Healing Rain (25 page)
His earlier confusion returns, “I don’t understand.”
“You’re right, my earlier reaction to you was learned. I learned it from my father, and then, from my ex-boyfriend. When I met Kas, I was dating Chris. I ended our relationship, if you want to call it that, not long after I started working with Kas. Chris thought that I ended it to be with him. He became enraged and he . . . hurt me. Kas got to me in time to stop Chris from hurting me further.” Raina looks into his eyes, her determination for him to understand burning through her, “Kas has never hurt me, he loves me.”
Brent’s jaw tightens at her words. His anger boils at the thought of someone causing Raina any form of pain, and his heart aches at hearing the love in her voice when she declared Kas’ love for her. He knows he shouldn’t have feelings for her, shouldn’t want her, but he does. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. He witnesses the strength behind her feelings for Kas shimmering in her eyes, and it sends him reeling, needing to be the recipient of that love. Before he takes time to think, he grabs her, and pulls her towards him. His mouth covers hers, and he tastes the sweetness of her lips, savoring the heady sensation.
Raina’s mind spins violently, her thoughts seem to suspend, being stuck in time, as she tries to wrap her head around what is happening. She feels Brent’s kiss, and it feels all wrong. Her senses come rushing back to her, and she yanks away from his grasp. She stares at him blankly, too many emotions are running through her, preventing her from finding the right words, so she communicates her feelings in another way, slapping him hard across his left cheek. Her fingers sting from the harsh contact, and she backs away, shocked by what she has just done.
He releases her, and takes a step back himself, rubbing his burning cheek as he sees Raina’s pained expression. He can tell that there are absolutely no romantic feelings for him inside of her, and it stabs his heart. Guilt consumes him, and he steps towards her again.
Raina holds her hands up, placing a protective barrier between them, “Leave, Brent.”
He looks at her for a moment, not sure of what to say to correct the damage he has just caused. “I’m sorry, Raina,” he manages, barely above a whisper, “I shouldn’t have done that.”
The stinging in her fingers tugs at her conscious, she knows that Brent was completely out of line to kiss her, but her reaction startles her. She isn’t a violent person, not unless she is pushed to be out of self-preservation. She has never intentionally struck anyone before, not without them striking her, or someone else first. She wants to get as far away from Brent as possible right now. She wants to run into Kas’ arms. Panic shoots through her as she thinks of her husband. She knows she should tell him, but she is terrified of what he might say, and even more frightened by what he might do to Brent. She looks at him, her expression trying to solicit the reasoning behind his action. “Why did you kiss me?”
He lowers his gaze, the full realization of what he has done sinking into him, “I don’t know, Raina.” He runs his hand through his hair roughly, “These past couple of weeks working with you, I just—I can’t get you out of my head. I’m trying very hard not to love you, but I can’t help that I do. I’m sorry.”
Raina tries to process his words, feeling completely blindsided at how she didn’t see this coming. Her heart aches at the pain in his eyes. She has grown very close to Brent, and cares for him, but her feelings are strictly platonic, “I’m married, Brent.”
Agitation pierces his eyes, “You are barely twenty-one, Raina. You are way too young to have made that kind of commitment.”
Anger surges through her, “I’m old enough to know how I feel, who I love, who I want to spend the rest of my life with! I am in love with Kas, even if he and I weren’t married, that wouldn’t change how I feel for him.”
The resignation in her eyes is unmistakable, and he knows he has no chance with her. “You’re right. I have no right to judge you, or your decisions.” He turns to go, but stops, roughly hitting the concrete column next to him with the palm of his hand. Brent turns back around, his eyes pleading, “I know that I don’t have a right to ask you this, but please don’t tell Pierce what happened, not until after the raid this evening. They need him to have his head on straight, there are too many lives at stake.”
A shot of guilt runs through Raina as she considers his request. She feels like she is betraying Kas if she doesn’t immediately tell him, especially after keeping Chris’ threat from him this morning, but she knows that he will go ballistic when he finds out, and that could jeopardize the raid. Brent’s right, too many lives are at stake. Pushing the nagging feeling away, she nods her head, “I will wait until he gets home tonight before telling him.”
Brent nods his head tightly, giving her one last apologetic look before he turns and leaves. Raina stares after him, feeling drained from the day’s emotional turmoil, and the dull ache from the loss of a good friend. The guilt from agreeing to not tell Kas until tonight eats at her. She tries to swallow the choking guilt, rationalizing that Kas is already too preoccupied with Chris’ earlier call for her to distract his attention any further by divulging what happened. She takes a deep breath and steadies her nerves, doing her best at refusing to allow herself to feel guilty as she walks out the door.
Five
minutes
earlier
Kas’ thoughts are dominated by Raina and Chris’ chilling threat. He has spent too much time away from her, working relentlessly on planning for the raid while she was helping to dismantle the ring in New Jersey, and he feels contrite that he hasn’t been able to be there for her. He smiles as he thinks of last night. Heat floods his veins as his mind replays how they made love, the feel of her searing touch scorching his skin. The intensity of his love for her overwhelms him at times. His need to protect her invades him. He promised himself that he will never allow anyone to hurt her again, he would rather die first. He hated the worried hesitancy in her eyes earlier. He knows he shouldn’t lose his cool around her, not with her past, but the thought of Chris still hurting her, even when he’s behind bars, is driving him insane.
He checks his watch, and sees that he has time to run down and see her before meeting back up with Derrick. He sprints towards the elevator as more memories from this last night soothe his mind, stirring his southern region to full attention. The way she moved underneath him, the feel of her breath against his neck, how her moans escaped her lips, pleasing him by how he was pleasing her, drives him wild with need for her again. He decides that he will take his time enjoying her again tonight. Her love and her healing touch, is just what he needs to calm him after the raid is over, and he’s desperate to rid her mind of Chris.
His smile is still covering his face as he leaves the elevator, walking around the corner to the file room. He stops dead in his tracks, and his smile dies, his heart dying a thousand deaths with it, when he sees Brent grab Raina, pulling her to him, kissing her. The pain tearing through him is unbearable. Conflicting emotions send him reeling between wanting to rip Brent in half, and savage grief from seeing the woman he deeply loves in someone else’s arms. Rage quakes violently through him, he wants to tear Brent’s hands off of her, but he is too broken to do it. Quietly, he turns and leaves, smothering despair consuming every part of him.
Raina has looked everywhere for Kas the past half-hour, finding him nowhere. She goes to his office to use his phone to call his cell, but he doesn’t answer. Jake walks by, and she runs after him, “Have you seen Kas?”
“He called Derrick to push the meeting back, he said he had to run home for a few.”
“Thanks,” she mumbles, wondering why. She drives home, wanting to make sure everything’s okay.
Raina walks through the door, and calls for Kas, but he doesn’t answer. She walks into their bedroom, her heart beginning to pound in her chest as she sees him angrily shoving clothes into a duffel bag. “What are you doing?” she asks, her voice full of panic.
“I’m leaving” he says flatly, throwing a last shirt in his bag before zipping it and tossing it over his shoulder.
“Leaving? What do you mean?” her panic soaring higher.
He storms past her, “You’re the prodigy, figure it out.”
“But this is your home,” she cries out desperately, following him through the living room, trying to understand his actions.
He spins around, “I thought it was
our
home, but it’s obvious you don’t think the same!”
“You saw Brent? He told you,” she whispers.
“That’s all you have to say?” the pain is evident in his voice.
Mistaking the reasoning of his anger and pain as due to her not telling him herself, she timidly shrugs, “I was going to tell you tonight. I didn’t want to jeopardize the raid.”
He stares at her in bewilderment, the anguish tearing into his heart. He desperately wants to take her in his arms and act like it never happened, but he can’t forget what he saw. His jaw tightens as he forces himself to leave, grabbing his bag tightly as he reaches the door.
Raina knows she has hurt him again, and her guilt overwhelms her from how she has hidden two major things from him today. She understands his anger with her, but can’t stand the thought of losing him. “Kas stop! Don’t go, I’ll do whatever you tell me to do,” she pleads through her tears, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I promise, I’ll do whatever you say...please, just stay.”
“You’ll do whatever I say?” he screams. “You promised to love, honor, and obey, what happened to those vows today, Raina?”
“Kas, don’t go...please!” she continues to plead between sobs, wrapping her hands around his arm as dangerous, disturbing thoughts treacherously riot through her.
He jerks his arm out her grasp, and she steps back, her eyes wild as the hot tears stream down her face. He gives her one last look, his gaze so full of pain and anger it rips through her. The door slams, and she drops to her knees weeping. Her father’s words return to torment her, ‘
you
taint
everything
you
touch’
.
Curling up on the floor, tucking her knees tightly into her, she continues to cry, her entire body shaking from the force of her sobs. Her life flashes in her mind. Her mother’s love, then the cold, hard emptiness when she was gone. The intense pain of her father’s fists, belt, kicks, and all of the times he has grabbed her, twisting her arm until she thought it was going to break as he screamed at her, telling her how worthless she is, that she is nothing more than a terrible mistake, stab her like a flaming hot poker. Her mind replays the utter helplessness when Brian held her down and raped her. Her time with Chris streaks through her head, the night her tried to rape her before beating her unconscious. The day she met Kas burns in her memory, their sweet time together flashing before her at warp speed, and then there’s nothing...absolutely nothing, but excruciating emptiness, and she breaks.
Kas’ foot has almost slammed on the brakes a hundred times, his battered heart begging for him to turn around. The image of another man kissing Raina tortures him. He grabs his phone, not able to keep the torment from his voice when he asks Chase if he’s alone.
“Sara is visiting her parents this weekend,” Chase answers, concern pulling at him at the obvious pain in his best friend’s voice. “What’s wrong?”
“Can I crash at your place tonight?”
All of his senses are on alert at the raw pain he’s hearing, “What’s happened?”
Kas can’t bring himself to say the words out loud, it hurts too much.
Hearing more than enough in the silence, Chase asks, “Can you meet me at my condo? I’m leaving now.”
Kas hangs up, still holding the phone, and he wants to call Raina so badly he aches. He pulls into the parking lot below Chase’s building and has to force himself to shove his phone into his duffel bag so his heart doesn’t overrule his mind at the moment. He doesn’t have to wait long for his best friend to arrive.
Kas is standing motionless in front of the large bay windows, looking out at the spectacular view that prompted Chase to purchase his condo when he enters. He studies his friend, his rigid back, his unwavering stance as he continues to stare out the window, seeing nothing. The duffel bag is on the couch, and Chase’s pulse quickens, knowing that something really terrible must have had to happen to make Kas leave Raina.
“What is going on, Kas?” he asks, stepping beside him.
Kas’ eyes are glued to a spot on the window, his mind not wanting to relive the moment his world stopped. “Raina and Brent are having an affair.”
Chase could barely hear Kas’ words, and he’s sure he must have misunderstood what he thought he heard. “What did you just say?”
Kas turns around, his eyes a myriad of emotions, hurt and anger being the most prominent as Chase realizes he had heard him correctly, but not able to believe it. “Are you sure?”
“I saw them together. I saw Brent kissing her,” Kas chokes out the words.
Chase rubs his hand down his face, turning around as he tries to process what Kas is telling him. He never would have thought it possible for Raina to do something like this. Anger surges through him at the pain she has caused, but, despite his anger, Raina is also his friend, and he knows her feelings for Kas, even if she has seemed to momentarily forget them. He thinks of all she has been through, what she is currently having to endure, and he worries about what the stress of Kas leaving will do to her.
“I have to go,” Kas states, turning around. “We are meeting before we go in this evening.”
Chase places his hand on his shoulder, “You have to keep your head straight tonight, bro, your life is on the line.”
“I know.”
He lets him go, praying he can keep it together. “Kas, just focus on the girls until after the raid,” he pleads.
Kas gives a curt nod then walks out the door.
Raina
hears
the
alarm beep, indicating that it has been activated, and for a second, she vaguely wonders what time it is, realizing Kas must have set it remotely when he saw she hasn’t yet. The floor is hard, but she doesn’t feel it, she doesn’t feel much of anything but the dark void. Her body is so tense and cold as she closes her eyes. Exhaustion overtakes her as sleep mercifully grants her a temporary reprieve to her emotional hell.
It’s dark outside when she awakens, every muscle in her body aches, but she doesn’t care. She curls her knees in tighter to her chest, wrapping her trembling arms around them. She knows she needs to leave, but she can’t find the strength to move as her father’s words, and the look in Kas’ eyes as he left her alone, echo in her distressed mind.
“
I’m
not
going
tonight, Frank.” Kas grabs his keys, heading towards the door.
Kas had said that Raina is sick when she didn’t return with him this morning, and Franks wonders how sick Raina is to upset his boss like this. “Alright, go home and take care of your girl. We’ll celebrate for you.”
Determination fuels his tired body, slamming through his despair when he hears Frank calling Raina his girl. He dials Chase as he sprints towards his jeep, “I’m not coming over tonight. Raina is
my
wife, and I’m going to fight for her.”
Chase pauses, not knowing what advice to offer him at the moment. He has stopped himself from confronting Raina several times today, not wanting to talk with her until he can keep his emotions about what she has done in check. “I’ve got your back with whatever your decision is.”
“I know you do,” Kas tells him, grateful he isn’t judging him or his decision, “thanks, Chase.”
The house is dark when he pulls into the drive. His concern heightens with how quiet it is when he opens the door. He calls for Raina, but she doesn’t respond. Fear seizes him when he flips on the lights and sees her lying on the floor in the exact same spot he left her standing in when he walked out on her almost twelve hours ago. He calls her name again as he races to her, dropping to his knees beside her motionless body.
“Raina?” He is racked with worry as he looks down at her trembling frame, so small and fragile, curled tightly on the floor. Her eyes are open, but unfocused. He feels her forehead as he shakes her arm, “Raina, what’s wrong? Talk to me, baby.”
Slowly, she turns her head, blinking a few times before looking at him. He sees a glimpse of heart breaking anguish darken her eyes before she closes them, a tear rolling down her cheek. When she opens them, the barrier he worked so hard to eradicate, shutting everything and everyone out when they first met, has returned, and he panics. “No, Raina. Don’t do this!” he demands, pulling her off the floor and into his arms.
His embrace shocks her back into reality, and she pulls away from him, needing the distance, or she will never be able to do what she has to do. He studies her carefully, fear causing his heart to pound so furiously from her current emotional state it feels like it’s going to burst through his chest. He reaches out to touch her hand, but she pulls away. His gaze darts to hers, hoping he didn’t scare her, but he doesn’t see fear in her eyes, he doesn’t see any emotion, and that terrifies him.
She stands up, her gaze anywhere but on him. “I’m going to take a shower,” she states flatly, not waiting for a response as she heads into their bedroom.
Kas follows her, desperately wishing he had Chase’s knowledge of psychology right now. “Raina, please talk to me.”
Slowly, she turns towards him, her gaze still not meeting his, “I’m so sorry for everything.”
“We’ll work it out,” he tells her, his voice cracking as he goes to hold her, but she steps away again.
She doesn’t take time to grab a towel, or check the temperature of the water, she just turns on the shower faucet, robotically removing her clothing before stepping under the water.
Kas sits on the edge of the bed, at a complete loss of what to do or say to her right now. He is profusely alarmed at her behavior. His phone rings, pulling him out of his fog.
“Brent told me what happened,” Michael tells him, “I’m sorry, Kas, he’s my best agent, I never expected him to pull anything like this.”
“Keep your agent away from my wife!” Kas growls into the phone, “I don’t know what he did to confuse her, but he’s not to come near her ever again.”
Michael saw the pain in Brent’s eyes as he confessed what he had done. “It doesn’t sound like Raina is the one confused.”
“What are you talking about?”
“She was pretty clear when she told Brent he was out of line.”
Kas shakes his head, confusion clouding him, “She told him that?”
“Well, she more like showed him that when she decked him.”
“Raina hit him?”
“What do you think happened, Kas?” Michael asks, hearing the confusion in his voice, hating that two of his friends are hurting right now.
“What did Brent tell you?”
“That he kissed Raina, and she slapped him before letting him know under no uncertain terms that you are the one she loves.”
Kas closes his eyes, regret pressing heavily against chest.
“You there, Pierce?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” he states, barely audible, his eyes shooting to the bathroom door, “I have to go.” He drops the phone on the bed, replaying what he saw in his head. He clearly saw Brent grabbing Raina, pulling her to him, but he never saw Raina kiss him back. He drops his head into his hands, self-fury strangling him at what he has done.
Kas hears the water shut off, and he grabs a towel, handing it to her. He rakes his hand through his dark hair as he watches how detached and methodic Raina’s movements are. He takes her chin in his hand, and pain stabs his heart at the dark emptiness staring back at him. “I’m so sorry, baby. Michael just called me. I’ve made a huge mistake, Raina. I thought—I thought you were having an affair with Brent.”
Raina freezes, holding the towel against her. “You thought I cheated on you?” she whispers.
Kas pulls her into his arms, “I’m so sorry, it’s just—I didn’t know what to think when I saw both of you in the archives.”
“You saw that?” Pain briefly breaks through her barrier.
“I wish I would’ve seen the part where you hit him.”
Raina pulls away, too many emotions are running through her at once right now. She tells herself that this doesn’t change what she needs to do, it doesn’t change how she keeps hurting him, how she feels she will only keep hurting him if she stays. She closes her eyes, knowing she has to get Kas out of the room so she can get her things together. “I’m hungry.”
The unexpected, unseemly statement gives Kas an uneasy feeling, “Alright, come into the kitchen, and we can talk while you eat.”
“I’ll be there in a minute. Will you heat the leftovers from last night?”
He hesitates, trying to get some kind of read on her emotions, but she is still completely shut down. The fact that she’s at least communicating something provides him some relief, even though her words are monotone, lifeless.
“I’m hungry.”
“Yeah...okay,” he reluctantly relents, leaving her alone as he goes to the kitchen.
Raina tries to swallow her choking misery from the thought of leaving Kas as she grabs a bag. She forces herself to gather her things, packing only the essentials before slipping out of the bedroom, quietly walking towards the front door.
“Where are you going?” Kas asks, stepping in front of her.
Raina can’t bear to look at him. She tries to step around him, but he puts his hand out in front of her.
“Move, Kas, it’s better this way.”
“For who, Raina?” he asks, panic starting to rapidly rise. “I said I was sorry, I know I was wrong. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left today. Please, don’t make the same mistake.”
“I have to go.”
“Why? Why do you have to leave?” he demands.
She takes another step towards the door, but he steps in front of her.
“Don’t go,” he whispers, his heart breaking all over again, “I need you.”
She closes her eyes, shaking her head. “No. No you don’t, I’m...I’m defective,” she whispers.
“Is that what you think?” Kas asks incredulously.
Raina finally meets his gaze, her eyes dark with heartbreaking resignation, “That is what I know.”
Kas’ eyes blaze with fury, hot anger burning through his entire being at what they have done to her. “No, that is what they brainwashed you to believe!” he spits out.
Raina drops her gaze and turns to go out the French doors instead, but Kas takes her arm, turning her back around to face him. “It’s not true, Raina, do you hear me? It’s not true! I don’t want to ever hear you say that about yourself again, do you understand?” he commands, trying very hard not to yell, but needing her to understand just how absurd her words are.
Raina’s gaze drops, and fury sweeps through him at such an intensity, he lets her go, afraid his grip might hurt her. He wants to kill her father, rip Chris and Brian in half, and pummel Brent for this whole disastrous misunderstanding. He rakes his hands through his hair, desperately trying to leash his ranting emotions. “This has gotten out of hand, Raina. I know you didn’t have an affair, I know you didn’t kiss Brent,” he begins, desperate to change her mind, “you are not defective, even if you had made a mistake and had kissed him, it wouldn’t make your father’s words true.”
Kas sees no change in Raina’s expression, and he is going mad from how empty she looks right now, so despondent. He has never seen her this broken, and searing pain rips through him like a tidal wave. Chase’s words come back to haunt him, ‘
everyone
has
a
breaking
point,
even
Raina’.
A cold chill runs through his entire body as he realizes that
he
is her breaking point. His deserting her caused this.
Raina doesn’t look at him, doesn’t say anything, just adjusts her bag on her shoulder and heads towards the door again. He steps in front of her, frantic to get her to stay, “I’m begging you, Raina, please don’t go!”
