Heart of the Warrior (3 page)

Damn, it
had
been over a month. Closer to six weeks.
And Ari barely spoke to him now. The awkwardness between them felt like sludge,
and Sev didn't know what to do or how to feel about the incidents of their
first and only night together and all the uncomfortable moments between them
since.

He shifted uneasily as he remembered the way their bodies
had fit together so perfectly. Ari's mouth had brushed over his and hovered
there as their bodies had slapped together. Sev had never experienced anything
quite like what he and Ari had shared. Hell, there hadn't been any penetration,
and yet, the experience had been the most erotic one of Sev's life.

And Ari had wanted him, too. He'd been too into him, too
excited, too eager to touch Sev. Surely, Sev hadn't misread Ari's interest, but
afterward, Ari reacted as if in surprise. As if he couldn't believe what had
happened.

No, that wasn't exactly right. But there had been something
in Ari's expression and body language that Sev couldn't quite put a finger on.
Almost as if Ari had been in the midst of a revelation. He'd looked like
someone who had always sworn he hated being near water, and then went to the
beach one day and couldn't stop staring at the ocean. Before long, he's taken
off his shoes and is walking in the surf, curling his toes in the wet sand,
smiling in awe that he had missed this beautiful, wet world his whole life,
asking himself what in the hell he'd been thinking.

That's how Ari had looked that night – like a man who had
been missing something his entire life and had only just found it.

But now, six weeks later, it was as if that night never
happened. Ari never mentioned it, and Sev never brought it up.

Unfortunately for Sev, his world had shifted that night.
Something had changed inside him. His heart had opened in a way it never had,
and it scared him. Not even Gabe, who he lost a year ago, had made him feel
this way. And if Sev was being honest with himself, the way he was feeling was
the way a male felt in the early stages of taking a mate.

Hence his reason for being scared.

Male vampires lived in both excited anticipation and fear of
the call to mate. Nothing possessed the power to lift a male vampire into the
heavens emotionally the way the mating call did, while at the same time filling
him with dread that reached the depths of Hell. Losing a mate could be fatal,
and mated males never fully let go of that fear. It always hovered just at the
back of their minds. And if a chosen mate didn't reciprocate? Well, that was
like living death from the stories he'd heard.

On one side was the beautiful, erotic phase known as the
calling,
which all males lived for, while on the flipside he faced the painful
suffering,
which caused males to cower in fear. The
calling
lifted a male up, and
the
suffering
made his life a living Hell if his mate rejected him.

And right now, it looked like Ari was definitely rejecting
Sev.

Lucky me.

The early stages of mating were a precarious time for a
male, and Sev displayed all the signs of early
suffering.
His chest
ached, he was moody as fuck, any little thing set him off, his mind obsessed
over Ari to the point of distraction, and he was a nervous wreck.

Fuck. How had this happened? How had he started to attach to
Ari when it was apparent Ari wasn't feeling the same for him? All he wanted was
to see Ari, but he fought to avoid him so he wouldn't feel the pain of
rejection.

"So, what do you say?" Malek pulled him from his
thoughts.

"Huh?"

"About Four Alarm. You coming or what?"

"Okay, sure. I’ll join you guys for a while." Had
he really just agreed to go to Four Alarm? His voice had simply come out of
nowhere and betrayed him, and as soon as the words were out, he wished he could
take them back.

Truth was, if he was mating to Ari as he suspected, he would
slowly lose control of his conscious behavior as his subconscious pushed him to
reconnect with Ari. The mating tether was a bitch to resist, pushing a
newly-mated male toward the
calling
so he could propagate the species
with his fertile seeds. Too bad his mating side hadn't received the memo that
he was gay and wouldn't be getting anyone preggers with his army of fertile
soldiers unless a miracle occurred.

"Great. Drinks on me tonight, bro." Malek clapped
him on the shoulder.

Sev watched the city pass by for the rest of the trip to the
compound, and he made a conscious effort to keep a lock on his vocal cords
before he made another colossal mistake, because Lord knew, he kept a lot of
secrets hidden inside him and needed to keep his yap shut.

Arion sat at the bar with Io. A woman wearing barely-there
clothes who'd introduced herself as Chloe was tucked between his knees and
laughing at something Io had just said. She was built like a fitness model and
had pretty eyes. She had a nice laugh, too. The way she pressed her perky
breasts against him and snuck an arm around his back to dip her fingertips into
the waist of his pants would have sent any man into fits of hard-on heaven. Any
man except him, anyway. Because, honestly, he just wasn't into this scene,
anymore. If he ever had been. And he was seriously beginning to doubt that.

For the past six weeks, he had begun to realize he'd merely
play-acted being into females all his life. Every day it became clearer that
his motor ran for men and men alone. It still shocked him how quickly the truth
had awakened in him after his brief interlude with Sev, and he was still
getting used to the idea, but there was no doubt. Ari was attracted to men. He
realized that now, and he kept that newsflash under lock and key more securely
than the government guarded Area 51.

Homophobia was just as rampant in the vampire community as it
was in the human one, and he didn't need to deal with that shit. But lucky
Arion, his best friend, Io, was a certifiable, card-carrying member of the
anti-gay faction. So were his parents. They would disown him if they even
thought he had switched teams and floated a hard-on for males now.

Well, actually, one male.

Ever since that night with Sev six weeks ago, it had become
clear who he wanted. With Sev, his libido had spiked, and, for the first time,
responded to someone. None of the women he'd dated ever excited him the way Sev
did. But then Ari had only been with women before he and Sev ventured down Gay
Lane and turned onto Orgasm Boulevard with each other. The conclusion seemed
obvious, didn't it? Women equaled ho-hum. Sev equaled oh my God yes!

The experience with Sev had given Ari a lot of food for
thought, and after much soul searching, he realized he had gotten good at
faking it with females. That alone should have tipped him off that he was gay.
Looking back at all his short-lived relationships with females – none had
lasted more than a few weeks – it was obvious he had never been heterosexual,
only a poser. A gay male pretending he was straight.

One clue should have been that he couldn't keep his eyes
open during sex with females. He kept them closed. And the female couldn't talk
too much. That way, he could fantasize about men and get excited enough to get
off. But it took major fantasizing – as in super focused
this-is-really-a-man-and-not-a-woman-and-he-only-feels-like-a-woman
fantasizing. Going with the ever-faithful doggie style made it easier, because
then he could really get into the fantasy that he had a man bent over in front
of him. But even with all that fantasizing, he had gotten so good at faking
orgasms he deserved an Academy Award. More often than not, though, he forewent
the agonizing roll in the hay and took his fantasies home with him and let his
hand do the honors.

And his hand had been getting a lot of honors in the six
weeks since he and Sev had dry-fucked against the kitchen counter. Well, not
exactly dry, but hell, what did you call it when there was no penetration but
you came all over each other, anyway? And what they did hadn't been
masturbation, either. But, fuck, it had left Ari's blood boiling for more even
though he was terrified of going down that road again. What if someone found
out?

Ari's world was going to Hell with a first-class ticket,
because while he was terrified of someone finding out about his "new
leaf," he couldn’t stop thinking about Sev. And it was driving him mad.

He had felt a connection with Sev almost from the first day
Sev joined the team two-and-a-half months ago, but he figured they would just
be good friends. Now he knew better. He was attracted to Sev. Really attracted
to him. As in, he could hardly think of anything else and was in a state of
arousal half the time as he replayed that night over and over through his mind.
Even now he was aroused thinking about it.

Blind luck had pushed them together that night and he hadn't
been able to resist. Sev’s mouth had felt perfect on his, and so had his body,
and he often wondered what would have happened if he hadn't gotten spooked.
Would he have invited Sev to spend the day? Would Sev have agreed? If so, just
how far would they have gone with each other? Ari knew the answer. He and Sev
would have gone all the way. More than once. That's how aroused Sev made him.
But things had gotten awkward that night, Sev had left, and now he and Sev
hardly even looked at each other, anymore.

The evasive action was Arion’s fault. He was afraid. No.
Afraid wasn’t the word for it. He was fucking terrified. What if his parents
had seen them together? The thought was irrational, but he couldn’t stop
himself from imagining his parents standing at his window, watching him kiss and
hump his cock against another male. And it wasn’t just his parents that put the
fear of God in him. What if Io found out? Io would rag his ass and he would
never hear the end of it. Their friendship probably wouldn’t survive it, and
Ari didn’t want to lose his best friend.

So, he continued living a lie. No matter how attracted he
was to Severin, he couldn’t be with him. It would cause too much trouble.

"Are you listening to me?" The woman between his
knees pulled back and Ari realized she had asked him a question.

"I’m sorry. What did you say?"

She tsked and tilted her head. Her flimsy blouse sparkled in
the dim lights blinking over the dance floor. The music was pumping loud and
hard.

"I asked if you wanted to dance."

Ari glanced at Io, who had a girl tucked inside each arm and
two sets of lips sucking on his neck. From the looks of it, shit was getting
intense and Ari figured Io would disappear with them soon to do whatever it was
he did with them in the back. Yeah, no mystery there. Io was going to drink
well tonight while getting good and fucked. The thought that he and Io used to
participate in these little banquets together made his stomach lurch.

"Sure." He scooted off the bar stool, and Io
looked up long enough to give him an approving nod before turning his attention
back to his fan club of two.

If Io only knew how miserable he was inside and why, he
wouldn't show such encouragement. Arion almost didn’t know who he was, anymore.
He had lived the lie too long. Shit, he had gotten so good at acting hetero he
had believed he was.

Until six weeks ago.

Chloe took his hand and led him to the dance floor just as
the music changed to something slower. Grrreeeaaaat. Just what he needed,
because sure as shit, Chloe would take the opportunity to cling to him like
static. Her arms wrapped around him and he cringed inside as he slipped his
arms around her waist.

"I’ve seen you in here before, you know." Her lips
played against his ear as she spoke.

"You have, huh?" He tried not to roll his eyes at
her come-on.

"Yes. You're a real lady's man."

"Looks can be deceiving."

Chloe snuggled closer. "Mmm, I don't know. I'm a lady,
and you're definitely all man."

Ari’s cock stood at half-mast from his recent Sev-dominated
musings, and obviously Chloe had felt it against her hip as she rubbed him.

"Mmm, you like me, don’t you?"

No.
"Sure."

"How about this?" She rocked the top of her thigh
against his crotch more persistently.

Ari closed his eyes and imagined Severin holding him. It was
the only way he could stomach Chloe touching him like she was. His arms
tightened around Chloe as he wondered how Sev’s hard body would feel pressed
against him, dancing here now for God and everyone to see. The thought alone
was enough to scare the shit out of him, and he tensed and shivered.

"Mm, you do like me, don’t you?" Chloe
misinterpreted his body language.

"No, I—"

Chloe cut him off as she brought her face around and sealed
her lips over his.

He almost jerked away before reminding himself he needed to
keep the façade in place. The world was watching. And like his parents, Ari
excelled at keeping up appearances. But kissing Chloe was near-revolting. She
wasn't what he wanted.

Still, he forced himself to return the kiss.
Ugh. Please
stop, please stop.
But she didn't, so Ari automatically fell into his mind
as he always had in situations like this. Only this time it wasn't some random
man he pulled into his thoughts. It was Sev, glorious Severin. Sev's image,
front and center.

Ari was an expert at fantasizing himself into submission,
and dreams of Severin made that easy. So, when Chloe opened her lips against
his, he did likewise, chasing his memories, reaching for Sev through his mind.
Once more, he was back in his kitchen and Sev stood in front of him, holding
him, pressed against him, their lips drinking each other in like hot, weary
travelers gulping from an oasis of cool, fresh water.

The fantasy kept him from pulling away. The fantasy of Sev
kissing him made him drunk. As long as he kept his eyes closed, it was Sev he
was kissing, not Chloe.