Heart of the Matter (21 page)

“So you’re saying you don’t want to see me anymore?”

“Yes, Sandra. I’m sorry, I really am, but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us, so it’s best to end it now.”

“But I thought we were having a good time,” Sandra argued.

“That’s just it,” Ellen replied. “I want more than a good time, and I think I’ve found it.”

There was another pause, so lengthy Ellen thought she’d lost the connection.

“I see. So it’s someone else, is that it?”

“Yes.”

Ellen had nothing more to say. She felt that way about Kate, but the greater question was if Kate did as well. But even if Kate didn’t, Ellen couldn’t settle for less.

“I guess that’s it, then.”

“I guess so.”

“Good-bye, Ellen.”

“Good-bye, Sandra.”

Ellen flipped the lid closed. She sighed, releasing the tension in her stomach. That was easier than she thought it would be. She had to do it, especially now. Her father’s health brought everything into perspective for her.

Life was too short not to try for what she wanted. If she didn’t make a full-out effort to be with Kate now, she never would. Never again would she be so close to having the woman she’d always desired, and she couldn’t let anything, or anyone, get in her way. All she had to do now was drive home and find out how Kate felt.

When Ellen stepped off the elevator to her floor, a maintenance man stood on a ladder replacing light bulbs in the hallway fixture. She stepped around him, walked directly to Kate’s door, and knocked.

“If you’re looking for the lady who lives there, she left about ten minutes ago.”

Ellen frowned. So Kate actually had gone out on her own. Well, that was good, wasn’t it? It showed courage and was the first step in getting on with her life.

“Thanks,” she replied. Once home, she thought about doing some work, but her mind wouldn’t stay still. Finding General Beau belly up in a patch of sunlight by the sliding glass doors, she sat and petted him for a few minutes. He stretched and rolled, letting her scratch every part of his body. She was about to quit when she heard a sound in the hallway and went to investigate. Peering through the peephole, she saw Kate enter her condo. Her heart rate picked up as she took a deep breath and walked next door.

When Kate opened her door, Ellen felt a rush of arousal. “Hey, I saw you come home and wondered if you had a minute to talk.”

“Yeah, sure, come on in.”

Kate gestured to the living room and Ellen sat on the couch, noticing that Kate preferred to sit in the chair opposite. She felt awkward, not knowing how to begin or what she wanted to say. All she could do was drink in how sexy Kate was in a pair of torn jeans and a white tank top. They accentuated her athletic figure, and Ellen recalled how delicious that firm, flat stomach felt against the palm of her hand.

“So you went out for a while?” she asked. “Good for you, Kate. I’m proud of you.”

Kate blushed. “Yeah, but not for long. I barely made it to the liquor store and back.”

She had felt anxious when she left her place and stepped out onto the street. The traffic and noise were all too familiar, but it was good to be in her city and back to normal. She was taking control again, in a small way.

The owner of the liquor store recognized her and, after a brief glance at her face, continued ringing up her purchases. He actually said it was good to see her back and she had cleared her throat nervously, not knowing how to respond. She waved good-bye and returned home. The experience had been both exhilarating and scary, and she had done it.

“But it’s a start, and that’s what’s important. After today, it’ll get easier,” Ellen said. After a slight lull in the conversation, Ellen figured now was the time to tell Kate why she wanted to see her.

“Kate, I—”

“To tell you the truth, I went out because I had to.” Kate sat forward on the edge of her seat. “I talked to my agent this morning. I’ve been asked to consider a position with CNN.” When Ellen heard the words the muscles in her face went numb.

She was surprised and happy and devastated all at once. Atlanta was only a two-hour flight, but it was still far away. A heavy weight descended on her, and she wasn’t sure she could breathe. “That’s great news, Kate,” she replied without emotion. “I hear Atlanta is a nice place.”

“It’s not in Atlanta,” Kate said. She couldn’t read Ellen’s expression. Was she happy or not? Did Ellen care if she stayed or left? She wanted to touch Ellen, to relate with her like they had last night. Their union had been incredible, and she thought it had meant something to each of them. But she wasn’t so sure now. Ellen had distanced herself, and she didn’t know how to reconnect.

Through a dense fog, Ellen realized Kate had said she wasn’t moving to Atlanta. A spark of hope ignited somewhere in her inner darkness.

“You mean you’ll be here in DC?” she asked, the blood beginning to flow through her body again.

“No. In London.”

Ellen couldn’t control her jaw. “London?” The word came out as a squeak. “You’re moving to London?”

“Well, I don’t have the job yet. I’m going to talk to them.”

“But they asked to see you, right?” Ellen asked. “That’s a pretty good sign.”

Kate shrugged. “We’ll see.”

Ellen gazed at Kate, trying to gauge how she felt. She longed to tell Kate what she really wanted. She didn’t want her to go to London. She wanted her to stay. She wanted to take Kate to bed and show her how much she loved her so she would never be tempted to leave. But did she have that right? Kate needed the job, needed to feel important and useful again. Could Ellen ask that of her? Was it fair?

Kate wasn’t sure what Ellen’s silence meant, but the lack of conversation and the awkwardness spoke volumes. Maybe Ellen had nothing to say and was simply being polite by sitting there.

She probably had other things to do. She had that date tonight with Sandra; perhaps that was where she was really focused. The sex last night had been fantastic, and Kate had craved nothing more than to pull Ellen into her arms at the door and take her to bed. But she knew she wasn’t the only woman waiting for Ellen.

“So, when will you know?” Ellen asked, her voice catching in her throat. God, she couldn’t break down in front of Kate. Not now.

“I have to tell them tomorrow if I’m interested. Then it’s up to them as to when we’ll meet.”

Ellen nodded as though she were in a dream. Everything seemed to move so much slower. She cleared her throat and breathed deeply.

She had to be supportive. Kate was making tremendous strides in getting her life back on track. “Well, of course you must go talk to them, at the very least. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity, Kate.”

“Yeah, it is,” Kate agreed. There it was. Ellen wanted her to go, thought it was a good move. That was all she needed to hear or, rather, what she didn’t want to hear.

“Well, I’ve got some things to take care of before I tell Dean to call them. I haven’t updated my resume in years.” Ellen stood to leave. “Yes, you’d better get to it, then, and I should leave you alone. I’ve got a lot of work to do, too.”

“I guess you’ll need help, now that you’ve lost two assistants. Perhaps we can call a temp agency and they can find someone for you.”

Ellen grimaced. A temp agency could never replace Kate, in more ways than one. “Don’t worry about it.” She shook her head.

“I’ll work something out.” Every muscle screamed for her to stay.

What could she say, what could she do to not have Kate leave her?

Kate watched Ellen’s back as she headed for the door. If only she could touch her, make her understand how she felt. If she could make Ellen love her, want only her. She had never been in a monogamous relationship, hadn’t wanted to. It surprised her that she would want one now, with Ellen, but she knew it felt right. Ellen felt so good in her arms. She was so female, so sexy and desirable.

Ellen was all those things and something she couldn’t quite name.

She was simply Ellen. And Kate was attracted to everything about her. She wanted to know her, wanted to spend time with her. But as she moved past Ellen to open the door, Kate knew she had to take this job offer.

Ellen stopped and gazed up at Kate. She couldn’t read the look in her eyes, those deep, dark eyes that swirled with emotion. But she would never forgive herself if she didn’t touch her one last time. She cupped Kate’s chin, stroking the downy cheek with her thumb. Then with one last brave attempt, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed the cheek, lingering for as long as she dared before she pulled away.

“See you later, Kate.” Her eyes burned as she stepped into the hallway.

Kate watched as Ellen entered her condo. A large lump in her throat hurt as she swallowed and leaned heavily against her door.

She would call Dean in the morning and tell him to go ahead with the CNN interview. She had no reason to stay in DC. She needed to get away, as far away from this city and Ellen as she could. London was the perfect solution.

Feeling suddenly reckless, she decided to visit an old favorite hangout down the street. The bar in the Childe Harold was close by, and the bartender knew what she liked to drink and didn’t talk to her.

Everything she liked in a bartender. If people wanted to stare at her, let them. She didn’t give a damn anymore.

❖

The Childe Harold was a two-story restaurant on Connecticut Avenue with the main dining room upstairs, the bar and some booths downstairs, and a few tables out front. Kate sat in the bar and, as expected, a shot of Chivas appeared magically before her.

She downed it in one swift gulp and had no sooner put the glass down than the bartender refilled it. She held up two fingers this time and he nodded.

After a couple of sips, she sat and watched the basketball game without really caring who was playing, let alone winning.

“I don’t believe my eyes.”

The familiarity of the voice caused Kate to swivel abruptly in her chair. “Sergei?”

A tall, well-built man in his mid-forties with a neatly trimmed beard approached her with arms open wide. He enveloped Kate in a crushing bear hug, then released her to hold her at arm’s length.

Unabashedly, he examined the scar on her face—not in shock, but with great interest. “It makes you look even more roguish than you did before,” he pronounced loudly.

Kate couldn’t help but grin. Sergei had made her feel at ease ever since they met in Moscow when Kate was on assignment for Reuters. Sergei worked as a reporter for a Russian television station.

He was interested in her photographer at the time and had taken them to his house, introducing her to Russian vodka. She wound up smashed and slept on the couch while the two men got to know one another more intimately.

“What the hell are you doing in DC?” she asked as he pulled out the stool next to her.

“I am looking to marry a handsome, young American and then get citizenship. What are you doing?”

“We haven’t gotten gay marriage approved yet, Sergei. But we’re working on it.”

“Ah,” he scoffed. “It will happen sooner or later. You Americans always get what you want eventually. In the meantime, I suppose I shall have to drown my sorrows in all the good-looking men in Dupont Circle. You know many of them, yes? You can introduce me?”

“I know some, yes. But seriously, what are you doing here?”

“Ketel One Vodka,” he told the bartender, then sat down. “We finally got approval to open a station here in Washington, and you are looking at the one and only reporter. I have a cameraman who is cute, but not a man—I think maybe your type. And a producer who is a drunk and got his job because his brother is connected in Moscow. Not exactly perfect, but at least I am here. I love everything American.” He took a large swallow of vodka. “Ahh, that is good. Let’s go upstairs later and have a big steak next. Now, what are you doing, Kate? I heard about your accident and the job, the bastards.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve got a possibility with CNN in London. I found out about it today.”

He leaned back and looked at her, obviously impressed. “So you are celebrating alone?” He shook his head. “It is good that I came along to help out. Bartender, another round here.” He tossed back his vodka and peered at Kate. “But you do not look so happy.” Kate averted her eyes, staring into her glass of amber liquid.

“It’s a good opportunity and all that, but…”

“But what?” he finally asked.

Kate struggled with her answer. “I’m not sure I want to leave DC…right now.”

“Why? Is there another opportunity?” Kate shook her head. “More like another person.” She watched as Sergei scrutinized her face and then understanding replaced his confusion.

“Could it be that the rogue Kate Foster is in love?” His brown eyes sparkled and the creases at the corners deepened.

Kate sipped her scotch and didn’t reply. She was miserable and in no mood to discuss her situation.

“And what is her name?”

“Ellen Webster.”

“And she must be sexy and smart to have caught the attention of the great Kate.” He grinned.

“Let’s not go there, okay, Sergei?” Kate sipped her drink.

“Okay. Let’s go get that steak.”

As he stood up his cell phone rang, and he pulled it out of the inside pocket of his suit jacket. “Da?” He listened for a minute, then slammed the phone shut. Kate waited until the Russian curses had subsided before asking him what the problem was.

“Mikhail, that idiot, that…I can’t think of the words in English that translate well. He’s our producer and he doesn’t know shit. I’m sorry, Kate, but I must go to the studio. Let’s get together again soon, okay? You owe me a steak.”

“Sure, no problem,” she said as he kissed her cheek, downed the few drops in his glass, and left.

Kate smiled, realizing Sergei had stuck her with the bill, again.

She left money on the bar and stepped out onto the street. Glancing up at the threatening sky, she heard thunder in the distance. She headed home, and as she entered the lobby of her building she was surprised to run into Ellen exiting the elevator, two bags of trash in her hands. She was clearly not dressed for her dinner out.