Heartbreaker Hanson (10 page)

CHAPTER 22

Before
Spanish class Drew gently grabbed my arm as I was entering the classroom. He pulled
me back outside. Then to my shock, he pinned me against the wall. (Gasp!)

“Don’t
do this,” he said.

My
heart pounded. Hard. But I had to be strong, resist his pleading eyes. “Drew
let me go.”

“Not
until you talk to me,” he said. “Why are you ignoring my text—and my
eyes?”

“Because
you have a girlfriend, Drew. And even if she were your
EX
-girlfriend, I still couldn’t date you, because she’s my friend.
So please stop texting me.”

He
shook his head slightly. “I’m not going to stop … and I
don’t
have a girlfriend.”

My
heart slammed against my chest. I blinked up at him. “What?! You broke up?”

“Yeah,
during lunch—which I couldn’t find you at.”

“I—I
ate in the band room.”

Drew
frowned slightly and ducked his head, running a frustrated hand through his
hair. He closed his eyes. “With Ethan?”

A
pang of anxiety washed through me. “No—well, yeah. I mean, he was there,
in the band room. But we didn’t eat together, like ‘
together’
together.”

Drew
raised his eyebrows. “But you’re always together.”

“Not
at home—just at school.” I silently went on in my brain, ‘
So I have someone to hang around that isn’t
part of Laurie’s “group”—and I don’t have to see you and Laurie together
… or
not
together, whichever
the case might be for that given day, or minute, or hour.’

But
I couldn’t explain this to Drew. It was complicated and my verbal-abilities
were suddenly nonexistent.

Instead
I just gawked at him with my lips parted slightly. He broke up with Laurie??
She didn’t even text me about it. She must be crushed.

I
swallowed. “How is Laurie?”

He
shook his head slightly. No words. His eyes just staring into mine.

I
groaned. Of course she was devastated. He didn’t need to tell me that. I
gulped. Feeling like my mouth was full of sandpaper, I squeezed my eyes shut.
Poor Laurie.

The
tardy bell rang.

Neither
of us moved.

“Brooke
and Drew?—are you two joining us today?” our teacher asked us in Spanish,
since though the bell rang Drew just stood silently staring into my eyes, his
expression haunted, as though it had killed him to have to hurt Laurie like
that—to finally let her go for real.

I
swallowed, slowly cutting my gaze from Drew’s stare to peek at our waiting
teacher. Slowly I nodded to her, “Yeah I’m coming,” I whispered to her in
Spanish, then wobbled to my seat, not really able to breathe.

He
broke up with Laurie! He really did it.

I
wrapped my arms around my waist, rocking back and forth.

I
quickly texted Laurie:
“How are you?”

I
waited, rocking some more—back and forth, back and forth.

“I’m
at home,”
she finally
wrote back.
“Sabrina gave me a ride. I was looking for you at lunch but couldn’t
find you—anywhere!!”

I
was in the band room. I’m
always
in
the band room. Why is it she never knew that? It never occurred to
her—Brooke hangs out in the band room. It’s too geeky of a place for her
to consider someone going to voluntarily—especially one of her friends.

I
quickly wrote:
“Are you sick?”

“Majorly.”

Then
she added after a pause,
“I broke up with Drew.”

I
stared at her words.

Finally
I typed out slowly,
“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,
it was horrible. But final this time.”

Then
she added hesitantly after a moment,
“You know it was really him that broke up
with me—I know you know that. But don’t let that get around okay? To
everyone else it was ‘mutual.’ aka: Me that did the breaking up. Okay?”

I
wrapped my arms around my waist.

“Okay????”

“Okay.
Whatever you need.”

“What
I NEED was for him not to have done this to me. To have not turned into a
stranger.”

“Right.
I’m so sorry, Laurie.”

“Call
me when you get home, okay? Right now I’m trying to get rid of Sabrina, then
I’m going to take a nap watching “When Our Love Was Still Love.”

I
groaned.
“Maybe you should watch a comedy?”

‘When
Our Love Was Still Love’ could make anyone slit their wrist—even on a
good day.

“No,
I need the camaraderie. Lesley practically dies of sadness—just like I’m
doing.”

“But
she finds someone better at the end,”
I quickly wrote.

“No
she doesn’t!!!”

“Yes
she does. They just didn’t add that into the movie, but she meets Zak Efron in
the elevator on the way to her therapist’s office, they fall madly in love and
she thinks to herself, ‘Just think, if Gordy hadn’t dumped me I would never be
in Zak’s arms right now. Thank goodness Gordy dumped me!!’ That’s the real
ending.”

“Okay,
well, I’d like to see that ending. Meanwhile, I’m going to cry/sleep through
‘When Our Love Was Still Love’ and wait for you to call.”

“Okay
… and eat lots of chocolate.”

“Already
doing that. Sabrina and I are eating brownie batter—of course Sabrina
will probably puke hers up afterwards. After all, she’ll have to fit into her
cheerleader uniform when she goes after Drew at the football game Friday night.”

I
squeezed my eyes shut. Sadly, she was probably right. Laurie doesn’t have the
most loyal friends … or the wisest ones when it comes to diet.

I
quickly typed,
“Hang in there, Laurie.”

But
then I felt sick, because I got a text from Drew,
“Can we hang out after school?
Please?”

I
thumped my forehead against my desk and groaned. After a long moment, I peeked over
at Drew. Groan. He was watching me. Of course. From across the classroom, he
sat with a tiny frown watching me bang my head from his question.

His
brow lowered as I quickly looked away from his stare. Confused sparks rushed
through my body. It was so weird suddenly having so much power over Drew’s
expressions—and apparent heart. The sensations it stirred inside me were
confusing and convoluted. So mixed up. And messed up. Can’t lie: I felt a
slight thrill from it—but it also made me feel guilty. As guilty as
everything else in this messed up situation. Laurie was my friend. I wasn’t
allowed to feel thrilled about her ex-boyfriend texting me, or him wanting to
hang out with me, or him frowning and looking hurt when he caught me banging my
head from his request.

But
I had loved him forever, so the situation bit.

Finally,
I texted him back:
“Drew, no. I can’t hang out with you after school. I have to go over to
LAURIE’S after school. You know, my friend Laurie. She got dumped by her
boyfriend today.”

With
a sidelong peek, I saw Drew frown, running his fingers through his hair in
frustration as he read my text. Then it was his turn to thump his head.
“Okay,
yeah. I get it.”

Then
he texted more,
“But will you go to the dance after the game with me Friday night?”

I
groaned, then quickly texted,
“No!! You just SAID you get it—but you
don’t. You DON’T get it. I can’t go to the dance with you, Drew. You broke my
friend’s heart.”

CHAPTER 23

After
school I did my duty. I went to Laurie’s and listened to her moan about Drew. I
didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. Didn’t have a clue. The whole time
I was at her house I wondered if I should confess about my situation with Drew,
or if that would just rub salt in her wounded heart.

Actually,
I knew the answer: It would be the salt thing. All the way.

Laurie
didn’t see me as competition—it would stab her ego to death if she
learned I was. It would seriously destroy her. Well, more than she was already
destroyed. And she
was
destroyed. She
was a sobbing, hurting train-wreck. So, I kept my mouth shut and just let her
talk and cry and moan. Because that’s what a friend does when a friend is
hurting … right?

I
wasn’t sure. About any of this. Laurie wasn’t a friend to me like Rachel had
been. With Rachel, I would have known what to do. How to act. How to help her.
But face it, with Rachel I would have never been in this situation. Rachel
would have known I liked Drew right from the beginning. She wouldn’t have asked
me to help her “nab” him. She would have tried to help
me
nab him—way back years ago, and
kept
trying. She would have never put me
in this situation I’m facing now—where I have to choose between
friendship and the boy I have always wanted.

So,
I sat listening and comforting Laurie with all kinds of guilt washing through
me.

When
I finally left Laurie’s it was late, and I was shaken. Well, it wasn’t really
“late” but it was starting to get dark out, and I was “shaken” because I knew Laurie
was hurting and so of course I couldn’t have Drew … but I
wanted
Drew. However, to be honest, mostly at the moment I just wanted
my best friend back. With all my heart. I longed to talk to her about all this
stuff—talk to her about
anything
.
I missed Rachel so much.

Practically
in tears, I drove to the cemetery, then just stood in front of Rachel’s grave.
I had so much I wanted to say to her. I just stood there a long time, staring
at her grave, kind of saying a silent prayer to her, “I miss you,” I told her
in my head. “I need my best friend. I feel alone.”

Just
then I heard a voice—
soo
gentle, as though not to scare me. You know, since I was standing alone in a
dark cemetery and everything.

The
voice was tender and concerned with just the tiniest hint of teasing, “Not
thinking about joining her, are you?”

I
jolted at the unexpected voice. Then jolted again when I saw who it was. Who had
been silently watching me—Rider.

I
blinked at him, my lips parting slightly.

He
tilted his head, his voice still half-concerned, half-teasing, “You’re not …
right?”

“Uh
… no. I mean, a little bit, maybe—but no.”

He
grins slightly, but it’s sympathetic. Still his words are said around a playful
grin, “That wasn’t very reassuring, Brooke. Now I’m going to have to watch you
all night.” His eyes twinkle, “—just for your own safety.”

He’s
only kidding. Of course. He’s seems quite aware there is no need to take any
sort of measures to keep me from offing myself. I can tell he’s enjoying
this—getting to tease me … yet at the same time, he still seems the
tiniest bit concerned. Just a teeny, tiny bit. But it’s keeping his voice
really gentle, and his eyes tender—even as he’s teasing me. Like he knows
I’m not going to off myself, yet I’m having a dangerously lousy moment, and
maybe he feels my pain—I mean, he’s in the cemetery too. You don’t
normally hang out here just to meet people. Not even Heartbreaker Hanson. It’s
kind of a sad place, for sad people—grieving people.

So,
the tiniest pang goes through me.

I
know his mom died last year. As we stare at each other now, we both know this
fact—that I know. I had sent him a sea-shell after she died—it was
this “thing” we had back in kindergarten. I wouldn’t have sent it to him, but
he sent me one when Rachel died, and it had made me cry bittersweet tears. I
wonder if my shell to him did the same. I doubt it. After all, he’s
Heartbreaker Hanson.

But
then his face goes kind of blotchy for a moment. “Thanks for the shell,” he
says. “—and the note. It meant a lot.”

I
have to look away, since I suddenly, inexplicitly, have tears in my eyes and my
heart is in my throat.

“Thanks
for your shell too,” I whisper once I can manage words.

He
clears his throat, but his voice still comes out husky, “Sorry I didn’t write a
note.”

The
shell from him had touched me beyond words. If he would have added
actual
words—no. My heart would
have broke all over again.

I
shook my head, trying to brush off his apology about the note. “The shell meant
a lot to me, Rider. Thank you.”

If
he hadn’t sent it to me, I would have never dared send one to him when his mom
died. I would have ached and longed to do it—but I wouldn’t have dared,
believing he wouldn’t have cared, or remembered. When Rachel died and I got
his, I had bawled. It’s funny, but I’d blocked that out of my mind this past
year—that he had sent me that truly touching gift—that heartwarming
sea-shell that was so dear and meant so much.

Rider
cleared his throat again, “Listen, can we go somewhere and talk for a while?”
His voice had been hesitant, but now it takes on his normal teasing, “I mean,
since I’m now on duty—suicide-watch.”

I
roll my eyes and grunt. “I don’t need to be watched.”

His
grin grows, “I beg to differ.”

He’s
flirting!

Right
now. In a
cemetery
.

Of
course the guy will flirt anywhere. He’s had so much practice, he can’t help
himself.

“Look,
just let me make sure you’re okay … okay? I’ll take you to get a milkshake—a
chocolate-banana milkshake, your favorite. If you turn me down, that will be a
true sign that you are not alright and I’ll be forced to do some type of intervention—something
way more dramatic than a milkshake. You don’t want that, do you Kindergarten Girlfriend?”

I’m
shocked beyond belief that he remembers that my favorite milkshake flavor is
chocolate-banana. Not even my own
mom
remembers that. She always gets me chocolate-marshmallow and says it all proud,
“That’s your favorite right?”

No.
It’s not, Mom. It’s nice and all. But not my favorite.

Yet
Rider remembers.

He’s
making me feel all warm and gooey tonight, what with his sea-shell reminder,
and now this. And it sure doesn’t hurt that his eyes keep being on me like
that—all sweet and concerned, yet at the same time kind of longing and
hungry. (
Mmmm
.)

And
…

Since
I had just been (in my head, and heart) asking my best friend to give me guidance
in my present situation—you know, with Laurie and Drew—I take this
moment as a sign and thank Rachel (in my head).

I’d
needed a distraction from my thoughts of Drew.

Rider
is definitely a distraction.