Havoc (Storm MC #8) (17 page)

“I offered you the money to pull your business out of the shit it was in. You should have taken it,” he said and I felt his pain that I hadn’t allowed him to do that for me.

“I couldn’t, Dad. I couldn’t be the one responsible for anything happening to you if I never paid you back.”

“That’s what parents do for their kids, son. We’d go to the ends of the Earth if we had to, even if it meant we had to walk over hot coals and swim with fucking sharks. I hated seeing you drowning.
That
killed me, maybe more than losing your mother.”

Fuck.

I’d fucked up.

But that was the thing about life: sometimes shit didn’t go the way you planned and you dealt with it the best you could at the time
.
Learning to live with our decisions was the key. Because if we looked back all the time and regretted shit, we'd just end up living with a whole lot of bitterness and disappointment.

I reached for his hand. “We can’t go back. We can only go forward. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I’m here for you and I’m here for Yvette. And watching you give up isn’t something I’m willing to do.”

He took that in and spent a few minutes thinking it over. “You’re a stubborn ass, just like your mother.”

I pushed his bowl of cereal closer to him.

He scowled but he picked up the spoon and took a mouthful.

Yeah, I was a stubborn ass.

But it was one of my best traits.

I
stared
in disbelief at the letter from my college.

They didn’t have a spare place for me in the subject I needed to repeat.

This fucked with my life plan.

What fucking life plan?

You threw that out the window.

“Fuck!” I threw the letter down on the table. “Now what the hell am I going to do?” I yelled.

Havoc entered the kitchen. Frowning, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

I snapped my head up to look at him. “I didn’t get into the class I needed. My plan is ruined!” Panic began to set in. What the hell was I going to do?

He closed the distance between us. “I know you’ve had your heart set on this for a long time, but just because you didn’t get in this time doesn’t mean you won’t get in next time. You can reapply, right?”

I nodded. But he didn’t understand. “It’s not as simple as that. This had to happen so the next step in the plan could happen.”

He took hold of my shoulders. “I get it, babe, trust me, I get it. I had a plan once, too. And I worked that fucking plan like it was the only thing that mattered in life. In the end, none of it mattered.”

“Do you mean with your business?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened there? You never told me how you lost the business.”

His jaw clenched as he let go of me. “My best friend did my books for the business. He fudged my tax returns for years without me knowing and pocketed the cash that should have been paid in taxes. When the tax office clued on, I got hit with a huge tax bill which wiped me out.”

“God, what a shitty friend.” The magnitude of what he’d been through during that time in his life hit me, and suddenly, my fucked-up life plan didn’t seem so bad.

“Yeah. Needless to say, we’re not friends any longer.”

I slid my arms around his waist. “Thank you for that. It was what I needed to hear.”

“What? That my best friend fucked me over?” His hands moved over my ass as he hit me with his sarcasm.

“No. I needed to be reminded that in the scheme of things, my setback is minor. I’ve still got those I love close. I can still pay my bills and I still have opportunities. Screw my plan. I’m getting a new one.”

“Or you could fly by the seat of your pants for awhile and see where that takes you.”

God, the thought freaked me the fuck out. “I’m not sure I could do that.”

“I don’t mean have no plans, but you could try having loose ones that allow for flexibility.”

“I’ll think about it.” I wasn’t sure how that would go, but I could try.

“And besides, you’ve got a job doing what you love, without needing that piece of paper to say you know your shit.”

“I know but I wanted that piece of paper. It’s what I’ve been working towards for so long. And education is what we’re told we need to succeed these days. I just have to change my thinking a little, that’s all.”

“We make our success in life by our own hand, darlin’. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. You can kick ass however you choose. Now, talking of plans, what do you have on today? Are you working?”

I’d been spending most days working on dress designs, but I was taking the day off. “Nope, not working today. You wanna do something?”

Heat flared in his gaze. “I was thinking we could take care of this.” He guided my hand to his erection.

It had been two weeks since the doctor had told him we could have sex if he felt up to it. Of course, Havoc always felt up to it. The doctor had been strict in his instructions—I had to do most of the work and Havoc was definitely not to lift or hold me up. My man liked to push himself, though. He wasn’t good with being told what to do.

“Have you been getting yourself ready or something?” I asked as I moved my hand over his jeans.

His hand moved to the button of my shorts and undid it. “What do you think?”

I grinned.

He was always ready.

“Let’s move this to the bedroom so your dad isn’t subjected to us again.”

He chuckled. His dad had walked in on us in the lounge room once. I’d been horrified, but they’d just carried on like it was an everyday occurrence.

“Okay, angel, start walking then,” he ordered as he turned me to face in the direction I had to move.

We’d almost reached our destination when his phone rang. He groaned as he reached into his jeans for it. I listened to his conversation and realised we wouldn’t be taking care of his erection anytime soon.

“Fuck,” he muttered as he ended the call. “That was Yvette. She needs my help with some stuff.”

I frowned. “You can’t really do anything while you’re recovering.”

“It’s not physical stuff. She’s going through Dad’s shares and tax stuff and needs some help with it. Today’s the only day she has to do it. She’s on her way over here now, so we’ll need to take a raincheck.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Who was I kidding, though? Havoc was not the kind of man who needed to be reminded of promises of sex.

“
S
orry I took
up so much of Havoc’s time,” Yvette said to me four hours later. They’d just finished going through everything. Havoc had left us so he could take a call from J outside.

“No worries. I did some work and got some awesome ideas so it was good that you guys took all that time.”

She smiled. It was the first time I’d ever seen her smile. “I love that Havoc has deviated from his usual type with you. I think you’re good for him.”

“What’s his usual type?” Kelly had mentioned this too and I’d been wondering about it ever since.

“He used to always go for blondes with big boobs and hips. You know the type, shallow with no brain cells to speak of. Most of them disliked me and gave him hell for spending time with me. You’re so easy going and encourage him to be with his family. It’s a nice change.”

I suddenly felt inadequate. I had no hips or curves to speak of and my boobs were tiny. And he liked blondes?

I twirled my hair as my throat turned dry.

Why did he even look twice at me?

All my insecurities rushed to the front of my mind. Havoc had never said or done anything to make me question his attraction, but I had confidence issues around being rejected that stemmed from feeling unwanted by my father and being cheated on repeatedly. I’d had counselling sessions over this so I knew where the insecurity came from. As much as I’d tried, though, I’d never been able to permanently kick it to the kerb.

It was all well and good to tell myself to get the fuck over shit, but my mind could be a neurotic bitch over some things and this was one of them. Which sucked, because mostly I was tough as nails. I hated that I struggled with this.

Havoc joined us while I turned all this new information over in my mind. He reached for me and pulled me close with his arm around my waist. “You good?”

“Yes. Why?” I wasn’t good, but he didn’t need to know that. I needed some time to think.

He frowned. “You don’t look okay. You look like you’ve just found out someone died or something bad like that.”

I forced a smile. “No, really, I’m okay.”

His gaze didn’t move from me for a good few moments.

In the end, Yvette interrupted, “I’m out of here, people. I’ve got a hot date and I can’t be late. She’s promised me se—”

Havoc cut her off. “We get the picture, sis.”

She turned to me. “He’s such a prude when it comes to lesbian sex.”

He scowled. “Fuck. If it concerns my sister, I don’t need to know. Other than that, I’m all about women all over each other.”

Yvette muttered something about him being a prude again and then she left us.

And I was left with a whole lot of questions and insecurities.

I
stared at my bike
, savouring the rush I’d felt for the first time in four weeks. The doctor had finally given me clearance to take the bike out and it had felt fucking good to be back on it. Life was finally starting to get back to normal.

Well, as normal as possible considering everything had changed in the last month. I was still living with Dad, helping him get his shit together. He was doing well and I was finally convinced he’d turned a corner. Carla was back living at her mother’s house. We saw each other every day. I couldn’t go a day without having her and I’d spent many hours thinking about our future together. Her life was in Brisbane and as much as I tried to talk myself into putting down roots again, I hadn’t been able to come to a final decision. The open road called; my heart lived there. Trouble was, it also lived with Carla and I knew that when we finally had this conversation, I’d choose her over the open road if need be. I just hoped our relationship could survive that choice.

I headed inside and jumped straight in the shower. Carla was on her way over and we were going out for drinks at the clubhouse.

As I turned the shower off, I heard Carla’s voice. She was talking with Dad, so I wrapped a towel around me and made my way out to the lounge room. I was reaching for the handle of my bedroom door when it turned and she opened it.

When she came into view, I halted and tried to process what I was seeing.

Blonde hair.

Boobs pushed up and out in a tight black dress.

Her staring at me waiting for my response.

“You dyed your hair.” It was fucking obvious so I wasn’t sure why I stated it, but I was at a loss for words.

“Yeah, do you like it?” The tone in her voice told me she desperately wanted me to like it. The vulnerability blazing from her eyes confirmed that. This wasn’t the Carla I knew, the one who would kick your ass for looking at her the wrong way.

I had to tread carefully here. “Darlin’, you could walk in here bald and I’d like it.”

Lines creased her forehead as she frowned. “You don’t like it?”

Fuck.

“I do like it.” In fact, I loved it, but I’d always loved blondes so it was a given. I just wasn’t sure what was happening here. Carla was off. Something was wrong.

“You’re lying.” Her voice wobbled.

“Angel, what’s going on? You seem upset.”

Her eyes widened. “I wasn’t upset, but I’m getting there fast. I just want you to be honest with me and tell me if you like me as a blonde.”

I tried to take a step closer to her, but she placed her hand against my bare chest and stopped me. “I just told you that I did.”

She stared at me for a long few moments before exhaling a long breath. “Fuck, Havoc! I try to do something for you and you don’t like it. I thought you loved blondes with big boobs.”

“Jesus, you changed for me?”

“Yes, well, sort of, for you and me.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s your type. And I’ve always wanted to try being a blonde. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone.”

“The only
type
I have is you. And I never want you to change anything about yourself for me.”

“But you used to like blondes with big tits. Why did you even sleep with me that first night? And why did you keep seeing me if I didn’t fit what you liked?”

Her hand was still against my chest, holding me back. I forcefully removed it, scooped her around the waist and pulled her to me. “Number one, I slept with you that first night because you turned me the fuck on. Number two, I kept seeing you because you kept turning me the fuck on. Number three, I will admit I used to love big tits, but now the only tits I want in my hands and in my mouth are yours, and I don’t give a fuck if they are an A cup or a fuckin’ F cup. Number four, I will also admit I like blonde hair. But again, the only hair I want to be pulling or getting lost in is your hair. Blonde, brunette, red, purple, what-the-fuck-ever colour you want, I’ll happily get lost in it. Number five, never,
ever
, change yourself for anyone. Not for me, not for anyone. You are perfect the way you are. Sure, you might argue too much with me, and you might talk my fuckin’ ear off most of the time, and you might not suck my cock as often as I’d like, but I wouldn’t have you any other way. You got all that or do I need to repeat myself? Because I’m happy to repeat myself over and fuckin’ over until that sinks in. I love you, for you.”

She stared at me with wide eyes while I made my declaration. And then she said, “You want me to suck your cock more than I already do? Fuck, Havoc, I’ve got that thing in my mouth daily. Sometimes twice a day.”

I raised a brow. “
That’s
what you took from that?”

Her smartass attitude that I loved returned. “Well, it seems pretty important. I don’t think I can suck it any more than I already am.”

“Carla, I just fuckin’ told you that I love you and you wanna stand here and argue about blow jobs?”

“For the record, you don’t go down on me often enough. I’d like more of that.”

I raked my fingers through my hair. “Are you fuckin’ with me here or what?”

Her lips curled into a grin and she threw her arms around my neck. “I love you, too, Mr Bossy Pants.” She kissed me before pulling away and adding, “I do stand by my last request though. There should always be more of that.”

“Duly noted.” I dropped my gaze to her body. “Babe, this dress is too short. We need to take it off and find you a new one.”

“Good try, but all my dresses are at my place, so you’ll have to live with this one tonight. And besides, there’s no way I’m fucking you before we go out, which I know is what would happen if this dress came off. It took me forever to get my hair to look this good. I’m not wrecking it with sex.”

I smirked. “I promise not to wreck it while you suck.”

She smacked me. “Suck your own damn dick. I’m going to wait outside for you because I can’t trust you at the moment.”

“Why can’t you trust me?”

“Because you have ways of convincing me that sex is always a good idea.”

“It fuckin’ is.”

She pointed towards the lounge room. “I’ll be waiting out there.” She paused for a moment and the vulnerability returned to her eyes. “Thank you for loving me the way I am,” she said softly. “I’ve never had a man do that, well, except for my brothers, but that’s different. As much as it probably doesn’t seem like it, I struggle a little with believing in myself so you accepting me means more than you’ll ever realise.”

“You put on a good show, darlin’, but I can see that your father leaving screwed you over. For the record, I like the blonde on you, but I like what’s in here,” I placed my hand over her heart, “more than your hair. Don’t ever forget that.”

Her lips curled up in a smile. “You’ve got all the right words today. Keep that shit up and I might just be the one to bring heaven to
your
door.”

I pressed a kiss to her lips. “You already did, angel,” I murmured, not wanting to leave this room for the night.

She held my gaze for a few moments, her eyes glazing over with desire, before turning and leaving.

I tracked her ass as she exited my room.

I loved that ass.

Almost as much as I loved her.

“
Y
ou’re looking better
than the last time I saw you,” Velvet remarked when she and Nash caught up with us at the clubhouse later that night.

I chuckled before taking a mouthful of beer. “I hope so.” I hadn’t seen her since a couple of days after I left the hospital when she dropped over with a casserole she’d cooked.

“He’s feeling better too, Vi. Never lets up about wanting me to suck his c—”

I cut Carla off as I took in the scowl that flashed across Nash’s face. I pressed my lips to hers in an effort to shut her up. When I pulled away, I muttered, “Fuck, woman, are you trying to cause the shit to hit the fuckin’ fan?”

She grinned and whispered, “Just keeping you on your toes.”

I shook my head and promised on a whisper-hiss, “I’m gonna take that out on your ass later.”

“Havoc!” someone yelled out, interrupting us.

I turned at the familiar voice.

King.

He grinned as he approached. “Good to see you up and about, brother. I’ve got shit for you to do in Sydney. When do you think you can get back down there?” His gaze landed on Carla and his grin grew. “You must be the woman I’ve been hearing about. I’m King.”

She cocked her head. “What exactly have you been hearing?”

“Only good things, I promise. But I’ve gotta say, I’ve never seen Havoc look as fucking relaxed as he does right now. He’s usually wound so tight that even I would hesitate to take him on. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.”

“I’m glad to hear that but I’m fucking exhausted by his demands, King. Maybe you could take him off my hands for a little while,” she quipped. The sexy smile I loved lit her face as she spoke. “I’m Carla by the way, nice to meet you.”

King laughed before raising his brows at me. “I see why you look so damn relaxed.” Giving his gaze back to Carla, he said, “I’ll leave him with you for awhile longer, but I’ll need him in a couple of weeks.”

I eyed Nash while King spoke with Carla. He watched her with a look I couldn’t place. The scowl had disappeared and in its place sat a pensive stare. I had no clue what his thoughts were except he still held his grudge towards our relationship. He’d made that clear over the last month.

King slapped me on the back. “I’ve gotta go see Marcus, but I’ll catch up with you later for a drink.”

After he left, Velvet and Carla took over the conversation, discussing a girls’ night out they had coming up. J entered the room and I excused myself to go talk with him.

“Hey, brother,” he greeted me with a jerk of the chin.

“Madison not coming tonight?”

“Yeah, she got stuck talking with some of the girls. She’ll be in soon. How are you doing? Did the doc clear you to ride?”

I nodded. “He did. I headed out for a couple of hours today, down to the Coast. It’s been too fuckin’ long.”

He reached for the beer Harlow passed him on her way through the crowd and thanked her before turning back to me. “So are you thinking of sticking around or are you itching to get back on the road?”

“Not sure yet.”

He watched me thoughtfully. “Would you be more sure if Carla wasn’t around?”

I looked over at where she stood laughing with Velvet and Nash. “Yeah.” Shifting my gaze back to J, I shared the thoughts I’d been keeping to myself for weeks. “I want to make a life with her but I’m not sure how to do that. She’s just getting started in a new job and it’s going well. I won’t ruin that for her by asking her to come on the road with me.”

“So what, you’ll do the long distance thing with her and just see her every couple of weeks?”

I raked my fingers through my hair. “Fuck, I don’t know. I’m still figuring shit out. I’ve also got Dad to consider in all this. He’s doing better but I want to keep an eye on him for awhile longer.”

He took a swig of his beer. “Life’s never fucking easy, is it?”

I eyed Kelly on the other side of the room.

Fuck.

No, life was far from fucking easy some days.

She was the last person I needed to run into. I hadn’t heard from her since the day I’d slammed the door in her face and I didn’t want to hear from her again.

J followed my gaze. “Shit, she still harassing you?”

“Haven’t spoken with her in weeks. I’m hoping that run of good luck continues.”

Her eyes met mine and she froze for a moment. My night was made when she blinked and kept going without acknowledging me or heading my way. And when she latched onto another club member and he pulled her close for a kiss, as if they were together, I breathed a sigh of relief. Kelly had always had a thing for bikers and it looked like she’d finally found another one.

“Lady luck’s playing nice tonight,” J said with a slap on my back. “I’m gonna go find my woman. Catch you later, man.”

He met Carla as he walked away and after they exchanged some words he kept going and she came to me. Snagging her around the waist, I pulled her close and laid a kiss on her lips. “This dress is causing me some pain, angel,” I murmured into her ear.

She placed her hand on my chest. “The night is only young, romeo. I suggest you pop a painkiller and man up because you’ve got hours ahead of you before you’re gonna get any relief.”

The way Carla used her words turned me on more than any dress she would ever wear. “You keep talking like that and I’ll make damn sure I get some relief a lot fuckin’ sooner,” I rasped in her ear.

Her breathing picked up and heat flared in her eyes. Scanning the room, she asked, “How soon do you think we could get out of here?”

“I’d say less than a minute.”

She frowned. “Don’t you want to stay for a bit and hang out with everyone?”

I grabbed her hand. “Fuck no. The only thing I want to do right now is get inside you. It’s been too long and I’m hard as hell.”

“It’s only been about nine hours,” she said as I led her out of the room.

“That’s nine hours too long, darlin’.”

I fucking loved that she was counting the hours in between having me.

As I led her out to my bike, I recalled my conversation with J and realised a long distance relationship would blow. I wasn’t sure I could do it.