Hearts Aglow (13 page)
Deborah didn’t seem overly worried, but then again, she was quite capable of hiding her feelings if the situation merited.
“Well, I can’t be completely certain,” Dr. Clayton began as Deborah helped Lizzie to sit up, “but I think I have some interesting insight into your nausea.”
Lizzie extended her hand to Deborah. If something was wrong, she wanted to at least have her friend close. She swallowed hard.
What would G.W. do? He was so excited about the baby. At times, the pregnancy seemed to be the only thing that kept him pushing his recovery.
Deborah scooted closer and took hold of her hand. Lizzie looked to the doctor and nodded. “Is it bad news?”
He shook his head. “Not to my way of thinking. I believe you’re going to have twins.”
Lizzie felt the impact of his statement as the breath caught in her throat. “Twins?”
“We will know better as the weeks go by, but I’m feeling rather confident that you carry two babies instead of just one. We’ll watch you closely as time passes, and if you feel anything might be amiss, don’t hesitate to let me know.”
“Oh, this is so surprising.” She put her hand to her stomach. “Twins.”
Deborah patted her arm. “Let me fetch G.W. He will absolutely burst his buttons when he hears.”
Lizzie shook her head. “Let’s not tell him until Dr. Clayton is sure. I don’t want to get him all excited and then disappoint him if it’s not true.” She looked to the doctor. “When do you suppose we can know for certain?”
“Probably in another month or so. Maybe less.”
“That will be soon enough,” Lizzie said, looking to Deborah. “We’ll tell him only if we’re certain. Agreed?”
Deborah smiled. “You’re the patient. I will keep my mouth shut and wait for you to give me the word that it’s all right to speak.”
Lizzie nodded and let out a heavy sigh. Twins.
Two weeks later, Rob found himself still considering his conversation with Mara. She made him look deep within his heart and mind. There were things about God that seemed simple and clear, while other issues were far more complex. Mara’s comments challenged him in a way he’d never experienced before.
The evening was chilled, but not too humid. Rob found Deborah sitting on the porch quietly rocking. He hoped she wouldn’t mind his intrusion. He thought with her being close to Mara’s age, she might be able to help him understand the young woman’s mind.
“Can I ask you some questions?”
Deborah looked up and stopped toying with her long thick braid. “Of course, you can. Have a seat and tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Did I say something was bothering me?” he asked as he plopped down on a three-legged stool. The seat rocked awkwardly as Rob worked to balance.
“You didn’t have to. You only took two portions of Mother’s lemon cornmeal cake and hardly poured any sweet cream atop.”
He laughed. “That’s only ’cause I’d already had three helpin’s of her black-eyed peas and ate a whole fried chicken by myself.”
Deborah nodded. “I suppose I should have taken that into account.”
Rob sobered. “Still, fact is, I do have somethin’ on my mind.”
“Well, I hope talking about it might relieve your heart on the matter.”
He thought for a moment. “Do you think God talks to each person?”
Deborah sat up and stopped rocking. “How do you mean?”
“Well, Mara Shattuck has asked me about where I figured God was directin’ me to go. I don’t think I’ve ever heard God talk out loud to me.”
He watched his sister carefully. “I think God addresses each of us. Not always in the same way, but definitely with the same heart of love. He wants us to seek His will, but how can we if He doesn’t speak to us? You grew up around folks who loved God – who revered His name. People in our family often talk about how God desires to guide us and have us walk with Him. A lot of folks in the world haven’t the interest. A lot of people right here in Perkinsville probably think they know who God is but don’t really have a clue.”
“But have you heard God speak to you?”
Deborah eased back in her chair and started to rock again. “I believe I have. I think often when we get that nudge in our heart – when something keeps coming back to us in the Word or through the teachings the pastor gives or we hear wise counsel from someone who cares, those are the times God speaks to us. I think He can also speak to our hearts.”
“And is that the way we can know Him better?” He couldn’t hide the longing in his voice. He needed to know the truth.
“Some folks think just hearing about God means that they know Him. I think that really knowing Him requires we take an active role with Him.”
“What do you mean?”
“As I said, we grew up with God-fearing parents. Our family has always talked about God and how we should respect and esteem Him. We were taught that the Bible is His infallible word to us – His inspired Word carefully written down by His faithful servants. There’s never been a time in our lives when we didn’t know who our parents believed God to be, and then to gradually learn who God was for ourselves.”
“True enough.”
A light breeze blew across the yard, rustling the trees and bringing hints of muscari on the air. Deborah pulled her shawl closer. “A great many people don’t have it that way, Rob. I think having grown up as we did, it’s easier to accept that God speaks to us. Some folks think God doesn’t care – that He’s just waiting to accuse us of our failings. I think God wants to talk to us like a Father – like our father used to talk to us. He offered us direction and encouragement. Why would God do any less?”
“I don’t reckon He would.”
She smiled. “I don’t think He would, either. If you want to know what God is trying to say to you – ask Him to make it very clear. Ask Him to show you so there is no doubt the choice is right.”
Rob nodded and mulled the matter in his mind. “Mara said a lot of folks know about God, but don’t really know who He is. I guess if they never try to talk to Him or listen back, they won’t get closer to Him.”
“Exactly. They are just pretending so people will believe them to be good. Sometimes they really want to impress folks, and they memorize all sorts of Scriptures so they can spout them off whenever it suits them. Unfortunately, they don’t always understand what they’re quoting, and they use God’s Word to hurt other people.”
“I don’t reckon God approves of that,” Rob replied.
“Even pastors can be guilty of this. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing, pretending to be holy and knowledgeable of God, but they don’t know Him at all.”
“You mean they preach and know about God’s Word, but ain’t accepted Jesus as their Savior?” Rob shook his head, trying to fully understand exactly what Deborah was saying.
“Sometimes,” Deborah admitted. “Sometimes they don’t even know what the Bible says. They have a form of godliness, but they really don’t know God at all.”
Something deep within seemed to call out to Rob. He found himself longing to know more – to understand what this might have to do with him and the future God had for him. He started to ask Deborah how he might learn more, but as if she’d read his mind, the solution was in her next words.
“If you want to better understand, I’d talk to Uncle Arjan or Pastor Shattuck. Either one is bound to offer you insight from a man’s perspective – especially from that of a man who loves God and truly does understand, or at least seeks to understand, who God is.”
“I’ll do that,” Rob declared. “Seems like a good thing.” He got up and threw Deborah a wink. “Besides, if I go to talk to Pastor, then I’ll get to see Mara.”
Deborah smiled. “Somehow I doubt you’ll have much trouble coming up with excuses to see Miss Shattuck.”
Deborah finished reading the last of the books she’d borrowed from Christopher and looked rather sadly at the stack. Reading used to give her such joy, but the more she read about illnesses and cures, the more helpless she felt. How could she ever be of use in medicine if people wouldn’t allow her to work with them?
A part of her could actually understand their fears and concerns. Women in medicine were usually relegated to working with other women or with children. Even Margaret Foster, the midwife and healer in Perkinsville, wasn’t always allowed to treat the men. However, folks around here knew the ornery woman and most feared she’d put a curse on them if they didn’t acquiesce.
“But she’s a widow just turned fifty, and I’m young and unmarried.” Deborah went to the dining room window and parted the curtains. The new dining room wasn’t yet finished, so they were still using the old one. There were warm, comfortable memories in this room.
She thought of her father, sitting at the head of the table, reading the Bible to them. He had always helped each of them understand what the words meant and why they were important. Sometimes he’d share stories of when he’d been a boy and tell them something that reflected the same Bible lesson in real life. Mother called these his “walking the road” stories. It was all about applying the truth of God’s Word to one’s daily life. Deborah let the curtain fall back into place without really even seeing the outside. Her heart was turned inward, and that’s where her vision remained.
“You seem awfully deep in thought,” Mother said from the kitchen door.
Deborah looked up in surprise. “I thought you were with Sissy.”
“I was for a spell. Then I went outside to work on a couple of the garden patches. I thought about putting some supper on to cook. You want to help me?”
She nodded. “I might as well. I don’t seem to be of much use elsewhere.”
Mother looked at her oddly. “Feeling sorry for yourself?”
Deborah laughed. Her mother knew her so well. “I suppose I was, in a way.”
“Nothing to be gained from that.” Mother motioned her to follow. “There’s plenty of work to be done. It might not be exactly what you want to do, but it will be quite useful to me if you are of a mind to help.” Mother took a large bowl of potatoes from the counter. “You can start by peeling these.”
Deborah took up a paring knife and got comfortable. “Did you ever feel that God had somehow overlooked you, Mother?”
Pausing for a moment, the older woman cocked her head to one side. “Now your feeling of uselessness is about God forgetting you?”
“No. Not exactly. I just feel . . . well . . . confused. I always thought I was given the ability to easily learn from books because God wanted me to help with the business and keep the office.
Now it seems really clear that G.W. is needed there. In fact, he and Lizzie often work together in the office, so he doesn’t even need me to assist him.”
Deborah paused as she began to cut away the skin of a potato.
“Then there’s my interest in medicine. As a young, single woman, I’m not allowed to see and treat men – especially if those men have black skin. Not only that, but I’m not really even desired by the women. I thought because Mrs. Foster was so accepted by them that I would be, too. After all, I grew up with many of the folks in the area.”
“Perhaps it’s your familiarity that makes them uncomfortable,” Mother suggested. “Still, you won’t always be a young, single woman. The woman part you can’t change.” Her tone was teasing as she continued. “But the young and single will pass away before you know it. Believe me. I’ve watched my youth flee before my eyes.”
“Nonsense, Mother.You’re still quite young,” Deborah countered. “You’re young enough that you really should consider remarrying.”
The crash of metal pots on the floor caused Deborah to jump. She turned to find her mother staring at her in stunned surprise. “What did you say?”
Deborah put the knife and potato aside and went to pick up the pans. “You heard me. I said you should consider marrying again. It’s not good for you to be alone.”
“Have you seen me be alone lately? I have people all around me,” her mother said, taking the pieces from Deborah.
“That’s not the same, and you know it.”
Her mother turned to put the pots away. “I thought we were talking about you and how God had forgotten you.”
Deborah touched her mother’s shoulder. “I hope I haven’t upset you. I know you loved Father dearly, but you are still very young, compared to some widows. You’re not even forty-four.”
