Heaven and Hell (36 page)

Oh man.

That didn’t sound good.

“Would I be an accessory?” I asked.

“No,” Sam answered, tilting his head to look
down at me.

“Dad?” I pushed.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam replied, this
time giving me the wrong answer.

“But –” I started.

“Don’t worry about it, Kia,” Dad stated and
I looked at him.

“I –”

“I want to know,” Dad said firmly and looked
at Ozzie. “I want to know everything from now on.” Dad looked at
Sam. “Everything.”

Sam nodded immediately.

Ozzie looked to his feet.

“Oz?” Dad prompted.

Ozzie looked at Dad. “You know I was only
trying –”

“No,” Dad shook his head. “We’ll deal with
that later, after Kia’s safe. Right now, no more hiding anything.
This is my daughter. I want to know.”

Ozzie held Dad’s eyes a moment before he
nodded his head.

Dad looked at Sam. Then he looked at me.

Then he commenced in breaking my heart.

Tears forming in his eyes, he whispered an
agonized, “I didn’t look out for you.”

I pushed against Sam’s arms when I saw his
tears, heard the tortured tone of his voice but Sam’s arms locked
tight.

Dad wasn’t done and I suspected this was
because Sam felt this was my due and Dad’s responsibility to say
it.

But I didn’t want him to.

“Dad,” I whispered, still pushing against
Sam’s arms.

“We all let you down,” Dad told me. “Me
especially.”

“Dad, don’t,” I begged quietly.

“You said things have come up for you,
they’ve come up for me and your mother too. And bottom line, we let
you down.”

“Stop,” I pleaded.

“I can’t,” he said brokenly.

“I didn’t ask for your help. I kept my
secrets. I –”

Dad interrupted me. “You ask for Sam’s?”

My head jerked. “Wh… what?”

“You told me you made it hard on him and
there he stands. And there he stood when he laid it out for Ozzie
how it was gonna go down. Did you ask for that?” Dad asked.

“I…” I shook my head, “No.”

“He’s lookin’ out for you. I shoulda looked
out for you.”

“Dad –”

“I gotta say it, Kiakee. I let you down.
Your mother let you down.” He held my eyes and the tears trembled
in his as he whispered, “You thought you were contaminated. My
beautiful girl thought she was contaminated.” He stared at me and
his voice broke when he finished, “I let you down.”

I tore out of Sam’s arms and ran across the
room into my father’s.

He shoved his face in my neck and I felt his
body jerk in my arms as he swallowed a sob which made one tear from
my throat so I shoved my face in his neck and let loose.

I held him, he held me and then suddenly
Dad’s head snapped up and he ordered in a thick voice, “No. You
stay.”

I pulled my face out of his neck to look
over my shoulder to see Ozzie moving through the doors to the
dining room, shutting them behind him but Sam moving to the couch
and sitting on its arm.

I looked at Dad and lifted my hands to both
his cheeks.

Then I whispered, “Please don’t let him get
his claws into you. I couldn’t bear that, Dad. It happened, it’s
over, we deal with what we have to deal with now, we bury it where
it belongs because he’s dead and we move on. I love you. I always
did, I always will. We all made mistakes, including me. You didn’t
let me down. I didn’t reach out so you could hold me up.”

“Hon, I understand you see it that way but
I’m your father and I knew. You didn’t say it. We didn’t see it.
But deep down inside I knew and I didn’t do anything. I couldn’t
–”

“Really,” I interrupted him, “we don’t have
to do this.”

His hands came up, fingers wrapping around
my wrists and he pulled them down between us and shook them while
he said, “Yes, Kia, we do.”

I closed my mouth.

Dad held my eyes.

“Your mother and me, we talked about it all
the time. We couldn’t figure out if you loved him and put up with
it because you did. Or if he’d broken you and you were showin’ a
brave face. Missy talked to us, told us you were not ready to go
there and we just needed to keep an eye on you and be there when
you were ready. She said if we pushed, we might drive you closer to
him and deeper into that mess. But it went against everything I was
not to step in. I talked to Cooter least half a dozen –”

At his words I felt my body jerk.

“What?” I whispered, my eyes wide,
shocked.

“I talked to Cooter.”

“You did?”

“Half a dozen times. First to feel him out.
Then I laid it out.”

I took a step back and stared at him.

Then I asked, “Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“You laid it out for Cooter?”

Dad nodded, studying me.

“What’d you say?”

“I said you were not my girl anymore, I
didn’t know what was goin’ on but if what I suspected was goin’ on
was actually goin’ on, if it didn’t stop, I’d stop it.”

I shook my head. “But… when did you do
this?”

“Year ago,” Dad answered then finished, “Too
late.”

“What did he say?”

“Gave me a bunch a’ shit about how he loves
you, everything is good, you can get moody and you been tryin’ to
get pregnant and it wasn’t happening so you were out of sorts.”

I blinked.

Then I asked, “What?”

“Honey, though I hope everything is all
right in that department, God works in mysterious ways and maybe
–”

“I wasn’t trying to get pregnant!” I said
kind of loud.

“You weren’t?” Dad asked, looking perplexed
again.

“Uh… no,” I threw out a hand. “I mean,
seriously, the man beat me.” I powered through Dad’s flinch. “What
kind of idiot would I be to have a kid with a guy like that?”

“Kiakee –” Dad started.

“He lied to you, point blank,” I informed
Dad.

“Kia –”

I whirled then informed Sam of something he
couldn’t miss seeing as I was being loud but also he was only three
feet away, “Cooter lied bald-faced to my father.”

“Baby, seriously, you look pissed and
surprised but this is that piece of shit you’re talkin’ about, how
can you be surprised?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know but I am.” I threw up my
hands. “I mean, he didn’t just
lie
. He lied about me trying
to get pregnant! I mean, how messed up is
that?
”

My voice was rising.

Sam just rose, physically, and came to
me.

With both hands on my neck, he bent his face
to mine and whispered, “Calm down. He’s a dick. You know this.
Baby, he put a hit on you. This is the least of his sins. Let it
go.”

I glared into Sam’s eyes.

He was right.

I sucked in breath.

Then I let it go.

But I was still pissed so I turned to Dad,
Sam’s hands dropped and I laid it out for my father.

“Right, you know everything now. And it’s
bad. And I can’t say I’m not scared. And I also can’t say that I
have my head straight about all that’s gone on. What I can say is,
I don’t need the additional guilt of thinking you and Mom are
beating yourself up about this. I understand how you feel and I’m
sorry you feel that way, Dad. But the bottom line of it is, I
picked him, I married him, I stayed with him and I put up with his
shit without asking for help. I brought this on you, you didn’t
marry him. So please, I need you to work through it and get past it
because it’s done, that part at least. We all need to move toward
letting it go. Can you do that for me?”

I watched my Dad’s face get soft and in an
equally soft voice he promised, “Yeah, Kia, honey, I can do that
for you. I can talk to your Mom too. What I can’t say is that it’ll
happen tomorrow but I can say I promise we’ll try.”

I nodded.

Dad wasn’t done.

“But what we’ll need from you is to know
where you’re at.” His eyes strayed to Sam before coming back to me
and he whispered, “First time in a long time, standing right in
front of me, I see even a hint of my Kiakee. I’m glad to have her
back but I know there’s work you gotta do. What your mother and I
need is for you to let us in and help you do it.”

“You’re already in,” I replied firmly and
immediately.

Dad studied me for a long moment but his
eyes darted to Sam and back to me before he whispered, “Thank
you.”

I sucked in another breath as tears
threatened again.

Dad’s eyes went to Sam and he stated, “You
hold me responsible.”

My entire body grew solid because, after
what Sam laid out for Ozzie, I had no idea what he’d say to Dad.
The only thing I knew was he’d say it straight.

I wasn’t wrong.

“I don’t,” Sam replied and I relaxed.

“For Kia, you don’t have to –” Dad
began.

“I’m not,” Sam cut him off. “I have not been
in your exact position but I have been in a position to know that
same shit is happening, to feel powerless, to try to run through
every option available and think there are none. I said what I said
to Oswald not only because he had the power to step in but he was
objective and not intimately involved. The consequences you might
have faced coming between a husband and wife, that wife bein’ your
daughter who was too scared to be open with you so you could have
no clue where she was comin’ from, were not the same for him. He
compounded that by makin’ an understandable but incorrect decision
on how to handle things after Clementine died. I do not hold you
responsible, Ford. But it wouldn’t matter if I did because Kia
doesn’t.”

I’m falling in love with you,
my mind
said as I stared at Sampson Cooper, listening to him speaking to my
Dad as he had to me for the last week, removing the emotion,
lifting the weight, taking action, giving peace of mind and doing
it in a time still burdened with the unknown.

With effort, I tore my eyes away from him as
this thought seared into my brain, down my spine, radiating out
throughout my body and I looked to Dad who was watching Sam, his
eyes working, his face suffused with a mixture of feelings he
couldn’t hide, concern, gratitude and relief.

Then Dad nodded and looked to the floor,
muttering, “Best get on out. Essie’ll wanna be makin’ the
parfaits.”

“Sam and I’ll be out in a second, Dad,” I
said to him as he turned toward the doors and I felt Sam’s gaze
come to me as Dad looked at me.

Then Dad nodded and smiled, opened the door
to the dining room and stopped, turning back halfway through and
looking at me.

“I love you, my Kiakee, God shined his light
on me the day he gave you to me and no matter what has come since
I’ve never felt different, not one day, not for twenty-eight
years.”

I pressed my lips together and only when I
knew I could reply without it coming out on a sob, did I whisper,
“I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”

“Kia –” Dad whispered back.

“Even then, Dad,” I interrupted him to say.
“I just forgot for seven years.”

Dad closed his eyes, opened them, gave me a
small smile, his eyes moved to Sam and his smile died, “None of my
business, son, and you never have to tell me but I’ll tell you,
whatever it was that made you feel powerless, I’m sorry you felt
it. You gotta know what that means seein’ as you know I understand
it better’n anyone.”

“Appreciate that, Ford,” Sam murmured, Dad
nodded at Sam then he let it go and went out the door, closing it
behind him.

I watched through the windows until he was
gone then I saw through the windows to the outside that Mom was
getting up and heading across the deck to the backdoor.

She was done waiting to find out what was
going on.

Poor Dad.

“Kia,” Sam called and I looked at him.

“Thank you,” I whispered, his eyes shifted
to warm, he started to move to me but I took a step back, lifting
my hand.

His brows snapped together, he stopped, his
eyes went to my hand then back to my face.

“Please, let me say this,” I said softly, he
held my gaze, jerked up his chin and I continued. “Thank you for
assuring my Dad I didn’t blame him. Thank you for understanding,
not blaming him and sharing why with him. Thank you for taking care
of me from practically the moment you met me and thank you for
going all out to protect me. I haven’t felt safe in a long time,
Sam, a
very
long time. I didn’t notice it missing but I
noticed the instant I got it back and that was when I woke up in
your arms in Luci’s villa.”

At that, his entire face warmed, his eyes
got intense and he started toward me but I shook my head and took
another step back.

He stopped and his head tipped to the
side.

“I need to know you understand how much I
mean all that I just said,” I told him.

“I understand, baby,” he replied gently.

I nodded.

Then I pulled breath into my nose, sucking
in courage, definitely unsure and more than a little scared and
went on, “I’m glad, honey, but now I have to be honest with you and
tell you I wanted to go to my Dad during that. Several times. I
know you felt it but you wouldn’t let me. That was hard on him and
it was hard on me and a lot of what was hard on me was having to
stand separate from him and watch him go through it without me
close.”

Sam held my eyes for a moment before he
replied quietly, “I get that.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“But you were doin’ that for you, baby. I
didn’t hold you back for you, I held you back for him.”

I felt my eyebrows draw together and I
asked, “What?”

“I don’t know your Dad at all. But I know
what I’d do, I found out that Oswald kept that from me. Your Dad
had to be free to have whatever reaction he wanted to have and not
worry about you.”

Okay, I could get that.

However…

“Okay, Sam, but when he was blaming himself,
he needed me then.”