Heartbreaker Hanson (8 page)

CHAPTER 15

Disturbingly
often during the party I would look up from doing something to find Drew watching
me. Unlike myself, he didn’t look away when I discovered him gazing at me, but just
continued to longingly stare, his hungry eyes glued to me. Even so, all night
he was dutifully beside Laurie, holding her hand, making her smile. Not going
to lie though, each time I discovered him looking at me an involuntary thrill would
race through me.

It
was bad though. I
knew
that. Afterwards,
every time, I would feel more and more depressed. I mean, he was always with
Laurie. Sometimes he was
kissing
her
and looking at me. How twisted was that? It seemed he was playing a game with
me, and it hurt that he was being so careless with my feelings. I desperately tried
to avoid him all night.

In
fact the only time we actually spoke directly was when I was standing next to
him waiting to use the bathroom.

“That
guy Kenny keeps staring at you,” he said with concern as I leaned against the
wall.

“I
hadn’t noticed,” I lied.

“Watch
out for him Brooke,” he said with concern.

I
peeked up at him doubtfully. He really had a thing about me staying away from
Kenny.

Drew’s
eyes flashed with frustration. “I’m serious. He’s weird, and he hasn’t taken
his eyes off you all night.”

“Who
are you to criticize someone for staring at me?” I asked incredulously.

“Why?—what’s
that supposed to mean?” Drew asked, gently pulling me back to him as I tried to
stomp off in a dignified huff.

I
glared at him. “You haven’t exactly been keeping your eyes to yourself, have
you? Or on your girlfriend either.”

He
winced, looking at me as though I’d slapped him in the face, and I realized
there’d been a lot more hostility in my voice than I’d intended. Still, it felt
good to hurt him a little. He had been hurting me all night.

“Well,
you look really beautiful tonight,” he explained after running a hand over his
face.

His
words and husky voice brought a flutter to my insides. But I knew it was
absolutely stupid to feel so thrilled by his words. After all, we were here for
his
girlfriend’s
birthday.
(Inappropriate much?)

“I
guess Kenny thinks so too,” I shot at him dryly as I walked away, deciding I
didn’t really need to use the room that badly.

I
knew I was being irrational. It was sweet, actually, of Drew to worry about me.
Obviously,
I
thought Kenny was really
strange too. But who was Drew to criticize someone for staring at me? He was
not exactly faultless in that area himself. So, though his stares may not have
been so spooky, still stares were stares.

 
As things were winding down and most of
the guests were leaving, except those of us that had been elected as the
clean-up committee, Wade came and found me working kitchen duty with Laurie,
Drew and a few others.

“Hey,”
he said almost shyly. “Can I give you a ride home?”

Aw
. I was sort of touched. But I’m also weirdly shy about
guys’ attention—or so I was quickly finding.

“No
thanks,” I said appreciatively. “I’m going to stick around and help clean up.”

“I
can help too,” he offered.

“Well,
actually I’m going to spend the night here,” I lied, not sure why exactly, except
for the shy-thing. And okay, I’m weird. And a spaz. But it seemed
nicer—to tell the lie, than admit to him that I was afraid to be alone
with him. I mean, who wants to hear that?

I
quickly said, “But thanks for offering, that’s really nice of you. I’ll walk
you to the door.”

Then
I did walk him to the door. He was an incredibly nice guy, and cute too. I
wasn’t altogether sure why I declined his offer, but I felt uneasy about going
with him. Maybe it was that Kenny had me all creeped out. But whatever. I
didn’t want to go with him, so I didn’t.

When
I came back to the kitchen, Laurie smiled at me teasingly. “You’ve got boys
coming out of your ears these days.”

“Kim,”
I turned to my cute freckled friend, ignoring Laurie’s comment. (Awkward!) “—can
I have a ride home?”

“Drew’s
giving me a ride,” she said, glancing at Drew for re-confirmation to her plans.

However
Drew didn’t notice her uncertainty though, because he was busy looking at me,
but he said nothing. He just leaned against the wall, his eyes on me.

“Drew
can give you a ride too,” Laurie said, freely offering her chauffer’s services.
She smiled teasingly, “But I thought I heard you say you’re spending the
night.”

I
gave her a rueful look, but didn’t comment. I was sure she understood the predicament
I had been in, and she was only teasing.

The
party had broken up by one, but the cleaning up dragged on forever. When Kim, Mandy
and I piled into Drew’s car I was beat, but we cranked up the music really loud
and discussed highlights of the party.

I
enjoyed the ride home more than the party. Everyone was really impressed with
Nick’s band, and agreed unanimously that he had made the party a huge success. I
was extremely proud of Nick. He had a really good thing going—even if his
drummer was a staring, psychotic weirdo.

Drew
dropped the other girls off before me, which made sense, since I lived the
closest to him, but when we were left alone in the car together, there was an
awkward silence that fell upon us. I was sure he could hear my heart pounding,
it was so LOUD.

When
he pulled up to my house I quickly started to gather up my things, but was
having trouble since his eyes were on me. My heart slammed against my chest
when he requested me to wait a second.

I
froze.

My
heart pounding, I immediately stopped my fumbling. After a moment, I peeked up
at him curiously.

“Are
you planning on never talking to me again?” he asked.

“No,”
I answered honestly. “I’m not planning anything.”

“Then
can we go somewhere and talk?” he asked.

I
squeezed my eyes shut. But it seemed we had to do it—actually talk.
Otherwise, I was going to explode from all the convoluted feelings twisting
inside me—feelings
he
was
stirring. I needed it to stop, so with my heart in my throat I whispered
hoarsely, “Okay.”

He
let out a breath as though he’d been holding it waiting for my answer. Then silently
he stared up the car.

CHAPTER 16

Drew
drove us to some hills near our house and parked the car at a cliff where we
could see all the stars in the sky above, and the lights of the city below.

“Its
beautiful,” I murmured.

Actually,
I’d been here before. With Laurie. The last time she and Drew broke up Laurie
had brought me here and cried. I knew this is where they had come a lot to talk
and make out and stuff. But it was a beautiful spot. I couldn’t help admiring
it.

I
peeked at Drew. “Did you take Laurie up here a lot?”

“Yeah,”
he said softly. “I love this place…. But I brought you here to talk.”

“I
know,” I blushed, not sure if he thought I was hoping we were going to make-out
or something.

“Brooke,
do you hate me now or what?” he asked getting right to the point.

My
brow scrunched up. “Why would I hate you?”

“I
don’t know,” he said, then he speculated, “Because I went after you when I had
a girlfriend? Because my girlfriend is your friend … because I scared you. I
don’t know exactly why you would, but do you?”

“No,
I don’t hate you,” I whispered. “You know I don’t hate you.”

He
shook his head slightly. “I hoped you didn’t. But I wasn’t sure. I had to kind
of wonder if maybe you did. I mean, lately you won’t even look at me, and you
don’t seem to be comfortable in the same room as me. If you don’t hate me, then
what is it?”

“I
haven’t known how to act around you. The other night you said some things that …”

I
didn’t finish. I couldn’t.

He
pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. “Do you want to just forget I
said anything? Because if that’s what it takes to have you talk to me again then
I’ll pretend right along with you that all I feel for you is friendship. Is
that what you want?”

His
voice was gentle. Compassionate. He wasn’t being demanding, he was just trying
to make things better between us. That was it.

I
bit my lip. “It would be so much easier to just do that—if we really
could. But it doesn’t seem like I can.” I rubbed my forehead. “But I’ll
definitely try … if that’s what you want to do.”

“I
don’t,” he blurted out. “But the thing is, I can’t take what you’ve been doing.
You won’t look at me or talk to me—it’s like you’ve just been pretending that
I don’t exist. It hurts me, Brooke.”

My
heart squeezed.

I
squeezed my eyes shut. “It’s just I—I can’t do that to Laurie.”

He
sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah…. Laurie.”

He
thumped his forehead lightly on the steering wheel. “Laurie,” he murmured again
softly, sounding tortured.

He
rubbed his palms over his eyes, resting the back of his head against the seat and
seemed to be negotiating something in his head. Finally he said hesitantly, “I’m
going to tell you something that maybe I shouldn’t. I mean it’s not really
anyone’s business but mine and Laurie’s, but I kind of need you to know. When I
broke up with her this summer it wasn’t like our other stupid break ups. I’d
really meant it, and Laurie knew it. But she just has a way of getting what she
wants … this one was a big deal—what she did.” He ran a hand over his
face, but didn’t go on with that—what Laurie had done to get what she
wanted. Instead, he took a deep breath, “The thing is I’m going to break up
with her for good. I just wanted to wait until after her birthday. We’ve been
together a long time, and I didn’t want to screw up her birthday.”

I
was silent for a moment, torn. And tortured. Poor Laurie, hopelessly in love
with her boyfriend who was planning their break up. But at least he stuck it
out with her until after her big party. I guess. I mean, it was a huge deal to
her—her party. She would have been annihilated and heartbroken without
Drew by her side—the school’s super star.

Of
course she suspected the break up, totally feared she was losing him. She
obviously knew the possibility was there … but she had seemed so happy at her
party—and Drew had been so attentive to her—most likely she was
still hoping they could work things out.

I
glanced up to find Drew watching me. He weaved his fingers through his hair.
“Does it bother you that I’m breaking up with her?”

“I
feel bad for her.” I swallowed. “She loves you—so much.”

“Yeah,”
he said softly. “I know … but this isn’t going to be a shock to her. I mean
I’ve been trying to prepare her for it since we got back together this summer. When
I broke up with her then it
was
a shock to her, and she was acting really crazy. So I got back together with
her just to stop her from doing something crazy that she would regret, and I
thought I would kind of ease into the break up this time. You know, let her
still depend on me a little, but not be around so much anymore. I mean we’d
been together a long time and I know it will still be hard for her, but maybe
she’ll be able to handle it better this time.”

My
breath was strangled in my throat. Drew had gotten back together with Laurie
this summer only to stop her from doing something crazy?

The
disturbing thought had me shivering.

Drew
watched me silently. He scrubbed a hand over his face, his jaw muscles
flickering. “Look, she’ll be okay, Brooke. People break up. It’s high school—it
happens. It’s expected.”

I
shook my head slightly. “But not of you guys. You’ve been together so long …”

His
eyelids closed. “
Too
long,” he
murmured softly. “I’ve changed—a lot. My
feelings
have changed. I’ve grown up. And it’s not fair to her to
stay with her anymore. Yet, this isn’t fair to me—her making me stay with
her when she knows I want to break-up. I’ve wanted to break-up for a long time.”

We
sat in silence for a moment contemplating his dilemma. Then he said softly, “I
didn’t bring you up here to talk about Laurie. Brooke, I want to talk about you—your
feelings. Could you
possibly
do that
with me?”

My
pulse thumped.

That
subject made me nervous. How quickly he grasped that fact. Amazing.

“Yeah,”
I took a deep breath and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. “Okay,” I whispered.

 
He breathed out an amused laugh. “You’re
acting like you’re preparing to face a death squad—I just want to figure
out how you’re feeling, Brooke. How you’re feeling about me, specifically.” He
grinned slightly, “I mean, you talk about me in your sleep, so that was pretty
encouraging. But then, since school started, you won’t even look at me—or
talk to me, except tonight at the party—but then you just sort of growled
at me. So, that stuff isn’t so encouraging. Especially when I see you hanging
out with that band dude from the soccer team all the time. Except then tonight
you were with Wade North most of the night—so I was pretty confused about
that one.”

I
slunk down in my seat, squirming a little, his words reminded me that I seemed
to have led people to the wrong idea about Band-boy Ethan and me—and that
I might have possibly led Ethan to that wrong idea as well. (Eeek!)

Drew
glanced between my shaking hands and my pale face, and rubbed the back of his
neck. He seemed to be contemplating whether he should go on or call an
ambulance. Finally, he dared to go on, his voice huskier than usual. Softly he
said, “Mostly though, I was wondering how you would feel about us—being
an us.”

My
heart ricocheted against my chest.

Of
course now he looked even more like he was worried he should call an ambulance,
since I had so many thoughts swimming through my head—of course excited,
happy ones about Drew’s glorious words—(Drew Roberts, my heart’s desire,
wanting us to be an “us”!!!) (Holy smokes!!!)—but of course thoughts of
poor Laurie were niggling in my brain as well, keeping me from swooning from
happiness like I would have otherwise. Instead, I was more like
hyperventilating.

Drew
rubbed the back of his neck. He laughed softly, “Are you okay? Should I call
9-1-1?”

I
tried to get a grip. Just form a coherent thought—one that could articulate
some of the convoluted, conflicting emotions scrambling through my brain. Just
one thought.
Any
thought.

“It’s
just, I mean—it’s just that I don’t know what you want from me,” I managed
to choke out.

Okay,
so it wasn’t really one of the top wonders going through my confused brain, but
it was there. Apparently. Since it was what spilled out of my mouth.

Drew
blinked, then took me in his arms and kissed me softly. “That’s what I want
from you,” he said softly in my ear.

I
melted.

Holy
smokes! I’d just felt Drew Roberts’ warm, scrumptious lips on mine, and it was
SPECTACULAR!

I
practically died from it. Went to heaven. Heard harps and angels and
everything.

“Are
you okay with that?” he asked breathlessly.

I
nodded, also breathless (of course). But then, immediately I shook my head.

He’d
been about to take me into his arms again—until I did that. Shook my
head. He froze, then winced and quickly slid over to his side of the car again.

He
gave me a weak grin, “This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.” He
closed his eyes, “This self-control stuff.”

He
added with a wry smile, “ … but it’s supposed to be good for me, right? Builds
character, or something.”

“That’s
what they say,” I murmured in dry agreement.

Of
course I wanted him to kiss me again—of course! But we’d just come from
Laurie’s
birthday
party … and he was
technically still her boyfriend. No way could I give in to that—no matter
how tempting it was. But trust me—it was tempting. (And sort of made me
need to take a freezing cold shower.)

“I
keep thinking how weird it is to be with you like this,” he said reflectively
after a moment of silence. “I mean I’ve known you all my life, and until
recently I had always kind of thought of you as a sister.”

“I
know,” I muttered sardonically.

“Well,
I don’t anymore,” he said with a wry smile.

Which
made me smile as well.

I
peeked at him curiously. “But what brought on the sudden change in your
feelings toward me?”

He
shook his head slightly. “It wasn’t really sudden. I guess my feelings started
to change towards you last year. At first it wasn’t that big of a deal. I just
got to know you more intimately when we started studying together. Before that
I pretty much just thought of you as Nick’s sister, or Laurie’s friend, but
when we started to spend time together, without them around, I started seeing
you as you—your own person. At first I was surprised to find that you
were so amazingly interesting and funny, and then after a while I started to
notice that you were a pretty girl, and then you got a boyfriend and I realized
that I liked you a lot.”

I
gaped. “You liked me all that time?”

Me
and my boyfriend, Tony (aka: “Loser”—to Laurie) had been together a
really short time—and it had been toward the
middle
of last year. Not at the end—when the notorious kiss
on the bus took place.

Drew’s
answer was a slow nod. “Yeah—I liked you since way back then,” his voice
was soft and reflective, “—but not exactly like I do now. When you
started dating that guy—Tony—I was really happy for you. But
whenever you’d talk about him you’d kind of glow, and at first I thought it was
really cute that you liked him so much, but then it sort of started to bother
me, and I had to admit that I was jealous. It felt really weird to me because
I’d known you all my life, and you were Laurie’s friend. But then you went away
for the summer and I decided what I’d been feeling for you was just a special
kind of friendship, and I don’t know, maybe it was. Maybe. But it’s not now.
You came back the most incredibly beautiful girl I have ever seen. I haven’t
been able to stop thinking about you, and believe me Brooke—my thoughts
haven’t been brotherly.”

Heat
shot through me, and a tingling sensation skittered through my insides. It was beyond
thrilling to have him desire me, as I had always desired him.
Always
.

I
cleared my throat, trying to get a grip … and remember Laurie. “On that note, I
think you should probably drive me home—so you don’t have to build any
more character for the night.”

He
grinned, like I was adorable. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

When
we got to my house, Drew jumped out of his side of the car and opened the
passenger door for me.

“Are
you going to be in trouble for getting home so late?” he asked with concern as
he walked me to my front door.

“My
parents are out of town—as always.” Then I added quickly, since his eyes
kind of sparked at that information. “Goodnight.”

His
jaw muscles flickered, but he grinned, getting my message, even if he didn’t
want to. “Goodnight, Brooke. I’ll miss you.”