Heart of a Texan (18 page)

Roberta was nearly overcome by the warm reception. She welcomed Mrs. Pender’s genuine concern and blushed when the doctor whispered that being locked away with Nate twenty-four hours a day was a perfect opportunity to get him to the altar before some enterprising woman stole him away. She was pleased to discover the ranchers were as concerned about her safety as they were about having their names cleared of suspicion. The preacher even praised her for bringing to church twenty men who’d never previously darkened its doors. Not used to such attention, she was relieved when the service ended. But rather than make her escape to the ranch, Nate said he was taking her to eat at Boone’s restaurant. After that, they were going to see the sheriff. Nate said it was time they came up with a way to end the stalemate.

Roberta had rarely eaten at Boone’s restaurant. Nate never had. Their appearance together was something of a minor social event. Within twenty minutes the restaurant was filled with people Roberta was sure hadn’t eaten there more often than she had. What surprised her most was that nearly everyone spoke to her, offered to help any way they could, and said they hoped the guilty people would soon be found so she wouldn’t have to live in fear. Roberta had never felt that she was part of the community, but it was apparent the people of Slender Creek did. Still, she was relieved when the meal was over. She was uncomfortable knowing everyone in the room was watching her, wondering what she was thinking, coming up with their own version of the relationship between her and Nate.

The sheriff wasn’t happy to see them.

“It’s Sunday,” he complained when he answered the door.

“Murder never takes a day off,” Nate told him.

“Come in,” the sheriff grudgingly invited. “My wife has gone to visit her sister.”

“This isn’t a social visit,” Nate reminded him.

Roberta had never felt particularly nostalgic about the house she left in Virginia or the farmhouse her father had built, but frilly curtains at the windows of the sheriff’s home, knotted rag rugs scattered over the board floor, comfortable chairs in soft colors, and decorative touches that softened the edges of western austerity made her long for a real home of her own. It was feminine without losing any of the strength and individualism associated with Texas. For the first time, she didn’t feel like Texas was an alien land.

“What have you got in mind?” the sheriff asked as soon as they were seated.

“We need to think of something that will bring the attackers out in the open. As long as they stay in hiding, there’s no chance of catching them. You know I believe Laveau has someone locally helping him.”

“I don’t agree with you, but let’s forget that for the moment.”

“Every rancher needs to know where his cowhands are every hour of every day. If that means checking on them in the middle of the night, that’s what they have to do. If it means bringing them in from the range so they can sleep in the bunkhouse, they have to do that as well. I’m including myself,” Nate added before the sheriff could object. “I’ve been more negligent than anyone. I can’t expect the other ranchers to do something I’m not willing to do myself.”

“They’re not going to like it, but they’ll do it,” the sheriff said. “When you insisted somebody local had to be involved, they started suspecting each other.”

“Laveau is not going to step out in the open, so our only choice is to find out who’s helping him.”

“So how do you plan to draw them out of hiding?”

“I’m going to rebuild my house,” Roberta said. “Do you have a better suggestion?”

“If this Laveau character is really after one or both of you, you could be the bait in a trap.”

“That’s an option I’m willing to consider, but not with Roberta,” Nate said. “Laveau is really after me. I feel guilty that I’ve somehow caused her family to suffer through no fault of their own.”

“She could sell her ranch and leave. That would solve everybody’s problem.”

Roberta disagreed. “Someone killed my father and Carlin, and tried to kill me. That won’t change regardless of where Nate might go.”

The sheriff didn’t look pleased “Neither one of you lives in Slender Creek, but you’ve brought your troubles down on us.”

Nate’s reaction was instantaneous. “If you don’t like your job, or are afraid to do it, you ought to resign. You were hired to defend everyone in the county, not just the people who live in town.”

For a moment Roberta was afraid the two men would get into an argument, but the sheriff backed down. Maybe he recognized that as a veteran of the war, Nate wouldn’t respect anyone who appeared reluctant to face danger. Maybe he realized others might think like Nate.

“Let me know when you start rebuilding,” the sheriff said. “I’ll see about getting someone to watch at night.”

“The ranchers have volunteered to help any way they can,” Roberta told him.

“Do they know you intend to rebuild?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t trust any of them, do you?”

“Until I know who’s helping diViere, I won’t know who I can trust.”

“That’s if this Laveau character is involved like you think he is.”

“You’d better hope so,” Nate told him. “If not, you’ve got a cold-blooded murderer living in Slender Creek.”

***

Roberta could tell there was something different about this evening. It wasn’t just that Nate looked at her differently. She
felt
different. And not just because she was wearing a new dress. Not just because Nate seemed more handsome than ever. There came a point in every relationship when it either made that essential leap forward, or it began a slow retreat.

She had been at Nate’s ranch for more than a week, long enough for the initial uneasiness to wear off. Long enough for the initial excitement to fade. Long enough for her confinement to cause boredom to set in. Long enough for her to become impatient to leave.

None of that had happened. Every moment with him increased her desire for more time to spend with him. The more she knew about him, the more she wanted to know. He rarely mentioned his brother—he
never
mentioned his parents—but she knew they had cast a shadow over him that he hadn’t been able to shake. She was determined to discover the hold they had on him and break it. But that was for another time. Tonight was to be enjoyed for whatever promise it would bring.

Nate looked at her across the table. “Would you like anything else to eat?”

“I think I’d better stop. It was a delicious dinner, and I don’t want to spoil it.”

Benny had spent every afternoon for the last week preparing a series of dinners so extravagant each one surpassed the previous one. According to Grady, the hands hardly knew what they were eating. Roberta wasn’t familiar with everything, either—Benny’s Italian heritage had found its way into his food—but it was all delicious.

“More wine?”

That was the newest addition. Nate was used to wine because it was part of Cade’s wife’s Spanish and French heritage. From what she knew of the effects of beer and liquor, Roberta had approached it with trepidation. She was surprised to find she liked it. “I haven’t finished my glass.”

“Why don’t we take it on the porch? It’s a lovely evening.”

Since going to church for the first time, they had been to town twice. They had also started spending time outside the house, even though Nate didn’t like to venture farther than the porch or a walk around the house for a little exercise. Roberta leaned against the porch rail and looked out over the flat prairie that spread before her in all directions. Not long ago it had looked like an alien landscape. She had missed her Virginia mountains often shrouded in a blue haze. She felt the absence of the tree-covered hills that protected her small town from the winter winds that whistled down the valley. She missed the colors of fall and the snow that often covered the ground at Christmas.

Somehow, without her knowing it, that had changed. The mountains had become roadblocks that closed her off from the rest of the world, the changing leaves a harbinger of a long, difficult winter.

The Texas prairie, once a barren and inhospitable landscape, had taken on a new character. Its openness was an invitation to become part of its heartbeat. The brown of winter was offset by the burst of color that heralded the arrival of spring, the gnarled, sturdy oaks a testimonial to their survival. Even the lowly cactus, a plant she once considered one of nature’s least desirable creations, had become a fellow traveler that offered flowers and fruit. And the grass, the countless miles of it that waved in the spring breeze and braved the summer heat, the foundation of an economy that depended on cows to survive.

Now that she had come to understand this place called Texas, she could see its roughness was an essential part of its strength, could respect the perseverance required of those who chose to make it their home, could accept its bounty without bemoaning that which it withheld.

“What are you looking at?” Nate asked.

“At so much I never saw before.”

“Is that a good thing?”

She turned and smiled. “It’s a very good thing. I don’t know why I could never see any of this before.”

Nate came to stand beside her. “What do you see?”

“That Texas is a place I could learn to call home.”

“What has changed?”

The answer was simple. “You.”

“I don’t understand.”

She smiled again, cupped his cheek with her hand. He didn’t understand his own worth, something else she intended to change. “I wanted to go back to Virginia because I was trying to recapture the past. It took seeing Carl to realize the past existed more in my imagination than in reality. I blamed Texas for the trouble over the dam, my father’s death, my not becoming part of the community. I failed to see that it’s the people who matter, not where you live. Most important of all, I failed to see you for who you are.”

Nate looked so surprised she leaned forward to give him a quick kiss. Instead, Nate reached for her, folded her into a crushing embrace, and kissed her with such force she was certain her lips would be bruised. But all thought of that was swept away by the passion behind the kiss, by the heat that roared through her with the speed of a wildfire. Her words had unleashed some hard-held emotion that exploded from its captivity inside Nate with such force that his whole body shook. A moment later, he realized he was holding Roberta with uncomfortable pressure. He released her, shocked at what he’d done.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Do you want to go inside?”

“It only hurt a little. Anyway, I don’t want to go inside. I might miss the chance you’d kiss me like that again.”

He looked confused. “I hurt you. Don’t deny it.”

“You couldn’t kiss me like that unless your feelings for me were so strong you couldn’t control them. Do you know how wonderful it is to know I can instill such feelings in a man like you? It makes me feel important, powerful, no longer
a
woman
people
ignore
.”

Surprise held him silent a moment. “How can I make you feel powerful? I’m not important. I’ve never done anything worth remembering.”

“You did several things important to me. You gave my father good advice, defended him against the other ranchers, and encouraged him to stand his ground. And you forgave me for shooting you.”

“That was nothing.”

“You sent Carlin, Grady, and Webb to help me rebuild my barn and stand watch over me. When that wasn’t enough, you brought me to your ranch and reordered everything for my safety and comfort.”

“I’m in love with you. I’d have to kill anybody who hurt you.”

“Don’t you understand what it means to have a man feel that strongly about you, to do that much for you even when he should have been concentrating on recovering from a gunshot wound?”

“Any man would do the same.”

“Any man didn’t.
You
did.” She couldn’t tell whether he didn’t believe her or was
afraid
to believe her. “You’ve spent your life doing things for other people. Taking care of your brother, fighting in the war, helping your friend defend his ranch from squatters, and trying to bring Laveau to justice for things he’s done to others, some of them strangers you’ve never seen. You helped my father, and now you’re helping me. You’re even trying to help the ranchers prove they weren’t responsible for my father’s death.”

“Is that how you see what I’ve done?” The idea seemed incredible to him.

“How else can I see it?”

“That I failed to protect my brother or bring Laveau to justice.”

“No one succeeds at everything. What’s most important is that you tried.”

“Do you
really
believe that?”

“Yes. Besides, you convinced me you’re the most wonderful man in Texas, and I’d be a fool to let anyone else marry you.”

His smile was slow in coming, but when it finally bloomed, his blue eyes sparkled with happiness. “So you’ve finally decided to marry me. Since Prudence dislikes men, I was beginning to think I might have to settle for Blossom.”

The idea of Prudence and Nate together threatened to pitch Roberta into a fit of giggles. “You thought no such thing. You knew I was in love with you. I told you.”

“You said you can’t marry me yet. That gives you plenty of time to wiggle out of your commitment.”

Being reminded of her refusal to marry him drew a cloud over her mood. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it.”

“I won’t rush you, but I do have a request.”

“What is that?”

“Will you make love to me?”

In that moment, Roberta knew what was different about this evening. She hadn’t had the courage to put it into words, but she wanted to make love to Nate. It didn’t matter that Prudence would be horrified, that the women of Slender Creek would disapprove, that some would say it was what she’d been doing all along. She loved Nate and wanted to be with him in this most meaningful way. It annoyed her that he could put this change in their relationship into words when she couldn’t.

How should she answer? A simple yes couldn’t express how much she looked forward to being in his arms. A mere look or a nod of her head was cowardly, indicative of a reluctance she didn’t feel. Yet a lot of words were unnecessary. “I was hoping you would ask me.”

He seemed unprepared for her quick acceptance.

“If you didn’t believe I wanted to make love to you as much as you wanted to make love to me, why would you ask?”

“Women don’t always express their love the way men do.”

Roberta repressed a laugh. “I’m not going to ask you to explain that.”

Nate breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. I was trying to decide whether to claim a sudden illness or state that I’d heard a noise I needed to investigate.”

Roberta did laugh. “I’d rather you tell me why you chose this night.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for days but telling myself I couldn’t say anything because it might scare you away. Tonight the words came out on their own.”

“Are you saying you’re so deeply in love with me you can’t control your own words?”

“I wasn’t going to put it that way, but that just about describes it. If I could
say
the things I want to say,
do
the things I want to do, you’d probably saddle a horse and ride straight to town.”

The sun had disappeared beyond the horizon leaving the earth swathed in a bluish haze that deepened the shadows and turned the trees into inky splotches set against the orange-streaked sky. The heat of the day had begun to subside, hastened on its way by a gentle breeze.

“I promise to hear you out before I decide whether to stay or run away.”

Nate took her hands. “I know you won’t run away. I’m just afraid of asking too much.”

“I’ve said I want to make love to you. What more could be too much?”

“You’re not here by choice. You’re living in fear of being harmed without reason. The situation has given rise to a lot of cruel speculation. Under the circumstances, anything I say or do could be too much.”

Roberta squeezed Nate’s hands and tugged them to her breast. “The events of last few weeks have forced me to learn a lot in a short time. I know what I want to do with the farm right now, and what I want to do with it in the future. I know why I thought I wanted to go back to Virginia, and I know why I thought I disliked Texas. Most important, I know I’m in love with you, that I want to be your wife, and that I want to make love to you as soon as you’ll let me. What other people think of my choices isn’t important. Only what you think.”

Nate tugged his hands from Roberta’s grasp, put them around her waist, and pulled her to him. “I never thought the day would come when a woman would say that to me. That you should be that woman… well, it takes my breath away. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, but if you’ll tell me what it was, I promise to do it as often as possible.”

“You’re supposed to make me tremble with passion, not shake with laughter.”

“I mean it with every fiber of my being.”

“I know. I just find it hard to believe anybody can care that much about what I think.”

“Even the man who loves you?”

“Nobody has ever loved me the way you do. It’ll take some time to get used to.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to it.”

“Let’s make a pact. Whenever one of us says or does something wonderful or unexpected, no matter how far it is from anything we ever believed could happen, we will do our best to… no… we
will
believe it.”

Nate’s hold on her tightened. “We will not doubt that we deserve to be loved as few people have been loved. We will listen to no one but each other. We won’t hesitate to say we could live a day without each other but fervently hope we’ll never have to. Now let’s seal all we’ve promised with a kiss.”

Roberta didn’t need any prompting. She had been yearning to wrap her arms around Nate’s neck and pull him down into a kiss of such power she’d feel weak in the knees. Nor did the kiss disappoint her. It was neither subtle nor tentative. It reached out and claimed her for its own. There was no room for hesitation, no possibility of resistance. She yielded willingly.

She hadn’t thought it possible, but this kiss was different from all the rest. Its meaning didn’t come from the power or the passion behind it, but rather from their embracing a love that needed no explanation, justification, or ratification. It was complete in itself, binding them together with a permanence beyond that of ceremonies or documents. When they broke the kiss, she felt as if final approval had been granted to their union. Without a word, they turned and went inside.

Roberta had never seen Nate’s bedroom. Like the rest of the house, it contained no pictures or personal items that reflected the man who lived there. The dull yellow walls were bare, flat surfaces empty, bedspread and chair coverings plain, colors predominantly shades of brown. The room might be in character with the man Nate used to be, but it had nothing in common with the man he’d become. The single lighted lamp by the bedside cast the room in a pale yellow glow that hinted at a welcome, a bit of warmth, and a softening of the near emptiness of the room.

Nate’s kisses were gentle and persuasive, inviting her to join him as he explored what it meant to belong completely to another person. He placed kisses at random spots—her lips, the corner of her mouth, her cheek, nose, ears, and back to her mouth—before pausing to give her an opportunity to do the same.

She had to stand on her tiptoes and pull his head down. She liked that he was tall. She liked even better that he was within reach. She’d never thought to explore the possibilities of a kiss like this, but was eager to begin. His lips were soft, his cheeks rough, his forehead smooth, his nose teasing. She especially liked the feel of him, the power in his arms, the breadth of his shoulders, the firmness of his back. She liked leaning against that strength, being wrapped in it, being protected by it. She loved the freedom to explore him even as he explored her. It not only signified that she was an equal in this relationship, it opened to her the excitement of claiming as her own the body of the man nature had created for her.

By this simple gesture, Nate had opened himself to her and had said:
I
am
yours. Take me.

Roberta felt humbled by the enormity of such a gift. At the same time, she was aware of the enormous responsibility such a gift brought with it. She had always assumed she would place all that she was in the hands of the man she married, to be loved and valued any way he chose. She hadn’t imagined he would do the same.

Breaking off the last kiss, she wrapped her arms around him, moved into his welcoming embrace, and rested her head on his shoulder. There was something about being close to him, about pressing her body against his, that confirmed what she was feeling. There was warmth, security, strength, a place to belong, a place where she fit. And the questions and worries were held at bay. She felt at peace. Safe.

Nate started to work the buttons on the back of her dress, but she didn’t have much thought to give to that when he was nuzzling her neck, scattering kisses along her jaw, and tugging provocatively on her earlobe. The experience was novel and exhilarating. She’d never thought kisses on her neck could kindle such sensations in her any more than she’d attributed the same capability to her earlobes. Or her back. Or any other place Nate chose to kiss or touch. Her body was host to several small fires that threatened to unite and turn into a conflagration.

Her mother had never told her that being in love and being held by a man could be like this. Her father had never talked about love at all. Blossom hadn’t talked about anything other than the practical advantages of marriage. Except for Joe, Prudence had treated all men like a plague. How could Roberta have anticipated such a wondrous experience? It was impossible to think rationally. It was hard to think at all. She didn’t even want to. She wanted to abandon herself to the moment, to luxuriate in everything sensual, for fear it would never be like this again.

She didn’t realize Nate had finished unfastening the buttons at the back of her dress until he slipped it off one shoulder and covered the newly exposed flesh with kisses. Tremors raced through her body causing her to lean against Nate for support. Weakness invaded her limbs, yet she was buoyed by an energy that burned through her like a smoldering fire. She offered no resistance when he slipped the dress from her other shoulder and let it fall to her waist.

Gathering what little of her wits she could summon, she began to unbutton Nate’s shirt. The kisses he planted on her neck and scattered down her arms caused her fingers to fumble, but the sight of Nate’s bare chest kept her at her task. The scar from his gunshot wound momentarily startled her, but placing her hands flat against his warm skin enabled her to overcome her shyness.

She had never touched a man in this way. She wasn’t sure she’d even thought of doing it. It was a kind of intimacy she hadn’t thought possible… or even desirable. She’d been wrong. It was quite possible and very desirable. She let her hands play over Nate’s chest, luxuriating in the warmth of him, soaking up the feel of him, marveling at the play of muscles under his skin, drinking in the sight of him as she pushed the shirt off his shoulders. It was an exotic experience, something completely alien to her, but something she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

She lost her way when Nate turned his attentions to her breasts. When he undid her shift, she was prepared to feel his hands on her sensitive skin, not his mouth. She gasped for breath, her body went rigid, her hands froze in place.

“Did I hurt you?”

It was a struggle to utter the single syllable, “No.” Thoroughly aroused, her body responded on its own to a stimulation that was at once unanticipated and nearly unbearable in its intensity. She moved against Nate until he took her nipple in his mouth. Lost to sensation, she found herself removing clothing until she stood naked.

Nate seemed almost as surprised as she was, but not so astonished he couldn’t remove his own clothes nearly as quickly.

Nate was beautiful. And he was frightening. Over the years she’d come up with various hazy images of how she thought the perfect man would look. That image had become concrete when she fell in love with Nate. It became luminous in its beauty as he stood before her. It was his arousal that made her edgy. It looked more like a weapon than an instrument of love.

“I won’t hurt you.”

She struggled to believe him.

“If anything makes you uncomfortable, let me know and I’ll stop.”

She couldn’t imagine stopping now. Not even her trepidation could make her draw back.

Nate drew her over to the bed. He lay down and invited her to lie beside him. Roberta steeled herself for what would happen next. Her anxieties were calmed when Nate took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. He continued to kiss her as his hands moved over her breasts, along her side, across her back, and down to her thighs. His touch was a gentle caress, but it left a trail of flame in its wake that enveloped her body, until she was unable to remain still. She didn’t know what to do, how to tell him. On one hand she wanted the torment to stop. On the other, she hoped it would never end. She alternately pressed against him then pulled away.

When his hand moved between her thighs, she was certain she wanted to roll away. Instead, she pressed forward to meet him. When his finger invaded her, she intended to flee but found herself wanting more. When that came, she wasn’t sure she would survive. She jumped so sharply Nate withdrew.

“I hurt you.”

“No.” She tried to explain, but she wouldn’t have been able to get the words out even if she’d been able to put them together.

Nate pulled away. “Maybe we’d better not—”

“No!” She pulled him to her. “Don’t stop. It didn’t hurt. I just didn’t expect it to be so… powerful.” That wasn’t the right word, but she couldn’t think of a term that combined explosive force with mind-numbing pleasure. She didn’t want to try. She just wanted to feel that way again. When he placed his hand on her hip, she moved it lower. When he was reluctant to enter her, she pushed against him.

She braced herself for an explosive force. Instead she felt a gentle, sweet pleasure that grew steadily until it flooded her whole being with a yearning that was a combination of pleasure and an aching need for release. She felt suspended between the two, waiting for the tension to break.

When it did, rather than feel let down, she was sent spinning into the air only to float gently back to earth. As she did, Nate entered her.

Before she could be fearful that she couldn’t contain him, he began a gentle movement within her that started her soaring once more. She rose to meet him, fell away, and rose again. Gradually she fell deeper and deeper into the embrace of an experience that seemed to take her out of herself, to separate her from the world that surrounded her. Then she gradually lost contact with her body. All that remained was a cauldron of acutely heightened sensual pleasures that threatened to shatter her being and scatter it to the winds.

When it finally did shatter, she felt disembodied, like a light that burst into a fierce glow in a dark world. She was vaguely aware of Nate reaching his climax and joining her in the knowledge that she had been transformed. In this moment, she had been created anew.

***

A knock on the door awakened Roberta. In the same moment she remembered making love to Nate the previous evening, she realized she was in her own bedroom. She was also naked. She was surprised she hadn’t come awake when Nate moved her. She certainly would have if he’d attempted to redress her.