Heartbreaker (19 page)

Dad clears his throat and puts down his cup. “So, you two seem to be getting along.”

We were getting along just fine until you came home
. I nearly grind out, but stop myself and mumble, “Yeah, something like that.”

Cam give
s me a quick glance and the corner of his mouth twitches. “Um … yeah, we’ve decided to give it another go.”

Dad tilts his head and twists his lips. “Is that right?”

Oh talk about awkward. I do not want to discuss this with Dad. I’m not a teenager anymore. I don’t need his permission, although I feel like I’m seeking it.

“Yep,” I say, trying to end this torturous moment.

“Good,” Dad says, and I glance at him, surprised. I wasn’t sure how he’d take the news. Not sure if he'd approve or not.

He turns to Cam and I wait for the lecture about his house rules. Oh god, how mortifying.

“Storm came in at the last minute, pretty much put an end to the fishing. I was doing great till then, got me a couple of …” And that's it. From then on, he talks about his weekend and all things fishing, which I tune out of.

Cam listens and chimes in every now and again about his experiences fishing at the lake. Wow, this feels surreal like no time has passed, and Cam and I haven’t just announced the big news that we’re back together. Like we were never apart.

I decide to leave them to it, and go into the kitchen to make lunch. I’m just pulling out the cold meat, bread and salad, my hands full when my cell buzzes.

I toss the stuff on the bench and answer the call.

“Bales, hey pretty girl. All clear? Has the big C left the building?” Bennett whispers, like the spy that he is.

“No. But he’s occupied, so you can spill and tell all.”

“You first.”

“No. I asked first. So you spill.”

“Now, you know I’m good at this game and could keep this up all day, so you might as well give in now.”

“Is Gerry still there?”

“Hey, unfair sideliner… and no, she left about ten minutes ago. I put her on the lunch bus. She should be back in Hicksville in about three hours.”

“Cool. I’ll grill her then.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Oh, she’ll kiss and tell. I have my ways.”

“Indeed you do. So spill about all the ways you and Cam …”

“Bennett!!!”

He chuckles. “As if I’d want a blow by blow of that. But speaking of …”

“Bennett!!! I swear I’m hanging up.”

“You are such a buzz kill. So anyway, how was it?”

“Enough. I’m not going to tell you a thing.”

“Was it as good as you remember?”

“Bye, Bennett.”

Cam enters the kitchen and raises his eyes, as I punch end, with Bennett still trying to grill me on details.

He moves behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Need, some help.”

“You know the bench rule,” I point to the other side of the bench. “Now go sit, and be good.”

Cam nuzzles into my neck, holding me tighter. “You know I’m almost a fully qualified carpenter now, and I can rip out this bench.”

I swallow. Imagining him ripping more than the bench. “Is that so? And what else are you qualified to ri… p ... ”

“Hey you two, what’s for lunch?” Dad cuts in, just as I hear Cam’s breath hitch in my ear. I have no idea what’s wrong with me. Must be talking to Bennett, he’s got me all worked up with all those stupid questions.

Cam releases me like a hot potato and hurries to sit on the other side of the bench. Yep, he’s still scared of my Dad.

“I, ah … was just making sandwiches when Bennett rang.”

“Right.” Dad looks a little flustered. I’m betting he has no idea how to deal with his now adult daughter getting back with her old boyfriend. I’m afraid the lecture is just waiting for me. Ew. I cringe at the thought. That is not a conversation I want to have.

I make lunch as quickly as possible and we all sit around the table and eat. No one says much and I wonder when life is going to get less awkward.

Dad takes the plates into the kitchen, announcing that he’s going for a shower. Subtle Dad.

Cam winks at me and gestures for us to go and sit on the couch.

We settle in, Cam with his arm around me, and me with my legs pulled up underneath, but I make sure it looks innocent. Which it is. Dad is renowned for quick showers, and I’m betting it’ll be more of a rush job today.

“Well that was interesting,” Cam comments.

“Yeah. He’ll settle down, and get used to it, eventually. It’s been a while.”

“Must be difficult, accepting your little girl's all grown up.”

“I guess. We might just have to hang out at your place, until he does.”

Then I remember who else will be hanging around his house and I wonder if we’ll ever get chance to be alone.

“Sounds like a plan. Mom’s pretty cool. I’ll tell her about us, when I get home.”

“What about Sweet Cheeks, will you tell her?”

“She’s probably already guessed, but yeah I’ll tell her.”

That reminds me about all my questions from last night. Questions that never got answered. Now I think on it, and we can’t do much else I’m a little curious.

“By the way how did you get in here last night?”

“Your window.”

“You climbed in my window and I didn’t wake up?”

“Yeah.
I could have been any creep.”

I shiver and Cam tightens his grip on my shoulder.

“I’m just glad I didn’t wake up and try and fight you off with a baseball bat or something.”

Cam chuckles. “You wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

I punch his rock hard abs. “I swing a pretty mean bat. I’m pretty tough you know.”

Cam sighs. “Yeah, I know only too well, just how tough you are.”

Uh oh, probably shouldn’t have said that. It’s just a reminder of how I left him for two years.

I play with a lock of his hair. I’ve wanted to do that for ages. “Why did you come here and sleep on the couch?”

“I was worried about you. And I ah … saw the pills on the dresser.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. He couldn’t know about that, could he? Only Bennett knows about that night.

“My medication.”

“Yeah. I know. But I also know what it’s like to hit rock bottom and give in to weakness.”

I stroke his cheek. I did that to him. I made him weak. God, I hate myself for doing that.

“I’m sorry, Cam.”

He pulls me around, so that I’m sitting across his lap. “Hey, no more apologies, okay. You’ve said it enough. We have to move on now. We can’t keep apologising for what’s happened. What’s done is done.”

I fidget with the fabric of his t-shirt. I wish that were true, but before we can really heal he’ll have t
o hear at least one more.

TWeNTY
-TWo

______________________________________

Cam’s gone home and I’m on my way to see Gerry. She got in a few hours ago and I really need to talk to her. First, because I want the low down on her and Bennett, and second, because I’m in deep need of Dr Phil right now. My head is buzzing with all things Cam, but I have a few reservations about the things I have to tell him, and I’d much rather get it off my chest first.

I pull into the parking lot of the small shopping center where she lives. It’s way past closing time and there aren’t many cars here. I hop out and make my way over to the glass door at the back of Hocus Pocus. I knock a couple of times and I see Gerry move toward the door. She opens it and rolls her eyes. “Well fancy seeing you here.”

“Yeah, thought I’d surprise you. I brought cookies for my sweet cheeks.”

Gerry smiles and takes the plastic container out of my hand. She lifts the lid and takes a big whiff.

“Okay, you may enter. But be warned, there is magic here and those who ask too many questions will be sought after by the voodoo dolls.”

I scrunch up my nose. I hate those things, they give me the heebee geebees. Gerry’s shop has a whole section dedicated to voodoo. Some of the dolls are so life like, it creeps me out. Gerry knows this of course, she’s deliberately using that as a weapon against me so I won’t ask about her and Bennett.

“Voodoo dolls are voodoo. Or is it taboo, either way, we are banning talk of them tonight,” I say and grin.

“You’re such an idiot.”

I grin wider. “I know, but you still love me.”

“Well, you brought chocolate chip cookies, what’s not to love.”

I laugh and follow her upstairs to her room. She’s dressed in a multi colored tight stretch skirt with black tights underneath and a plain black sweater. I notice she hasn’t dyed her hair, it’s almost its natural strawberry blonde color. I wonder if Bennett commented on her hair and that’s why she hasn’t changed it.

We reach her room and take up residence on her bed, in our usual positions, this time with the cookie box set down between both of us, in easy reach.

I grin. “So … Bennett?”

She grins back. “So … Cam?”

“Yep.”

“Everything good?”

“Everything good with you?” I ask and take a bite of a cookie.

She picks up a cookie and takes a bite as well. “Mmhmm.”

“You’re just a fountain of information tonight.”

“Well, you’re not exactly giving me a road map.”

I laugh. “What did you get up to in Chicago?”

Gerry twists her lips and puts down the cookie. “I um … visited the university.”

Wow, that’s a surprise, I had no idea Gerry wanted to go to university. “You did?”

“Yeah, I’m thinking of going back to school. Maybe get a degree in visual arts.”

“Wow, I had no idea you wanted to do that. Good for you.”

“I haven’t applied or anything, but Bennett thinks I’ve got a good chance. I got good grades in High School, but after mom got sick I wanted to help with the shop and be around for her, so I never even tried.”

Gerry’s mom was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s disease back in High School and she’s been dedicated to her mom ever since. She’s deteriorated a lot and lives in a nursing home now. I went to visit her with Gerry last week, and she didn’t know me or Gerry, it was really sad.

“What about your mom?”

“I talked to Tahlia and surprisingly she thinks I should go if I want. She said she could get Sally to help out at the shop and I’ll only be a bus ride away so I can still come home and visit. Mom does still have the odd day when she remembers, so I don’t want to miss those days.”

I bite my lip. Gerry doesn’t talk about her mom’s illness much. She’s so upbeat and keeps positive about it all. She’s so cool. I love her to death.

“I could go visit her when you’re not here. I love your mom.” And it’s true, I do. She is the most gorgeous lovely lady ever. She was so kind to me when my mom died. I’ll never forget that.

Gerry smiles and squeezes my hand, and I swallow the lump in my throat. “Thanks, Bales, that means a lot.”

I decide to change the topic. I don’t want to cry again, I’ve shed enough tears lately.

“So, you moving to Chicago. Bennett lives in Chicago, so does that mean what I think it means.”

Gerry sighs. “He’s so hot, Bales, and so sweet.”

“Yeah, he’s okay I guess.”

Gerry chuckles. “You two are so funny.”

“He’s been a good friend, I don’t know what I would have done without him, but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh, he knows. Never shuts up about how much you love him.”

“He’s such an ass.”

“Yeah, but what a sweet ass it is.”

I crack up and let out a full belly laugh. Gerry joins in and we laugh and joke around a bit while munching on the cookies. It’s so nice; I’m going to miss her, if, and when, she goes.

Gerry packs the box of cookies away and tilts her head, folding her arms. Uh oh. Looks like the funs over.

“So, we haven’t had a Dr Phil session in a while. I gather you’ve had quite a weekend.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. “Yeah, it’s been a bit of a whirl wind. I’m really happy Cam and I are starting to sort things out, but there’s still a lot of baggage.”

“Care to shed some of it.”

I look up at her and nod. “Yeah. I really would.”

Three
and a bit months before I came home ...

I can do this, I really can. I’m going to do this. My mantra that I’ve being saying over and over on my way to work this morning. I’m ending things with Andy. It’s been two months and I’m done. I can’t keep pretending to be happy with our relationship. If you can even call it that. I mean we’ve been out on a dozen dates, haven’t told anyone in the office, or told any of our friends and family. Except Bennett. He’s the only one who knows. I would have kept it from him too, but I can’t keep secrets from Bennett, he takes one look at me and knows what’s going on.

I open the glass
door and march to the elevator smiling at the Jake the security guard. It’s really early, only seven thirty, but I know Andy will be here. I’ve had my cell on silent all weekend, because I had to clear my head after Friday night.

I got drunk again. This time on wine. I thought I needed it for dutch courage. I am so stupid. I let it happen again. I slept with Andy. I didn’t really want to, but couldn’t seem to find the words, or the actions to stop it. It was a bit of a sloppy mess and not stuff you’d choose to write about. I c
aught a cab home straight after. There was no falling asleep and doing the walk of shame the next morning. I’m glad I had enough of my mental facilities still intact to do that.

I haven’t seen or spoken to Andy since. Now I’m heading straight for his office and I’m going to end it. I can’t stand another minute of trying to be someone I’m not. Or trying to fall for someone I’m not the slightest bit interested in. I mean I should be interested in him. He’s handsome, successful and well off. Ticks all the boxes, right? Wrong. He doesn’t tick the biggest box, he’s not Cam.

The elevator dings and I get in and ride to the fifth floor. I stop and take a breath, then repeating my mantra, step out of the elevator and walk down the carpeted hall. I see Andy’s office straight ahead and I duck into my cubicle for a minute to put my purse away and take one last deep breath. I bend over and put my head between my knees, sucking in the air, like it’s my last breath on this earth. That’s when I hear a giggle.

What the heck?

Sounds like the new young girl who started a couple of weeks ago. She's so annoying, giggles all the time and at anything and everything. Well, everything Andy says. I wonder what he’s saying now. Probably telling her to fax something and winking at her, in that flirty way of his.

Ugh, I want to throw up. Well after today, he’s all hers. I’m about to put my head up to say good morning to her, when I hear her giggle again, and this time she pants out, “Oh, yes, don't stop. That feels so good.”

Hold up.
What feels good?

Ew… I don’t want to hear this, not if it’s what I think it is.

I’m such a glutton for punishment, I have to look. I know I’ll want to burn out my eyes afterwards, but that doesn’t stop me. I look, and yes I definitely want to take that action back or burn the image from my brain.

Andy and Miss Giggles are up against the photocopier and he’s kissing her neck, his hands roaming over her ass. The same hands that were roaming over my ass, only two nights ago.

I duck back down, I’ve seen enough, or too much. Either way I really want to throw up. My stomach is churning, and my head is pounding. I wonder if this is the first time, or if this has been going on since she started working here. Which means, Andy has been cheating on me. The thought of him being with me and being with her at the same time, blasts the ceiling on the Yuk factor. My skin is crawling and I just want to go home and shower, even though I’ve had several over the weekend.

The giggling and panting finally stops and I hear the light sound of footsteps go in two different directions. I continue to keep my head down until I hear the elevator ding and the sound of a few different footsteps. I op
en my drawer and take out my purse. I can’t stay here another second. I just hope I don’t run into Bennett on my way out. He’ll know straight away, and I really don’t want to talk about it, not today. I need to process and work out what I’m going to do. All my plans for talking to Andy this morning have gone out the window. I couldn’t face him right now.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to face him again.

Two
and a bit months before I came home ..

.

I have my final exam today. I’ve taken the day off work to do some cram studying before the big test tonight. School has been my only reason for living and breathing at the moment. After the disaster of a relationship with Andy I’ve been finding it really difficult to find reasons to stay in Chicago. My mom’s words about getting out there and living life are like muffled unintelligible voices now. They aren’t screaming at me anymore. I don’t let them.

I intend to find another job. I can’t keep working with Andy, pretending like nothing happened. He can. Doesn’t seem to faze him at all. He even tried to flirt with me the other day, but soon stopped when I scowled at him. Didn’t bat an eyelid when I told him we were done. Just shrugged and told me to email the latest contract I was working on. I obviously meant a great deal to him. Just about as much as he meant to me. Let me just say, lesson learnt. I know now that I don’t do casual relationships and won’t make that mistake again.

Bennett found out, of course. He has a new nickname for Andy now. Before it was just asshole, now it’s A grade Asshole or Double A for short. Andy just thinks it’s for his initials, but it makes me laugh every time Bennett shouts it out to him across the office. And he does it a lot. That’s about the only thing making me laugh these days. Bennett thinks I’m broken hearted, and I let him. He might think he knows me, but he doesn’t really. I don’t really want him to either. I am broken hearted, but it's not over Andy. Cam comes into my thoughts more and more these days. I wonder what he’s doing and who he’s seeing. I hope he’s not serious with anyone. I don’t think I could stand to hear he was engaged or involved in a serious relationship. That should be me. Not someone else. I wish with all my heart I had of said yes, the night he asked me to marry him. The night I broke his heart. And for what? For this.