Hawke (15 page)

“You’re okay with him fucking you last night and then fucking someone else tonight?”

“That’s who he is and I’m not going to change him. In his heart I know he wants me. He just hasn’t realized it yet.”

I frowned but decided not to press it. Shay was going to spiral out of control one of these days and the sight wasn’t going to be pretty.

I moved down the bar to where Jesse was knocking back a fat glass of whiskey. He didn’t look at me as I approached, but I could tell he was still not his normal self.

“He’ll keep using her,” he said quiet enough for me to hear. “Hector’s not looking to slow down, either.”

“To be honest, she didn’t seem concerned by that,” I replied.

He eyed Shay. “She’s lying. That girl is hooked on him like crack.”

“I know,” I agreed. “But there’s nothing to be done by it. She’ll have to get burned to learn. Even then…I don’t think she’ll ever get it.”

He took a gulp from his glass and then wrapped an arm around my waist, bringing me to his side. He turned his face to me, and I could smell the whiskey on his breath as he whispered, “You should have picked us over him, Tyler.”

I swallowed, knowing damn well that he was right.

“Everyone was watching, sweets.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it.”

He tugged at the piercing in his lip, studying me. “You were wrong, you know. He didn’t look at you like he didn’t want you. He’s actually still looking at you. Do you feel the burn from his stare? Because I do. I feel like a big fat fucking X is on my back for touching you right now.”

I wanted to turn my head and see it for myself, but then it would be obvious to Hawke that we were talking about him.

“If Hawke wants you,” Jesse continued, swallowing hard, “then I can’t fight that. But once a girl is with a brother, that’s it for the rest of us. We lay off for life. You gotta think of that before you decide to give yourself up to one of us assholes.”

“I’m not here to be on the back of someone’s bike.”

He chuckled scathingly. “Until it happens.”

He called for Shay to give us another drink. She slid two beers at us and I sat down next to Jesse, his arm secured around my stool, an obvious possessive display that had me rolling my eyes.

As I worked on my drink, I tried to make my glance around the bar look casual. It failed miserably when I saw Hawke and stopped.

He was staring right at me.

He didn’t look threatened, didn’t look angry, didn’t look upset at all at Jesse touching me. He kept his eyes pinned to mine, like everything else around us didn’t matter. Like he was so sure he could have me and nothing was going to stop him.

It was absolutely territorial.

Holly suddenly stood in my line of view, looking distressed as she held out the collar of her shirt and said, “Tyler, I need another shirt.”

Jesse chuckled, staring at the puddle over her breasts. “Fuck, not again, Holly.”

“It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” she cried, exasperated.

“You should get Gus to stop you from going near Kirk.”

I fumed. “Kirk is so fucking senile, nobody wants to go near him. They think he’ll just drop dead if they upset him.”

“He’s outlived everybody. He’s kind of a fucking ornament now.”

“Well, the ornament is harassing Holly on the daily.”

Jesse laughed harder. “Maybe Holly needs to fight her own battles.”

Holly scowled at Jesse, and it surprised me when she retorted, “Funny when that’s coming from
you
.”

My eyebrows rose as I looked between them. She had on this cutting glare, and it was the first time I’d seen the angelic woman angry. Jesse’s laughter faded and he turned his attention to his glass, taking another massive gulp this time. She’d silenced him.

O-kay then.

I slid off the stool and as Holly and I began walking, I stopped by Kirk’s table and snapped, “You can’t keep pulling this shit off, Kirk! You cut it out or else I’ll ask Hector to ban your ass from sitting here.”

Kirk just smiled into his nearly empty mug. “She likes it.”

“I don’t,” Holly hissed.

“Oh, you fucking do and you know it,” he belched out, smiling slyly as he licked the rim of his mug, staring at her like a fucking creep. Honestly, he was whacko and something needed to be done about this.

We went back to my room and I pulled out another shirt to throw at her. “I owe you for this,” she told me as she changed. I waved it off, telling her it wasn’t a big deal before she left again, determined to keep away from the old bastard.

Now that I was in my room, I didn’t know if I wanted to go back down. Hawke just seemed like a giant tease dangling in front of me. I genuinely didn’t trust that I wouldn’t throw myself at him again, and I cringed at the thought of having to endure rejection number two.

I unbuttoned my overalls and slid them down to my waist. Then I kicked off my boots and grabbed a towel, figuring it would be best to have a quick shower so I wasn’t smelling like grease and oil.

I didn’t see Hawke standing there in the doorway until I turned to close the door. I froze, looking at him with wide eyes. How long had he been standing there?

His demeanor seemed different. He looked at me so intently, so hungrily, the knots he’d caused from before only worsened at the pit of my belly. His eyes ran the length of me again, lingering over my tank top and crawling up my neck.

When he reached my eyes, his voice was thick when he said, “You’re temptin’ me, Tyler.”

Those were words I heard in my dreams, but they weren’t executed with the same passion. He looked tormented, like he was fighting himself just being here.

“I paced the hallway almost a hundred times last night after I touched you,” he continued, quietly, blowing me wide open with his admission. “You seem to have an effect on me that I’m not used to, and I felt it the second I walked in here. You’re vexing me and I don’t like it. Worse yet, I can’t even tell you to stop because you don’t even know you’re doin’ it.”

I couldn’t breathe. The air was stuck in my lungs as I listened to him talk. My heart was all kinds of fucked up, beating so hard one second and then clenching and unclenching the next. I was sure it wasn’t healthy.

“I wouldn’t want to stop even if I was doing it,” I pushed out, feeling triumphant after the last word fell from my mouth.

His lips flinched upwards. “Yeah, I figured that too. You’re desperate for me. I can see it in your eyes.”

I felt taken aback. Desperate?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Desperate screamed
pathetic
. Pathetic screamed
pity
, and I didn’t want his pity.

I felt insulted.

I blinked hard, feeling a slither of annoyance at that word. “Desperate? You think…you think I’m desperate for you?”

“I do.”

“No,” I fired back. “The only thing I am toward you is scared, and I told you that already.”

He shook his head slowly and stepped into the room, closing the gap between us. “No, see, you’re scared of
yourself
because you still want me, even after I beat a cop and killed a man in front of you. Which also makes you confused and disgusted with yourself, and now you’re wondering if there’s something wrong with you. If there’s
always
been something wrong with you. I’ve never seen a girl go through life like this desperately wantin’ an ugly biker so much. Hell” – he scoffed – “I’m not even a biker anymore.”

“I’m not desperate, Hawke,” I icily said, trying to keep my feet rooted in place as he neared. “I’ve been living life just fine without you here. I party, I work, and hell, I’ve
fucked
too.”

His hand suddenly shot out, gripping the back of my neck and pulling me to him. My chest hit his and I stared up at him, stunned speechless at his reaction.

I felt his breaths on my face and mouth. Felt his eyes dig deep beneath my own and into me as he retorted, “Baby, you’ve been with
one
boy and that was almost two years ago. You stop everythin’ when you know I’m coming around, and you just chose me over your president and I’ve barely been here two days. Even now, you keep starin’ at me in that way again. The way you’ve been starin’ at me for
years
. It ain’t fear I’m looking into. It’s want. You want me wrapped around your tight little body. You can’t help yourself.”

I gaped at him, not responding.

“Am I wrong?” he pressed. “Tell me if I am, and try to be convincing about it this time.”

I studied his face, and then the tattoos crawling down his bulging arms. He was thick and strong. He called himself ugly, but he reminded me of a Viking, all hard and savage. Hell no, he wasn’t ugly. If he was, the girls wouldn’t be looking at him so much, and I wouldn’t be…what, panting for him? Yeah, I totally was because my breaths were short and fast, my heart was squeezing and my mouth was dry as dirt.

I shut my eyes and muttered, “You’re not wrong.”

He stopped moving, and when I opened my eyes, I found him staring back at me seeming utterly perplexed by my response.

Had he expected me to lie?

“Say something,” I pleaded, not understanding the silence.

His lips twisted and his brows came together in confusion as he muttered, “I’m weighing my options right now, Tyler.”

“About what?”

“About whether I should fuck you or walk away.”

Please, fuck me.

I felt doused with desire. My head was swimming, both from lust and the alcohol I’d knocked back. He was conflicted, caught in the middle as though there was something forcing him not to move.

I wondered what it was.

At the same time, I didn’t care.

Feeling brave, I tipped my head higher up and leaned into him, my lips intent on touching his. Before I could, his grip moved to my hair and he pulled it back sharply. I winced, feeling my scalp ache as he kept me an inch apart from his mouth.

“I’m not your knight,” he told me, his voice vibrating all the way down to my toes. “There are things I’ve done that you would never forgive me for. I’m a killer and I’m dead. I don’t have a purpose, darlin’. I exist, nothing more. Don’t make me want you. You won’t like me if I want you, Tyler.”

He was warning me in a
really
fucking tragic way, but I still didn’t care. Not when my pussy was clenching with white hot need for him to touch me. How long had I wanted this?

Forever
. A part of me whispered.

He stopped pulling back my hair and watched me carefully, waiting on my next move. I didn’t even think. I’d wanted Hawke for too long to care about his stupid fucking warning.

I’d rather be burnt than stand by the fire, wondering how nice the heat would feel on my skin.

I looked back at his mouth and leaned straight in.

Tyler

I brushed my lips against his. His eyes were open, watching me as I gently tasted them. God, they were soft, softer than I could have ever imagined.

I studied him for a quick moment, wondering if this was okay. He didn’t look indifferent. In fact, he ran his tongue along his bottom lip just then, as if tasting me back.

Fuck, that did things to me. It made my knees weak and my breaths lighter than before. I moved in again without thought. The second kiss was longer. I pressed a little harder, flicking my tongue at the seam of his lips as I drew away. This time he leaned forward, keeping his lips on mine. His hand tightened in my hair again, but instead of pulling me away, he brought me closer, his mouth coming alive the second our lips collided.

I couldn’t control the way my body felt. I couldn’t hold back, and not a single thought entered my mind as all my energy focused on what he was doing to my mouth and the delicious pleasure it gave me.

In seconds, the gentle kiss turned more urgent, more… heated. None of it was mechanical. It was sloppy and needy and…god, it was amazing. His large hands were everywhere, running along the length of my body. Then suddenly he was picking me up, his hands digging into my outer thighs. My legs wrapped around him as he moved us to the nearest wall in direct view of the hallway. Our tongues clashed and I groaned into his mouth. The second his tongue met mine, my entire body shook and I wrapped my arms around his neck, groaning into him.

Wow, wow, wow
.

It was just a kiss. It wasn’t sex. Yet…it was so fucking hot, and already I was wound up, my core clenching with the need to be touched.

His mouth left mine, kissing and sucking feverishly at my neck. My legs were spread wide, and his front rubbed against my pussy. I felt how hard he was through his jeans and my eyes rolled to the back of my head, needing the friction, but more so, needing him inside me.

“Hawke,” I moaned, my body burning now.

His mouth covered my breast through the fabric of my shirt and he sucked at my nipple, until it was taut and hard. God, even that felt good. Everything felt good. Like I was sensitive in every place.

“Fuck, you are so sexy, Tyler,” he groaned. “It’s doing my fucking head in.”

I grabbed at his face and forced his mouth back to mine. His kiss was so consuming, so urgent and wanting, I barely pulled away. I was deprived of oxygen until my lungs ached, but I didn’t stop kissing him. I didn’t care. I needed this.

I needed
him
.

He rocked into me, and that ache turned into a full throb.

He cut off the kiss, groaning as he moved against me, tugging at the bottom of my lip with his teeth. This wasn’t enough, though. I needed more.

“I want you to touch me, Hawke,” I panted, unable to stop myself. “Please, touch me. I’m going to explode.”

His eyes were drunk on lust as he looked at me. I wondered what he saw.

I wasn’t fearless.

I wasn’t smooth in my movements.

I felt like a needy woman stripped of her senses and wanting.

God, he’d been right; I was
desperate
for him.

“Yeah, you’re gonna explode around me,” he promised edgily, licking at the corner of my mouth. “God, look at those lips. Fuck, what I’d give to have them wrapped my cock, Tyler. Would you like that?”

I nodded, whimpering – and I’d never whimpered in my life.

His hand slid beneath my tank and he cupped my breast, knocking his forehead against mine. “Fuck, and your perfect tits. I’d come across them if you let me. Would you like that too?”

I nodded again, unbelievably turned on.

“What about your ass, Tyler?” he asked, that hand sliding to cup a chunk of it. “You got a big ass. Would you want me to fuck you gripping that ass?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

His hand roamed back to my front and pulled my overalls down further, guiding his hand inside. I gasped as he ran his finger along my sex, slipping his hand beneath my underwear.

“Fuck, you’re wet,” he said incredulously, shaking his head against me. “You really want this.”

It startled me how surprised he was by that. Like he couldn’t believe he had this kind of effect on me.

He grazed across my opening and I moaned. Slowly he caressed me, up and down my slit, watching my reaction while he sucked at my lips.

The second his finger moved inside me, my hand tugged at his hair sharply.

He grinned against my mouth. “Shit, Tyler. You are so tight.”

He pumped his finger into me slowly, and I could feel my walls clenching him, desperate for the way he filled me.

“Jesus,” he whispered. “You feel good. How the fuck could you want this from me, baby? You are so fucking beautiful, so fucking sweet…”

He pushed another finger in and I gasped, barely able to kiss him now that there were sparks shooting through me. God, it felt good. More than good. It was dirty, and I liked dirty.

He pushed his fingers as far in as he could go, rubbing against a spot that made me shake against him. He kept me pinned in place as I shook, unable to control myself. He watched me intently, like he needed to see me unfold around him.

“That good?” he asked, his voice so low I barely heard him.

“Yes, yes, yes,” I chanted. “More, Hawke.”

He chuckled deep in his chest. “Yeah.”

He rubbed his thumb along my clit as he moved in and out of me. I bucked my hips, losing myself as the pleasure built bit by bit. He stole kisses from me, heated short bursts of his tongue caressing mine. At one point, I kept my mouth open and he swallowed my moans. He sensed how close I was to coming because he moved faster, working me perfectly.

God, yes.

It felt incredible.

I closed my eyes and moaned, nearing the edge. “I’m going to come, Hawke.”

He groaned. “Yeah, you’re tightening. I can feel you throbbing. Fuck.”

More thrusts, more whimpering. Then words started to flee my mouth in a rush. “I want you.”

“You want
this
. You want what I’m doin’ to your perfect little pussy.”

I shook my head, not thinking as the pleasure began to double in intensity. “I want you. Just…Just you.”

Just as I said that, I came around him, my walls clenching his fingers tightly as I rode it out. I trembled as my head fell back. The feeling was so unusually good coming from his hand. The entire experience was brand new and I absolutely fucking loved it.

By the time I opened my eyes, Hawke’s movements had stopped suddenly. I didn’t understand the look on his face until I realized what I’d stupidly said as I came, and then I remembered his warning.

I’d pissed him off, and while he didn’t necessarily look that way, the lust in his eyes had cleared. His fingers moved out of me and slowly he set me back down. My feet touched the ground, and I felt unsteady.

What the fuck just happened?

A second ago he was inside me and I’d come around his fingers, and now he had taken a step back, looking darkly at me.

I licked my lips and uttered, “Hawke –”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You did.”

“No.”

“Baby,” he paused, looking at me sharply. “You did.”

“You made me come and I said something in the heat of the moment. That shit doesn’t mean I really want you.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

I swallowed, feeling suddenly sweaty with my hair plastered to the side of my face. I brushed it away and looked back at him. “So what if I did mean it?” I asked, my voice hard.

He chuckled, dryly. “You’ve naïve, Ty.”

“I’m twenty years old, Hawke. I’m not fifteen anymore. It doesn’t have to be serious. No commitments, nothing. I’m a big girl, I can handle being touched and not clinging.”

As if to prove my point, I moved to close the gap between us but he shook his head. “Don’t you fucking move right now,” he ordered. “I’m really wound up right now, Tyler. You came and I fucking felt it and it was sexy as fuck with you moaning and dropping your head back like that. I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard.”

I hesitated, itching to come closer. “Hawke –”

“Stop.”

I stopped moving and stared at him, waiting. He seemed troubled, looking at me differently now. I could tell a thousand thoughts were running through his mind, making him appear conflicted. He looked me over, taking in my flushed state, my chest rising and falling fast. I had “just came hard” all over my face and body, I was positive.

“Fuck!” he hissed, rubbing at the heavy scruff on his face, shooting me an accusatory expression. “Fuck, Ty.”

Before I could even wrap my head around his anger, he dropped his hand and was about to say something else when ringing erupted from his pocket. He cursed and pulled it out with a frown. “I gotta take this, Tyler.”

After I stiffened a nod, he swiped the screen and put the phone to his ear.

“What do you want, Linda?” he clipped, impatiently.

I could hear a female voice on the other end, but I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Hawke rubbed at his face, the tension lines forming around his eyes as he listened.

“Don’t yell at me like a crazy bitch,” he told her. “I swear to Christ, Linda, I’ll hang you to fuckin’ dry if you don’t ask me nicely.”

Pause.

“Nicer than that. You got it in you.”

Another pause.

“That’s fuckin’ better. Keep an eye on him and don’t lose sight of him. I’m on my way.”

On his way? He was leaving just like that? I felt panicked. I needed more of him. I wanted him to stay.

He hung up and pocketed the phone, looking at me thoughtfully now.

“You wanna go on a ride with me?” he asked.

“A ride where?” I replied, surprised by his invitation.

“To the city. I got something to take care of there and…between you and me, we’re not done yet with whatever this is.”

I should have pretended to at least think about it because, let’s be honest, that whole desperate speech thing really hit a nerve.

But…

I couldn’t stop myself. He made me come and I was all loose and shit. It was inevitable that I would answer straight away. This was Hawke, after all.

“Okay,” I said quietly, hating myself just a little bit.