HeatedMatch (26 page)

Oh God, couldn’t he see his words were killing her? The
lingering currents of their lovemaking faded into the background at Adam’s
rejection of her.

“When Paulson had me, only the thoughts of you kept me
steady and I realized I don’t want to live without you. But hell, when they
threatened to take my choice about being a father away, it scared the shit out
of me. It was clear to me. I should never be a father. There’s too much risk.”
Emotion made his voice hoarse. “I care for you too much to give you defective
kids.”

Her heart melted and tears choked her at his words. “Adam,
you’re not defective.” She reached out to him, but he resisted her advance.

“You didn’t grow up here. You have no idea what it’s like to
have the slightest shortcoming. I won’t do it to you or my kid.”

She noted he’d said “should never be a father”. Not that he
didn’t
want
to be a father, but at this point, it was semantics. “There
are no guarantees in life. Anyone can give birth to a disabled child.”

“I’m at a higher risk. Doctor Wise tested me and she
confirmed there is a genetic component to Rowan’s defect and it affects me too.
Do you know what they’d do if they discovered the baby you carried had a
genetic defect?” He clamped his mouth shut, but she knew the answer.

“But there’s no guarantee. Our kids could be perfect. And
never mind the fact that I’ll love them even if they’re missing every limb. And
just let them try to hurt or terminate my pregnancy without our say-so.”

“A nice thought, but sometimes love isn’t enough.” He sat up
in bed with less of his usual grace thanks to the ugly bruises covering his
ribs.

And sometimes love was all you had. Her parents had
demonstrated their love for each other and her every day, and Loren wanted the
same for herself. Despite her father’s death, she knew her mom cherished every
memory, especially her living daughter. Mom was always telling her,
Thank
goodness I still have you. If your father had died leaving me without a child,
I wouldn’t have borne it
.

She stood and paced at the foot of the bed. “I don’t know
what to think, Adam. I love you. But I’ve always pictured my future as a wife
and a mom, and I hate to give it up because you’re unwilling to consider it.
You say you care about me,” she continued, “but you’re not willing to give this
a try?”

His eyes narrowed. “Is it a ring? Do you need a proposal?”

“No, it’s not a ring, you doofus. I want your love, and
someday I want children. Your children, and you are slamming the door on the
possibility.”

His face shuttered. “I told you why it’s not a possibility.”

“Bullshit. You’re scared.”

“Hell yes, I’m scared, Loren. I’m fucking scared that I’d be
responsible for creating a life that was doomed to suffer,” he said. “It’s more
than I can handle.”

She shut up at his confession. Visions of Sunday barbeques
with Adam at the grill vanished. She wasn’t ready for kids this minute, but she
wanted them in her future. In
their
future. But there was obviously
nothing she could say to sway him. She could tell him a million and one times
there was no risk in having children, but one, she’d be lying and two, he
wouldn’t listen.

“Now what?” she asked in a whisper.

He stood and padded over to her side. His hand brushed her
shoulder softly. “Do you want me to drive you home right after the debriefing?”

“I don’t know.” Her emotions were a blurry mess. She wanted
him, loved him, but he was only willing to give her part of himself. He
wouldn’t jump into the abyss with her, despite practically admitting he wanted
to be her husband and a dad.

He glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. “We
better get moving. Shep wants us in ten minutes.” They both turned to find
clean clothes and left the apartment in silence with nothing resolved.

* * * * *

It was standing room only in the conference room for the
debriefing. Seemed like everyone even remotely connected wanted in. As soon as
Adam walked in, Shep herded him to the chair at the center of the storm. And
shit, it felt like a storm. Between the pain in his ribs, the distance he felt
from Loren and his dread about this meeting, it was a trifecta of crap. The
whole thing was going to be damn embarrassing to tell. It was bad enough he was
taken by surprise and kidnapped, but held naked and jacked off was icing on the
cake. Rancid, moldy icing.

He sent a hard look to Doctor Jones, who sat in the corner
as if she had an invisible two-foot bubble around her. Despite the shortage of
seating in the room, no one wanted to get too close to her. She was an unknown,
dropped in straight from enemy territory. For all they knew she was a mole for
Paulson. People chose to stand or grabbed a chair and moved it away. She folded
her arms and put on her mask of stoicism, but he’d seen her with her son, and
knew she didn’t like the frosty treatment.

And speaking of moles, someone in this room had set him up.
There was no way Paulson had known his flight or hotel information without
someone sharing it. He was going to find that person and express his
displeasure. With his fists and likely his blade.

Shep pushed his way to the center of the circle and called
for attention. For once, everyone settled down in less than a second except for
Loren and Emma, who still were greeting each other in soft whispers.

“Do you ever stop talking?” Xander snarled at Emma from
where he stood directly in front of her with his arms crossed over his chest.
He’d subtly shift every time another male in the room tried to catch a glimpse
of the pretty brunette.

“When I’m with you, yes.” Emma smiled sweetly at him in
counterpoint to her snarky retort. Whispers swelled and buzzed around the room
about the unfamiliar girl who had the balls to snap at Xander. Xander didn’t
respond to Emma’s retort and muttered to Shep to start the damn meeting.

Shep looked around the room, muttered something about
starting without Keel then shrugged. “Gentlemen, as you can see, we have some
new faces in the room,” Shep said. “Xander’s new friend, Emma, who was held at
Paulson’s clinic for the last three months.” Emma leaned around Xander and
smiled at the room’s occupants, but her cheeks were stained pink, probably at
the introduction. “And to my right is Doctor Samara Jones, who was forced under
duress to work as Paulson’s geneticist for the last year. Adam, why don’t you
start?”

Adam forced himself to stand, ignoring the screaming pain in
his ribs. Making love to Loren just now hadn’t been the wisest move for his
physical health, but his emotional need trumped the pain. “Everything we
supposed about the fertility clinic is true.”

A loud murmur circulated, but stopped when he started
speaking again. He kept his talk brief and went through the bullet points of
what happened. He glossed over his intimate contact with Doctor Jones and hoped
she’d do the same. He sat down with a thump when he finished and waited for
questions. But Shep stayed any questions with a hand gesture and asked Doctor
Jones to continue.

The doctor stood and he could tell she had a history of
making formal presentations. Her voice was clear but not loud and her words
precise. “Thank you for your hospitality, Commander Shepard. My son and I are
grateful to be somewhere safe after our year-long nightmare.” With those words,
the suspicion and hostility toward her dimmed by a hair.

“As Mr. Blacker shared, Doctor Paulson operated a legitimate
fertility clinic for wealthy European families. Behind the scenes however, was
another story.” She highlighted the process by which they’d take compatible
sperm and eggs, play around with the DNA, and then implant it back into the
paying mother’s womb. The parents had no idea the implanted child didn’t share
their DNA. Emma hung her head when she talked about donor eggs, and Loren
wrapped an arm around her.

Doctor Jones continued her talk, hesitating only once when
the door opened to admit Chase. She tripped over her words as Chase shuffled to
the chair next to the doctor and sat looking up at her expectantly.

“As I was saying…” She shuffled through the sheaf of papers
in front of her.

Adam glanced from Chase’s face back at the doctor. Something
was going on between them, but damn if he knew what. Chase was usually good
with women, charming them into his bed, but he looked at the doctor as if she
tortured puppies for a living. The only people who had cause to look at her
like that were him and Emma, as far as he was aware.

After some throat clearing, Doctor Jones found her voice and
continued. She had the good sense not to mention anything about her intimate
contact with Adam, but did confirm that Emma’s eggs had been taken and were
currently in Paulson’s possession. A low growl came from Xander, but he kept
his mask in place and stared down anyone who dared to glance his way.

Except Adam saw through him. He saw the look of raw, naked
longing in Xander’s eyes. He should recognize it. It was what he felt every
time he looked at Loren.

The doctor gave Xander a wary look, then Chase, and
continued. “As we discovered, only one child Paulson kidnapped remained on the
grounds. I was rarely allowed in the room, they sent my son out to me, so I
don’t know how many children passed through the clinic.” Her voice hitched a
little at the word children, but she finished her speech then sat. She shifted
her chair away from Chase.

At this point, Shep took over the meeting. For the first
time in Program history, they were going to work with other agencies, both
domestic and international.

“How are we going to work with outsiders when we can barely
function internally?” Every head swiveled toward Chase, who had his feet on the
table and only two chair legs on the floor.

“Excuse me?” Shep asked.

Adam recognized the tone. Chase needed to can it.

Of course he didn’t. “You need to listen to your team once
in a while. My sis knew where her match was, but you stuck to facts and Adam
suffered for it.”

Adam sucked back a breath and waited for an explosion. But
Shep simply sighed.

“You’re right, Chase. You and Xander will have consequences
for going rogue and not following orders. It was damn lucky for you it worked
out. Otherwise this could’ve been a very different meeting. I intend to rectify
my previous bullheaded behavior and that is why Ms. Stanton, Ms. Harrison and
Doctor Jones are in this meeting.”

Chase looked like he wanted to speak more, but swallowed it
back under Shep’s gaze.

“Doctor Jones, were there any other people working with
Paulson?” Shep asked.

She shook her head. “As far as I’m aware, it was only me,
Paulson, Brian and Brad, his hired muscle. Doctor Baresh and all the other
medical staff believed they were running a legitimate fertility clinic. And for
most part, they were. Paulson only swapped out the fertilized eggs for a select
few.”

Shep pursed his lips and then mapped out their future plans.
A team of Navy SEALS was moving into place to hunt out and find the missing
children. “We go after Paulson,” he said with a predatory smile. There were
some protests about missing out on the fun of infiltrating terrorist cells in
hostile countries.

“Wait, there are two more things,” Adam said. Doctor Jones
had retreated back to her chair and was staring pointedly away from Chase.

“What’s that?” Shep asked.

“Paulson was able to obtain my semen,” he said so softly, he
hoped everyone couldn’t hear.

“What?” Loren asked. Her face was white, and angry lines
bracketed the skin around her lips.

Doctor Jones glanced at Loren than him. “I’m so sorry. When
you were knocked out. They got it, but…”

He couldn’t let her finish. He wanted to hear nothing she
had to say. Now he was damn glad they’d been assigned the Paulson piece. Far as
he was concerned, it was now deadly personal. Paulson had touched him then
dared to touch Loren.

“We’ll take care of it, Adam. Paulson will
not
use
you like this. I promise,” Shep said.

“But—” the doctor said again, but Chase scowled so
ferociously at her, she wisely closed her mouth.

“Damn straight we’ve got your back,” Chase said and there
were echoes of agreement around the table.

Loren looked as if she might pass out and he wanted to go
comfort her as much as he wanted to slam his fist through the table for
Paulson’s perfidy.

When the meeting started to break up, Adam cleared his
throat loudly. When all eyes were on him, he met every gaze head-on as if he
was measuring their worth, which he was. “You forgot to mention our mole,
Shep.”

The already quiet room fell to tomb-like silence. “Someone
on this campus set me up. Paulson knew I was coming, and now that person should
know I’m coming for him.” All of the men in the room grunted with approval.
“You better pray Shep discovers your identity first.” And on that note, the
meeting dismissed. He remained seated, not looking forward to the pain of
standing. The room emptied to everyone but him, Loren and Shep.

“We’ll find Paulson and our mole, Adam,” Shep promised.
“Gavin’s going over all lines of communication in and out of the campus.”

He nodded and looked around the room. Something was
bothering him about the meeting, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Finally
he shrugged and stood to walk with Loren who was now edging out of the room.
“Where are you headed? Am I taking you home?”

“Not yet. I’m going for a walk to try to clear some of these
cobwebs out of my head.”

She kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand then headed out
into the humid summer day toward the outskirts of the compound. Few trees grew
out here, for protection reasons she guessed. Harder to sneak up on the
compound in an open field, but there were some trees and scraggly bushes here
and there which allowed her to pretend she hiked through Rock Creek park or
another favorite nature path. She’d always found comfort in the outdoors and
today needed some comfort if she was going to find an answer to Adam’s
question.