Heaven and Hell (61 page)

The men burst out laughing.

I drew in a long breath, held it then
released it, relaxing into Sam’s side.

Memphis bounced around the living room,
yapping and trailing her leash.

I got Sam back that day. Gone were the long
runs, workouts and mysterious buddies and errands. This could have
had to do with our drama. Or it could have been my family arriving
the next day.

But for me and for them, that week, Sam was
Sam. Dad got to toss a ball with Sam on the beach and I was right,
he loved it. He was beaming through it and he beamed for days
after. Hap came down and I got my wish of Hap, Luci, Kyle, Gitte,
Sam and I playing three on three football and I was right, it was
wicked fun. Sam cooked for them and what he made was delicious. We
drank a lot. We ate a lot. We laughed a lot. They got to know Luci,
they hilariously met the hard as nails Skip and they got to spend a
little time with Hap who could only come down for the day and then
had to go back.

They brought my stuff which was piled up in
the garage, the U-Haul returned. Kyle and Gitte drove straight to
Kingston, so did Dad and Mom. Kyle and Gitte only had one week off
but Dad and Mom were taking two, driving back to Tennessee with
Kyle and Gitte and spending another week there before Kyle and
Gitte were going to drive them home.

It was a good time. It felt nice. That
wasn’t to say that I didn’t catch Mom and Dad both giving me
careful looks a couple of times but I powered through it.

Not to keep them in the dark.

No, I was biding my time, waiting for the
right one.

And that time had come.

* * * * *

I finished brushing my teeth, sorted out my
hair, tugged on some clothes and went downstairs. I could hear Kyle
and Gitte packing in Sam’s office. Mom was at the stove pushing
around some sausage patties in a skillet, Memphis at her heels, the
smell in the air pure, doggie torture.

Dad was at the bar, drinking coffee.

“Hey, honey, Sam’s out running,” Mom told
me.

“I know, Mom,” I replied and went to the
cupboard where Sam kept his travel mugs. Then I asked the cupboard,
“Dad, will you walk with Memphis and me on the beach?”

I took a mug down, glancing his way to see
his eyes were on Mom. Then they came to me.

Then he said, “Sure, honey.”

“Do you want a travel mug of coffee?” I
asked.

“I’m nuked up, darlin’. Drink more, we’ll be
stoppin’ every fifteen minutes.”

I nodded and sent a small smile to Mom. She
sent me one in return.

She knew what this was about. She was
curious but she wasn’t upset at being left out. She knew Dad would
explain things later.

No hard feelings. This was the way it
was.

I was Daddy’s little girl.

I got my coffee, leashed up Memphis and we
walked out to the deck then entered the boarded walk that led down
to the beach. Then we hit the beach. Then Dad took my hand and did
the hard part.

“Talk to me, Kiakee.”

They had to get on the road and I needed
quality Dad Time which might turn into quantity Dad Time so I
didn’t delay.

“When we were talking on the phone and I was
first telling you about me and Sam you said something. I mean, what
you said was true but the way you said it, I haven’t
forgotten.”

“What’d I say, honey?” Dad asked.

“You said the word, ‘inseparable’.” I looked
to the side to see him grinning at the beach. “Why are you
smiling?”

His hand gave mine a squeeze and he
answered, “’Cause, Kiakee, all your life, you reminded me of your
mother. You look like her, you act like her. Hell, in a way, you
dress like she did when she was young. But then you were with
Cooter and you became someone else. I lost you and I lost those
bits of you that remind me of your mother.”

That sucked. But it was also true.

“Okay,” I whispered.

He stopped us and turned to me. “When I met
your Mom, I couldn’t get enough of her.”

I felt my breath stall.

He shook his head, a small smile on his
mouth as he went on.

“She made me laugh, Christ, Kiakee, never
laughed so hard in my life but married her and got myself a
lifetime of laughin’ that hard.”

This was true as well. Mom and Dad laughed a
lot. All my life.

But thinking about it, Dad laughed more.
This was because Mom was seriously funny.

I pressed my lips together.

Dad kept talking.

“And she’s beautiful, still is, but back
then…” he shook his head again but his eyes stayed glued to me.
“Took my breath away. Sometimes, to this day, I’ll lay in bed just
to wait for her to wake up. Then she wakes up and looks at me with
her beautiful eyes and her wild hair and that pretty mouth ‘a hers
and I still thank my lucky stars.”

Oh my God.

I’d heard that before (kind of).

“Dad,” I whispered, moving closer and his
hand dropped mine so his arm could wind around me.

“When we were new, startin’ out, no time was
enough time with my Essie. Things were different then,” he looked
in the direction of the house then back at me, “but, honest to God,
I didn’t know your granddaddy had a shotgun, I woulda scaled the
wall of their house to get to her. I told my buddies the instant I
saw her I was gonna marry that girl. And I sure as heck did. I made
it so. I stopped at nothin’. And I got my Essie. I knew, lookin’ at
the laughter in her eyes the first time mine fell on her, she’d
make sure I never regretted it. And I’m standin’ here right now
with you, over three decades later, and I never did.”

I loved that. That was beautiful. I loved
that my Dad had that.

I dropped my head and pressed the top of it
into Dad’s chest.

His arm went from around me so his hand
could curl around the back of my neck.

Then, in my hair, I heard him mutter, “Sam
Cooper feels that way about you.”

I pulled in breath and lifted my head, Dad’s
coming up too and I caught his eyes.

“I’m not sure,” I whispered.

“I am,” he stated firmly and I blinked.

“Dad, there are things you don’t know. He’s…
we’ve… he’s holding something back from me.”

“What?” Dad asked and I shook my head.

“I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”

“You talk to him about it?”

I nodded. “Yeah, like, a gazillion times. I
tried to play it cool. I tried to be patient. I tried to be gentle.
I tried to be nosy and right before you guys got here, we fought
about it.”

“What’s he say?”

“He doesn’t say anything except I have
him.”

Dad’s head tipped slightly to the side and
he said quietly, “Kiakee, from what I see, he’s not lyin’.”

I shook my head. “You don’t understand. It’s
hard to explain but even Sam kind of admits that he’s holding
something back. I told him I gave him all of me and I want all of
him. He told me he’s given me what he has to give and if it’s all
or nothing that’s my decision.”

“And you stayed,” Dad noted.

I shook my head again. “At first, that
wasn’t my decision. My decision was to call you and tell you not to
bring my stuff here and that I was coming home. Then he, well…” I
paused, sighed and continued, “I got back, he figures me out, he
knew that was my decision, he kissed me and I changed my mind.”

Dad burst out laughing.

I could see the humor but I still didn’t
think anything was funny.

“Dad, I’m being serious. This is bothering
me as in
bothering me,
” I said softly, Dad sobered and gave
me his eyes.

Then both his hands came to my jaw and he
dipped his face close to mine.

“All right, Kiakee, I hate to disappoint you
but what Sam said holds true. That man’s got demons, plain to see.
And if he’s the type of man who wants to keep ‘em locked inside,
honey, there’s nothin’ you can do. So there’s not anyone who can
make that decision but you. If it’s all or nothin’ for you then you
gotta get out. If you can take what he can give then stay. And what
I’m gonna say next is not gonna help you out a whole lot more.”

Great.

Dad kept speaking.

“The man I see with you is a man who is
with you.
That man loves you. He didn’t, we’d have words
about you movin’ in outta wedlock and me and your Mom would be in a
hotel rather than under the same roof with you and Sam sharin’ a
bed.”

I totally knew Dad was not entirely okay
with that.

Dad went on.

“He loves you like I love your Mom. I see in
him what I feel when I look at her. And you can believe that
because after Cooter, I would never, honey,
never
say this
kinda shit to you if it wasn’t what I felt was the God’s honest
truth.”

I knew this last to be true.

Dad wasn’t done.

“That said,
my
Kiakee deserves to
have it all. She deserves a rich, famous, good-lookin’ man who
thinks the sun rises and sets in her. She deserves a decent, good,
loyal man who thinks the same. Sam is both ‘a those. But she also
deserves to have everything she wants. If she’s willin’ to give it
all, she should expect it in return. And if this doesn’t feel
right, honey, right there,” one of his hands moved to press my
chest, “you go with that feelin’. Because my girl is back and she
deserves decent, good, loyal, gentle, rich and famous and she
always did. But if that’s not givin’ it all, my girl deserves to
find a man who will give all of himself right back to her.”

I stared in my Dad’s eyes.

All he said was beautiful. It was right. It
was wise.

But it didn’t help me one bit.

Then Dad, being Dad, helped me.

He pressed in at my chest again and
whispered, “Listen to that. Always,
always
listen to your
heart. It’ll guide the way. You’ll know, it’s enough, it’ll tell
you. You’ll know, it’s not enough and never will be, it’ll tell
you. Listen to your heart, Kiakee. And when the time comes to make
the final decision, your heart will lead the way.”

In that moment, a moment of blinding
clarity, I knew he was
so
right.

Two days before I married Cooter, I couldn’t
get to sleep because my heart hurt. I didn’t get it, not at my age
back then. I thought it was nerves and excitement. But two days
later, I didn’t rush down the aisle, beside myself with glee to be
marrying the ex-quarterback of the high school football team.

I did it with uncertainty.

Because my heart was talking to me and I
wasn’t old enough or wise enough to listen.

Now I was both.

And now, I was there. I let Sam kiss me and
change my mind because right now, what I had with him was enough. I
didn’t need it all.

Tomorrow that might change.

And until the final decision needed to be
made, I would burn every moment into my brain, just as I promised.
I might not need those memories. But I’d have them all the
same.

I wrapped my arms around my Dad, held him
close, pressed my cheek to his shoulder and whispered, “Thanks,
Dad.”

Dad’s arms around me gave me a squeeze.
“Anytime, Kiakee.”

Memphis, patient until now, yapped.

I pulled away and looked down at my dog. She
jumped a few feet and strained the lead.

“We better walk Memphis,” Dad muttered.

“Yeah,” I muttered back.

Dad took my hand and the lead out of my
other one that also held my coffee.

When he did, I took a sip of coffee.

Then I took a walk on the beach with my
Dad.

An hour later, Sam still sweaty in his
running gear, bags loaded in the car, Sam and I stood in the drive
and waved as Kyle backed out.

My family waved back.

We stayed where we were until they were out
of sight and I knew Sam hit the button on the remote because the
gate started closing.

Now it was only Sam and me.

Oh man.

I felt the tears pool in my eyes, one slid
over and trailed down my cheek.

Sam turned into me and with a hand at my jaw
he tipped my head back so he could look at me.

His eyes moved down my cheek.

Then he whispered, “Seein’ that kills
me.”

Right. There it was. The decision I made
just over a week ago was the right one.

It wasn’t about Sam’s kiss.

It was about Sam giving me beauty just like
that.

I closed my eyes and did a face plant in his
sweaty-shirted chest. His arms closed around me.

“You’re gonna miss them,” he surmised.

I nodded, my face moving against his
chest.

“Anytime you wanna go back, baby, you tell
me and I’ll get you to your family.”

“Okay,” I whispered, my arms got tight
around him and I pressed close.

“Kia, honey, I’m drenched with sweat,” Sam
told me.

“I don’t care,” I replied.

That was when his arms got tight. Then I
felt his lips brush my hair. Then he just held me until I pulled
away. He turned me to his side, arm around my shoulders, mine
around his waist and, with Memphis bouncing at our heels, Sam
walked me to the house.

Do You Love Me?

Two and a half weeks later…

I watched Luci flip her phone closed as I
worried my lip with my teeth.

“Well, that’s done,” she murmured, her eyes
sliding away.

We were having lunch in Kingston at Luci’s
favorite restaurant. It wasn’t the first time we did it but, after
hearing her end of the phone call where she accepted an offer on
her house, I feared it would be one of the last.

“You okay?” I asked quietly and her eyes
slid back to me.

Then she pulled in a breath, I thought she
would speak but her gaze drifted away again.

“Luci?” I called and she took her time but
she finally looked at me.

“I’m having second thoughts.”

I pressed my lips together in order not to
shout, “Yippee!”