Hearts Are Wild (11 page)

Finally he gritted out, “I wanted this to last, to draw it out…” He stopped speaking and took a calming breath before he continued, “I’ve never wanted to just
take
someone so bad in my life.”

She sucked in her breath at his comment, then arched her spine, pushing herself back against him. “Go for it, lover. I’m more than ready to
take
all you’re willing to give.”

Josh clenched his jaw as her warm body pressed further into his as if she somehow hoped to physically fuse her body with his. He’d never felt more connected to another. The softness of her skin, her sweet ass rubbing against him, the smell of sex all around them…she was so wet and ready. He held her hips while he withdrew and slammed back inside.

As pleasurable sensations ricocheted throughout his body, he pulled out and thrust in once more, clenching his jaw at the coiled sexual buildup slamming into his groin and balls.

He dropped one hand from her hip to rub her clit while he slid inside her body again and held himself deep inside her. When she screamed out and he felt her warm core contracting around his cock with her orgasm, fisting him in a tight glove of renewed wetness, he groaned in pent-up relief.

“Damn, Brina,” he breathed out as he came, rocking his hips as his entire frame shook with a fire that burned straight down to his toes. Never had a sexual partner’s orgasm caused such a heightened, satisfying response within him, a response that went way beyond a physical level.

After they both stopped moving, their breathing still ragged, he cupped her breasts and leaned his chest flush against her back as he kissed her shoulder.

“I’m never letting you go.”

“Well, eventually you’ll have to,” she chuckled as she tugged on the reins around her hands.

He moved his hands to cup her butt checks and squeezed. “Or I could just put you up on the saddle just as you are, tied and naked and give you a ride to the house.”

She heard, rather than saw, the devilish grin on his face. “You wouldn’t dare!” came her fast reply as she tugged hard on her bonds.

“Why bother putting your clothes back on, darlin’? They’re soaking wet. Plus, you’ll just end up without them again once I get you inside,” he finished as he reached over her and untied the reins.

“And here I thought taking off my clothes and ripping my underwear from my body was half the fun,” she teased as she cast him a saucy grin over her shoulder.

“Never doubt it,” came his fast reply as he turned her in his arms and pulled her close. He kissed her neck and said, “The storm’s fury seems to be letting up. We’d better get you into some warm, dry clothes.”

Chapter Ten

Sabrina lay in Josh’s bed with his arms wrapped around her as they listened to the rain outside. They’d had a sexually charged dinner, amid many interruptions as Josh dabbed beef gravy on her nose just so he could kiss if off, which led to a heated kiss and finally they’d ended up in his bedroom.

The room was completely dark except for the occasional flash of lightning that lit up the entire room. Josh created a soothing rhythm as he ran his fingers through her hair from her scalp to the ends and then back again.

She moaned and said without conscious thought, “I could get used to this.”

Josh never stopped stroking her hair as he replied, his voice quiet yet strong, “Then why not make this a permanent deal? Stay in Texas with me, Sabrina.”

Sabrina jerked her gaze to his in the dark, thankful for the brief flash of lightning that lit up his face so she knew for sure he wasn’t joking. A sincere expression greeted her questioning look before the room doused in darkness once more. She’d assumed he’d told her he loved her in the heat of the moment. Even though it had made her heart jerk to hear the words, she wasn’t sure he’d meant it in a committed way.

“We—we barely know each other,” she argued, trying to keep a calm on her rioting senses and thudding heart.
He wanted her to stay permanently?

Josh shifted, pulling her underneath him, his response calm, assured as he spoke. “I’ve waited a lifetime to feel the way I do when I’m with you, Brina. God knows I’ve had some inner demons to face along the way, but since you’ve come into my life, I’ve been able to find a sense of balance I’d never be able to before. I’m not just going to let you go.”

Surprised by his cryptic comment about his past and thrilled—more than she cared to admit—by the possessive nature of his words, she realized with a heavy heart that she needed to set him straight. She should’ve done so when he first told her he loved her. Putting her hands on his chest, she started to reply, “Josh, I’m here for now but—”

The phone rang, interrupting her. “Who the hell could be calling at this hour?” Josh cursed at the interruption as he picked up the cordless phone from its receiver on his nightstand.

“Hello?”

Sabrina waited as her entire body tensed and a lump formed in her throat at the possibility the phone call meant Josh would have to go fight yet another fire.

“Yeah, see you then. Thanks.”

Josh hung up the phone and turned back to her, answering her unspoken question. “That was Dirk calling to tell me when he planned to pick me up.”

“Pick you up? Not to fight another fire?” she asked, her voice unconsciously going up an octave.

Josh rolled over and pulled her across his chest. His hands flexed as he rubbed up and down her arms. “I meant, pick
us
up and no, there’s no fire this time. I promise.”

“Pick us up?” she repeated, curious as to where they were going.

“Yeah, my truck got towed while I was fighting that fire. Tomorrow morning Dirk’s going to take us to get it.”

He ran his hand up her shoulder and lifted her hair to cup the back of her neck. Rubbing his thumb across her jaw and throat, he said, “And yes, I meant us. I don’t want you out of my sight any longer than necessary. Your memory could come back at any time. By my side is where you belong.”

Warmed by the protective nature of his words, yet scared by the you’re-here-to-stay undertones they held, she said, “I’m sure you can handle it without me.”

Josh sighed. “I was hoping to avoid telling you this…to keep you from worrying, but the escaped prisoner has an alibi. It seems he was busy breaking and entering in another house while you were attacked. So that means whoever attacked you is still out there.

“At this point, he has to know you didn’t die in that fire, which could make you a target. He doesn’t know you don’t remember the details. And since the details are still fuzzy to you, for all you know, you might have seen his face and could identify him.”

“Oh God, I hadn’t thought of that.” Fear raced through her at the possibility Josh could be right. “Okay, I’ll go with you tomorrow.”

“After we pick up my truck, I’ll give Colt a call. I’m hoping he was able to get Renee off his back.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, confusion reflected in her gaze.

“Renee’s checking ‘all angles’ on the stable fire and your attack. She received a phone call from a ‘concerned citizen’ about the attack at the Tanner ranch. The lady who called in mentioned overhearing Colt tease Elise at dinner that if he were really in dire need for money, he could just bump her off and collect the life insurance money,” he replied in an irritated tone.

“That’s crazy!” Sabrina said, feeling pure outrage that anyone would even consider Colt a suspect. “Anyway,
I
was attacked, not Elise.”

“Yeah, but everyone agrees you and Elise could easily be mistaken for one another and you
were
attacked at night, so for all those reasons, Renee is looking into it.” His arms around her tightened before he continued, “Of course, I don’t agree with it. Regardless, I’m sure Colt will set her straight.”

Once they’d finished discussing the case and the silence stretched out between them, Sabrina felt the tension build in Josh’s chest and arms, as if he were a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap. Wondering what current thoughts would cause him to tense up, her own stomach began to knot in response.

Why couldn’t she pretend he’d never said, “I love you” or asked her to stay in Texas with him?

“Are you planning to answer my question?” he finally spoke, his voice tight as he placed his hands on her arms once more.

She let out a sigh and replied, “I’m sorry, Josh. There can’t be more between us. I can’t stay.” Well, damn, didn’t she just feel like the scum at the bottom of the ocean.

His hands gripped her arms in a firm hold. “Why?”

“As I said, we barely know each other. Plus I work in Arizona—” she started to respond, using any excuse she could think of, but he cut her off, anger evident in his tone.

“Bullshit! You said yourself that your job could be done anywhere. What you and I share is rare. I don’t want to just walk away from that. Give it to me straight or not at all,” he said in a clipped tone.

Her body stiffened in response to his anger. “Fine. You want it straight? I can’t deal with you being a fireman. That’s why I ran earlier. I felt physically ill while you were gone all day today, Josh. Then seeing you’d gotten hurt today threw me over the edge. I can’t go through that every day, hoping you won’t end up like my dad.”

“That was just a scratch, baby,” he cajoled. When she didn’t respond, he said in a subdued voice, “You asked me about Nick the other night. Nick was my childhood friend. That picture you saw was taken the day we’d played all day long, pretending to be a fireman and a police officer. That day I’d told Nick I was going to be a fireman. He agreed I was the best fire starter and extinguisher on the planet.”

Josh chuckled before his tone turned melancholy once more. “We’d planned to meet in our fort the next day, but Nick never made it. A faulty lamp caught his house on fire that night, killing Nick and his entire family in the process.”

Sabrina sucked in her breath at Josh’s sad story and her heart contracted for the loss he’d suffered in his childhood. She laid her head on his chest and listened as he took a deep, steadying breath and finished his tale.

“Ever since then, I’ve wanted to be a firefighter.” He lifted his shoulders, shrugging underneath her. “I know it’s irrational, but I guess deep down every time I’ve fought a fire, I’ve felt I was fighting that fire I never could for Nick, in some kind of atonement for not being there for him when he needed me the most.”

She blinked back the hot tears that stung her eyes and felt the stirrings of deep love and appreciation tug on her heart. Sabrina fought the emotion that flooded her mind and heart, but how, in good conscience, could she ever ask him to give up firefighting after that sad story? She couldn’t. “See what I mean. Fires and firefighting cause nothing but pain and heartache.”

He hooked her chin and turned her face toward his. The sky lit up once more and Sabrina briefly saw his down-turned eyebrows and serious expression before he spoke, his voice turning urgent, “You waltzed into my life and forced me to sit up and take notice. You’ve made me realize that I shouldn’t see an invisible ghost in every fire I fight, nor should I set unrealistic expectations for myself as a firefighter.”

Rubbing his thumb across the tip of her chin, he then said in a tone asking her to understand, “The need to fight fires will always burn within me, Sabrina. I can’t explain it any better than that.”

“Just as my own experiences have colored what decisions I make,” she replied. “After losing my father to such a violent death, I vowed I would never have a relationship with a firefighter…especially not one that could lead to a deeper commitment.”

“I understand your pain and your motivation behind your decision, but I could just as easily die in a car accident tomorrow,” he countered.

Damn if he didn’t come up with a convincing argument, but she knew herself well enough to know…she’d make herself sick with worry every time he walked out the door, regardless of how many valid rebuttals he threw her way.

“Yes, you could,” she replied, her heart sad. “But being a firefighter, the nature of the risks you take are beyond everyday life stuff. They’re beyond what I know I can handle.”

“So that’s it? In a few days, you’ll just walk away from me, from us, as if we’d never met, never connected, never meant more to each other than spectacular fuck partners?”

She gulped at how callous and cold he made her sound, even if unintentionally. She knew he was hurt by her rejection. Hearing that hurt in his gruff tone was bad enough. She was thankful for the darkness so she didn’t have to see his teal gaze shift to a deep sea green as it churned with turmoil.

Slowly she nodded, knowing he could feel her answer since his hand was still on her chin. “I will.”

Without a word, he swiftly flipped her over on her back, pulling her arms above her head as he thrust his thigh between hers. “Then I have very little time left to convince you that staying with me is far preferable than living without me,” he said in a determined voice.

“Josh, I know you’re upset—” she started to say, her heart breaking at their irreconcilable situation.

“I don’t want your sympathy, Brina,” he ground out as he pressed his shaft against her entrance and thrust deep.

Sabrina screamed at the satisfying completeness she felt when he was seated inside her—every time she felt that way, damn it. Sad tears streamed down her face as he began to move within her in measured, deliberately slow, tantalizing strokes. Her heart hammered in her chest and desire swirled in her belly as her body temperature rose.

When she moaned in ecstasy, his breathing turned choppy but his tone remained unwavering as he vowed, “I
know
I have your body, but I won’t give up until I have your heart and soul.”

His words stabbed at her heart, making their lovemaking the most bittersweet and emotionally intense she’d experienced with him. His heartfelt words, his knowing touch, the way they perfectly moved in tune with one another… Sabrina silently acknowledged to herself that Josh did have her body. He even had her heart, but she couldn’t allow her soul to burn up in that white-blue flame only he seemed to be able to ignite within her.