Heart's Design: A Contemporary Christian Romance (11 page)

“Yes.” That one word said a lot, but he let it drop. She’d elaborate if she wanted.

Tucking the card with her contact information in his wallet, Seth gave her a smile he hoped she’d find encouraging. “Are you ready to go back to Landon’s now or would you like some more coffee? Sure you don’t want something to eat?”

“I’m fine unless you want something,” she said. “I had plenty to eat at the wedding reception before I pulled the disappearing act.”

“Let’s head back to Landon’s then.” When Caroline started to remove his jacket from her shoulders, he stopped her. “You wear it for now.” When she graced him with her smile, it threw him off kilter. Way off kilter. Made him want to say as many witty things as he could for a fleeting glimpse of that sweet smile again.

Jenica’s smile was pretty—everything about Jenica screamed pretty—but her smile didn’t make him feel like…this.

Chapter 12

~~♥~~

As they walked back to Landon’s, Seth told her more about the area, including some of the fun festivals held annually in that part of New England. Trying not to be obvious, Caroline stole quick glimpses of him when they passed beneath a lamp post. He almost caught her a couple of times, and she forced herself to look straight ahead. Then he
did
catch her staring. By that time, she didn’t care whether or not Seth knew she found him attractive. More than attractive.

But where could it lead? Nowhere. Admitting to her attraction would prove nothing more than she was a grownup, an adult woman, with normal physical desires. She’d stayed pure all these years not so much because of a strong sense of morality, and certainly not for religious reasons, but more because of her intense dedication to her studies. Not that some of the guys she’d gone out with once or twice hadn’t tried every line, every move, on her. Beverly Landon would probably say something about how God was protecting her. Who knows? Maybe there was something to all this God talk.

No, she didn’t need nor did she want the distraction of a man or a relationship. She’d seen firsthand the effects of what sleeping with men did to Kat and Paulina’s self-esteem after they’d shared that most intimate, personal part of themselves. She’d held her roommates’ hands and dried their tears after they’d been dumped by yet one more man. Then they’d seek solace in the arms of another man. They couldn’t seem to understand they were worth more than that.
She
was worth more than that. Oh, no. She wasn’t dipping her toe in those waters anytime soon, and even then, she’d only date one man at a time. Not until she was established in her career. For now, if she wanted romance, she’d pick up a book or see a movie. That’s all she needed.

Not getting involved with a man—emotionally or physically—was the best way to play it safe, just as she’d always done. She couldn’t risk her emotions getting involved or her heart being broken by a man who’d take what he wanted and then leave. Isn’t that what most men did? Her father left her mother a long time ago emotionally but her mother allowed it to happen. She’d pushed him away and he finally couldn’t take it anymore. From all outward appearances, her parents’ marriage had been
in name only
for years. She didn’t want that kind of marriage
if
she ever married.

At this point in her life, nothing was more important, and nothing could break her focus of getting great grades and graduating from Harvard Law School.

Caroline stole another glance at Seth.
Nothing
.
Can. Break. My. Focus.

Maybe her mantra should be
No. Man. Can. Break. My. Focus.

She yanked her gaze away. Yes, she might need to remind herself more than a few times when she returned home. Who knew if she’d ever see Seth again after she boarded the train bound for Boston tomorrow morning? Like always, she’d immerse herself in her studies and approach her classes with a single-minded dedication. All the while, she’d cling to Seth’s small world theory. It had to be enough. For now. As much as she hated the expression, time would tell whether they would see each other again. Ever. That sounded so final. So permanent. She hated it.

As they approached Landon’s, Caroline spotted a white, two-door Ford truck with a Maine plate that read
I Dig Rocks
—one of those fake state plates—and burst out laughing. “That truck has to belong to you.”

Seth kicked a pebble off the sidewalk as they approached the truck parked on the street. “I can’t imagine what gave you that idea. Hang on just a second. What I want to give you is in the truck.”

She laughed when he opened the door and started tossing books, spiral bound notebooks, and what looked like a few used fast food wrappers, into the back.

After he closed the door and turned around, she was standing so close, he nearly barreled her over. Putting one hand on her shoulder, he steadied himself. “Sorry, but I suggested you wait for a reason. As you can see, my truck wasn’t expecting company tonight.”

“I noticed.” Caroline couldn’t stop her giggles. The expression on his face was adorable, a mix of little boy sheepishness and defensiveness. She darted a quick glance at his hand to see what he’d pulled out of the truck. Looked like a book of some kind.

“Yeah, well, you try working with rocks for a living. I’ll admit to being a closet nerd.”

“That’s kind of a given.”

“Thanks.” He smirked but his grin belied the sarcasm in his tone.

“I’m one, too.” She raised a hand. “Card carrying nerd and proud of it.”

“No wonder I like you.” Seth high-fived her and they shared a smile. Like buddies. “Come on. Want to sit in the swing?”

“Sure.”

He waited for her to sit first and then dropped down beside her. With one foot, he pushed off from the floor to start the swing. Inside, the house was dark, the night quiet other than a few buzzing sounds from insects. Apparently everyone else had retired for the evening or had not yet returned. She doubted Paulina and Kat were back yet. Hoped they
would
return before dawn.

Seth’s arm brushed hers as he offered the book to her. Made from dark leather, it was quite old. Opening it, Caroline leafed through the gilt-edged pages, appreciating the many notes made in what looked like very small, precise lettering. She’d always felt the best books, the ones of most import, were those that were well-loved. Valued. The contents taken to heart.
This
was such a book for Seth.

“What’s this? Your little black book?” She couldn’t help teasing him. In the dim light from the lamp mounted on the wall, she could vaguely make out his name imprinted in gold letters in the lower right corner. His middle name was Cameron. Nice.

“In a manner of speaking.” Seth didn’t laugh and she hoped she hadn’t offended him. “It’s my Bible. I want you to have it.”

Her breath caught and Caroline bit her lower lip between her teeth. “Oh, Seth. I can’t take your Bible.” How had she missed it was a Bible? Glancing at the cover, she saw letters so faded they were barely legible.

“I want you to have it.” Placing one hand over hers, he closed her fingers around its binding. “I have another one. After what you’ve shared with me, I don’t want to offend you, or to presume anything, but if you read it, it’s my hope you’ll find words of comfort. From what I know, law school can be pretty tough. And dealing with unsympathetic parents and meeting their expectations can be just as hard. God knows your heart better than anyone—your fears, your thoughts, your desires. All of it.”

Blinking hard, Caroline listened. She nodded, unable to speak.

“I’ve got some stuff in my own life to work out, and God’s working on me,” he said. “I became a Christian when I was a kid. My parents took me to church, but it wasn’t until a friend of mine died when I was eight that all the Bible lessons I’d learned finally took root in my heart.”

“What happened?” She wanted to take his hand, but left one on the chain of the swing while her other hand rested in her lap.

“I watched my friend fall to his death in a quarry, and it was horrible. We’d gone there, just the same as we had for a year, playing around but we were always careful. Our parents warned us against going there. Seeing something like that shakes you up. I’ll never forget it. I lunged to grab hold of his hand before he fell over the edge.” Seth scrubbed one hand over his jaw, currently shadowed by a new beard’s growth. “The expression a little too late would apply.” His voice had grown quiet. “The Lord knows I tried with everything in me.”

Inappropriate or not, she grabbed hold of his hand. “What a horrible thing to endure, especially for a kid.” She sat back in the swing, stunned. “I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry.”

“Jared wanted to be a geologist. We were going to attend school together and go on all these big rock climbing adventures all over the world.”

“I’m glad you weren’t bitter at God because of what happened,” she whispered.

“I was for a while, but in an odd way, I’m thankful it happened when we were so young. With youth comes the blessing of easier acceptance in some ways. But I’ll carry my best friend with me all my life. Jared was the one who sat beside me at summer camp when I accepted Christ. That happened only a few weeks before he died. He’s the one I always think of when I make a new mineral discovery or when I stand and teach the kids at the college. Jared would have made a great teacher.”

The muscles in his jaw visibly tensed, and Seth’s shoulders seemed to stiffen. “Remember I told you earlier about the event in my past that decimated my family?”

He’d mentioned his mom and dad briefly while they’d been at Java Joe’s.

Snapping to attention, Caroline nodded. “Yes.”

“Without going into detail—that would take way too much time—suffice it to say that I still have some lasting bitterness from a certain event in my family fifteen years ago. When Jared died, I blamed myself and thought God couldn’t forgive me. I remember his dad told me something I’ll never forget. He said, ‘You aren’t to blame. No more than I am. I’m glad you were with him right before my boy went into the arms of Jesus.’”

Seth’s shoulders heaved with the force of his deep sigh. “I still struggle every day with trying to forgive the person I blame for, in essence, stealing my family from me fifteen years ago.” He shook his head as if trying to rid his mind of the unpleasantness from bitter memories. “This probably makes no sense to you. I’m sorry, Caroline. You must think I’m a nutcase. Here I am trying to tell you that my life would be empty without Christ, and I’m pouring out all the stuff in my life you probably don’t want or need to hear.”

When he hunched forward, she moved her hand to the middle of his back, resting it there. “I think you needed to share it with someone. I’m glad you told me.” She glanced at his Bible where she’d tucked it between her and the swing. “You and Beverly have given me a lot to think about this weekend. I can’t pretend to understand what being a Christian is all about, but I’ve been thinking more about God.”

“I’ll pray for you, Caroline. I want you to call me if you have any questions.” He squeezed her hand. “If you get to the point where you feel you’re ready to ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life, I’d like to be there if at all possible.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Thank you for not pushing me or making me uncomfortable. I’ll be honest. The few Christians I’ve met have been pushy and turned me in the opposite direction. Like they were trying to shove an agenda down my throat.”

“I’m sorry that’s been your experience. It shouldn’t be that way. Christianity should be getting to know someone and finding out where their heart lies. You’ve got a lot to give. If nothing else I’ve said tonight makes sense, I hope you’ll seek out His will in your life. God won’t ever steer you wrong. Look to Him and He’ll help you find your dreams. You just have to trust Him and ask Him to guide you. The Bible offers comfort, and hope, and incredible joy. I’d like to see you embrace Christ and see what He’ll do in your life. Just be open to allowing Him to work. Do you think you can do that?”

Caroline’s tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. All the pent-up and repressed emotions overwhelmed her. When Seth opened his arms, she fell into them, quietly weeping.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He smoothed strands of her long hair away from her face when the flow of her tears finally ebbed. Seth gently brushed his fingers over her cheek. The simple gesture was tender, sweet, and touched her somewhere deep inside. Somewhere untouched until now. “My life is better for having met you, Caroline. You’re a very special person.”

She nodded, touched by his sentiment and rendered momentarily unable to speak. “Thank you,” she said, staring at their joined hands. “I feel the same way about you, Seth.”

“Would it be too pushy if I prayed? A short one, I promise.”

She sniffled. “No. I mean, I don’t mind. That’s fine.”

Taking both her hands in his, Seth began to pray. “Lord Jesus, I thank you that I had the honor to meet Caroline this weekend. I pray that you might work in her heart and help her to see how much you love her. I pray for her as she begins law school and as she makes decisions for her future. Be with her every step of the way, Father. It’s my prayer that she might come to know you, and love you, like I do, so that she may cling to your promises. These things I ask in the name of your precious Son, Jesus. Amen.”

“Amen,” she murmured, echoing him.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he teased, the humor in his tone bringing warmth to her cheeks.

She smiled. “Not at all. When are you leaving?”

“After breakfast tomorrow morning. I need to get back home. My dad isn’t always physically able to help my mom in the way he’d like, and he needs my help to do a few things.”

“I’m sure he appreciates you. Your presence probably means more than you know.”

“That might be true, but he hates having to call on me. Stubborn man.” Seth’s voice was quiet, full of deep emotion. “This is something he never expected, and coping with her illness has been difficult. Dad always thought he’d be the one to go first, and he didn’t expect to deal with any kind of sickness. But we deal with it like we do everything else. Every day brings a new challenge, but what else can we do?”