Healing Tides (11 page)

Too late, Glory realized her implication had hurt him. Shame suffused her heart. She scooted forward, jogging to keep up.

“I didn’t mean that, Jared. I wasn’t trying to say you hadn’t already done a lot. It’s just that Bennie is—”

“What? Special?” He stopped so quickly she bumped into him. “They’re all special, Glory. Beautiful perfect children who had their whole lives stretching out before them until God let them get hurt.”

“You blame God for their injuries?”

“Of course I blame Him. Why not? Who else has the power to stop it?” He froze.

They both glanced up at the sound of an approaching helicopter. Another flight. More injured kids.

“I do the best I can for each one, Glory, whether you think that or not.”

“I know you do,” she admitted.

“Even if Bennie had the procedure, there’s no guarantee it would make him whole again. And there is the risk that he would be worse off than he is now. Remember the oath—first do no harm. I will not endanger his life on a chance. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

He reached out, brushed a strand of hair from her eyes then hurried away, to Agapé to treat the new cases.

Though she was officially off duty for another four hours, Glory followed him. If she wasn’t needed, she’d go down to the beach and let the tides and prayer heal her heart’s hurt.

A week later Jared listened to the phone just long enough to ensure he would get the answer he wanted.

“It will be expensive,” the voice assured him.

“I don’t care what it costs. I’ll pay. Get them here as soon as you can.”

He hung up with relief. Kahlia had done her best, but now Sister Phil needed more than someone to sit with her. She needed round-the-clock nursing care and she refused to go to the hospital, away from the place she’d called home for so long. Daily her lungs weakened—which reminded him.

He typed an e-mail and sent it immediately to Elizabeth. He wasn’t going to downplay the urgency of Sister Phil’s condition.

He checked his messages, caught his breath at the first one.

Preliminary hearing on February 14.

Tomorrow. Nicholas’s birthday.

The screen saver came on. His son’s laughing face framed by a red heart fluttered into view. A familiar pain knifed its way through Jared’s insides.

He should have replaced the image long ago, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to erase the picture, take the final irrevocable step of removing this last secret reminder of what he’d lost. He’d come to terms with the fact that he’d never watch his son grow up, drive a car, date a girl. He’d accepted that Diana was gone, that he was alone.

What he couldn’t accept was the reason behind their deaths.

Why? That’s all I want to know—why did they have to die like that?

From days long ago in a Sunday-school class he couldn’t even remember, a memory verse flashed to mind. “My ways are not your ways.”

“No kidding.”

“Talking to yourself?” Glory’s head appeared.

“Yes, I am.” He sloughed off the misery, forced himself out of his funk. “And no, I don’t like my own answers.”

“Okay, then.” Glory leaned against the jamb. “You look like you could use a hug.”

He found the prospect especially attractive.

“Are you going to give me one?” he asked, hoping to get a blush out of her.

“Yep.”

“Oh.” He rose, held out his arms. “I’m ready.”

“Here you go.” She leaned over his desk just close enough to slap three crudely cutout hearts into his palm. “Three hugs. Bennie added a kiss on the top one, too.”

Her giggles chased away the shadows, brought joy to the room. Surprised to feel a certain lightness in his heart, Jared studied what she’d given him.

“A kiss, huh?” He checked out the Valentine. “Bennie drools.”

“It’s from the bubble gum. My fault.”

She didn’t look the least bit apologetic. Jared pinned each one to his bulletin board then extended his hand for her to see the wet blobs of glue dotting his skin. Glory handed him a tissue.

“That’s all I get from you?” he complained.

“You were expecting something—more?”

“Yes. My enthusiasm for Valentine’s Day is somewhat diminished.”

“Maybe your expectations are too high.” Her pert look made him laugh.

“Apparently.” It was so easy to have fun with her. “I’m going into Honolulu tomorrow. Want to come along for the ride?”

“Yes!” Her eyes danced with anticipation. Then she frowned. “No.”

“I like your decisiveness. Are you taking a vote?”

She shook her head. “My night to sit with Sister Phil.”

“My sources tell me you’ve been doing that a lot,” he said, watching her flash of guilt. “I’m grateful, but you’re not doing it tonight. Don’t worry, she’ll have someone. I just had a phone call about it.”

“She needs full care now.”

“I know.” He stepped out from behind his desk, slung on a lab coat.

“You found a nurse?”

“Private nurses. Several of them.”

Her eyes expanded, green irises darkening to the shade of a forest in twilight.

“How?”

“I am a man of many talents.” He grasped her arm and led her out of the room, down the hall.

“Apparently.” She frowned. “Where are we going?”

“To see a patient. I need your help.”

“My help? This is a stellar day. Are you sure you feel all right?”

Better than he had in a while. And it had to do with her and the pleasure he found in her company, but Jared wasn’t going to tell her so.

“I’m fine. It’s Maria I want you to look at.”

“I don’t recall a patient named Maria.”

“She came in before you came on. House fire. Eighteen months.” Maybe if he could get her focus off Bennie—

“What’s the problem?”

“Neither Xavier nor I can figure that out.” Jared held open the door to the ward. “Physically she’s come through as well as we could hope. We’ll release her to her home hospital in a couple of weeks if she responds as I expect. But she presents with complications. I’m not sure what’s underlying. That’s why you’re here.”

Glory focused on the little girl, her examination thorough. She teased the child, cajoled her, tried to engage her in some play activity, but the tiny girl remained stoically unresponsive to all the toys, her blue eyes empty of expression.

“I don’t suppose the mom came along?” she asked, finally handing the child back to the attending nurse.

Jared grimaced.

“Mom’s also in hospital, burned trying to save Maria. She’s not able to be released, so baby’s here by herself.”

“I see.” Glory scanned the chart, paused to take in some detail. “I don’t know. Yet. But I will figure it out,” she promised, handing back the orders. “Now, I want you to look at someone for me.”

“Okay.” Jared walked beside her through the wards. Past days of quiet contemplation were mostly over thanks to the array of projects Glory kept lining up.

Apparently Agapé had reached the culmination of her Valentine-making project. He already knew that the kitchen was busy baking special treats for the occasion, which happened to be a Saturday, the one day of the week free of everything but the most necessary treatments. One reason the kids loved Saturdays. He paused to watch two children manipulate the beads they’d been given.

“Brings a whole new take to the theories on restoring dexterity,” he murmured so only she could hear.

“Dr. Steele says you’re doing a wonderful job,” she told the group, slanting him a look. “He’d love to have one of your creations, if you have time.”

Animation skittered through the ranks as the school-age kids rushed to reassure him they’d create Valentines especially for his office walls.

Glory was giggling as they left and headed for the next ward.

“You took pleasure in doing that, didn’t you?”

“Yes. It’s so much fun to watch your face get that panicked look.”

“I do not get panicked.”

“Really?” She dragged him over to look into a mirror hanging above a sink. “What’s that, then?”

“Scholarly contemplation,” he shot back. Then Jared realized where they were going. His stomach sank. “Glory, I don’t want—”

“Oh, hush.” She almost flew over to the small boy struggling to paste a paper heart onto a paper plate and knelt beside him. “Hello, darling. Can I help?”

For the first time Jared was jealous of a child. She lavished affection on him, her hand constantly touching his face, brushing his head. Despite her actions, Jared couldn’t help but notice the awkward way Bennie handled the glue bottle, keeping his arm at his side so as not to stress the muscles and pull on the corrugated skin that had begun to fuse together. Glory worked with him, coaxing him to try different methods that showed more clearly than words that Bennie needed grafts and soon.

Jared pulled out a small notebook and began writing notes for himself. She was right. Bennie would be a perfect subject. His skin tone was the kind that repaired well. The minor grafts Jared had already done seemed to heal cleanly. If he could only—

Stop!

He looked up, found Glory’s gaze on him and knew he’d fallen into her trap, begun to imagine doing the surgery in spite of his oath never to try it again.

He opened his mouth to tell her no.

“Am I going to get better?”

The soft-voiced query made Jared gulp. No prevarication there. Just an honest question from a little boy who needed the truth.

In that moment he was struck again by Bennie’s likeness to Nicholas. Same big questioning gaze, same dark hair that pushed away from his skull in disobedient tufts. Same lithe grace as he flopped down on the floor to hunt for the little red heart that had gotten away.

Hunkering down beside the child, Jared waited until the boy was seated on the chair again, and then brushed back the flop of hair that wouldn’t stay out of Bennie’s eyes.

“You’re already getting better, aren’t you?”

So solemnly the dark head nodded. “But my shoulder hurts sometimes.”

“Yes, because your body is trying to get rid of the skin that isn’t any good. It’s making new skin so you won’t hurt as much.”

Not a great explanation but Bennie seemed to understand.

“Will it always hurt so much?” Innocent brown eyes waited for an answer Jared didn’t have.

“I hope not.”

Glory and the nurse were busy with another child, so Jared got the boy back to work on his project, then hurried away. The sight of that damaged shoulder haunted him so badly that after he’d checked with Leilani he locked himself in his lab to review his files on the last fatal graft he’d done. If he could only find—

But in his heart Jared knew there was nothing to be seen in the tapes, nothing wrong with the procedure he’d completed.

The problem was something else.

Something beyond his control.

“S
ure you understand?” Jared asked the private nurse who’d arrived half an hour earlier, while it was still daylight.

“Yes, Doctor.”

“Good. I’m going to visit with Sister Phil while she eats her dinner, so feel free to take a break for half an hour.”

She nodded, left the room. Jared turned to his favorite patient, noted her pallor.

“So autocratic,” Sister Phil teased. “The poor girl was shaking in her shoes.”

“Good.”

“Pretend all you like, Jared. I know you’re a marshmallow inside.”

“Especially for you.” He sat down beside her bed, opened the thermos he’d brought and poured out two cups of strong rich coffee. One he laced with cream and sugar then handed it to her.

Sister Phil accepted the cup, closed her eyes and breathed in the aroma, a smile fluttering across her lips. “Oh, that’s wonderful.”

“I thought you asked me to bring that so you could drink it,” he complained, lifting the cover from one of the plates he’d brought along. “Try some with this.”

“Glory,” she guessed, smiling at the fruit slices arranged in happy faces. “Did she decorate yours, too?”

He lifted the lid, showed her the carrot-curl hair, radish cheeks, olive eyes. Sister Philomena chuckled.

“She just can’t help herself,” she wheezed.

He slid her breathing apparatus into place.

“When she found out I was coming here for dinner with you, she insisted on packing everything herself. I’m not sure our cook appreciated her interference.”

“Don’t be silly. Glory will have charmed him as she does everyone.”

“Yeah.” He gave a laconic smile, knowing it was true.

“How’s Bennie?”

“You, too?” he asked.

“How can I help but fall in love with such an adorable boy?”

“You’ve seen him?” he asked, then felt foolish for asking such a silly question.

“Glory brings me pictures every day.” She sucked on an orange slice. When the juice dribbled down her chin he wiped it away. “Thank you. She loves that child, Jared.”

“She loves all of them. I warned her about getting too emotionally involved but it does no good.”

“Of course not.” Sister blinked. “Loving children is part of who Glory is. She couldn’t stop herself even if she wanted to. But Bennie has taken up permanent residence in her heart. She talks about him nonstop, revels in his accomplishments as if she’s his mother.”

He set his fruit aside, picked up another dish and studied her.

“You’re worried.”

“So are you.” She put down the paper-thin slice of watermelon, picked up a biscuit instead. “What about when the boy’s parents come for him?”

He took a bite of his chicken salad. “His parents and sister died in the same fire that injured him. I don’t think he has any family.”

The biscuit tumbled out of her fingers as she laid her head against the pillows, too weary to sit up unaided. “Whoever it is, she will be hurt. I don’t want that, Jared. I don’t want to see her suffer anymore.”

Anymore? What did that mean?

She’d eaten almost nothing. He lifted her plate away.

“Glory is a doctor. She knows all about separation.” He eyed dessert. Cherry pie. An hour of swimming should work it off.

“You like her, don’t you, Jared?” Sister’s brown eyes probed deeply.

For some reason he hesitated before answering.

“Of course. She’s a good doctor.”

“I don’t mean just as a doctor. I mean as a person.” Her frail hand brushed his cheek. Her smile bloomed. “I can tell.”

Why deny it?

“Yes, I do like her.”

“Tell me why.”

“She’s like a change of air, a fresh breeze. She’s so completely herself, no matter what. She doesn’t let anything stop her from getting what she wants.” Which bothered him a lot.

“You balance each other so well,” Sister murmured. “Your strengths and hers combine, you bring out the best in each other.”

He put down his cup, studied that oh-so-blasé look.

“No.”

“I beg your pardon?” Innocence personified. As if.

“Do not start thinking in those terms, Philomena.”

“I’m too old for you to call by my first name.”

“Too old and too crafty by far,” he agreed. “But I’m serious. GloryAnn is a great doctor, a very nice person and I admire her greatly, but it ends there.”

“Does it?” Sister’s lids lifted to show him her ingenuousness. “Whoever suggested anything else?”

Jared opened his mouth then clamped it shut around a hard roll, which the woman under discussion had included with his meal.

“Are you still mourning Diana?” Her whisper-soft question filled the room.

In that moment he accepted the truth. “I loved her very much. I miss her. But she’s gone now and I can’t bring her back. That part of my life is over. I’ve accepted that.”

“And Nicholas?”

The throb of pain still shafted deeply into his soul, but Jared could regroup more quickly now.

“You still blame God for taking him.” It was not a question.

“Not only God,” he grated, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

“Give up on revenge, Jared. It only hurts you.”

She knew as well as he that he could not do that without betraying those he’d loved. So Jared calmly continued with his meal.

“Death is such an odd thing.” Her voice faded away as if she’d fallen asleep, but rallied moments later. “One day you’re here, the next,
pfft!
Time is so precious.”

“I thought you believed in Heaven.”

“Any sane person believes in Heaven. But that’s eternity. I’ll have all the time I want there. It’s here on earth that’s the problem.”

“Why?”

She struggled to sit up, gladly accepted his hand of support. But when she was comfortable Sister Phil didn’t let go; instead she wrapped her other arm around his neck and drew him close.

“I love you as if you were my own son,” she whispered.

“I love you, too, Philomena.” A tear dribbled down her cheek and he lifted it away on the tip of his index finger, stunned by the wealth of feeling she was exposing. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Are you in pain?”

She nodded but stayed his hand when he would have reached for the syringe.

“Not that kind of pain. My heart hurts for you, Jared. Son.”

His throat clogged at the love in her sweet voice.

“I see the bitterness, the anger in you, and I know the damage it will do to your heart. You think God is against you, that He wants to punish you, to steal that which you loved. But that is not God’s way.”

“You don’t have to—”

“Hush now,” she whispered, finger against his lips. “Let me say what’s in my heart.”

He nodded.

“No one knows how many days they have on this earth. Time passes so quickly. Yesterday I was a young girl bound and determined to serve God. Today I am an old woman and I don’t know where the time has gone. I did not even do half of what I wanted, accomplished so few of my goals. But time did not wait for me. And it will not wait for you.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Will you?” Sadness leached the peace from her face, worry etched tiny lines around her eyes. “How, when you refuse to accept the love of the One who loves you most?”

“Phil—”

“True love, the strongest love you will ever know. He is love, everything in Him and around Him and about Him adores you. He cannot be otherwise, for you are His child every bit as much as Nicholas was yours.”

“I can’t accept that a God of love would have allowed my family to die like that.”

“But you must! Don’t you see, Jared? It is only in surrender, in accepting that His will is best, however difficult that may be, it is only then that you will truly be free to move on to the future He has prepared for you.”

Her strength faded and she withered against the pillows, a mere shadow of the woman he’d known. Jared checked her pulse, opened the drip a little wider to allow more of the sedative to flow. He bathed her forehead with a clean cloth, drew the thin blanket up around her neck.

“Rest now,” he whispered, brushing his lips against her cheek.

“Listen to Glory,” she murmured, her words slurring as the morphine took effect. “She will help you face the truth. Trust Glory.”

Jared kept his vigil until her thin chest rose and dropped in a rhythm that told him she was resting comfortably. He set the dishes outside her door to be packaged up when the nurse returned, refilled her water jug with ice and tossed out the faded flowers, replacing them with some he cut from her little garden.

Then there was nothing he could do. Nothing anyone could do.

Sister Phil did not have many more days with them. She’d faithfully served God for many years, given herself so that now, at the end, she had nothing left.

Of all people, she did not deserve to suffer this way.

Why?
his heart raged. His soul wept at the silence.

At two in the morning, after several emergencies, Glory finally found a free moment to pad down the hallway to the infants’ ward to check on Maria. The little girl had been fretful. Glory needed to make sure she was not suffering needlessly.

The night nurse sat sipping a cup of tea.

“Everything okay?” Glory asked as she glanced around the room. Maria’s bed was empty. “Where is she?”

The nurse beckoned as she walked across to the half-open patio door that led to an outdoor balcony and pointed. Glory could see someone seated at the far end, in a rocking chair, holding a child. The soft hum of a lullaby carried to them on night-wind zephyrs.

“She was fractious. You were busy, so Dr. Steele came. He’s been out there with her for several hours. He seems to have the knack of settling her.”

“Apparently.”

Since she was no longer needed and was technically off shift, Glory went to sit by Bennie, to watch his little face wrinkle and stretch as dreams flickered through his mind.

“I love you, Bennie,” she whispered, brushing his petal-soft cheek with her lips. “And I don’t know how to help you.”

“Mama?” he moaned.

“Yes, honey. It’s Mama,” Glory murmured, glad no one was near enough to hear. She rearranged his shirt so it didn’t pull against his wound, straightened his blankets. Then there was nothing else to do.

She should go home, go to bed, but she knew she wouldn’t sleep. So Glory sat by Bennie’s bedside, his hand folded in hers as she prayed for God to help this precious child. But every time her eyes closed she saw Jared Steele folded into a rocking chair far too small for him, cradling a little girl who hurt.

At dawn one of the nurses tapped her shoulder. Glory lifted her head from the bed, rubbed the back of her aching neck. Bennie wiggled when she kissed him, but he didn’t wake up. She lifted his red sailboat from the floor, tucked it by his bed. If she hung around longer, she’d wake him. Glory decided to go for a swim.

In her cottage she changed, then tucked her Bible into her beach bag. Sitting on the sand, with the waves lapping at her feet, was the perfect place to talk to God about her confusion. She was almost finished her prayer for Bennie when a rattle on the path behind her drew her from her introspection.

Jared. Judging by the fan of lines around his mouth and the redness of his eyes, he’d also had little sleep.

“Am I disturbing you?’

“Of course not. I’m psyching myself up to go in.” She grimaced. “The water always feels cooler in the morning.”

“Hmm.” Clearly he didn’t feel the same for he dropped his towel, waded in and immediately began swimming toward the deep.

“Good morning to you, too,” she muttered. But it was too lovely a day to be grumpy, so she swam a few laps, went through her usual aquacize routine and then lazed on her back, watching the fluffy clouds scud across the blue sky.

“Are you still interested in coming to Honolulu today—with me?” Jared asked.

Glory flailed in the water for a moment, surprised that he was so near, that she hadn’t heard him approach. His hand grabbed, helped her find her footing.

“Yes, I am. Unless you don’t want company.”

“It’s not that.”

But it was something. She could tell from the way his forehead pleated.

“I don’t need an escort,” she assured him. “Just tell me where and when to meet you and I’ll be fine.”

“I have a couple of meetings. I’ll be tied up most of the day. But we could have dinner later, if you like.”

“It’s not necessary.” What meetings?

“Can you be ready to leave in two hours?”

“Sure.”

“Good. See you later.” He waded out of the water, toweled down and pulled on a T-shirt and shoes before jogging up the hill.

Suddenly the sea didn’t offer the same balm it had before his arrival. Glory emerged from the water chilled, and not just by the air.

Something was wrong and she didn’t understand what. Maria? Sister Phil?

God, I feel like I’m missing something. I want to help Jared but I don’t want to intrude. Please show me how I can be an extension of You.

She gathered her things, returned home to shower and change, leaving just enough time to check on Bennie. He smiled at her with his usual sunny good humor, handed her the Valentine he’d made with the nurses’ help.

“It’s lovely, darling.” She thanked him with a hug, savoring the feel of his chubby arm around her neck as he laid his cheek against her chest. The other arm he kept tucked at his side, proof that the tightening skin was restricting his range of motion. He clung to her hand as she moved around the ward. Eventually he perched on her knee, waiting for her to read his book.

Bennie’s happy gurgle of laughter at the story’s silly conclusion squeezed her heart. He was so precious, so dear. How could Jared not help him?

She coaxed him to play finger games until it was almost time to leave.

“Have a wonderful Valentine’s party with the nurses, Bennie,” Glory whispered in his ear. Bennie was finally persuaded to let go of her hand, but he ran back for a hug just before she walked through the door.

“I think someone has a crush on you.” The nurse winked.

“I have a crush on someone, also,” Glory told her, heart aching as a nurse encouraged him to toss the ball. He didn’t even try to use his injured side.