hair askew and that small up-turned nose of hers she looked downright cute.