Hawke (17 page)

I swallowed and looked at him. He was already staring back, waiting.

“No,” I whispered bitterly. “I threw it away, alright? I cheapened myself for him because I should have known he wasn’t all that into
me
. It was just the club he was after.”

It was the first time I had officially felt used. In hindsight, I should have been wary of his intentions. He ruined guys for me, and now I wasn’t interested in guys outside of the clubhouse, or inside of it too.

It was a remarkable shit-fuckery.

“Fuckin’ pencil dick,” Hawke muttered under his breath, fuming.

“He
did
have a pencil dick.”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t even feel it inside me.”

He surprised me with a hard laugh. “Really?”

“Yeah, I kept asking him, ‘Is it in?’”

His chest shook as he lost it. “I fuckin’ knew it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh too. “Maybe I’m still a virgin.”

He looked at me, amused. “Didn’t even make you come?”

I shook my head. “Not once.”

“Shit, that is rough, babe,” he told me. “Not a way to treat a woman.”

I smiled. “All bullshit aside, Hawke, the way you touched me was glorious. I never felt that way before.”

He smiled back. “That’s called experience, Ty. Believe me, my first time was a fucking disaster.”

“You’re a liar! Don’t tickle my ears.”

“No way, I’m not lying!”

“Fuck off.”

“Fuck off nothing. Gus set me up with a stripper, and I was a horny fourteen-year-old, too fuckin’ young to question that moral fuckery. I was too busy being all bright-eyed thinking I was on top of the fucking world.”

“What happened?”

“You really wanna know?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, surprised that I did.

He chuckled and rubbed at his beard. “She was really young and sexy, not as sexy as you, but fuckin’ sexy, I’ll give her that. She did this lap dance for me and stripped. Then she danced her way over to me, and suddenly my jeans were off and wrapped around my ankles and I was touchin’ her everywhere. I’m talkin’ there wasn’t a place she didn’t want me to touch.”

“And then?”

“And then she sat in my lap and the show was over in under a minute.”

“Under a minute?”

“At the time, it was the best minute of my life. As I got older, I realized a minute wasn’t all that impressive.”

I wrapped my arms around my stomach as I laughed. That wasn’t what I expected. No, in my head, he was a pro right from the get-go.

He smiled wistfully. “Anyway, I guess my point, babe, is that it doesn’t matter all that much about your first time. There’s no point regretting what you can’t change.”

I rested my head against the seat, watching him. “I like you, Hawke,” I said, unable to keep it to myself. “I like you a lot.”

“Yeah,” he responded carefully, “I’m starting to realize that, Tyler.”

eighteen

Tyler

The club was bigger than any in our town, and the room was dim and flashing with lights and dancing bodies. There were people
everywhere
.

Hawke took my hand and we waded through the room. He took me to the bar area and searched it, stopping his sights on a tall redhead in a tight red dress. When we started to move to her, I shot him a confused look.

Surely this model wasn’t Linda.

Club managers were not
this
hot, right?

She caught Hawke’s gaze and her red lips pursed. It wasn’t a fond look she was giving him; it was rage.

“Where the fuck were you?” She demanded before she jabbed her long red fingernail against his chest. “Forty-five fucking minutes, Hawke? What the fuck?”

Hawke just looked at her. “Tell me where the guy is, Linda.”

“Well I don’t fucking know anymore, Hawke. We are short-staffed for this shit, and there are double the bodies permitted in this place. I no longer know where the fuck this douchebag is because we didn’t think we would have to babysit the fuck for forty-five fucking minutes! And who the FUCK is the hillbilly standing behind you looking at me like I’m the FUCKING Mona Lisa?!”

Hawke motioned to me. “This is Tyler.”

She shot me a look of disgust. “A man?”

“Obviously she’s a woman.”

“With a man’s fucking name! And why is she wearing fucking overalls?”

“These are my work clothes,” I snapped.

“There are dressing standards in this club, so the next time you show your face here, try putting on something that doesn’t make you look like a yodeling bumpkin.”

“What the hell is your problem?”

Her face reddened as she snarled, “My fucking problem, little girl, is I have a fucking rapist on the loose in my fucking club and if Borden finds out I couldn’t have my useless fucking asshole workers keep an eye on him while King fucking Hawke got here, I might lose my fucking head!”

“Linda,” Hawke cut in, “you need to keep your voice down –”

“Easy for you to say! I’ve been pacing for almost an hour now, Hawke.”

Hawke took a step closer to her and set his hand on her bony shoulder. “Hey,” he said gently. It was like watching an ant try and tame a lion. “Calm down, alright? I’m sure he’s still kickin’ around waiting to make his move. You need to breathe because acting like a crazy woman isn’t going to help matters.”

She blinked rapidly, looking back at him with a hardly put together face. “The stress is getting to me, Hawke. I can’t handle this shit anymore. If I have another woman coming through the doors telling me she got touched by a man under my goddamn nose, I’m going to lose it. It’s my fault as it is –”

“It ain’t your fault,” Hawke cut in sharply. “You cut that bullshit out. You ain’t weak. Quit actin’ weak, Linda. Have the men keep searching for the cunt. I’m not going anywhere until he’s taken care of, alright?”

She nodded, taking a deep breath just to calm herself down before she hardened her face again. “Okay, alright. I’m going to pass the word you’re here. Maybe one of these chimps found him.”

He nodded and she took off, meanwhile I just stood there, staring at him with a gaping mouth. He didn’t pay me attention as he sat down on the stool and grabbed me by the arm. He hauled me to him so that my body was pressed against his side.

He kissed my forehead and said, “Stay close. I like you next to me.” I wasn’t sure he realized the effect his casual words had on me.

I leaned into him. “That woman is crazy.”

“Linda is a piece of work,” Hawke confirmed on a nod, his lips spreading into a soft smile. “But she’s good at what she does.”

“She called me a hillbilly and a man.”

“She was actually being soft on you.”

“She acted like I committed murder for dressing the way I am.”

“Because this shit is personal to her. The club may belong to Borden, but it’s her baby too. She lives and breathes it.”

Wow, he was defending the red-haired bitch a lot.

I studied him suspiciously for a moment. “You sleep with her?”

He looked back at me in surprise. “What?”

“Don’t make me repeat my question.”

“I’m giving you the opportunity to withdraw it.”

“But I want to know.”

He smirked. “Are you jealous, Tyler?”

“No,” I lied, suppressing my irritation. “Just answer.”

“I don’t fuck where I work, babe, and I have standards.”

I turned away from him and faced the bar, closing my eyes briefly. God, what was wrong with me? One beautiful woman talking to him familiarly and I automatically assume he bedded her?

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

His hand grabbed at my chin, turning my face to him. He looked amused as he leaned into my side and whispered, “Whose tongue was I sucking just recently?”

“Yours,” I whispered back.

“And who made you come so hard you had your head banging against the wall?”

My face heated as my gaze dropped to his mouth. “You did, but…you pushed me away after.”

“You think I wanted to?”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Baby, you are the hottest thing I have ever touched in my entire existence on this green fucking ball of waste. You are so hot, so fucking sweet, I’m already fantasizing about bending you over this bar and fucking you in front of everyone. Now that would be a really good reason to go back to the club life, huh? Make you mine in front of everyone and have you marked with my cum and watch you enjoy it.”

His words…

Holy fuck.

He couldn’t say things like that without…

I grabbed his shirt and smashed my lips against his mouth. He kissed me back, crashing his tongue against mine until every single inch of me burned and tingled. How could a kiss turn me on so much? I pressed against him, wanting his warmth against that hungry spot between my legs.

He pulled away, looking serious now as he said, “And I have never seen a girl want me so bad. It’s kinda fuckin’ me up, Tyler.”

I took his lower lip between my teeth and tugged. He growled in my mouth and nipped me back.

“You could have taken me by now,” I said, anguished. “I’m aching, Hawke.”

He ran his hand over my hair, contemplating. “Maybe,” he muttered, more to himself than me. “Maybe there is something.”

Maybe?

“It’s not maybe when I’m this wet for you,” I told him.

Fuck, I was brazen. But he brought that bit out in me because the only way things would ever progress with Hawke was by being completely honest.

“Christ,” he murmured to himself, looking at me. His thumb lightly traced my lips. Again, I could see him holding back, fighting to reserve himself, but he couldn’t. I’d wound him up too much.

Linda returned suddenly, looking flushed as she took his large arm in her hand. “We found him,” she said. “Come on.”

nineteen

Tyler

Hawke told me to wait at the bar while he disappeared to handle the situation. I sat on the stool, watching as plush looking girls and dudes with polo shirts or expensive silk button-up shirts ordered fancy, colorful drinks. The clubhouse drank beer and hard liquor, not this rainbow colored shit.

Still, this place looked amazing and sleek. I understood why it was the most popular club in the city. I looked around and then up at the second level where it was closed off by a red rope barrier. There were a few bodyguards standing out front of it, conversing. Obviously that was the VIP area.

I was about to look away when I met the eyes of a man standing there, feet from the guards, arms on the balcony overlooking the club. I stopped moving, entranced for a moment at the clean shaven face of the solid man I had seen on the front of countless newspapers.

Marcus Borden.

He had a hard face. Ridiculously gorgeous, but also frightening at the same time. He was staring fixedly at me – staring like he knew who I was – and never looking away. Christ, I imagined Hawke standing by him and knew they’d make a scary duo. No wonder everyone feared them. They just had that look – that scathing you-can’t-hide-from-me kind of look.

I eventually glanced away from him and turned my body so that it was facing the bar again. I didn’t want to see him watching me. That man had buried enough bodies they’d probably be discovering mass graves for hundreds of years to come, and I didn’t want one of the discoveries to be of a twenty-year-old moron that died trying to have a staring contest with a kingpin. Melodramatic maybe, but you had to think this kind of shit through.

Minutes passed by when Linda reappeared at my side and said, “Hillbilly, I’ve come to fetch you.” She didn’t look as stressed as before, but the bitch-face was still strong in her.

I glowered at her. “It’s
Tyler
.”

“I don’t care, just get your ass up and follow me.”

“I’m supposed to wait on Hawke.”

“Well, who the fuck do you think I’m taking you to?”

“Why can’t he just get me?”

“Because he’s cleaning himself up.”

I stared at her for a moment, trying to understand what she meant by that. But her bitch-face was intact as ever.

“You gonna move, or do I have to fucking drag you out?”

I reluctantly slid off the stool and stood up straighter. I shot Linda a scathing look before retorting, “Stop being a cunt to me, alright? Your attitude is fucking ridiculous. I’m surprised nobody’s beaten it out of you yet.”

“You forget who I work for.”

“Yeah, well, I’m part of the Warlords and I don’t take kindly to insults. So unless you want a face full of acid, try to be kinder to me.”

She paused, her eyes betraying her bitch-face as she looked at me with surprise. Then she slowly smiled at me. “Oh, I get it now,” she said, reflecting. “You’re that girl he used to talk about. Now it makes sense.”

He talked about me?

I was curious. If she wasn’t such a wench, I’d have asked her what he said, but I had a feeling that unless you were threatening to remove her vocal cords, she wouldn’t tell you anyway.

She turned and started walking, and I reluctantly followed.

“Your club crashed here once for business,” I heard her say without looking back at me. “They fucked up the place bad.”

“The latest members in the club aren’t the most respectful,” I lamely explained.

“They fought each other for the sake of it.”

“They do that sometimes.”

“One of them was dragging around a drugged up weeping bitch.”

“You’re referring to Ellen, and she cries a lot when she’s high.”

“And don’t get me started about your president. That guy thought he could spread me wide open.”

I suppressed a smile. “Hector does a good job of it from what I hear. Maybe you missed out.”

Linda shot me a strange look. “You really are part of them, aren’t you, knowing all this.”

I nodded. “I know everything.”

“Club brat.”

“Yeah.”

So low I could hardly hear her, she replied, “Yeah, I know what that’s like.”

As we waded through the room, it occurred to me
he
might still be watching me. Feeling tense, my eyes shot back up to the balcony just then, and I sighed in relief.

Borden was long gone.

*

Linda took me back outside and to the red truck parked in the handicapped spot because Hawke was a douche like that. She stopped to give it a disgusted look. “Why is he driving this trash can?”

“Apparently to look unassuming,” I replied.

She scoffed. “What, is he hiding from someone?”

The law.
“Yep.”

She pursed her lips and, despite looking wary, said, “Right, I forgot about that.”

I leaned my back against the front of the truck and crossed my arms. “To be honest, it was probably an excuse so I wouldn’t be riding on the back of his bike.”

Linda looked at me funny. “It’s just a fucking bike. I don’t get why you bitches have so much symbolism behind that shit. It’s fucking pathetic.”

“Because it’s a form of rejection.”

“It’s mental and naïve.”

“It means a lot to us.”

“What are you, twelve?”

“No, I’m not twelve!”

She waved at the club. “He took you here, didn’t he? Which is a fucking first. Hawke doesn’t bring girls
in
, he usually takes them
out
.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Wow, thanks, that makes me feel
great
.”

“Well, it should, you oblivious idiot,” she retorted, impatiently. “Can’t stand when morons like you spill your life story to me like I give a fuck. I don’t, so keep your woes about not being on the back of his stupid fucking bike to yourself.”

Oh, my God, she was right. I was being dramatic.

You’re turning into Shay.

“I swear to God,” she went on, “Borden ended up with a fucking tarantula of a bitch, and if you’re like her in the slightest and I have to deal with two melodramatic bitches, I’m going to cut someone’s throat.”

“I like Borden’s girl,” I muttered under my breath, reflecting for a second on the time I met her almost two years ago. She’d been an emotional mess, but still managed to notice me in the strife of it all. I’d been an emo teen at that stage of my life. “She was epic.”

Linda clenched her teeth. “I fucking hate you already.”

I heard footsteps just then and turned to find Hawke approaching us. He didn’t blink an eye at Linda, but he did say, “I took care of it.”

Her demeanor changed remarkably. Her face softened and she nodded at him. “Thanks, Hawke,” she said sweetly.

I blinked at her in surprise. Was this chick bipolar or something? She glanced at me briefly with this strange look of pity. “Take care, Tyler,” she told me. Then she turned away and walked back to the club, leaving me utterly perplexed.

“Is everything okay?” I asked Hawke after she disappeared.

He was already opening his driver’s side door when he morosely replied, “Fuck, Ty, just get in the car.”

I did, all the while watching him and wondering why his face was all screwed up looking.

He drove in silence, but his hand on the steering wheel was tight. He drove a little too fast on the road, cutting people off and then cursing under his breath like they were in the wrong. I clutched the seat on each side, feeling annoyed at his sharp turns and said, “Remember my seat belt doesn’t work, Hawke, so take it easy.”

He didn’t.

“Hawke,” I hissed, my shoulder hitting the window. “Slow down!”

He abruptly veered the car off the road and slammed on the breaks, causing me to jerk in my seat. Holy fuck, what was his problem?

Looking dark, he punched at the steering wheel, and the horn sounded out. Then he got out of the car, slamming the door so hard the whole car shook. Bewildered, I watched him walk over the short strip of dirt that bordered a cluster of closed businesses. His fists were closed at his side as he paced, his chest heaving up and down, his hair covering part of his face. Tall and built, he looked absolutely intimidating in the dark of night.

Was this why Linda gave me that pitying look? Because she knew Hawke was in a mood?

I sighed and opened the door. I climbed out and walked over to him, stopping feet from where he now stood, blankly staring ahead.

“You got some serious road rage,” I whispered to him, my voice light. “If you’re shitty because of that young dude cutting you off, to be fair it was kind of karma.”

His eyes moved to mine, and his lips didn’t flinch because I wasn’t funny. “I’m not feeling too good right now, Ty.”

“I can tell.”

He exhaled long and slow. “I’ve got that adrenaline firin’ through me. I’ve still got blood on my hands.”

I studied him for a minute, concerned at the way he was shaking. He couldn’t keep still.

It reminded me how I felt when he took Yuri’s life. All that adrenaline coursing through my body, and I had only
witnessed
it. I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like on his end having to do something like that to keep me from getting hurt.

“Is this about the man at the club?” I asked.

His eyes fell and his nostrils flared as he gritted out, “He deserved it.”

I nodded, understanding. This was about what Hawke did which, up until this point, I had no idea affected him so much.

He was about to lose it again. The dark look on his face intensified. I quickly moved closer to him and took his hand into my own. I brought it to my mouth and gently laid a kiss on his calloused skin. He went stiff, surprised by my move, and looked at me.

We said nothing for a while, but I could tell I hadn’t done much uncoiling the tension in him. Eventually, he let my hand go and returned to the car. I followed and we both slid in, not a word spoken between us.

He didn’t start the car, just tapped his finger on the steering wheel.

“It’s a vicious cycle,” he murmured. “I have to hurt a bad man, and then I feel riled up, and all I wanna do to forget is hurt again and…again. My head is heavy with images of the shit I’ve done. I’ve got bad blood runnin’ through me. I’ve taken from people – good people even – and I’ve played god too long. Sometimes I think I should’ve stayed in that prison, rotting away.”

Just as he’d said that, he looked out the window and his body started to quake again. I quickly left my seat and moved over to him, settling myself over his lap before he could think of leaving again. He went stiff, surprised by my move, before he looked at me. Knees on either side of him, I relaxed my body so that we were face to face. This position made me feel small next to him, but small in a way that I liked.

His eyes dropped to my mouth. “What’re you doing, Tyler?”

“Distracting you,” I said.

His face cleared a little, his anger was replaced with need. He pulled me to him, my chest hitting his. He stroked my face lightly and brushed the strands of hair behind my ears, curiously looking at me. “What did I tell you about distractions?” he asked, his voice low.

“That you regret them after.” I paused just then, staring at him intently. “Will you regret it if I made you feel better right now?”

His finger brushed along my bottom lip and he licked his own just then, like he was imagining the taste of me. I could see the darkness still lurking in the depths of his eyes, and I knew he needed this.

“Honestly,” he muttered, “something sweet about you tells me I wouldn’t regret a single moment tasting you.”

I smiled when he gripped a fistful of my hair and crashed his mouth to mine. He kissed me hard. His other hand dropped down to my overalls, and like before he unbuttoned them and slipped them down to my waist. Then he slid his hand under my shirt and found my breasts. He cupped one in his large palm and squeezed before moving to the next. I arched my back, telling him with my body that I loved what he was doing. It wasn’t like before, because this time I could feel him hardening beneath me, and he wasn’t slowing down. He wasn’t waiting for me to make the next move. He was
taking
me.

His entire body shook, and he groaned as he tore his mouth from mine and buried his face in my breasts. He dragged his hands down my spine, the pressure deep as he wrapped his lips around my nipple and ravenously sucked. I moaned and grabbed a fistful of his hair, grinding myself against his hard dick.

I wanted it out.

Wanted it in my hand.

I reached for his jeans when I heard the sound of a siren suddenly chirping close by. I stopped and looked up, my eyes barely registering the sight before me.

Flashing lights.

Red, then blue.

I froze in his grip as he pulled away, glaring up at the rearview mirror.