Heart of the Warrior (6 page)

With a quick swipe of his hand, he wiped away a tear and
chuffed sarcastically. "Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter if I love him or
not, because he doesn’t love me back, okay. So, I just need you to take those
paintings out of here so I don’t have to look at him every day."

"You know I will, Severin."

They stood silently for a moment then his mom said,
"Have you told him how you feel?"

He frowned with contempt. "No, but he should
know."

"Why is that?"

"Because I kissed him, and, well…" Sev chuffed
again, not wanting to go into all the details about the other stuff they had
done. "And he kissed me back, but it was obviously just homo-curiosity,
because it’s clear he isn’t interested in me like that."

His mom pulled back and stepped around to look at him.
"When did this happen?"

"Over a month ago."

"Okay, and then what?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He hasn’t brought it up
again, and we’ve hardly said two words to each other."

"You work with him?"

"Yes."

"Well, maybe he’s afraid this will affect your work.
You say he hasn’t brought it up since you two kissed. Well, have
you?
"

Sev shook his head. "No."

His mom tsked. "Well, for Pete’s sake, Sev, why not?
Maybe he’s just waiting for you to make a move?"

"Doubt it."

"Oh, and it’s better to just be miserable than to
actually take a chance at happiness? I see."

"Huh?" Sev frowned at her. What exactly was she
saying?

"Well, it sounds to me like both of you are waiting for
the other to make a move and neither one of you has the damn balls to do it.
How about you try actually talking to him about how you feel, Knucklehead?"

His mom had a way of making him feel like such an idiot
sometimes, but he couldn’t fault her for it. She was usually right, even when
he didn’t want to admit it.

"What’s the point? I already know how he feels. He was
lip-locked to a woman last night at some club we all went to after our
shift."

"Oh, and that automatically means your time together
didn’t mean anything to him?"

Sev scowled. "Well, what else would it mean?"

She shook her head and turned back toward the portraits and
grabbed one in each hand. "Children. No matter how old they are, or what
generation, they all act the same when it comes to love."

"Oh? And how do they act?" Sev huffed at her as he
crossed his arms.

"Like idiots without brains," she said, squaring
him up.

With a guilty frown, he took one of the paintings from her
and followed her back upstairs and set the painting in the hall by the front
door. Was she right? Was he acting like an idiot? Could Ari just be waiting for
him to make a move? The thought of talking to Ari right now made his stomach
squirm like a squeamish medical student watching his first surgery, but maybe
that's exactly what he needed to do: Talk to Ari.

As long as he didn't do most of the talking with his fists.
Uh-huh.

After setting the paintings in the front hall, his mom
turned and walked to the fridge. "Come on, let's have lunch."

Seemed the conversation about Arion was over, at least for
now.

They returned to the kitchen and he pulled the pot of chili
from the fridge and set it on the stove to heat while he worked on a salad. His
mom sat down at the table.

"Have you ever thought of doing a showing, Sev? I’d
love to feature your work in the gallery. It’s so unique and full of emotion.
Better than the work I get from humans."

"That’s not how I paint. You know that," Sev said.

"Maybe you should. You know, give the wars and fighting
a rest and take some time off. Maybe you could use it to take your mind off
this guy you’re swooning over."

Sev looked back at the paintings in the hall and felt his
heart wrench like two fists gripped and twisted it in opposite directions,
wringing it like a wet towel. Time wouldn't help him deal with Arion. It would
only make things worse by giving him too much freedom to dwell.

"You know I can’t. I just started at AKM." His gaze
drew away and he habitually scanned the room, noting that the door and windows
were locked before he scanned the back yard.

If a team of drecks showed up, what would I do? Would I
see the danger in time to protect myself? Could I protect my mom?

This was how his mind worked. It didn’t matter if he was
home, at AKM, shopping for groceries, or on patrol. He planned for the worst,
always preparing, always ensuring he had an escape plan in case of attack.

And it wasn’t just drecks he watched out for. About half-a-dozen
military organizations around the world would have loved his head on a stake.
And he was sure Gabe's sister would love his skull in her trophy case. She had
been out for his blood the last time he saw her.

"Yes, you can. You just have to choose." His mom
pulled him from his thoughts and sighed. "You’ve been fighting wars for so
long, do you even know how to live freely, anymore?"

"I live freely."

"No you don’t. You live waiting for the next attack,
always looking over your shoulder. Even now you glance around your own home
like it’s booby-trapped and someone will jump out from behind the bushes in the
backyard. You. Can’t. Relax. Severin."

Sev felt himself blush, realizing she had caught him casing
his own home like a battle planner. "This is just how I’m wired,
Mom."

"Maybe it’s time you hired an electrician and got
yourself re-wired." She stood and helped herself to a glass of water.
"Maybe
he
can re-wire you."

"Who?"

She nodded toward the paintings.

Sev shook his head. "He’s a figment of my imagination,
Mom."

"Bullshit. You make him a figment by not talking to him
about how you feel."

"It’s not that easy. Besides, it’s Dad’s fault I’m the
way I am. Thank him for giving me his warrior blood." At least he knew he
and his mom agreed with just how big of an asshole his dad was.

His mom walked uneasily back to the table and sat down.

"About your dad," she said.

Sev’s skin prickled and he looked at her. Her gaze flicked
warily to his.

"What about him?" he said.

"He contacted me again."

"When?" Sev didn’t like this. His father had been
trying to get in touch with his mom for over ten years now.

"Last Tuesday."

"And?"

His mom hesitated and took a deep breath, held it, then blew
it out. "Sev, I agreed to see him."

Sev’s hands clenched into fists. "Why?"

"He’s changed, Severin. Somewhere along the way, your
father developed a conscience and he wants to see me to set things right. And
he wants to see you, too."

"Not. Interested." Severin rinsed the lettuce in
the sink.

"He asked about you."

"Oh yeah? Well, fuck him."

His mom sighed. "Just shows you can’t run forever,
son."

"Well, I have no interest in seeing him or talking to
him." He paused. "What did you tell him about me?"

"That you’re here in Chicago. That’s all. I figured I
would let you decide what else to tell him when you joined us for dinner."

Sev spun around. "Mom! Dinner? I don’t even want to
pretend he’s my father, let alone have dinner with him, for Christ’s
sake."

She stood and went to the stove and stirred the chili.
"He’ll be here in a couple of days. I’d like it if you stopped by."

"Don’t hold your breath."

"For me. Could you do this for me, Sev?"

"Don’t ask me to do that, Mom. Please, don’t ask
me." Severin’s hands temporarily balled into fists.

"Severin, if I can forgive him for what he did to me,
why can’t you?"

"Because he’s an asshole." He set the colander of
lettuce on the counter to drain onto a towel.

"Well, he gave me you, and that’s something, isn’t
it?" His mom placed her palm on his cheek and smiled.

Sometimes Sev felt guilty for what happened to her, as if he
was to blame. They had to keep their relationship a secret because it would
cause them both too much pain if people knew they came from two separate sides
of the old war. She would be ostracized by the drecks if they knew she had kept
a vampire’s offspring and carried it to term rather than kill herself. He would
be seen as a threat or a dreck sympathizer if his teammates or other vampires
learned of his half dreck bloodlines. This was what they called being between a
rock and a hard place.

"Do you ever regret keeping me, Mom?"

"What?! Of course not. Why would you even think
that?"

"Sometimes I just hate that I can’t call you Mom in
public, or that I can’t introduce you to people as my mom. And maybe I feel
like I hold you back."

His mom hugged him. "Severin. You don’t hold me back.
And you and I can do what we have to do to make sure it doesn’t get complicated
for either one of us. Don’t worry about any of that. I love you and wouldn’t
trade you for anything. I’m proud of you, even if I feel that you’re a little
misguided at times."

"I love you, too, Mom."

"Come on, let’s eat."

As his mom grabbed bowls and silverware, Sev glanced back at
the portraits leaning against the wall in the front hall. He wondered what
Arion was doing right now then realized he probably didn’t want to know.

Arion woke up in his dorm at the compound around three
o’clock. He had slept like shit, waking up every forty-five minutes or so to
toss and turn and nod back off. Dreams of Severin had haunted him all day: Sev
dancing with him, kissing him, rubbing his aching erection…and more.

Fuck, he had morning wood. Nice and firm and all
Good
morning, Ari.

Well, too bad. He was tense and wasn’t in the mood to give
his fifth appendage a handshake.

What the hell had been up Sev’s ass last night? Sev had
treated him like a second-rate citizen.

Arion shook his head and looked down in reluctant surrender.
Okay, so he wasn't that dense. He knew what the problem was, didn't he? He just
didn't know how to fix it. He couldn't give Sev what he wanted – or at least
what he figured Sev wanted, which was more of what they had shared in his
kitchen six weeks ago.

Then again, maybe Sev felt as uncomfortable about what had
happened between them as Ari did, and this was his way of dealing with it.

Ari should never have let them get so carried away with each
other last month. He should have stopped their tryst before it began. But he
had been woefully weak, and Sev had been enticingly close, and for the first
time ever, Ari had succumbed to the urges of his body, as well as to his
attraction to Severin.

Ari dropped his face into his hands and groaned. He had
royally fucked up. Not only was he more confused and upside-down about his own
sexuality than ever before, but he had alienated the one male he was attracted
to by screwing around with him out of turn.

What was wrong with him? Until that night six weeks ago, he
had known deep down he liked males but had kept that part of him hidden away,
accepting superficially that being with a male was out of the question. In
fact, his self-deception had been so convincing, he had assured himself he was
heterosexual. As if having sex with his eyes closed and fantasizing about men
was normal heterosexual behavior for a dude.

It was what it was, and living the life of a heterosexual
male was sacrosanct in his parents' eyes. Not to mention, his best friend, Io,
would string him up by the balls if he thought Ari was batting for the other
team now. Ari couldn't stop reminding himself of the reactions of his family
and best friend, as well as the consequences if his newfound sexuality came
out. The constant reminders were the only things that kept him from acting on
the strengthening impulses to get Sev alone again and do unspeakable things to
him. Sev's soul seemed to call to his, and every day Ari felt himself lose a
bit more resolve to keep his distance.

Unbidden thoughts of how good Sev had looked last night
danced in his mind like marionettes controlled by the Devil. Sev had been a
major asshole, but the male rocked blue cashmere sweaters and black slacks
better than anyone. And with his hair pulled back in that sleek ponytail, Sev's
sexy mug had been positively lickable.

Maybe Sev had been an ass last night because seeing him
kissing Chloe made him jealous, and if Sev was jealous, didn't that mean there
was a chance Sev liked him in
that
way? The thought filled Ari’s heart
with a healthy dose of hope he had no right to feel so good about. His pulse
raced with excitement and he rubbed his hands over his bare thighs. If Sev was
attracted to him and he was attracted to Sev…? He took a nervous breath and
blew it out. If Sev
did
like him, could he somehow find a way to make a
relationship with Sev work despite his need to keep up the image he was
heterosexual?

He couldn’t believe he was even thinking it, but for the
first time in his life, he wanted someone. A very specific someone. He wanted
Severin.

With a surge of determination, Ari stood and paced as he
raked his fingers through his thick, dark brown hair. How could he make this
work? Should he even try? What if his parents or Io found out?

Get Real, Ari. Who are you kidding?
He stopped and
hung his head in despair. Trying to have a relationship with Sev was a foolhardy
idea. They would both get hurt in the end, and it would tear up the comfortable
order in Ari’s life.

He looked down at the tent in his boxers. "Sorry,
buddy. Get used to disappointment." Disappointment had been the story of
Ari’s life, so why shouldn’t his pecker share the pain?

With a sad, reluctant sigh, he turned toward his twin-sized
bed then meticulously pulled the sheets and blankets into crisp lines. He
tucked in the sheets, then patted the covers under the single pillow and
smoothed out the wrinkles in the bed spread. Perfect. Like everything else in
his life. Except that the perfection was just a mirage, an illusion to trick
everyone into thinking he was someone he wasn’t.