Heart's Duo (Ugly Eternity #4) (5 page)

“Okay,” Sophie said, drawing out the word. “Normally, I’d immediately agree because it usually is me. In this case, I have a bad feeling I should find out what I’m being accused of first.”

“You told Hawke that Joss was living with Maddox.”

The bottom dropped from Sophie’s stomach. It was the only way she could describe the sick feeling washing over her. Her mind raced for something to say while her silence damned her. His expression made her wish she could lie. “Um. That’s not exactly how it happened.”

“How exactly did it happen?”

“Well, it’s like this. Joss stayed the night with me, leaving his truck parked pretty much right outside Maddox’s apartment. We, Hawke and me,” she clarified. “We were checking out an empty unit, going over what needed to be done to get it ready for the next tenant. It was a few doors down from Maddox. Hawke was giving Joss’ truck the evil eye. He said, “What? Is he living with Maddox now?” and I sort of said, yeah.” Sophie cringed as she made the admission.

Benton’s expression made it hard to draw air into her lungs. She was babbling and attempting to defend herself before she could stop it. It was the way he was looking at her. She’d never felt smaller. “They were already over, and damn it, he never smiled. It was horrible. You weren’t there, so you don’t know. Even Hawke’s eyes turned hard.” Sophie shook her head, turning inside herself for a second to call back the panic setting in at the memory. “You can’t imagine. Everything that makes Hawke, who he is, was gone. Maddox was still texting him. Shit was just out of control. If Hawke had taken him back, he would’ve stayed like that.”

Benton snorted. “Yet here you are, dating the prat who made him that way. What does that say about you?”

“If you’re jealous, just say it instead of blaming Joss,” Sophie said before she could stop it from happening. Her anger at herself and him for giving her hope before snatching it away rose to the surface. “All he did was send Maddox a few text messages to see if he’d bite. Being as how Maddox has never been faithful to anyone ever, it was no surprise when he did. Joss didn’t act on it, so no harm no foul. It was Maddox who stayed out late all the time and kept his phone hidden, deleting messages the moment they came in. Everything he did screamed “cheater” every damn day. He made my brother into someone he’s not, so I let Hawke believe something he already thought was true, and you know what? I’m not sorry,” she finished with a flourish without giving Benton time to answer. The more she talked, the angrier she became. He hadn’t been there to see the way Maddox destroyed Hawke. She had. “He was set to go to California, and I didn’t want that to change. If I’d told him I was back to seeing Joss, Maddox may’ve convinced Hawke to come back to him and my baby brother wouldn’t be over there right now on top of the fucking world, so yeah, I’m. Not. Sorry.”

By the time Sophie was done, she could hear her blood pounding in her ears. Benton’s face had gone blank. It was worse than his hatred. “A few text messages,” he repeated. His voice sounded every bit as dead as his eyes looked. “I never took you for an idiot. I guess we’re both wrong.” Damn. That hurt. Too bad he wasn’t finished. “But that’s the thing about people who lie and manipulate, attempting to make the rest of us live the life you’ve chosen for those of us who are too weak or stupid to figure out what’s best for ourselves. You never consider maybe you’re wrong—maybe you don’t know what’s best. Do you really think Hawke is so controlling or has such low self-esteem he’d allow a few texts to ruin the life he’d built? Do you really?” Like her, it didn’t seem Benton expected an answer. “If so, I feel sorry for you. Maybe if you’d done a little more talking things over with your brother and a little less blowing Joss beneath your desk, you’d know it was a lot more than a few lewd messages. There was never a chance in hell Hawke would’ve taken Maddox back. But what really pisses me off, besides your lack of faith in Hawke and your over-abundance of trust in Joss, is what your idiotic scheme could’ve done to someone you claim to love.” She was getting a little sick of getting called an idiot, but Benton’s contained fury kept her feet glued to the floor and her lips sealed. “The only reason you have no regrets is because everything worked out. It’s only pure luck it did. What if it hadn’t? Do you even recognize what you could’ve done? What if your lie had been the final straw? The one that finally pushed Hawke over the edge, turning him into the one thing you hate the most—you.” Sophie flinched, positive for a second Benton had actually hit her before realizing it was his words that had knocked the wind from her. “Stay away from me, Sophie. I don’t need more people in my life like you. It’s already overflowing as it is.”

*

As Benton turned away, the hurt in Sophie’s eyes almost caused his knees to buckle. It didn’t matter. There were too many people in the world exactly like her—people who did and said whatever it took to move everyone else around like chess pieces meant for their amusement. He ignored the tiny voice in the back of his mind, telling him he’d gone too far. The panic welling in his chest had him searching for Hawke. It didn’t subside until he set eyes upon the man. Hawke was the only honest person left on the planet, and the only one who understood why Benton needed it so badly. For a moment, he’d let his guard down. He’d allowed Sophie to sneak in. Never again.

Hawke’s gaze met his. There was no hiding his pain but damned if Benton didn’t try. He threw his arms wide, becoming the empty shell everyone expected. “How could you neglect me? I want in.” He squeezed between Hawke and Jamie. They let it happen, making space for him with welcoming smiles. He let their love overtake him, washing away the ugliness in the world. The couple tried to hug each other with Benton in the middle. “Family hug,” Benton cried as they squeezed the air from his lungs.

“Don’t be sad,” Hawke said low enough for only him to hear, and proving he knew Benton better than anyone. It also made him realize the hug had been meant for him, not a result of him being in the way. He couldn’t respond. Sometimes their friendship left him speechless. Jamie and Hawke exchanged an evil grin before they both chose a cheek and pressed loud kisses to his face.

“We would never neglect you. You’re our plus one. Tell us how to fix it?” Jamie demanded.

Benton sniffed, pretending to cry. “I’d really like some ice cream.”

Jamie spun away. “To the store!”

Benton’s smile was real this time. They were always the only friends he needed.

*

Sophie:
Come back and talk to me.

Benton:
There’s nothing left to talk about. I’m done.

Sophie:
I’m not.

Benton:
Lose my number, Sophie.

* * * * *

Sophie had disappeared an hour earlier. It was just as well. Joss wasn’t in the mood to play tonight. Forgetting himself, that was another story. He’d do that in a minute if he knew how. It was something that never happened to him anymore, no matter what he tried. Joss had kept one eye glued to Maddox throughout the entire night. He didn’t like what he’d seen. Even though, he’d known it would be ugly—Maddox seeing Hawke again for the first time since he’d moved away—Joss was unprepared for the choking sensation that wouldn’t go away. He’d lost sight of Maddox for a moment when Jamie started a stampede toward the door of the hotel. Apparently it was time for a snack and there were way more sober drivers left than Joss would’ve dreamed. The man had damn near cleared the place of partygoers. No doubt they’d return with armfuls of junk food and ready to go all night. Until then, Joss was free to look for Maddox.

After searching every open room inside the hotel, Joss almost gave up. There was every probability Maddox had gone back to his room, leaving the all night partying to the people who still had something to smile about. Incapable of making the same choice, he headed out back and down to the river. It wasn’t far away, and the full moon lit the path. The late August night air still held the warmth of the day, but the breeze made all the difference in the world. He’d shed his dinner jacket hours earlier. As the wind ruffled his hair, Joss undid a few buttons on his shirt, allowing it to cool his skin. This was a nice place. Dylan and Cade were happy. He should be too, but he wasn’t. Not that he deserved it, but still. A flash of white near the water’s edge caught Joss’ attention. It took him a full ten seconds of focusing on the spot to realize it was Maddox, sitting on the ground with his back against a tree. Joss moved to join him.

“I’ve never known you to be a wallflower.” Maddox cut his eyes in Joss’ direction. Without a word, he went back to staring at the water. An inner sigh rang from the walls of Joss’ mind. Stooping, he scooped up the bottle of Jack next to Maddox. Only a quarter of the amber liquid remained. “I take it this was full when you started.” Nothing. Not a word. He set it aside. A clinking noise had Joss searching the ground at his feet. Another empty bottle was on its side, hidden by the grass. Fuck. Maddox would die of alcohol poisoning at this rate. “Come on,” Joss said, hooking Maddox beneath the arms and hauling him to his feet. “Let’s get you to your room before you pass out in the grass.”

Maddox was heavier than he looked. Hawke had gotten the man in the habit of going to the gym on a daily basis. Maddox hadn’t given it up. All the extra muscle wasn’t making Joss’ job any easier. He leaned Maddox against the tree, repositioning their bodies for a better grip. It wouldn’t do either of them any good if they fell down. Before Joss could decide how best to support Maddox’s weight, Maddox focused on him, stealing his breath.

“I fucking hate you.”

Even though Joss had known it for a while, he was unprepared to hear Maddox say the actual words. He tried hardening his heart against it. “I know.”

“You stole everything from me.” The pressure in Joss’ chest increased. There was nothing he could say. “You and Jamie were my best friends. I would’ve done anything for you.”

Joss swallowed against the sting of self-hatred always sitting in his throat. “I know.” He needed to get Maddox to his room. His lungs were on fire. There was no way Maddox could hate him anywhere near as much as Joss hated himself. That didn’t mean he was equipped to face it tonight. When he shifted closer, intent on hauling the man inside, Maddox struck. Snagging the front of Joss’ shirt, Maddox captured his mouth. Joss was helpless against it. He’d forgotten what it was like. The world disappeared. A mixture of Jack and angry male coated his taste buds. Years melted away. Joss found himself in a position he swore he’d never revisit—craving Maddox’s touch.

Maddox’s tongue curled around his, lingering before moving to the roof of Joss’ mouth. Even though Joss knew it would happen, like a movie he’d seen too many times, he still chased after him. Maddox pulled away but didn’t release him. With Joss’ shirt held in his grip, Maddox pressed his face to Joss’ neck and spoke against his skin.

“Was it worth it?” Joss stared sightlessly over Maddox’s shoulder. “Damn, Joss. At least, lie to me, and say it was worth the price I’ve paid. It’s not like I’ve gotten to enjoy any of the benefits.” Joss couldn’t force his throat to work. A figure moving in their direction caught his attention, making his eyes focus on one point. It was Sophie. She froze when she spotted him. Joss didn’t pull away. Without his permission, Joss’ fingers brushed Maddox’s cheek before moving to massage the nape of his neck. He couldn’t pretend it was the heat of the moment driving him. Joss kept his movements slow, forcing his mind to accept reality.

He tightened his grip on the back of Maddox’s neck, holding him in place. Lowering his head, Joss touched his lips to Maddox’s, teasing them apart, and leveling his life. It was his fault Maddox had lost everything. Joss deserved the same. This was the only way he could live with what he’d done. If Maddox had shoved him away, Joss wouldn’t have been surprised, but he kissed him back. It was a bittersweet moment for a thousand reasons. When he lifted his chin once more, Sophie was gone. He’d expected nothing less. With an empty mind and focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, Joss managed to get Maddox to his room.

Dumping Maddox on the bed, he pulled off one of his shoes. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Joss’ eyes burned at Maddox’s confession, but he couldn’t as much as blink. “Okay.” He pulled off the other shoe.

“Any of it,” Maddox said as if it cleared up everything.

Joss grabbed the blanket from the end of the bed and draped it over him. “Okay.” Before Joss could straighten the material, Maddox stopped him with only the brush of his fingers across Joss’ chest. Later, Joss might question why he was incapable of stopping. No one was watching. Joss kissed him. His tongue brushed the valley of Maddox’s bottom lip, savoring the familiar taste. Joss’ teeth sank into the plump surface, expertly going only as far as Maddox would allow. They’d been here a thousand times. He knew when Maddox would moan and how to make it happen. It was a blow to the sternum when Maddox pushed him away.

As he stared down into Maddox’s eerily lucid eyes, Joss couldn’t catch his breath. “No more, okay?” Maddox pled. “No more you and me. No more Ugly Eternity. Just, no more, all right?”

“Okay.” It was amazing how hard it was for Joss to squeeze that one word past his swollen throat. Maddox nodded, obviously satisfied with his agreement. He draped one arm over his eyes and was asleep before Joss could move away. There were too many thoughts clogging Joss’ head for him to cling to a single one. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get his knees to work. His ass hit the chair beside the bed. Guilt was a hell of a thing. When he’d chosen this path, he’d told himself an ass-ton of lies to get through the day. It was his job to ensure Jamie’s happiness. He had no real control over fate. Maddox would never take the bait so no real harm would be done. Every time Maddox shut him down, he took it as a sign the man was meant to be with Hawke. Unfortunately, every time Maddox shut him down something else became clear as well.

Joss’ mind shied away from those thoughts. Ugly Eternity, that was another matter altogether. It was Maddox’s dream. He shouldn’t lose that too because of Joss. Come Monday, he’d look for someone to replace him—someone good so there’d be a smooth transition. For tonight, he’d sit here and make sure Maddox didn’t die from all the Jack. His gaze moved over Maddox’s sleeping form, lingering on the lips still swollen from Joss’ kiss. Yeah. He couldn’t let the man die.