Heaven and Hell (55 page)

“She’s extremely concerned about Luci,” I
semi-told the truth.

Sam sucked in breath through his nose,
turned to face the ocean and let it out on a quiet, “Fuck.”

“Before you got to the beach today, Luci
shared that she’s cut her trip to Italy short. She’s not going
back. She’s staying here.” Sam’s eyes came back to me. “At
Celeste’s advice, I’m going to find my time soon and have a direct
chat with her.”

“That’d be good seein’ as I talked to Vitale
today after I got back from the gym but before goin’ out to the
beach and he said he tried a couple of times to broach it but in
the end, pulled back. Spoiled her when she was a kid. Spoiling her
now. Neither time is right to do that shit but this time, he should
have more balls.”

“You’re right,” I agreed.

Sam, not wearing sunglasses, looked closely
at me. “You think it should be me who talks to her?”

“I think that maybe she needs you as a safe
haven so if I talk to her and it goes south and colors the way she
feels about me, she still has you. So, no, I think it should be me
who talks to her.”

He took in another deep breath and as he did
it, his arm around me got tighter, pulling me closer and he noted
gently, “Not gonna be pleasant for you, baby.”

“What she said to me in Italy, what Celeste
said, I don’t know but I don’t think we should ignore the signs,
Sam. So unpleasant or not, it’s time for someone to step in and
that someone is going to be me.”

He nodded and his arm got tighter even as
his body shifted closer and he asked, “You know what you’re gonna
say?”

“I’m going to tell her to sit herself down a
year ago with a Gordo who knew in a year he would be gone and ask
her
to tell
me
how Gordo would feel about how she is
right now.”

At that, his arm got so tight, for a second,
it cut off my air but for a lot longer, it made my heart race at
what might have caused that reaction.

I didn’t get the chance to ask because Sam
remarked, “Baby, you don’t know him, you can’t guide that
conversation.”

“You’re wrong,” I replied softly. “I know,
standing here right now with you, feeling the things I feel for
you, this being so good, if I found out that I wouldn’t be here a
year from now, I’d tell you and I’d mean it that I’d be hugely
disappointed in you if you didn’t feel what you had to feel then
pull your shit together and find someone else who it was good with.
And from what I know of him, Travis Gordon would say the same.”

He’d been leaning us both into the railing
but at my words, he straightened, taking me with him and what we
were talking about evaporated and something else bloomed. And when
it bloomed, it bloomed like a mushroom cloud.

I knew it looking into his face, it was
intense but it wasn’t warm. It was hard and his eyes were
glittering with something, anger, definitely, but something more,
something deeper, something distressing. I also knew it because his
other hand suddenly came up and plunged into my hair, immediately
fisting.

And lastly I knew it when he rumbled low and
menacing, “Do not ever say that shit again.”

Oh God.

I’d crossed a line.

“Sam –”

His neck bent suddenly so his face was all I
could see.

“Do not
ever
say that fuckin’ shit
again.”

Oh
God!

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered quickly. “You’re
right. I don’t know Gordo. I don’t know what he would –”

“No,” he growled. “You’re right. Gordo would
say that. Gordo would be pissed as all fuckin’ hell Luci wasn’t
pulling her shit together. What
I’m
sayin’ is, don’t
you
talk about dying. Don’t you ever, Kia, fuckin’ talk to
me again about dying.”

What on earth was going on?

“Sam –”

“Don’t do it.”

“Sam, honey –”

His face got even closer and he snarled,
“Ever.”

Then he abruptly let me go and strode away.
Not to the house, to the walkway at the side. He took it with long,
angry strides, a Memphis I feared he didn’t notice bouncing at his
heels, and both of them quickly disappeared.

“What on earth?” I whispered, my heart still
racing, my breath coming fast and that hard look on Sam’s face
burned into my brain.

* * * * *

I was in the bathroom, staring at myself in
the mirror.

Earlier that evening, Sam had come back and,
like I was becoming accustomed when he had an episode (with me or
others), he sorted it out himself and put it behind him.

And he expected you to do the same.

The Sam who came back with Memphis after a
ten minute walk was not the emotion unleashed Sam who had walked
away from me on the deck. He was a laidback, mellow, clearly
enjoying his beach house filled with people he cared about Sam.

Dinner was delicious. I was surprised that
Maris served a fabulously succulent pork roast, buttered and herbed
new potatoes and a delicious salad and not something Mexican. But I
learned during dinner conversation at Sam’s big dining room table
that Maris’s mother was white, her father Hispanic and Maris had
unfortunately perpetuated the family misfortune when she hooked up
with Sam’s Dad. Her father was not a good father, he skipped out on
her family when she was a little girl and she hadn’t seen him
since. Therefore, although he left her mother, her brother and
Maris in the barrio, her mother was so bitter about her husband’s
desertion she blocked her children learning any of the customs that
surrounded them so Maris knew very little of that side of her
heritage.

She also shared that Sam, too, had lost the
African American side of his heritage as not only did he not want
anything to do with his father, his grandparents from a very young
age did not play any part in his life. Most assuredly not Sam’s
paternal grandfather who was black and also who died when Sam was
ten after choosing his sparring partner in a bar fight very badly,
his opponent had a knife and was not afraid to use it. So he
did.

I thought that was sad.

I did not share this because this was the
only downer of the evening. The rest of it, we had a great time.
Although not everyone got tipsy or, in Hap’s case roaring drunk, at
the dinner table then when we moved to the couches, conversation
was fast and fun.

It included all of us sharing amusing
stories about our lives, even Celeste got into it talking about
growing up in France and, with her sophisticated manner and
beautiful accent, the woman could seriously weave a tale. We were
all entranced.

And Hap, surprisingly but with keen
attention to Luci that was hidden behind his fun-loving grins,
shared about Gordo. I didn’t know why he did this but I suspected
he did it because Gordo lived and Gordo was loved and Gordo
shouldn’t be swept under the rug and he was making a gentle point
that everyone needed to move onto happy memories.

She braved it and Sam allowed it, also
smiling (though not sharing) to hide his acute attention to
Luci.

Celeste and Luci left late, Maris handed out
cheek kisses and went up and Hap, Sam and I shared one last drink
before I went up, leaving Sam downstairs.

I was hoping he would follow me.

I got my wish. While brushing my teeth, I
heard him in the bedroom.

And now I had to decide how to play it. Try
to talk to him and risk being rebuffed or wimp out, risk nothing
but also give nothing and gain nothing.

“Fearless,” I whispered to myself, turned
from the mirror, moved to the door, opened it and exited, hitting
the light on the way out.

Sam was only in jeans when I got into the
room. His eyes came to me, they warmed then he moved to me, sliding
his hand along my belly as he passed me and went into the bathroom,
closing the door.

Memphis was lying at the foot of the bed,
panting at me.

I bent over her, giving her a cuddle then I
got in bed and sat cross-legged with the covers pulled up to my
waist, waiting.

Sam came out, rounded the bed and when he
was at his side, undoing his fly, I started.

“Can I ask you a favor?”

His eyes came to me and, like last night, he
kept working his fly even as they locked on mine.

But this time they were guarded.

Not good.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“I know you don’t have a lot of room, I
mean, you do just not a lot of
rooms
but maybe we can get an
air mattress for your office or something but I’d really like to
ask Mom and Dad and Kyle and Gitte out here. They’d love it.”

The guard came down and his face got soft
when he whispered, “Whenever you want, baby.”

He tugged off his jeans then slid in bed
beside me.

I uncrossed my legs and slid in beside him.
The minute my body touched his, his arms closed around me and he
pulled me on top.

I looked down at him, letting my eyes move
over his handsome face then I lifted a hand, placed it against the
side of his head then I let my thumb move over his handsome
face.

“Kia?” he called, I stopped watching my
thumb glide over his cheekbone and I looked into his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

“Can I tell you something?”

His arms gave me a squeeze and he whispered,
“Anything.”

I shifted my thumb to his lips and whispered
back, “You might freak out that it’s too soon but I know what I
know. And when I say that,
I know what I know.
And you don’t
have to feel anything but what you feel. But life is short and
someone really smart who I admire told me to be fearless so here
goes.” I sucked in breath, closed my eyes, opened them and kept
whispering when I told him, “I’ve fallen in love with you, Sam
Cooper.”

His body went solid under mine.

Oh no.

Oh shit.

Shit!

I didn’t know what I expected but that was
not the response I was hoping for.

“You don’t have to say it back. You don’t
have to pretend to feel it,” I said quickly moving my hand from his
face to his shoulder. “I just wanted you to know –”

“Shut up,” he growled and I blinked.

“Sorry?”

He rolled so I was on my back, he was on top
and he repeated, “Shut up.”

“Sam, I –”

His mouth hit mine. “Shut…
up.
”

Then he kissed me, hard, wet and demanding.
Then I didn’t have my nightie or panties, all I had was Sam, his
lips, his tongue, his hands all over me. Then, when I was
whimpering into his mouth, my legs wrapped around his waist, arms
clutching his back, his arm wrapped around the top of my hips, his
finger building heaven between my legs and my whimpers got
desperate with need, Sam felt it, heard it, knew it and being Sam,
he gave it to me.

His arm around me tightened as he lifted up
to his knees, taking me with him. He fell back to his calves,
holding me suspended, one arm still around my hips, the other arm
slanted across my upper back, fingers curled at my neck, tipping my
head down. Then he drove his cock up inside me, hard and deep as he
drove me down on it, impaling me. Keeping my mouth to his, he kept
powering deep at the same town he yanked me down and I gasped
against his lips each beautiful time I took him.

Suddenly he stopped, grinding deep, mouth
moving on mine, and asked, “You feel that?”

Oh yeah, I felt it. Definitely.

“Yes, baby.”

“That feel real?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Open your eyes, Kia,” he ordered, voice
thick and I opened my eyes, looking into his so close, they felt
like they were a part of me. Then he said, “I’m not pretending to
feel
anything.
”

I felt my eyes get wider.

Ohmigod!

Did that mean –?

“I told you you have me and, Kia, honey,
you have me.
”

It did.

He loved me.

My limbs tightened around him, I opened my
mouth to speak but he slanted his head and kissed me. Then he
fucked me. Then he made me come. Then he came.

And it was the best ever not because it was
the best ever.

But because for the first time in my
twenty-eight years I had fabulous sex with the man I loved…

The man who loved me.

* * * * *

Almost to dreamland, tucked close to Sam,
feeling freaking
phenomenal,
Memphis sprawled on her side of
the bed, in a voice gruff with oncoming sleep, Sam muttered, “It’s
good you didn’t find a place in Heartmeadow, baby. Now you got
nothin’ to sort back there and you’re just plain home.”

My eyes shot open.

Sam fell asleep.

Oh man.

You’ll Do

Two days later…

I stood at the bathroom basin brushing my
teeth while Sam showered wondering how I got myself in my current
mess.

This was to say, Sam thinking my declaration
of love meant I was moving to North Carolina and then him telling
everyone
I was moving to North Carolina.

And I mean
everyone.

Yesterday morning, I went downstairs only to
be greeted by an excited Maris who pulled my surprised,
uncomprehending body in her arms and cried, “How exciting for the
both of you! Setting up house!”

Yes. That was what happened. My wide eyes
moved over Maris’s shoulder and I saw Sam, who had been downstairs
three whole minutes longer than me, was leaning against the
counter, sipping coffee and grinning at us indulgently and he’d
obviously shared this news right off the bat.

Maris’s embrace was followed by Hap wrapping
his arms around me, picking me up off the floor, shaking me half a
dozen times and stating, “I hang down here a lot, babe, so I hope
you can cook.”

I had barely recovered from these when Luci
and Celeste arrived and I knew Sam had made a call, I just couldn’t
fathom
when,
because they arrived and Luci was beside
herself with glee. This was evidenced by her racing straight to me,
skidding to a halt on her stylish, flat sandals, grabbing my
biceps, jumping up and down and shouting, “We’re practically
neighbors!”