Heartbreaker (17 page)

I am so happy I got out of there without having to face Andy. I’m a coward I know, but talk about awkward. I wonder if he got drunk as well and doesn’t remember what we did. God, I hope so. I throw my purse in my closet and undress quickly, chucking my clothes in the hamper. I indulge in a twenty minute warm shower and put on my pj’s, making me feel so much better. I make a coffee, and I’m just about to take my first sip, when my cell buzzes. Crap. I really don’t want to look at who it might be. I take a sip of my coffee instead and throw death glares at my cell, hoping it might spontaneously combust.

I’ve never really liked it anyway. Bennett talked me into buying the latest and greatest, when my old one got stolen, but I really miss that cell. Especially now.

It finally stops buzzing only to start up again. I roll my eyes and put down my coffee. I glance over at the screen, and then breathe a sigh of relief, its only Bennett. I pick up the cell and read the text. He’s asking how my night was. I’m not really sure how to answer that. So I don’t. He’ll probably think I’m still sleeping. I check the clock, it’s only ten. I need to get a story together before I see him, or he’ll wheedle the truth out of me. And I really don’t want him to know, because I really don’t want to admit what happened. If anything did happen.

An image of Cam pops into my head, and a wave of guilt washes over me. I know we broke up, and we’ve been apart for over a year, but I can’t help feeling like a dirty cheater. Come to think of it, I feel really weird. Icky. Like I’ve been contaminated by some rare disease that will never go away. I shudder and hug my arms round my middle.

There’s a knock at the door and my heart races.

What if its Andy come for round two, or worse, to talk?

I don’t want to talk about it. I want to forget it ever happened.

Then a voice bellows, “Bales, it’s me, let me in.”

Bennett.

So much for biding my time to think up a story. He’ll take one look at me and he’ll know. Maybe I can be quiet and he’ll think I’m still sleeping. I don’t move a muscle and wait to see what he does.

“I know you’re in there. Open the door,” he bellows again.

Damn him. I don’t want to annoy the neighbors and I know he won’t stop it.

I stomp over to the door and open it. Bennett is leaning on the door frame all smiles. “Well, hello there, party girl.”

I cross my arms and turn around stomping back into the living room. I do not want to discuss this. No, I refuse to discuss last night. Bennett is not getting one whisper from these tight lips.

“So … Andy huh? Is he here?”

I turn back and stare at him. Shit. If Bennett already knows, then that means … I decide to ignore his question and go into the kitchen to make a fresh cup of coffee, but I don’t bother to make him one. I’m hoping he might get the subtle hint and leave me alone.

I’m forgetting there’s no subtle with Bennett. He’s right behind me, pulling out his own coffee mug. “Are you going to tell me what happened? I mean I have my sources, but it’ll be much more interesting coming from you.”

His voice is still croaky, from his flu. I should feel sorry for him, but right now I’m kind of wishing he’d caught laryngitis.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Bennett.”

“You’re such a buzz kill. I came all the way over here, sick and everything to get the low down and you won’t even talk to me.” He tilts his head and pouts. God, he’s annoying.

“No.”

He grins. “So … how I heard it, you were partying pretty hard, and getting pretty drunk. Dancing up a storm. I never knew you could dance.”

I groan and put my hands on my head. I do not want a blow by blow of my drunken actions last night, but I know he won’t stop.

“Then …”

“Alright. Shut up. I’ll tell you.”

Bennett grins wider and leans on the bench with his head resting in his hand, like he’s preparing for a long drawn out story.

“I got drunk. I slept with Andy. I came home.”

“Details.”

I shake my head and slap Bennett’s shoulder. “I don’t remember.”

Bennett stands and blinks. “What?” His grin is gone.

I frown a little, unsure why his mood has shifted from teasing to concern so quick.

“I said, I don’t remember. I guess I was so drunk I blacked out or something.”

Bennett is clenching his hands in his hair now. “So, you’re telling me
, you got blind drunk, and that asshole slept with you anyway.”

Shit. I never thought of it that way. “Um … he was drunk too. Or I think he was.”

“Jesus, Bales. He needs to be taken down for this. He can’t lord it over you just because he’s your boss, and he certainly can’t take advantage of you. Wait till I tell Dad. He’s going to be pissed.”

I rub Bennett’s shoulder. It’s not all Andy’s fault. I mean it takes two to tango, and I don’t remember telling him to get lost or anything. Surely I’d remember that.

“No Bennett. Not yet, let me talk to him first. I’m not even sure we even did the deed.”

“You seemed pretty convinced a minute ago.”

“Yeah, well I could have jumped to conclusions.”

Pretty obvious
, slap you in the face, conclusions, but I could be wrong. I know I’m not, but I need to pacify Bennett for the time being. I really don’t want this whole incident blown out of proportion.

“I’ll text him later, when he wakes up.”

“You mean, you left, before he woke up. So you haven’t even talked to him this morning?”

I cringe. “No. I just panicked and got the hell out of there.”

“Oh, Bales. He’s going to be pissed at you.”

“Who?”

“Who do you think? Andy.”

“What? Why?”

I am so clueless with how all this hooking up stuff works.

“He’s a guy, he’ll be pissed, believe me.”

“So, let me get this straight, it’s okay for the guy to do that, but not the girl.”

Bennett blows out a breath. “Kind of, the guy gets away with it, more times than not, but yeah, that about sums it up.”

“Well, too bad. It’s done. I’ve done it. So he can be pissed all he likes. I don’t want to see him again anyway.”

Bennett scoffs. “He’s your boss, Bales. You’re going to have to see him.”

He’s right. God, this is such a mess. I’m contemplating kissing Bennett to contract his flu and take the next week off work, when my cell buzzes again. I don’t recognize the number.

I look up at Bennett and he shrugs. “You better answer it.”

I wince and swipe the screen, placing it to me ear. “Hel .. Hello,” I splutter.

“Hello, yourself. You left in a hurry this morning.”

Shit. Andy.

“Um … yeah, sorry, I had to get some study done.”

Bennett is shaking his head at me and I turn away and move toward my bedroom.

“That’s a shame; we could have had breakfast together.”

Oh, I really wish that sounded romantic, but all I can think is:
thank god I got out of there, and didn’t have to endure that.

“Um … yeah, sorry.”

“How about I take you to lunch.”

Crap. I couldn’t stomach breakfast, now he wants lunch. Any kind of food is not welcome in my stomach right now.

“Oh, that sounds …
lovely
.”

Really? Lovely? Who am I, the
queen?

I clear my throat and give the best excuse I can think of. “But I can’t. I told Bennett I’d take him lunch today. He’s been really sick and needs looking after.”

Not a total lie, and close enough to the truth.

“Okay …"He doesn’t sound happy. “Tomorrow then, I’ll take you to lunch tomorrow.”

Right. Of course you will, because then I'll have no excuse. He knows I always eat my lunch at my desk.

“Sounds,
lovely
.”

Ugh, it sounds the complete opposite, but I continue with the pleasantries and eventually hang up.

Bennett’s waiting in the kitchen, looking at me with a smug smile when I return.

I glare at him. “We’re going to lunch tomorrow.”

“Oh, well doesn't that sound ...
lovely
,” Bennett says, batting his eyelids like an idiot with an even bigger grin.

He’s such a smart ass.

TWeNTY

______________________________________

I wake up groggy. The room is dark, except for the digital display of the clock and I roll over to check the time. It’s two in the morning. My eyes hurt and my stomach is queasy. I look at the glass of water on my bedside table, it’s been there a while. My mouth is dry and there’s a sour taste so I decide to get up, brush my teeth and refresh my drink. I’ve been asleep for about twelve hours, but I still feel awful. And it’s not my head that’s the problem. I think back to yesterday. I think back to Cam and to Sweet Cheeks. A pain stabs at my heart again. A. hollow feeling churns my stomach. I close my eyes to block it all out. I still can’t deal. I don’t know if I ever will. I picture meeting the two of them in the street, holding hands,  pushing a pram, with a gorgeous looking baby, who’s gurgling and laughing. The baby has Cam’s beautiful eyes and her smile. Ugh, the bile rises quickly. I leap out of bed and stand up.

I have nothing left to throw up. I have to hold it together and stop torturing myself. This can’t continue. Dad’s home tonight and I don’t want him worrying about me again. I pace my room for a little bit and focus on that, before opening the bedroom door and walking down the hall to the bathroom. I empty my glass and fill it, downing the contents in one big gulp. I spend the next five minutes brushing my teeth. I’d like to say that I feel much better, but I don’t. That will take some time. No, scrub that: a huge, colossal amount of time.

I’m not tired anymore, and I don’t want to think. I decide to see what’s on television. That’ll help. At this time of night, my choices won’t be great, but the dumber the movie the better. I fill my glass with water again, close the bathroom door, and make my way into the lounge. It’s even darker in here. None of the blinds are open. Funny, I don’t remember closing them. My eyes are sore, and attempting to see in the dark isn’t helping. I put my glass on the floor and feel my way to the couch, so I can find the TV remote and switch the lamp on. I take a few steps forward and find the large arm of the couch, then I feel my way across …. “HOLY SHIT,” I scream as I feel a head of hair.

“Christ!” The owner yells out as they clamber to sit up
, and I clamber to escape, but trip on the coffee table leg and fall onto my ass with a hard thump.

My stomach
’s dropped, my hearts racing, and my brains scrambling to remember where Dad’s baseball bat is, when the light flicks on.

It takes a few seconds for my mind to work and register who it is. I stare in disbelief. It’s Cam.

Shit and double shit.

“What the hell are you doing here? And how did you get into my house? Why are you sleeping on my couch? You scared the shit out of me!” The questions and accusations tumble out in a blind mess as I pant and try to catch my breath.

He holds up his hands in surrender and stands, moving back from me. And I curse under my breath again, because he has no shirt on. His bare chest is heaving up and down. I must have scared him as much as he scared me. That’s not what my mind is focussing on, though. Stupid lust filled brain. Now I know he’s definitely not mine, nor will he ever be, my lust and jealousy is ten times worse.

Why is he here?

I don’t want him here. I want him gone. I don’t want to look at his naked chest, and his gorgeous abs, and I don’t want those thoughts. They aren’t mine anymore.

I curl my toes into the carpet. “You need to get out, Cam.” I say all calm. When inside my head is screaming at him to leave.

“No.”

No?

“Yes,
” I hiss.

“We need to talk, Bai.”

“No.”

I don’t want to hear excuses,
or worse,
we’ll work it out
. I can’t go there, and I won’t go there. It hurts too much.

“You don’t understand.” He’s moving toward me now, and I scramble to my feet ready to run away and lock myself in my bedroom.

“It’s not mine, Bai! The baby’s not mine!” he yells, marching toward me.

What?

I stop mid stride and stare at him. My heart is pounding, my legs are shaking.

He continues toward me, he’s still breathing heavy. “I get h
ow that looked today, when Jen interrupted us. I know what you heard. But you don’t get it, Bai. You need to listen to me.”

I swallow and let out a sob, covering my face with my hands.

The baby isn’t his. Oh, god. Thank God. Thank God.

The tears fall freely now and Cam has his arms around me so quick. I snuggle into that beautiful chest and I let it all go. I cry and cry, and I cry some more, until my face is wet and his skin is too. Cam’s chest is heaving, and I wonder if he’s finding it hard to hold it together. There has been so much between us, so much hurt and so much pain, we need to do this. To let it all go.

After god knows how long, I finally manage to stop the tears and pull away. But not too far. I look up into his beautiful face which is wet with tears, making my heart jolt again. I don’t want to see tears on his face. I don’t want to see hurt and pain there. I did that to him.

“I’m so sorry, Cam.”

I have nothing else.

He pulls me to him again, and kisses my head, hugging me tight. “I know, Bai. I know,” he whispers into my hair.

Now we aren’t talking about Jen’s baby. Now we’re talking about so much more.

We stand and hold each other for a long time. Not saying anything. Just holding. I don’t want to ever let him go again, but we need to talk. We can’t start healing until we talk everything through.

I’m suddenly really tired. My body aches all over and I can’t seem to find the energy to stand anymore. Cam must feel my strength draining, as he continues to hold me but moves to the couch, where he lays us both down and pulls the blanket over us. He kisses my head once more and I snuggle into his chest, using it as my pillow. I close my eyes and I fall asleep.

I wake. It takes me a moment to realize where I am and who I’m lying on. Last night felt like some kind of weird dream, but I know it’s real, because I can feel how real it is. I can feel Cam’s glorious muscles under my fingertips. His chest is moving up and down in a steady rhythm, I figure he’s still asleep. I’m wedged between him and the couch. His arms are still around me and our legs are tangled together. I’m back in my Cam cocoon and I’m so happy. I want to wake like this every morning. I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face and I feel Cam shift and his arms squeezes me tight. I look up and see him looking at me, he’s grinning as well. God I love him so much.

We stare at each other for a bit. Then I suddenly realize how awful I must look, and my bladder reminds me I’m human and not in some mystical love state. Must be that big glass of water. I go to get up, when Cam holds me tighter.

“Where are you going?” he says in that lovely, gravelly morning voice.

“Bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Cam sighs, then releases me. Guess he can’t argue with that one. I give him a quick shrug and make my way down the hall to the bathroom.

I take a look in the mirror and cringe. Wow, awful doesn’t even begin to describe it. My hair is all matted and oily and my eyes have dark circles with mascara runs to add to the dead zombie look. Nice. Just the kind of look you want to get your boyfriend back. Cam must either be blind or crazy to want anything to do with this. I pull at my hair and decide I need to shower and wash my hair. I take a whiff of my clothes, they smell of Cam. I smile seriously considering putting them back on and never taking them off, but that would be icky. Only psycho fans of pop stars do bizarre things like that. Though, right now I can see the appeal.

After a very thorough washing, I finally wrap the towel around me, my hair still wet and open the door ready to make the sprint to my bedroom, except Cam it standing in the way. His eyes go wide. “I um … was just seeing if you wanted a coffee.”

I swallow. The lust in his eyes is nearly my undoing. He sucks in a big breath and turns away, grinding out, “Shit Bai, you better go get dressed.”

“Um … yeah. Alright.”

I smile and make a mad dash to my bedroom, feeling like a naughty school girl. But Cam and I have always obeyed my Dad’s rule about having sex in his house. And even though we’re adults now, that rule hasn’t changed. My Dad is the old fashioned sort. And I kind of love and respect him for it.

I quickly change into my jeans and decide on my blue floral blouse. This day will probably be etched in my memory forever and I want to put in an effort. I brush my hair and arrange it into some kind of messy bun. I swipe the mascara brush over my lashes and gloss my lips. That’s about as good as it gets with me. Scary horror zombie chick laid to rest for now.

Giving myself one last look over, I sigh and make my way to the kitchen where I can smell coffee and bacon cooking. My stomach grumbles. I haven’t had anything to eat since … well since I don’t remember. And after yesterday, I do feel a little weak. Cam is standing at the stove flipping some bacon, dressed now in his white t-shirt and jeans. He’s so gorgeous. I could seriously look at him all day. And maybe I just might. I lick my lips at the thought and I hear a growl.

“You better stop that already, or I won’t be responsible for what I do,” Cam says flipping the bacon again, giving me that intense stare with those adorable baby blues.

I giggle. Wow, haven’t let out a girly giggle in forever. It’s lame, but gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that I can’t get enough of right now.

I sidle up behind him and he looks at me over his shoulder. I put both my arms round his waist and lean against his back. I breathe him in. He smells and feels so good. God, I’ve missed this and him so much.

“You need to eat, you didn’t eat yesterday,” he says and moves from the stove. I let him go so he can get a plate out of the cupboard. He pops the toast from the toaster and puts it on the plate, minus any butter. I hate butter. It’s not a weight thing, I just don’t like the taste, never have. It’s nice how he remembers.

He presents me with a plate full of toast and bacon and my eyes nearly pop out of my head. I’ll never be able to eat all that.

“Go, sit, eat,” Cam commands, and I love the way he wants to take care of me. I’m such a sad case, but I truly am loving all this attention from him right now. I’ve missed it, more than I ever cared to admit.

I want to tell him how much I love him. How much I missed him. There will be time for that. Not now though. Now I just want to indulge in being with him without dredging up the past. Live for the moment. Act not plan. There you go, Mom, see, I can do it.